1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST Technical Support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on.
The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. A Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes.
After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem,
it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes,
then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes.
A few days later, a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door.
The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything.
After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the tech discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a tech suggested he "go to the local Egghead."
"Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied.
When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."
8. Yet another customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked.
He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and was an invalid".
The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
10. An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldn't get her new Computer to turn on.
After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the Power button.
Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens."
The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
11. Another customer called tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work.
She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen.
When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"
12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional deal, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it anymore.
The caller had been USING THE LOAD DRAWER OF THE CD-ROM DRIVE AS A CUP HOLDER,
and snapped it off the drive!
Computer Rhyme. Author Unknown
A computer was something on TV
from a science fiction show of note
a window was something you hated to clean...
And ram was the cousin of a goat....
Meg was the name of my girlfriend
and gig was a job for the nights
now they all mean different things
and that really mega bytes
An application was for employment
a program was a TV show
a cursor used profanity
a keyboard was a piano
Memory was something that you lost with age
a cd was a bank account
and if you had a 3 1/2" floppy
you hoped nobody found out
Compress was something you did to the garbage
not something you did to a file
and if you unzipped anything in public
you'd be in jail for a while
Log on was adding wood to the fire
hard drive was a long trip on the road
a mouse pad was where a mouse lived
and a backup happened to your commode
Cut you did with a pocket knife
paste you did with glue
a web was a spider's home
and a virus was the flu
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
and the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
but when it happens they wish they were dead
Just Computer Fun Puns!
· Talking to her about computer hardware, I make my mother board.
· If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
· Pocket tape recorders were invented for those who like small talk.
· A computer student was told to work harder in school or he wouldn't get an up-grade.
· A computer program attached to an electric chair would have to have its execution checked carefully.
· A computer store takes inventory to monitor progress, including a disk-count.
· Buying a cheap mouse could leave you with a squeak and a sad tale.
· Computers at breakfast food companies use serial i/o.
· Whoever invented binary logic knew how to put two and two together.
· Whether you use a keyboard or a knife, be careful with your back slash.
What your Computer is trying to tell you!
It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."
It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support
quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E"
It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 30
minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."
It says: "Installing program to C:\...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into
c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER
find them."
It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."
It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want
to use the bit below 640K."
It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."
It says: "Please Wait...."
It means: "... Indefinitely."
v
It says: "Directory does not exist...."
It means: ".... any more. Whoops."
It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."
It means: "....Makes no difference to me,you're still not getting your
work back. Kiss your afternoon goodbye..."
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer
