Irish Joke Page!
Affair?
Paddy and his two friends are talking at work.His first friend says:"I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.
The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says:"I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber! The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says:"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse."
Both his friendds looked at him with utter disbelief.
"No I'm serious!
The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
A Man called Murphy?
A secret agent was sent to Ireland to pick up some very sensitive
information from an agent called Murphy.
His instructions were to walk
around town using a code phrase until he met his fellow agent.
He found
himself on a desolate country road and finally ran into a farmer.
"Hello, said the agent, "I'm looking for a man called Murphy."
"Well you're in luck," said the farmer, "as it happens, there's a village
right over the hill, where there's a butcher called Murphy, the baker is
named Murphy, three widows are called Murphy. In fact my name is Murphy."
"Aha," thought the agent, "here's my man."
So he whispered the secret
code. "The sun is shining... the grass is growing... the cows are ready
for milking."
"Oh," said the farmer, "you're looking for Murphy the spy - he's in the
village over the other direction."
Race
Paddy and Mick are having a race to the top of the hill.
Paddy says "If I get to the top of the hill first I'm going to write my name on that tree at the top".
So Mick says, "If I get to the top first I'm going to rub it out".
White Lines
Paddy got a job on the road works.
“ I want you to paint the white lines down this new road.” said the Boss. .
At the end of the first first day Paddy comes back.
”How far have you done?” the Boss asks? .
”Four miles! Well done”. .
On the next day back at the office, again the Forman asks “How far have you done?”
Two miles. The third day the Boss asks him again.
”Half a mile!” .
"What is wrong?" asks the Boss?
"It is getting a long way to dip the paint brush in the bucket." replies Paddy. . . .
