The Sink Was Full Of Fishes

The last month of Melania in London became a perfect example of time potential chances; days were fully lived up, filled with things, events, companionships. Jill was been right: she needed to link her memories to real facts, to real visions, tastes. She wanted her memories linked to people.
She did stop to think too much about that relationship, that love she obstinately wanted to put in such a small box of souvenirs, but which would have felt compressed even in the Guinness Book of Records winning box.She chose to avoid thinkin about it, and let herself live it moment by moment, instead.
One day, she woke up crying her heart out. Sun was not there yet to bright out the roads outside, and June would have gifted again with a new morning rain.
Ilaria was driven to a sudden wakin up at her first sobbing, so unusually receptive, since she was the well known Lady Dormause, like a telepathic call was released previously from the friend. The unknown mighty power of being friends...
She didn't have to speak, she just lifted and slided aside the crying body of that friend everyone was considering so shiny and strong, and whom she did reckon instead as frajile and scared as a kid about all she was feeling like thunder.
Melania was scared to possess such a wide range of emotional resources, because she was depending so heavily on them; she feared love, but she was so determined in lookin out for it, and she was having that natural talent in suggestin it to others... too bad that what everyone else would have considered a big gift, was seen often by Meli like a curse there just for makin her life an endless series of obstacles to jump over.
"I am happy, oh definitely I am.. then I suffer exactly for that.And I would just keep the happiness, and forget the pain... Why, oh why love has to make everything look so difficult, why I feel it like it's scientifically out of sense, now that the reality which gives me the edge of joy is also the one which makes me suffer the most?"
Ilaria couldn't give any answer then, who would have after all?
A bit of dim light filtered from rolling shutters, and Ilaria guessed finally the shape of the face of her friend: the beautiful clear face marked from tears rivulets had become purple, her mouth craked and her eyes, always lucid, were then more resembling a lake moved and caressed from wind on the surface than a human body part.
She would have liked to help her, but what she could have done for the tormented girl? Melania said to herself to mantain bright and living that joy she'd found, living it without askin for more, and confident she would have been capable to stand so much beauty but... how could have anyone censored her for , admitting she was there almost to leave the Happy Realm, she reckoned she didn't want to indeed, she reckoned to suffer due to it in a no fair way? She couldn't say "It's all right" to her, she couldn't claim "It's gonna be fine" when Ilaria was admant enough with herself she would have never reacted that way either being in Meli's shoes.
Melania's heart was just too wretched for givin up at tears, so she kept crying up till one sobbing, lasting more than others blocked the sequence and she had time to watch Ilaria and find her hands.She thanked the girl for being there, like usual, to land comfort and support, silent, patient, awake just for share the charge of despair with her.
And she tried to explain how she did feel hoping that an outside, but expert and loving eye would be good enough to find the detailes of hope she wasn't in the position to search for, or that the merely vebalizing of her secret wounds would have calmed her down.
She explained the Jill revolution in her life, the way he was helping her to change vision about life and herself; especially herself. Jill had the merit to make her realize how often she wasn't being true with herself,about how she was used to fear big feelings because she felt uncapable to control them,being feelings the responsibles of makin her so vulnerable and weak she was constantly watchin them coming and arising in terror.Her method was therefore to try to hide and repress them, with no easy outcome.
But during the night, she confessed to have dreamed about takin a plane, the one that for real, 20 days later, would have made the two friends land back in Florence, and she said within that dream she felt frozen, like a soulless robot on an empty plane.She was there, alone.Alone, alone...
That was what she would have been again once back within her parents's embrace.
Moreover, she added, she still couldn't define the amount of love she was feeling towards Jill.Stefano was a name which never had ceased to random in her mind, but she was never focusin on that anymore, since doing it would have started impossibly to be solved comparisons between the two guys in her persona and hopes, and she was smart enough to see the whole thing pointless in itself. But that name was still within her, somewhere. She had tried to taise it up, trying to get a new opportunity to be loved and to love, but the nearer the return was approaching, the more the name was starting to get new mentions in her brain.
"Would you remain here, being that possible?"Ilaria asked.
Without hesitations, she replied a "Sure I would" filled with love and desire. That must have meant something.
She described to Ilaria the amazing journey into Camden she took with Jill two days before.He did take her up after the English class, showin the entrance of The Underworld Pub, the MTV Studios at Hawley Crescent, near to Albert Street (a building, she precised, as ugly as possible); she said among ten thousands people walkin everywhere, she was there to see only one, Jill.She wanted to only hear his voice, and that at a certain point she had the clear vision she would have been capable to get rid off from the will of being part of his life only after much, much more time than the one she did hope for.
In her Jill's thoughts, Melania had always find herself complete and completely. They were having so much to share, so many common interests to be explored together: an union potentially so indissoluble, and exactly this characteristic of the situation was makin her that upset. Why, if Jill were the best she could have hoped for, they had to part? Now, if they wouldn't have ever met, they would have stayed unaware of missing the two of a kind partner, but goddammit, they did meet.
And they had anyway to say goodbye, with no other responsible than a blind Destiny. Such a bad client to argue with, let's face it...