Summary: The women in Spike's life find him enjoying himself with a Wall and quickly squabble to discover who his real true love is. Goofy, smutty fun. Spike/Wall. ~_^ *COMPLETED, December 2003* NC17

Author's Note: A Spike/Wall fic to go with my lovely Christmas present over in the btvs_santa Secret Santa group. (If you don't know, don't ask. You'll remain much more sane that way. ~_^) The inspiration for this story is at the bottom of the fic. And, yes, I am completely deranged. ~_^ Oh, and pretty much everyone's OOC. For comedy reasons. So, yes, I am aware of this. ^_^

When Fred first saw him, she had to fight back the urge not to groan.

It was late night in Wolfram & Hart’s laboratories, and all of her underlings had gone home for the night. So, she had been surprised – and a little alarmed – when she’d sounds coming from the shower area. Taking up the lead pipe she kept by the door to the office for just such an emergency, she crept up behind the glass panel that afforded a secretive view of the shower area, spotted him…and instantly felt her panties soak through.

There, apparently taking a brief break from his nightly prowl of the office building, was Spike. A lusty humor had obviously overtaken him because his clothes lay in a pile just outside the shower. As Fred watched, jaw dropped and drooling copiously, his slid his wet, naked body against the shower wall, long thick cock rubbing erotically against the hard surface.

“Fuck, yeah…” Spike moaned in ecstasy, eyes squeezed tightly shut as he pumped rhythmically against the wall.

Fred gulped. Sure, she’d had her fantasies about what lay beneath that tight black outfit of his, but never could her wildest dreams have captured the lean, pale lines of angular muscles, sleek with the hot shower water. His buttocks tightened with every thrust against the wall, and the hard chords in his forearms flexed. Even his calves tightened as he rose up on his toes with each push, lost in wild abandon to his pleasure.

Hand drifting unconsciously to her own pert breast, Fred caressed the needy flesh in time with his powerful thrusts. God, he was like some kind of primal sexual deity…

“Can I get those finance reports Angel wanted?” a bouncy voice abruptly interrupted Fred’s shameless ogling.

“Uh…huh?” Fred blinked, face flaming as she spun around to see Harmony behind her. She blushed even further at the fact that her startled exclamation had sounded more like an orgasmic grunt than a question.

Harmony rolled her eyes and snapped her gum. “Hello?” she complained. “Some of us actually have social lives to get to after…” She trailed off as she saw the eye-candy in the other room for the first time. “…Naked Spike…” she finished dreamily, eyes widening as she approached the glass to watch with Fred. “Oh, god!” she moaned in appreciation, watching at the hot steam rose from Spike’s alabaster skin, hot wet droplets sliding sensuously down his back and over the curve of his ass as his thrusts increased in tempo.

“Sex god,” Fred nodded numbly, repeating her conclusions from earlier.

“Mmm…I’ll worship him any day…” Harmony agreed with a girlish sigh, fingers dipping up under her skirt as she stroked herself off to the erotic sight.

Fred blushed at the vampiress’ lack of discretion, but soon couldn’t hold her own impulses back any longer and began caressing herself once more…

“Fine, Harmony,” a sarcastic voice said from the door. “Angel says I can’t meet with him unless you fit me into his calendar. And whoever else has the appointment at noon tomorrow won’t kill you anywhere nearly as painfully as I will.”

Disappointed at yet another disruption, Fred and Harmony turned to find Buffy standing in the doorway, foot tapping the floor impatiently, deadly scowl firmly in place, and arms crossed in a no-nonsense manner.

Harmony waved a dismissive hand at her. “Fine. You can see Angel anytime you want. We’ve got more important things to look at…” She leaned her forehead back against the glass with a blissful smile.

Fred managed to nod her agreement before she, too, turned back to the wonderful little porn show they’d stumbled upon.

Buffy frowned. Her death threats usually got more of a response than that. And since when did Harmony give in so easily? Angel’s secretary had been driving her downright nuts with her smarmy attitude ever since Buffy’d dropped by to consult with her Los Angeles allies this morning.

“Did you hear me?” Buffy demanded, confused, entering the room to see what had so completely caught the other two women’s attention…

A heady, needy gasp escaped Buffy’s lips at the sight of the sexy, naked vampire. He was even bigger than she remembered, and the way he was thrusting up against that wall… Memories of their first time flashed through her mind, making her instantly wet for him. Oh, to get between him and that wall just one more time… To feel him deep and hard inside her, gasping, ramming in harder…

Feeling her knees began to shake, Buffy collapsed onto one of the lab chairs, straddling it from behind. The position was absolutely perfect for rubbing the seam of her jeans right against her swollen clit. She watched him and rocked back and forth…

“Uh…yeah,” Harmony commented casually.

“Yeah, what?” Fred asked, confused. “Yeah, Spike?”

“Yeah…Spike…” Harmony moaned in response. She shook her head. “I mean, yeah to Buffy’s question.”

Buffy blinked. “Question?” she inquired, eyes never leaving Spike’s nude form.

“Yeah, I heard you?” Harmony provided sarcastically.

“Heard, huh?” Buffy blinked, annoyed at the bimbo vamp for distracting her from wet, naked Spike viewing.

“You asked if I had heard you,” Harmony provided, shaking the Slayer off as a complete flake and returning her attention to pleasuring herself properly.

“Oh…I didn’t even hear me…” Buffy commented disinterestedly. She hissed when one of his hands slid suggestively down the front of his chest at that moment, lining his hard pecs, the six-pack of his abs, thumb dipping briefly into his navel before he gripped his swollen, angry cock and began to pull on it hard, rubbing it roughly against the wall.

“Oh, god…” Fred moaned. “I am that hand…” She let out an embarrassed little squeak when she realized she’d just said that out loud. Fortunately, she was in sympathetic company.

“Screw the hand,” Harmony countered. “I’m the wall…”

“Oh, I’ll gladly screw the hand…” Buffy added breathlessly.

“Me, too,” Harmony sighed.

“The hand?” Fred asked curiously.

“You have no idea what wonderful things he can do with that hand…” Buffy whispered nostalgically.

“Don’t I?” Fred countered, eyes sparkling mischievously.

Buffy’s eyes widened at that, but her exclamation of outrage was cut off by yet another voice at the door.

“Nasty daddy says I have to work with the filthy Slayer…” Drusilla hissed angrily, eyes flashing yellow. The master vampiress was far from pleased that her contract with Wolfram & Hart had passed on to Angel now, requiring her to assist in his disgusting quest to keep their food alive. She couldn’t have her undying non-soul snatched anyway, though, so she kept to the letter of her contract if not the spirit…

“What?” Buffy’s irritation overcame her desire for the moment. “I didn’t ask for you to help track down the Vrentis!” she exclaimed.

“Then tell that…” she shuddered at the next word, “good Angel of yours to release me.”

“Gladly,” Buffy agreed with a scowl. Of its own devices, her gaze drifted back to the shower. “Later,” she amended in a huskier voice.

“Squirrels with foxtails don’t like waiting,” Drusilla commented, eyes unfocusing and mind drifting off dreamily into her own deranged little universe…until her eyes spotted her naked boy, that is. Instantly, all insane ramblings were forgotten as her eyes rediscovered the gorgeous body she’d enjoyed for over a century. “Pretty, pretty William…” she murmured, stepping up to watch as well, long sharp nails scraping sensuously over the pleasure points on her throat.

“So pretty…” Fred whimpered in agreement, flicking her nipple roughly now.

“He can bite me any day,” Harmony added, thrusting harder, watching him build up to his own climax.

“Fuck, harder!” Buffy moaned, universe narrowed in on the visual stimulation for her ecstasy, grinding her clit harder against the chair.

“Christ! Harder!” Spike cried out in pleasure just seconds later, even though he couldn’t hear her through the glass. “Yeah, pet,” he moaned to himself. “So good… Just like that, baby…”

Four needy moans sounded in response to his husky pleas.

“Okay, that’s it,” Fred decided. “No more playing hard to get…”

Buffy frowned at that. “Uh, excuse me? I’m the one he’s in love with!”

“As if!” Harmony rolled her eyes. “He’s been pulling me into every empty room he can find. He is so over you!”

“Hello? I’m the great love of his life!” Buffy retorted defensively.

“You?” Drusilla eyed her skeptically. “I hate to break it to you, little girl, but a few lusty months are nothing compared to the century of pleasure I gave my sweet boy…”

“Until you dumped him on his sweet, sexy ass!” Harmony countered defensively. “I’ve been the one to pick up the pieces after both of you broke my poor Boo-Boo’s heart. You both blew it!”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t make him yours,” Fred countered. “I’m the one he’s constantly flirting with. I don’t see him finding excuses to ‘hang around’ your desk All. Day. Long.”

“He’s never even touched you,” Harmony countered prissily, fluffing her blonde hair.

“Oh, but you should hear the things he says to me when we’re alone together,” Fred countered with a contented little smile. “Better than any caress. I swear, that man’s mouth is like the sweetest sin…”

“Give it me hard!” Spike moaned out in that sexy accent of his right then. “Fuck, yeah. Drown you in pleasure, pet. Make that tingle go right up your toes, all the way up. Christ… Best ride in the world, you are, luv… So bloody perfect…”

“Oh god,” Harmony fanned herself.

“Mmm…that’s my Spike,” Buffy sighed.

“My naughty Spike,” Dru countered.

“Hello? Mine!” Harmony exclaimed.

“You know he’s fantasizing about me,” Fred insisted matter-of-factly.

Four pairs of eyes glared at each other.

“Fine,” Buffy said flippantly. “We’ll just watch and see who Spike’s really thinking about.” She knew all too well in her own mind that she was his mystery woman.

“Right,” the others all agreed, each waiting with baited breath for him to moan out their name so that they could triumph over the other three.

In the meantime, oblivious to the argument going on in the next room, Spike had managed to catch his cock in the groove between the bathroom tiles. The rough crack alternated with the smooth, slick tile, overwhelming him with sensation. He rode the groove frantically, hips moving erratically now, hands clasping wildly at the smooth surface before him.

“Good…” he gasped, feeling his balls clench up.

“That’s it, say my name,” Fred gasped, feeling her own pleasure wash over her…

“Hard…” he moaned, squeezing his eyes shut tight.

“That’s your mommy,” Drusilla cried out in ecstasy…

“Strong…” he whimpered, fighting back the imminent eruption.

“Your strong Slayer’s come back for you,” Buffy breathed, peaking…

“Sexy!” he cried out, finally shooting his pleasure onto the wall.

“Your little sex kitten!” Harmony agreed, coming as well…

With four contented smiles, the watching women slowly returned to the land of consciousness, each wistfully watching where Spike’s forehead had come to rest against the wall. All eagerly licked their lips as his own lips parted to whisper out his words of undying devotion…

“Always been so good to me,” he murmured against the cooling tile. “So good – better’n anyone else ‘ve ever had…” His lips pressed against the hard surface. “Wall, my love. Not like those other bossy, bickerin’ bints at all…” He winced slightly as his own bad poetic tendencies came out.

Buffy’s, Drusilla’s, Fred’s, and Harmony’s jaws all dropped in perfect alphabetical order. “You have got to be kidding me!” they all exclaimed simultaneously in rather eerie surround sound.

Spike just continued to clean up, turning off the shower water and toweling himself off. Giving a very satisfied Spike Junior a little pat, he pulled his jeans up and tucked his goods away for another day. Not even noticing where the four women had now ducked below the plane of class, he left the science lab, whistling Buzzcocks to himself. He paused briefly at the door, frowning and looking around.

Under the desk, Buffy and Fred held their breath, while Drusilla and Harmony gloated over not even needing to. All remained perfectly still and silent, however, not wanting to be caught in their voyeuristic exercises.

Spike smirked. “Hope you ladies enjoyed the show,” he called out before closing the door behind him.

Slowly, the four of them rose to their feet, embarrassed expressions on their faces and one word in their minds:

Busted.

Yes, that icon is to blame for all this zany insanity. And, no, I don't know who 'santayra' is yet, but s/he's responsible for this lovely goofy smut. Yay, lovely goofy smut! ~_^ And, er, yeah... I'll stop now before I scare someone. Toodles.