2003-01-28 - 3:26 p.m.
So, my band Sharp Knife got asked to play a show with the "Dead Kennedys" a while back. For those who don't know, this "Dead Kennedys reunion" basically consists of all the DK's except JELLO (who, while I don't think there should be any sort of heirarchy or "main dude/dudette" in bands, was the true spirit and soul behind the DK's, writing about 90% of the songs, and was the one who really got them where they were-- in terms of being a truly important, smart, witty, extremely politically-aware band in a really confusing and crucial time in America. Fucking shit-- they were one of the most important bands in punk rock-- don't even try to say differently.) Anyhow-- with this in mind, and the fact that the remaining DK's had pretty much just fucked over JELLO by taking the rights of most of the DK songs from him and Alternative Tentacles for truck commercials, video games, etc., I was about anything but excited at the prospect of playing with that atrocity. However, after some talking and thinking, we thought how the whole thing might be kinda fun. My friends Joe and Jason had gone to see the "DK's" when they played in San Jose and hurled tons of eggs at them. Well-- something similar, something that might make its mark a little closer to home. How about throwing...JELLO?! "Hey DK's, we heard you could use some JELLO!" wahaha. It was my friend Devon's idea, and we were giddy with excitement when we heard it.
Then the day creeped up, and a mob of us headed out to Petaluma for the madness.
We played first. Me and Tony (the second singer) talked a whole lot of shit. There were TONS of people there, but everyone were there to see the DK's. they weren't happy at all about our bantering about them and pokin' fun all around. There was a mob of 13 year old kids who were heckling us and calling us "a bunch of fags" and whatnot-- and then they asked if I wanted ice cream, so I took their whole container, threw it in their faces and kicked the rest out into the crowd, dousing the mohawks with some strawberry delight. People were booing, and every time I'd come down off the stage to the ground, I'd get attacked. AT some point, we got TONS of "fuckin fags!" so Conor (from Bainbridge; Holy Ghost Revival, Shake City, etc. who had come downt o the bay area with me) and I decided to roll around on the floor making out, so that the kids would at least have some sort of substance to their screaming. We got attacked and brutally kicked. Our friend Rory goofily attacked the kids, though, and they ran off. Then Tony decided to sensually hug the heckling kids-- so they pushed him and threw more crap on him. I jumped all over the DK's gear, and spat water all over it. People were booing mroe and more, and the security and management threatened us several times. Eventually, we finished, and had to run off stage.
We hid in the "back stage" area for a while. The security fuckfaces said that I "broke two of the mics" and that I owed them $200. total bullshit. they tried to play the, "yeah, but you guys are cool, and we're nice guys, so how about you guys just don't get paid, and you only owe us $50." They said the mics were broken and money was needed for repairs, and that the other bands needed good mics. I looked out on stage and saw that the next awful band, Los Dryheavers, were using the same mics that I had apparently "broken"-- so I told the guy that I was an electrician, and that I would repair the mics myself. He looked taken aback, and a bit scared. He said he'd go talk to the sound guy and ask him, but he didn't even leave the stairwell, he stood down there, came back a few minutes later, and said he'd come back to "figure it out" later. He never said anything about it after that.
DK's. Okay. So, earlier on in the day, Amy and I had gone and bought $40 worth of JELLO. You know, the pre-made kind in the plastic cups. Will freaked out and said that if he got blamed for me and them throwing JELLO on them, he'd be pissed. He was really freaking out, so we came to a compromise. (See-- Will is friends with the owners, and they had already had trouble with me that evening, so if they saw me doing the throwing, Will would get blamed) Conor, Tom, Rory, and Clay would throw JELLo on the DK's, and I'd wait for the cue by the van. No security guards were out back, and their van was left unguarded. A few minutes later, Conor got thrown out the side doors by the security rubbing his head. I guess Conor had thrown one right up in Brandon Cruz's face, and Brandon just went off, beating the microphone over Conor's head. Conor had some HUGE bumps, but was only a little dizzy, and laughed about it more than anything else. Clay and Tom went unnoticed, though, and came out laughing that they got all of em at separate times. We were all a bit set off-- even Will, who basically took back his worries, (realizing that even if bass-player-fuckface-mongoloid came off as "nice dude", what about all the shit they pulled with Alternative Tentacles and Jello over the past few years) grabbed some JELLo, and we all completely SMOTHERED the DK's van. Got it all, and left another 20 packs all over, just to make it clear. We laughed and hugged, and Clay, Rory, and Tom grabbed some extra JELLO's to bring inside for some more DK slaughter.
Amy, Conor and I drove out of there and stopped at some grocery store in Cotati, only to get told by the clerks that "the riots had begun... Oakland was up in flames!" Oh yeah-- the super bowl. The Raiders. The mobs of neanderthals in Oak town who live and die by the Raiders. I was a bit worried about some friends, but the weariness almost turned into giddiness when I found out that it was McDonalds' they were torching and cop cars they were flipping. Maybe the meat heads had some brains after all.
I feel a bit cheesy saying it, but it felt good knowing that all around, justice had been had by all.
love,
morgan
