I have no idea where to begin, but I just said/wrote this so I've begun. Well I LOVE DAN *****. Yeah, I know "[darn] it Emily! You shouldn't you remember how awful that was!" but I can't stop thinking about him this is devouring my brain! LITTERALLY!! Okay this next thing is going to sound stupid, but you have to experience it yourself to understand what they say in movies, like I have now, here it goes....My brain is telling me a bunch of reasons not to like Dan! (1. he goes to a diff. school, 2. does he have any idea I exist anymore?, 3. He dates many girls now, 4. I had gotten over him, 5. I have nothing to really hold onto, and 6. We have totally separate lives now), my heart is screaming though. It is screaming one big obvious reason! 1. EMILY YOU LOVE DAN! actually it is telling me two, but it isn't screaming the next one: 2. Emily you feel he is your soulmate! I know this is going to sound lame, but I really feel I should follow my heart. I am listening to my brain, but not following it, you know? See!?! I told you that you'd have to expierience it! Gosh I really love this journal because I can really vent and I have soooo much room to do so. Well, back to my confusing life!!.... Here are my reasons that I have had for liking Dan and since that is what I remember of him, I still think this: 1. he's got great hair 2. His smile is cute and unique. (others say ugly.) 3. he is really smart especially in math! ("A" student) 4. He's athletic. (Even though I don't like sports, I'm glad he's fit and active.) 5. He's got a great sense of humor (of course w/ me) 6. He's clued into girls. (actually that's a new one) Well, those are the general things. I had a dream about him last night, but I don't remember the details, but I can sum it up: I saw him again (w/ his new braces) and I was soo crazy for him, but I was a little uneasy aroud him, but then I cracked a joke or something that made him laugh and it was back to how we were around eachother in sixth grade. Ya know I felt really comfortable around him, but I still tingled when I talked to him and made him laugh. Now I basically stay away from boys, nevermind make them laugh! I have lost a lot of my spunk since he's been gone, and gained more mental instability (craziness) SERIOUSLY! I have been writing for about half-an-hour now and it's 10:30 on a school night, so I guess I right in you tomorrow night because I need the right mood of dark outside, mostly very quiet in the house, my music on and me not having to worry about doing my homework. Also, I think it's good that I don't have a lot of time to give myself to write, because venting is a good thing and too much of a good thing isn't always good right? Well also I don't want to run out of things to say although I doubt that will happen at this point in time especially. Well, really I have to go, but I'll write a little more until it's actually my bye-bye sign off. Okay...I want to share this with one of my friends because I would feel so awfully foolish telling them this, so it would be better if they just read it so they could take it in slowly (like I have) I don't want to share it though because it is really, really personal. {Author's note: once again with the irony huh?} I am listening to Brian McNights "6,8,12" which he's saying I miss you, I should be over you, do you think about me? All that stuff. It is soo me right now, right? Well I really should go. I wanted to say something, but I forgot so cya later (writeya later?) bye-bye