Phil
Once upon a time, way back in 1997, in a chatroom not so far away, there were two band nerds.
1997:
CLASSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SJC!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Their screen names were Classysax and SJClarinet, obviously band-related. They spent countless hours talking in the Marching Band chatroom. Until one day, the so-called 'newbies' began taking over the chatroom, so together with some other people with no lives, I mean, band nerds, they began the Marching Band Regs chatroom. Then, some time later, to make themselves even more special, they created the RealMBRegs chatroom. They spent hours and hours chatting in the chatroom. Eventually, the other people in the chatroom dwindled away, getting lives of their own, outside of the chatroom. Sadly, Classy and SJC did not have lives outside of band, the chatroom, and each other, so they talked in IMs on a daily basis. They greatly missed their chatroom, and one Saturday night they spend 4 hours cleaning the chatroom, even going so far as to empty and refill the pool. They hoped this would bring back their dear friends, but lo and behold it did not, so they went on about their business. They even changed their screen names. Seemingly the end of the chatroom had completely turned their lives upside down, so they went for a much needed identity change. Shelly (Yes they did eventually know each other's first names!) became ClaRRie01 and later, she helped Phil to become StalkUfor50cents.
1998, 1999:
ClaRRie01: PHIL!!!!!!!!!!!
StalkUfor50cents: SHELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They continued about their IM conversations for a couple more years with these screen names, becoming better and better online friends. It almost came to the point where they considered themselves real friends.
2000, 2001, 2002:
PublikEdjukashun: hiya!
AngelDM620: Hey!
This is where it gets to the point where they consider themselves real friends. They are growing up, realizing they talk on a several-times-a-day basis. If they don't, withdrawal symptoms occur. They realize this is probably unhealthy, but don't care, and continue chatting regularly, going through many screen names, as they grow as IM boxes, I mean, people.
2003,??:
ThrowMeABone06: Bertha.
AngelDM620: Ethel.
Many years pass. Shelly graduates from Lander, becomes a third grade teacher at her old elementary school, gets married, has a couple of kids and is perfectly happy. During the period before Shelly becomes a teacher, a miracle occurs and teacher salaries rise dramatically, so she is able to pay her bills, you know. Phil graduates from UNCW, goes on to get a couple more degrees, participates in local and state elections, and eventually with Shelly's help of course, achieves his IM-long dream.
2025:
Shelly Jackson: Hello Mr. President!
Phil Kazmierczak: Hey, what's up?
Shelly Jackson: Just watching the kids.
Phil Kazmierczak: HAHAHAHA
Shelly Jackson: I can see you.
Phil Kazmierczak: What do you mean?
Shelly Jackson: Hello, on television!
Phil Kazmierczak: Oh no, I forgot.
Shelly Jackson: What is this, the second time this year?
Auto Response from Phil Kazmierczak: Addressing the nation. BRB
Of course Shelly and Phil stay IM buddies over the years, even as they get older and older. They don't meet for quite awhile though.
2080:
::imagine a TV screen::
Talk show host: "Today, on one of the premier only-available-on-satellite stations' talk shows: FORMER PRESIDENTS WHO HAVE LIFELONG ONLINE FRIENDS THEY'VE NEVER MET. Our guest today is Mr. Phil Kazmierczak."
Phil Kazmierczak, 96
Former President, now rich old man who lives with his cat, Pookey IV and has online friend, Shelly.
Screen Name: OlDrPhillyBaby
TSH: "Let's welcome Phil to the show everybody. Watch the oxygen tank... yeah... Phil is here from North Carolina and says he has a special online friend he's never met."
Phil: "Hi."
TSH: "So, how long have you known Shelly?"
Phil: "About 83 years now."
TSH: "I have to say, I've never heard of anything like this, that's interesting. How did you and Shelly meet online?"
Phil: "I'd rather not say."
TSH: "Alright then. So, how come you have never met in person?"
Phil: "I dunno - fear of it being awkward?"
TSH: "How sad. What would you say to Shelly if you could speak to her right now? Just speak right into that monitor there, so if she's watching she can see you."
::Phil begins to speak, a door opens behind him::
Phil: "Well, Shelly, I IMd you this morning so..."
::Phil is oblivious as talk show assistants help Shelly through the door::
Shelly: "ETHEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Phil: "Shelly?? BERTHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Shelly, 97
Retired third grade teacher, knows former President Kazmierczak from online. Married. No, not cheating on anybody. Here to surprise Phil.
Screen Name: SweetShel1724
TSH: "Well, ladies and gentlemen, you've seen it. WHAT a reunion!! Join us tomorrow for PETS OF FORMER PRESIDENTS WHO SPENT TOO MUCH TIME ONLINE, when our guest is Pookey IV."
Well Phil, what can I say that I haven't already made a joke of? If I had met you, I'd say you were one of my best friends! As sad as it sounds, I consider you my best online friend! You know all my secrets, uh oh! Thanks for always being there to talk to about ANYTHING. Know that I am always here to talk to if you need me! I'm sure we'll keep talking online for a long, long time. I mean, how could we not? Who would I vent to and ask about what to wear? Who would you laugh at about her blonde moments and crazy life? Who knows, maybe one day we'll meet, hopefully before we're old and riding onto low-rated talk shows on high-powered-senior-citizen-discount motor scooters! :) LOVE YA!
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