DOG PROPERTY LAWS
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically
becomes mine.
10. If it's broke, it's yours.
THE 5 CRUCIAL FOOD GROUPS (according to dogs)
1. In the bowl. (A good foundation, but important to supplement with other
groups).
2. Off the table. (Most varied group, but best eaten when no one is looking).
3. On the floor. (A nutritious way to snack between meals).
4. Grass - taken at least once a day to enable vomit activity. (Vomit activity
best engaged in while resting head on mum's lap.)
5. Poop. (At least once a day for overall digestive happiness. May be taken
topically via rolling in it.) Best if eaten immediately after production.
Be sure to lick owner in face after ingestion.
8 LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG
1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
2. Don't go out without I.D.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on
their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is most
effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsiblity (as soon as
you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).
8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss !!
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