Every time there's a comet or asteroid that passes earth, there's always some idiot off in the background saying "OMG ITS TEH END OF TEH WERLD!" Recently, I had the 'pleasure' of obtaining an actual conversation between two of my friends. Their names will be kept anonymous. I will splice in my comments in italics as we take this little oddessey. Part of the conversation will be omitted because it is exclusively personal information about a third party. We'll call our doomsayer Miss Information, or Miss Info for short. We'll call the other friend "Skeptical Lass".
Miss Info: hey the world's ending tomorrow
Miss Info: o_o
Great way to greet your friends by telling them the world is going to end, tomorrow of all things. Ever so casual about the destruction of our species, aren't we? Trust me folks, it gets worse.
Skeptical lass: NO IT'S NOT!!!!!!!!!!!
Skeptical lass: WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU THAT?
Miss Info: <.< a friend said they saw it on the news XD
Miss Info: I wonder if I could use that as an excuse to call in sick
Miss Info: XD
There are more than a few things wrong with the three 'sentences' above. First of all, a 'friend' told you the world was going to end. Do you believe everything your friend says? Is your friend an infalible diviner of the future? No. Likely your friend is a snot-nosed thirteen year-old claiming to be sixteen or eighteen. Secondly, Miss Info has used more pathetic excuses to get out of working. Thirdly, she stole the little "XD" expression from me, because she only started to use it after I did.
Skeptical lass: THEY'RE FULL OF SHIT
I particularly like this answer on behalf of Skeptical Lass, mostly because it's true. Unlike Miss Info, she reads the newspaper and keeps informed. How do I know? I've watched her do this. She often has to keep ME updated on current situations.
Skeptical lass: The meteor is gonna miss us by a Million Miles
Skeptical lass: I read that yesterday.
See?
Skeptical lass: It's more likely to hit the moon.
Miss Info: o.o; our moon's going bye bye?
Skeptical lass: NO! IT'S MORE LIKELY YOU DITZ!
There are SO many things wrong with what Miss Info just typed, and yet Skeptical Lass manages to sum up the natural reaction in just six words.
Miss Info: o___o
Nice defense in her behalf. A little internet face.
Skeptical lass: IT'S not gonna hit us....
Skeptical lass: The chance is less than 0
Skeptical lass: Chill out.
Miss Info: I never even knew there really WAS a comit or whatever ~.~;
Skeptical lass: Oh, then what was gonna end the world?
Yes, praytell, explain this to us, genius.
Miss Info: <.<; well meteor showers, valcanic erruptions, earthquakes
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the train. First of all, you didn't know there was a comEt. Next you say you thought meteor showers, vOlcanic 'erruptions' and earthquakes are going to end our world. Apparently, Miss Info doesn't realize that meteor showers occur regularly and are predictable. Earthquakes and volcanic eruptions aren't quite as predictable, but then again, neither is the weather. We can get a pretty good idea when a volcanic eruption is about to happen. There are seismic instruments that measure the mountain's swelling, as well as gas emissions, magma chamber size, change in seismic activity and a whole plethora of other factors that usually lead to an eruption. Volcanoes are part of our world's history, and a necessary part for our planet to continue existing. No one wants a volcano to erupt in their backyard, but that's nature's way of saying "Hey, don't live here asshole". The recycling of new, fresh rock to the surface is necessary to keep our planet healthy. A single volcano won't end the world. It might kill off a lot, or even every human, but trust me, it's not going to kill off every micro-organism to ever exist. Never in our planet's history has this happened (as we still exist today), and never will it occur, unless a couple billion years of test history are wrong.
Skeptical lass: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Miss Info: o__o I just thought kid made that stuff up
Way to go. Trust any idiot who tells you the world is blowing up.
Skeptical lass: STOP TRYING TO UPSET ME!
And stop giving everyone else a headache while you're at it.
Miss Info: o.o;
Miss Info: lol!
That lone "Lol!" makes me want to chop off the fingers of Miss Info so as never to see her type another stupid "lol" again. Who invented these dumb internet acronyms? I hope he/she was neutered as not to have the chance of seeing any more asshat internet slang.
Skeptical lass: I'll check MSNBC right now...if the end is gonna happen...it'll be on that
Miss Info: o_o ya
Miss Info: I still have people to kill, places to go and a virginity to lose. ~.~; better not end yet
This has got to be the worst sentence I have ever seen or heard in my existence. The world is ending so you want to get LAID before you die? If I knew I was going to die, I'd spend my last hours doing something less frivolous than "losing my virginity", like you know, trying not to die or making peace with the world. But hey, those are just silly notions... Sex is obviously the most important thing in your life!
Skeptical lass: TOP NEWS: TERRIORIST ARRESTED IN IRAQ!
Miss Info: o_O
Miss info: lol
Damn, must have missed a finger 'cause there's that moron acronym again.
Skeptical lass: Other Top News:
Skeptical lass: MORE TOP STORIES • Jeanne leaves expensive tab in Florida • Serious quake rattles central California • Oil prices edge to new high • SpaceShipOne set for prize-winning try • Expos are moving to Washington, D.C. • Test can predict heart ills in healthy men
Miss Info: o_o; yep... the world's ending
Miss Info: XD
I'm just grinding my teeth at the SHEER stupidity...
Skeptical lass: Shut up
Miss Info: lol
Skeptical lass: In science and tech.....The Sims 2 sold well...
Miss Info: o_o; I'm sure
Skeptical lass: Stop upsetting people
And giving them migraines.
Skeptical lass: And as for the volcano, it's the first activity of it's kind in 20 years, which means something like it happened 20 years ago.
Miss Info: o.o; what valcano?
Holy CRAP could you be less informed?
Skeptical lass: YOU SAID ERUPTIONS!
Miss Info: o__o
Skeptical lass: You know what, shut up about any doomsday if you don't know about current events.
Thank you, voice of reason.
So there you have it. Yes, I know, it's hard to believe these people are out there, and worse yet, they're actually convincing people to see their point that the world is doomed. I'd just like to say that Earth was always doomed. Our sun will not last forever, after all, and eventually it will die out. Of course, I'm highly doubtful any humans will be around to see that day, but who knows if our descendants might? Personally, I'm more counting on pollution, ozone depletion, mineral resource depletion, nuclear war, diseases, and other human factors to kill out most life on Earth LONG before the day comes that there's any sort of asteroid that hits the world or a giant super volcano that kills human life. Who knows, though.
One thing that irks me about doomsayers is that they're never right. They promise me death, destruction and mayhem, and the next day is boring and bland as ever. If you're going around promising doom and destruction and you can't deliver on the specified date, you will be shot. No exceptions. Just BAM. Dead. Game Over. Maybe then people won't be so stupid. If you're wondering, later in the conversation, Miss Info had this to say:
Ooh, so sorry. No one thought it was funny.