What's going on with me
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: gunpowder & lead by miranda lambert
I'm so excited because tomorrow i am going to cut my hair and die it a different color i needed a changed and everything so i am so fucking happy about that. I think it will make me look like a different person but i am going to sound the same through but a different look. I'm just do happy and that is all i can say about that if you know what i am talking about. I just want to look sexy so it gives me a reason to lose the weight and be something i always wanted in my life and i am going to work hard at it because that how i feel about a lot of things in life. I just want to look sexy for the one that i love and i am hoping that he going to love it once he sees it.

Tonight, I watch my favorite show today one tree hill and it's a amazing show and this past weekend that we just had i spent the whole time catching up on all the other seasons of one tree hill and i loved it so much and everything and all the drama and chick fights how could you not if you ask me it was a crazy thing but i had a great time catching up on all of it. I just wish April would get here fast because it's going to have new on it and i just need to find out what happens and it's going to drive me fucking nuts and it's not worth me getting all work up for a tv show that i love and want to watch on monday nights on cw and everything.

Well, Me and John are doing great but we still have different work schedules and it's kind of hard to find the time to spend together on the phone and it's not that bad. I just wish that he showed me more love like i do him and everything but it's enough for me i guess. I'm just totally inlove and i can't wait to finally have him in my arms at night. I just want him to know that he is my everything and i am happy that i have him in my life and i hope that things stay what way all the days of our lives and everything and i am a lucky girl as you can tell. I just don't want to lose something that i have and work so hard to get and now i am happy forever.

So, Me and my ex boyfriend Sean have been trying to be friends again and see if we are going to totally have the best friends thing working for us but it's more drama and i really don't need in my life and i just wish that he would understand how i fucking feel. He totally lied to me and i just wish that we could work things out and not have lies in our friendship but i think that never going to work because i am lost and i just don't want him to forget that i hate the fact that he treats me like shit and goes back the next day and say that he don't do that and everything. And everyone at work could see that he hurting me and i am not going to missed that.

Well Everyone, It's been a blast talking to you all, But i'll have to keep you all updated on how things are going with me, So pace out everyone, Much love, Bye for now.

All I can't say
Mood:  special
Now Playing: thunder by boys like girls
There are so many words i cannot say,
When i look into you're eyes.
I want to be able to tell you one day,
But I'm left speechless every time that i try.

You must have stumbled across the key,
And discovered so much more.
You found a hidden place in me,
You found my heart and opened the door.
And i cried in pain
Of losing my dear friend.

Will it ever be the same again?
If it passes will it be the end?
I realized it was worth so much,
As i lie in bed that night.
So i allowed my soul to be touched,
Without even putting up a fight.
Are my eyes deceiving me,
When i see you standing there?
Are you playing games,
Just to prove i care?

You speak my name in a prelude,
In a reference to love,
With such loving attitude,
As if it were a message from above.
With the palms of you're hands
Pressed firmly against mine,
A white doves lands,
And the sun begings to shine.

Someday i will see,
Though that day has not come yet.
You'll say you love me,
But will you ever forget?
If that happens and my spirit dies,
If my emotions drop,
Will you want to hold me when i cry?
Or will the love just suddenly stop?
We can't expect to fall in love and never cry.

You'll stay and paly you're part,
But after the beauty starts to die,
Will you're footprints still be on my heart?
Though it would be hard to say goodbye,
You're friend i'll always be,
As long as we always try,
To keep the friendship between you and me.

The letter i will not send
Will casually inquire,
How could you have brought it to an end?
I was you're one disire.
After this life is over.
You'll be one person i know i'll miss.

It'll be too late to start over, And so i leave you with this...
I'll hold you for a lifetime,
If you'll just hodl my hand.
We could have a wonderful time,
In the days we have not yet planned.

All I see Is you
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: comfortable lair by chevelle
I remember us,
The way we used to be,
I'd hold you in my arms,
You're smile so sweet to me,

But now when i see you,
You look right through me,
I feel so alone now,
But when i close my eyes...

...All I See Is you.

The love we use to share,
Gone up in whirl winds,
Will i ever love,
Or ever live again,

I am tired of crying,
And i am done trying,
To remember all about you,
But when i close my eyes...

... All I See is you.

All the love i am sending,
The memories i won't sell,
I know there must be an ending,
To the story i will tell,

I dream only of you're love,
And happiness in life,
I try not to think of you,
But when i close my eyes...

... All I See is you.

What's going on with me
Mood:  cheeky
Now Playing: how do you talk to an angel by the hights
Today, Was totally awesome because i spent more time with my dad helping him fix the jeep today and that was great if you ask me and everything. I totally got dirty and i loved it never once did i think that i would be helping my dad and everything and it was finally what i wanted. I just like hanging out with my dad and now that he going up north this weekend i am going to be alone and spending my time with my mom and that going to be very good i guess. I'm just going to do my hair and make up again and do more pictures and hope they come out again. I just think that things are going to be alright because i have faith and it's not going to lose it. I'm just worried about all the things that happen this year and it's crazy because i have never felt like i have lost things but right now i am happy to say and i am happy and that all that matters.

Tomorrow, I might go out for a walk and get back to losing weight again because that going to really help my back and everything and i need to and i just don't want to hurt myself. Because i want to get heath again and i am just going to do whatever it takes to get me back to losing weight and then i guess i could he more happier if you know what i mean. I just want to look good for the summer and everything and get my stuff going because i am just tired of not doing anything and it's crazy but it's true and i need to get my shit straight and everything. I just wanted to write this all down before i forget and everything. I just really think that i would totally feel better about myself and hopefully the guys would see that.

Well, Right now I'm just watching tv in my room because i really don't know what else to do because that how fucking bored i am and it's not right i know it's fucking stupid. I just wish that it would be totally nice outside that i could get out and do things and not have to fucking make me wonder what is really going on in my life and everything. I just feel like i need to go way from awhile and get my thoughts together because i hate the way i feel and it's hard to make things go right if you know what i am talking about. I just need the support and i am not looking for anything but i am searching for the things that are going on in my past and now. I know that things are crazy and it's not like i tried to find what i am looking for because it's not there and i've ask god to help me doing soul searching and he agreed to help me in his way.

I've been currently thinking about my relationship and it's not enough because last night he never fucking called me and i stay up way to late and i am fucking pissed about it because if you love someone you should call them when you fucking say you are and everything. And he wants to get married to me and have kids with me and i am not going to have this in my life. I put up with the drama and the girls that he was seeing behind my back and i am tried of the games and lies because i am sure you know what i mean and everything. And he took advantage of me and never knew that he was doing that and it's not right if you ask me. I have lost so much in my life and he never fucking seems to know what i am feeling as i am feeling it. So what does a girl do will i guess i am going to have to face what i am scared off and i just can't lose it again. I just need that space to think and he don't understand how i feel and uses it and though it back at me and not fucking cool and i am hateing it so much and everything.

Why do guys think it's alright to break there girlfriends hearts and souls and everything. So they fucking think that it's funny or something like that well i am not laughing at all. I went through this with my ex boyfriend James and it's not going to go that away again. I'm tried of playing the drama games and all the fucking shit it's not right and i've had enough of it. I just want to move on with my life and not have to worry about all the crazy shit that me. I just don't want my friends to think that i am crazy because i have lost it at times and i am never sure enough on what i am feeling because my emotions change a lot. well i am actually thinking it's fucking bull shit and i am not going there again i have totally don't want the drama anymore.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'm going to keep you all updated on how things are going with me, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

What's going on with me
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: last name by carrie underwood
Yesterday, Was to fucking awesome and i had a great time. My dad help me practice my parking in the driveway and it was kind of fun just spending time with him and stuff. I can't wait to do this again because it's going ot be even more funnier and everything. I'm just hoping that i am going to have a great weekend coming up because that is all i am looking for if you ask me. I'm just lost with out my friends and i just wish that things would be alright with me. I just wish that things would not be so hard on me and that i just could go on with my life knowing that i have things in oder and everything but that not enough for some people that i know in my life. I just wish that i knew how things are working for me because it's crazy to think about this all the time and just don't know what to do anymore and i am about to lose my mind if i keep thinking about it.

Tomorrow, Is other day that i have to think about all the crazy things that are going on in my mind and i hate feeling so confused about things and everything. I just don't know what is going to happen in my life but i know that i can't keep thinking bad thoughts all the fucking time. I have lost so much in my life and i am tired of feeling like this all the time. I'm never happy about things because i am always in a sad mood and it's not right i just want to be happy and smile all the fucking time if you can understand where i am coming from and everything. I just don't feel like things are going my way anymore and it's not right of me to think about this. I just want to know what it's like to love someone and show them how much i mean to them.

Right now, I'm talking to my best guy friend his name is bobby and we have lost so much and we are finally coming back to each other again and that is just great and i am happy. We are talking on yahoo messenger and we are re talking again because he has missed a lot of stuff that is going on with me and i know that i should catch him up but it's hard to do that if you know what i mean and everything and i hate for people to miss out and everything. I just don't want to lose him again because i would be totally lost and i use to tell him everything and i am going to start again because how do you know if you really love that someone you tell things to. I just don't know what to do and i am thinking about all the different things in life and it's crazy.

Actually, I have to keep my head up high and know that when things get hard you just got to old you're own and hope that you get the answers that you need in life. So i am hoping that things are going to be alright i have faith in myself and i am not going to lose that because it would be totally wrong of me and i am not going through that again i just can't. I just want love and i am going to get that i have to keep my head up that is all i am going to do.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

All Over Again
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: second chance by shine down
Last Night I fell in love with you
All over again,
More deeply in love,
Than ever before.
No one has ever expressed their love for me
With such beautiful and kind words.

Last Night I fell in love with you
All over again,
With such stronger faith
Than ever before.
Knowing that you will always be there for me
When dark shadows enter my life.

Last Night I fell in love with you
All over again
With a stronger friendship
Than ever before
When ever i need a tender shoulder to cry on
I know you will wipe away the tears

Last Night I fell in love with you
All over again
With more respect
Than ever before
I look up to you and admire you're strength
In turn you have strengthen me

Last I fell in love with you
All over again
With such care
Than ever before
Now i truly believe how much you care for me
You have given me life.

Last Night I fell in love with you
All over again
With more happiness
Than ever before
You have brought back to me smiles and laughter
Through you're loving eyes.

Last Night I fell in love with you
All over again
With more love
Than ever before
For the first time in a long time
I have really felt love.

What's going on with me
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: I stand alone by godsmack
Today, All i did was relaxing  in my room and watch a little bit of the races today but i hate to say this but kyle bush is getting on my last fucking nerve that i have because i really don't like how he fucking races and everything. I just wish that someone else would have won the race today but it's all good if you ask me. Well i really don't want to go to work tonight but it's alright i have to make some money and i  just need to find out what is going on because my job is my life.

Right now, I just don't know how to feel about my boyfriend who i thought that really loved me and i just don't know what i am going to feel or say about things if you know what i mean. Well when he does call me i am going to sit down on the phone with him and talk to him about the things that we need to talk about because that just how i am feeling in my heart and soul right now if you know what i am talking about and everything. So i feel like there are things that i need to sit down and talk about that i am  feeling and everything.

Actually, I'm just thinking about all thoughts and i just don't know what to feel anymore if you know what i am talking about and everything. So thing are going to be crazy at times but i know that i have to sit and think about that is really going on in my head and stuff like that if you know what i am talking about. Well i am just thinking about things that are going on in my relationships and that is not going to go away anymore if you know what i mean and everything.

Well, Everybody, I'm going to go and end this, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going on with me, So pace out e

What's going on with me
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: come down by bush
Well, Yesterday I met up with my mom and dad and a few for my friends from work at the bar yeeha's and it was totally fucking awesome and i hate a blast with my friends and everything. I'm just thinking about all the crazy stuff that happen lastnight but i am happy to say that i am not going to ever forget hanging out with my ex boyfriend sean because now i can finally find out what is going on and work on my friend ship with him and everything. So we did do some talking about things and he told me how much he missed the friendship that we had and everything. I just hope that he knows that things are going to be alright because i am just thinking that things were good.

Right now, I'm just hanging out in my bed room watching a good movie on life time and it's great. I'm thinking about going to bed early tonight because i have a few things i need to do tomorrow i just don't want to be on the phone all night with a boyfriend who don't respect me and everything. I think the relationship that i do have is must based on nothing but sex and that just wrong if you ask me and i am just pissed about that. I am really liking this movie that i am watching because it makes me feel good inside and everything. I know who i am and that is all i can say about things because the more i sit here and think about things the more i just don't give a fuck about and everything.

So, Right now i feel like it's really hot in my room and everything. So right now i am just thinking about all the crazy thoughts in my head and it's not right for me to think about it but i have to get a clear head on things. Wow i really thought that i had a good ideal about things but i really don't if you ask me i am a crazy person to go back in my past and find what i am really looking for in my life and everything. I finally don't have a reason about things because the more i think about it the less i can understand things if you know what i mean. I just want things to be back to normal but i really don't think that going to happen any time soon if you know what i mean.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

What's going on with me
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Second chance by shine down
I went to the doctor today and everything is alright and my blood pressure was  high so we took me off one of my pills and hopefully we can get that under control and everything if you know what i am talking about. They only took blood from me today and that was great if you ask me and everything. But i am feeling really good and i am going to clean the house more and stuff like that because i am going nuts. I don't feel like going to work today but i am hopefully that i get off early tonight.

Well, Right now I'm just hanging out in my room thinking about doing more cleaning and shit because my room looks like a fucking mess if you ask me. And i am the only one that needs to clean it if you know what i mean. I really wish that i had a fucking maid to clean my room that would be totally fucking awesome if  you ask me and everything. I am lost with out everything going on. But i am going to be alright if you ask me i am crazy to think that things wont work for me but i guess i am looking in the wrong places i guess i don't know.

So, Last night was totally awesome because i got to talk to one of my ex boyfriends and we are working on things because that how i like it. He even brought me lunch and bring it up to me and how fucking sweet is that i told him thank you and everything and hopefully this weekend we can meet up and talk about things because that would be totally worth it and everything. I really hate when someone is mad at you and you just don't know what is all going on and like i said before we were great friends and very close at that.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for now, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.

What's going on with me
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: Second chance by shine down
Well, Today has been a totally nice day outside and i can't wait to get out and go for walks and stuff like that if you know what i am talking about. I am just thinking that things are going to look up for me i have total faith in everything that goes on in this world i just believe in god and the things that he does and work for. I'm just thinking about how god really works but he answered some of my prayers for my friends and family and everything if you ask me i am good about praying.

Tomorrow, It is going to fucking suck if you ask me. I really don't want to go to the doctors but i have to and everything. It's just because i am diabetic and they have to check my blood sugar and everything and that alright by me. I just don't like the other things i have to do but that alright i'm going to get use to that if you know what i am talking about and everything. I just hate going in there when they fucking dick you around and tell you one thing and do the other thing if you know what i mean and everything. I'm just trying to get over that you know.

I really miss my best friends Amanda peck, Sam, Amanda Dewitt. They have been there for me through a lot of my problems with my boyfriends and i just wanted to say thank you and hopefully they won't judge me because of the problems that i do have and everything. I just want them to know that i am thinking about them and they are in my heart and soul and we are all going to be best friends trust me and i am going to hang out with  Amanda Dewitt soon because i miss her like crazy and i talk to her like every night if i can.

Actually, I'm just hoping that i can go to bed at a good hour tonight because i have to be up early in the morning and i just don't want to be late for  the doctors if you know what i am talking about and everything. I really hate that but anyway what can you do when you are running late and you just don't know what you are going to do that how my life is if you ask me it's crazy but i know the feeling. I'm going to forget all the bad things and just look upon things and just hope that things are going to be for me that how i see things in life and everything.

Right now, I just don't want to lose what i am feeling and thinking about my relationship that i am in now and everything. I just want things back to the way i knew they could be and it's hard to keep thinking this way but i don't  get respected like i should and he calls me all hours of the night and it's crazy to think that i am going to lose my own mind as this point in time. I love him to death but i need my space and my time and that is  all i am going to say.

Well Everybody, I'm going to end this here for tonight, I'll keep you all updated on how things are going with me and my life, So pace out everyone, Bye for now.