Dear Diary
Thursday, June 20—Dear Diary (I suppose that's the way I'm supposed to start.) Hurray! Today I graduated from high school. Finally! Some people say your high school years are the best ones in your life. If that's so, then I'd just as soon fall down dead right now. I wouldn't want to face the possibility of another sixty or so years being any worse than the last four. My Aunt Paulette gave me this journal to use as a diary. It seems odd to me to start keeping a diary halfway through the year, but Aunt Paulette says that today is the first day of the rest of my life. And—thank my lucky stars—for me it will now be a life without homework, examinations and teachers. On Monday morning I begin my job in the word processing department at Whitney and Grimes Engineering. It will be the start of my new life.
Friday, June 21—I took the money I received as graduation presents from my relatives—except for Aunt Paulette—and went shopping for new clothes that would be suitable to wear to an office. What a depressing experience that was! All the outfits I liked were too small for me, and those that did fit looked better on the hangers than they did on me. Oh, well, in six months from now, maybe I'll fit into a size ten since I started my diet today. I ate nothing all day but a shaker salad from McDonald's in the mall. I also intend to faithfully exercise for at least one hour each day, starting tomorrow. I'll start out with jumping jacks, crunches and lunges and eventually work my way up to jogging.
Saturday, June 22—Tonight there will probably be graduation parties held all over town. I won't be going to any of them though. Why be a hypocrite? I won't miss that school; I'm glad I'm finally out of there. The good news is that my diet is still going strong. I didn't have anything but a bowl of soup and a few carrot sticks all day. I also got out my bicycle and rode it around the neighborhood for about two hours. At this rate, I wonder how long it will take me to fit into that size ten.
Sunday, June 23—Ugh! My leg muscles are killing me! I can barely walk, so I spent the whole day sitting on the living room couch watching TV. On the bright side, I did manage to stay on my diet all day except for the cinnamon donut I had at breakfast time. I'm sure there aren't that many calories in one donut! Well, diary, tomorrow is the big day. I have to wake up at six to get ready to be at work by eight. (That sounds so grown-up!) I know I'll have difficulty falling asleep tonight since I'm as excited as a kid on Christmas Eve. Maybe I'd better take a Contac cold capsule at bedtime just in case; they never fail to put me to sleep.
Monday, June 24—I shouldn't have taken that Contac last night. I was so tired that I didn't want to get up when the alarm went off, but the excitement of the day (plus two cups of coffee) eventually got me up and running. I wish I had a nicer outfit to wear on my first day on the job. That navy blue dress was so drab! Oh, well! In six months, I can get a whole new wardrobe—in size ten! Work was really fun. There are two other girls in my department (Marina Goodall and Katy Shay) and a married woman (Tess Locklear) who is our supervisor. She's so nice, not at all like what I'd imagined a boss to be. The three of them took me out to lunch, and we all had a great time. I know I'm gonna love it at Whitney and Grimes or, as the other employees call it, WGE.
Tuesday, June 25—I met a lot of new people today at work, most of them men. Too bad ninety percent of them are old and married with children. I'm still doing well on my diet, but I don't have the courage to get on a scale yet. I know if I didn't lose weight, I'll probably get depressed and then start binge eating.
Wednesday, June 26—Today I saw a young man in the drafting department. What a hunk! He looks a lot like Leonardo DiCaprio: sandy blond hair, blue eyes, a cute little boy face and a killer smile. He's probably married or engaged, or worse yet, not interested in girls.
Thursday, June 27—I learned that the hot guy in the drafting department is named Chris Holden and, miraculously, he's not married, engaged or gay. He's so nice! Now more than ever I want to lose weight and get some new clothes.
Friday, June 28—Today was payday for everyone at WGE except me. In two weeks, I'll get a check for the hours I worked this week, and then I'll start regularly receiving two weeks' pay every other Friday. It was a bit disappointing not to have that first paycheck in my hand, but I was even more disappointed when I didn't see Chris Holden today. I was pretty busy and didn't leave the word processing room except one time to go to lunch and another to go to the ladies' room.
Saturday, June 29—Ah, the weekend! With no annoying alarm to wake me, I slept late this morning. When I finally woke up, sometime around nine, I cleaned my bedroom, took a long walk and then came home and watched television. How boring!
Sunday, June 30—Nothing worth writing about happened today. I've got to get a life. I wonder what Chris does on his days off.
Monday, July 1—The weekend is over, so it's back to waking up early in the morning and going to work. I don't mind going to work; in fact, I enjoy it. It's the waking up early part I could do without. It will be a short week since Thursday is the Fourth of July. Not bad, huh? I just started working at WGE, and I'm already going to get a four-day weekend. I saw Chris in the lunchroom today. He smiled and said hello. He's so gorgeous; he really ought to have a warning tattooed on his forehead.
Tuesday, July 2—I didn't see Chris at all today. A day without Chris is like a day without sunshine! I wish he didn't work on the second floor. It would be so nice if they'd move the drafting department downstairs right next to the word processing center. Then I'd really have something to celebrate come Thursday.
Wednesday, July 3—As I got out of my car this morning, a brand-new Toyota Celica pulled into the spot next to mine. Although I don't know much about cars, I couldn't help noticing the silver, sporty-looking vehicle. I nearly died when I saw Chris driving it. It figures! A gorgeous guy should drive a gorgeous car. He got out of the Celica, and we walked into the building together. After that, it was hard to keep my mind on work. All I wanted to think about was Chris. Everyone at the office was looking forward to the four-day weekend, but not me. I dread it because I'll have to wait four whole days before I can see Chris again.
Thursday, July 4—I don't see what the big deal is about the Fourth of July. Why should we celebrate a revolution that took place more than two hundred years ago? Besides, I sometimes wish I was English. They gave us the Beatles, Charles Dickens and Sherlock Holmes. And if we were British, we'd have affordable health care. Instead, we have barbecues and fireworks every Fourth of July. What's the point? I guess I'm just angry with myself for eating as much as I did. I had two hot dogs, baked beans, coleslaw, deviled eggs, and both potato and macaroni salad. Then my Aunt Paulette made ice cream. Butter, mayonnaise, heavy cream and chocolate sauce—all the things I've been trying so hard to avoid.
Friday, July 5—Mom and I went shopping at the outlets today. Isn't that pathetic? Eighteen years old and I'm still shopping with my mother! Not that I've got anything against her; she's okay as far as mothers go. How I wish I could have spent this long weekend with Chris instead. I know it's a new age, and many women take the initiative and ask men out rather than wait for them to make the first move, but I just don't have the nerve to do it. What if he said no? I'd die of embarrassment. I'd never be able to show my face at WGE again.
Saturday, July 6—As the saying goes, SSDD: same shit, different day.
Sunday, July 7—Alas! More of the same. In desperation, I had a Reese's peanut butter cup. Relax! It was only a miniature one.
Monday, July 8—Tess let me move my desk near the window. Most people don't like to sit there because the sunlight casts a glare on the computer screen. I did the smart thing; I put the computer directly in front of the window so the light is behind the screen. Of course, I do get a little warm when the afternoon sun shines in, but what the hell? Now I have a great view of the parking lot. I can look up any time during the day and see the silver Celica sitting out there.
Tuesday, July 9—We were unusually busy at work today. One of the senior engineers is preparing a proposal that, if accepted, could bring in a lot of work for the company. I really like the people I work with, but have to admit the job itself is boring. I can't understand why someone would go to college to become an engineer. Frankly, I couldn't care less about wastewater treatment plants or sewage pumping stations.
Wednesday, July 10—I worked late again today. I don't mind too much; as a non-salaried employee, I'll get time and a half for everything over forty hours. There's even talk of working on Saturday. I'll volunteer if I'm needed. After all, it's not like I've got anything better to do with my time.
Thursday, July 11—I saw Chris briefly in the hallway, but I didn't get to talk to him. Both of us were far too busy. Damn it! I wish I worked on the second floor. When I got home after work, I found that my mother had baked a cake, my favorite: carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. I had not one, but two pieces. They probably had about six hundred calories each. I don't think I'll ever lose weight as long as I'm living at home.
Friday, July 12—Payday! How good it is to have money in my wallet. Too bad the government takes so much out of it for taxes. Today one of the senior engineers retired, and the company had a dinner in his honor. More than forty-five employees went to the Seaside Inn. When I walked into the private banquet room with Katy, I immediately looked to see if Chris was there. I couldn't believe my luck! He was sitting at a long table with two empty places to his right. I quickly steered Katy in his direction and sat down next to him. I had such a great time. I wish the dinner could have gone on forever, but unfortunately, it broke up around nine o'clock. I can't wait to see Chris at work on Monday.
Saturday, July 13—I went to work today. It was so different being in the office on a Saturday. The few people that were there were dressed in jeans and T-shirts rather than the suits they normally wore. We didn't have time to stop for a lunch break, so when Katy and I left at four, we decided to go to Applebee's for something to eat. Katy is really nice. She doesn't have a boyfriend (join the club!), but there is a guy at her apartment building that she's got a crush on.
Sunday, July 14—Nothing much to write about. I tried to exercise, but I was too tired. I fell asleep on the couch watching television. Boring, boring, boring!
Monday, July 15—We worked late again and finished the proposal on time. The engineer said if we get the project, he'll take us all out to dinner to thank us for our hard work. Who wants to go out with him? He's forty-two and has a wife and three kids. There's only one person I'd want to take me out to dinner, and that's Chris Holden.
Tuesday, July 16—When I started this diary last month, I intended to write something in it every day, but the truth is my life is really boring! Why do I have to prove it to myself by keeping track of the tedious details of my dull existence?
Wednesday, July 17—Why bother?
Thursday, July 18—I haven't seen the Toyota Celica in the parking lot for the past two days. I wonder what happened. I hope Chris didn't quit or get fired. I don't think I could bear going to the office every day with him gone. True, I usually only see him two or three times a week, but just knowing he's in the building brings me peace of mind. There's always that chance I'll walk to the lunchroom for a soda and run into him.
Friday, July 19—Chris was back in the office today. Yeah! I was so happy, at least temporarily. Then I heard one of his friends say it would be a shame to get sick since he was going on vacation for the next two weeks. Those are going to be the longest two weeks I've had since leaving high school. Wish it was August already.
Saturday, July 20—I finally had the courage to get on the scale, and, despite overeating on the Fourth of July and the two pieces of Mom's homemade carrot cake, I still lost five pounds. I know now that if I put my mind to it, I can do it. I've decided to spend more time exercising and less time writing in this dumb diary.
Monday, July 22—I miss Chris! Even the parking lot isn't the same without the Celica.
Friday, July 26—The good news: I made it through the first week without Chris being in the office. The bad news: I have another week to get through.
Monday, July 29—The weekend was boring (as usual) so why write about it? Marina called in sick today. We didn't have much work to do, so Katy, Tess and I decided to go out to lunch again. Tess is having a pool party this Saturday and asked me to come. I'd love to go. Just hope I can find a halfway decent swimsuit that fits me.
Thursday, August 1—I can't believe July is over and that I've been out of school for more than a month already. One more day of work without Chris. I can't wait until he comes back on Monday.
Saturday, August 3—I had such a great time at Tess's house. Her husband Jarret is so awesome. He's good-looking, smart and funny, and he seems to adore Tess. Where do I find someone like him? Their home is really nice, too. It's a big, two-story colonial house that Tess decorated herself. How I envy her. Maybe someday Chris and I will own a house like that with a pool in the backyard.
Monday, August 5—Chris is back!!! He's got a tan, and his hair is a lighter shade of blond than before. I wish I had the nerve to ask him out. I walked upstairs on some imaginary errand just to welcome him back. If he hadn't looked so busy, I would have asked him about his vacation, but he was trying to catch up with two weeks of work, so I left him alone. Can't stop thinking about the two of us being Mr. and Mrs. Holden and owning a two-story colonial just like Tess and Jarret.
Wednesday, August 7—Tess gave Katy and me our invitations to the company's annual picnic, which is to be held on August 24. That's perfect timing since I'm going on vacation with my parents the following Monday.
Friday, August 9—Some of the guys at WGE decided to form two teams and play softball after work. Katy and I went to the game to cheer them on. Boy, am I glad I did! Chris was the centerfielder for the upstairs team. I couldn't take my eyes off him the whole night.
Tuesday, August 13—Haven't had the chance to write much lately. For the first time in my life, I've been too busy to sit down for a few minutes. I spent most of the weekend with Katy and Marina. They phoned late Friday night and invited me to go to the shore with them. We had a blast! I barely slept a wink. I managed to make it through work on Monday, but when I came home I went right to bed.
Friday, August 16—I lost another three pounds. Yes! I think I'll go shopping this weekend and buy a new outfit for the company picnic. There was another softball game today, but Chris wasn't there. I went out to a local pub with everyone after the game again, but it wasn't much fun without Chris. I had one Diet Coke and left.
Saturday, August 17—Katy and I went to the mall. She bought shorts and a tube top. Why shouldn't she? She can't weigh much more than a hundred pounds. What I wouldn't give to be thin as a rail like she is! I got a new pair of jeans and a T-shirt. The jeans were a little tight, but I'll be extra good on my diet this week.
Friday, August 23—Great news! As I was walking out of the building today, Chris asked me if I was going to the picnic. Wow! He actually cares whether I'm there or not.
Sunday, August 25—I had a great time at the picnic. Only one sour note to the day. I sat down at the table with a full plate, but Katy had only a small tossed salad and a slice of watermelon. "Is that all you're having?" I asked. "I have to watch what I eat," she answered. "I'm getting as big as a house!" I didn't let her thoughtless remark get to me. I was too busy casting sidelong glances at Chris who was playing basketball with the other draftsmen. I managed to speak to him on four occasions during the day. He's always so nice to me; he must like me a little. I wish he'd ask me out.
Monday, August 26—My parents and I are going to Cape Cod for vacation, and I don't want to bring this diary with me. So, I won't be writing for a while. See you in September.
Monday, September 9—We got back late last night. Cape Cod was beautiful but not very exciting. Most of the time I sat on the beach imagining what it would be like to live in one of those adorable saltboxes with Chris. Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Holden of Chatham, Massachusetts. Wouldn't that be heavenly? I lost another two pounds, which makes it a total of ten. I've got to keep up the good work, though, because I still have a lot to lose.
Tuesday, September 11—I had no money today (spent it all in Cape Cod), so I brought my lunch from home. When the other girls went out, I took my sandwich and ate it in the lunchroom. Sure glad I did! Chris was there! I told him about my two weeks in Cape Cod, and he told me about his vacation on Martha's Vineyard. "Are there going to be any more softball games?" I asked. "Not for me," he replied. "It's September and classes have started again." I learned that Chris is studying to be an architect. An architect! They must make pretty good money. I can feel that saltbox or two-story colonial getting a lot closer.
Monday, September 16—I've been busy all week. How my life has changed since I've begun working. I went to Tess's house for dinner on Friday, and on the weekend Marina and I went to the movies. Katy finally went out on a date with the guy from her apartment building. "One down, two to go," Marina said with a laugh. When I asked her what she meant, she said, "We have three single girls in our department. Katy has found a guy, next it's our turn." I wholeheartedly agree.
Thursday, September 19—I had lunch with Chris again today, but he didn't have much to say. He was too busy doing his homework. "There's something I'd like to ask you," he said as I stood at the sink rinsing out my salad container. Here it comes! My heart leaped in my throat, and I could feel my knees go weak. "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind typing my school term paper. I'll pay you, of course," he added when he saw the smile fade from my face. "Sure, Chris," I said, trying to fight back the tears of disappointment.
Monday, September 30—I gave Chris his finished paper. When he offered me twenty dollars for my time, I flatly refused. "At least let me take you out to lunch or something," he said. For the past several weeks, my heart had felt like a rollercoaster, rising high with hope only to plunge with disappointment. Now it was ascending that tall hill of optimism again. "Lunch sounds good," I said and then bravely added, "or if you prefer, we could get a burger after work some night." "All right. That is if you don't mind waiting for a day when I don't have any classes," Chris said. I didn't mind the wait—not too much anyway.
Friday, October 4—"Heaven, I'm in heaven and my heart is ...." I can't remember any more of that old song, but that's definitely how I'm feeling right now. After work, Chris took me to Red Lobster. I never cared much for seafood, but I loved being there with Chris. The evening was great—from the moment I got into the Celica's passenger seat to the time Chris walked me to the front door of my parents' house. My only disappointment was that he didn't try to kiss me goodnight or ask to see me again. But, just like my diet, my relationship with Chris Holden is slowly progressing.
Monday, October 7—I'm no longer the newest employee at Whitney and Grimes. A new secretary started in the accounting department today. Lucky her! Her desk is upstairs, directly across the hall from Chris.
Tuesday, October 8—I met the new girl whose name is Vicki Gilbert, and she's not just pretty, she's downright beautiful! She's about a hundred and ten pounds and has strawberry blond hair and green eyes. She wasn't wearing a wedding or engagement ring, but I'd be willing to bet she's not available. Not with her looks.
Friday, October 11—Tess suggested that the girls in word processing take Vicki out to lunch. When we did, we discovered that not only is she stunning looking, but she's also a sweet, likable person. It's hard to believe that she doesn't have a boyfriend at the moment. I'm sure that won't last long!
Saturday, October 19—I know I've been neglecting my diary, but I've been keeping busy, and I'd much rather live my life than merely write about it! I'm becoming good friends with Vicki. She, Marina and I went to the Jaycee's haunted house and had a ball! Katy was there, too, but she came with her boyfriend. I would love to get Chris in that dark, creepy old house!
Sunday, October 20—Vicki and I went to the outlets today. I was so happy! I actually fit into a size twelve now; it won't be much longer until I take a ten. Who knows? Maybe someday I'll fit into a four like Vicki does.
Tuesday, October 22—Vicki invited me to a Halloween party at her parents' house in Newburyport. She said she'd like me to meet her family. I haven't told her yet how I feel about Chris. In fact, I haven't told anyone. Maybe I should. Perhaps if I told a few people, they would put in a good word for me. It might speed things up considerably.
Sunday, October 27—I went to Vicki's Halloween party last night. I had no idea she was trying to fix me up with her brother. Like that's going to happen. (What a jerk he is!) I guess Vicki got all the brains and good looks in that family. I wasn't too unhappy, however, because when I got to her parents' house I learned that Chris had also been invited. During the evening, we had our first dance together, to the song "Black Magic Woman" by Santana. Not a very romantic song, but the dance left my head spinning.
Wednesday, November 13—It has been really cold out lately. We even had a few snow flurries last night. Everyone is talking about a hard winter ahead. Who cares? When I feel chilly, I pull my sweater around me and imagine sitting in front of a fireplace with Chris in our saltbox in Cape Cod. He still hasn't asked me out yet, but I know he will eventually. I had lunch with him again on Monday. Vicki and I were eating in the lunchroom, and he came in and joined us. Too bad Vicki didn't take the hint and leave the two of us alone.
Saturday, November 23—New England had its first snowstorm, and it's not even Thanksgiving yet. Chris said he's glad to see the snow since he loves to go skiing. I've never had the nerve to try it myself, and I don't normally like to go outside in the cold, but I suppose I might attempt it if Chris were to ask me to go.
Wednesday, November 27—Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Just what I need: a holiday where people sit around a table all day and eat. I've lost eighteen pounds so far, and my size twelve clothes are beginning to feel a little loose. I wonder if Chris has noticed the change.
Monday, December 2—Back to work. The holiday was a waste—I stuffed myself and then fell asleep on the couch watching A Christmas Story. Tons of calories and no exercise!
Tuesday, December 3—The company announced that its annual Christmas party will be held at the Essex Country Club. Wow! I've never been to such a formal affair. I can't wait to go shopping for a dress. Katy is going to the party with her boyfriend, Tess will be with Jarret and even Marina has a date. Oh, Chris, please ask me!
Saturday, December 7—The Christmas party is only a week away, and Chris hasn't mentioned it yet. Vicki thought it would be nice if I went with her brother. Yuk! Why doesn't she give up already?
Sunday, December 8—I went to the mall and bought a gorgeous dress for the company party. It's red velvet and very sexy. Watch out, Chris, here I come!
Saturday, December 14—What a ghastly, horrible day! The office closed at noon yesterday to give the employees the opportunity to go home and get ready for the party. I had my nails done at the salon, my Aunt Paulette styled my hair and I spent over an hour putting on my makeup. When I left my house I felt like Cinderella, but when I got to the ball my coach quickly turned back into a pumpkin. No sooner did I get out of my car than the Celica pulled into the parking lot and Chris and Vicki got out. Suddenly I felt like one of Cinderella's ugly stepsisters. Vicki looked like a supermodel and I like an awkward schoolgirl going to the prom in a Walmart dress. I wanted to get back into my car and drive home, but Vicki saw me and invited me to sit with her and Chris. I told her I was going to sit with the other girls in the word processing center, but when we got inside, I discovered their table was already full. Tess waved to me and smiled. I felt betrayed. Why hadn't she saved a place at the table for me? I can't write about this anymore tonight; it's too upsetting.
Sunday, December 15—Guess I'll continue my tale of woe. I wound up sitting next to Vicki, who was basking in the light of Chris's attention. The two of them danced every dance together, except for the one Chris shared with me. I guess that was his charitable deed for the holiday! I had been looking forward to the party for weeks, and it proved to be the worst night of my life. Chris and Vicki seemed perfect for each other. I must have been crazy to think he'd go out with someone like me.
Friday, December 20—Since seeing Chris and Vicki together at the party, I feel like Ebenezer Scrooge: Bah! Humbug! I avoid them both at work. Now I'm glad they work upstairs. Let them stay there!
Saturday, December 21—Just when I was beginning to get a little Christmas cheer—Whoops! There goes my rollercoaster down the next steep hill. My mother and I went to the mall. The decorations and the carols put me in a fair mood—not happy, but I didn't want to slit my wrists either. Then I saw Vicki and Chris walking arm in arm out of the movie theater. I quickly lost myself in the crowd. I didn't want them to see my tears.
Monday, December 23—I called in sick today, claiming to have a bad sore throat and a fever. Since Christmas falls on a Wednesday, we'll get Thursday and Friday off as well. I've decided my fake illness will carry me through Wednesday. When I go back to work on December 30 perhaps I'll have Chris out of my system.
Tuesday, December 24—It's Christmas Eve, and I feel like shit. There's nothing wrong with my throat, but my heart is aching. The phone has been ringing all day. First, Tess called. Then it was Katy, then Marina and finally Vicki. She was the last person I wanted to talk to! They all wanted to wish me a Merry Christmas and say they hoped I'd soon be feeling better. I wish I could take two aspirins and get rid of my feelings for Chris.
Wednesday, December 25—Merry f--king Christmas!
Thursday, December 26—Vicki phoned me again. She told me that she and Chris were planning a ski trip, and she wanted to know if I would like to go along. "My brother will be going, too," she said. Oh, great! She takes the man I love and wants to toss her dorky brother at me for consolation. No thanks!
Monday, December 30—I went back to work today and found Christmas presents on my desk. Tess bought me perfume, Katy bought me a pair of earrings, Marina got me perfumed bath bombs and Vicki gave me a CD. The biggest surprise was a box of Godiva chocolates from Chris. I wanted to cry. How often I'd imagined getting flowers or candy from him. I opened the card. "Thanks again for typing my school paper. Chris" No comment!
Tuesday, December 31—This is the last day of the year. There are still plenty of pages in this journal, so I won't need to buy another one yet. I reread my first entry, and I've decided to put my past behind me. Chris Holden is not the only man in the world. I'll take my Aunt Paulette's words to heart: tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life!
Wednesday, January 1—I had planned on going back on my diet today. (I ate like a pig during the holidays, including devouring the entire box of Godiva chocolates.) But my mother made a delicious pot roast with mashed potatoes and gravy. How could I pass that up? Not to mention the chocolate cream pie! Okay, so I'll postpone the first day of the rest of my life one more day.
Thursday, January 2—No work again today. Another six inches of snow. I tried to diet, but I got into the potato chips left over from New Year's Eve.
Saturday, January 4—I can't seem to stop eating. After downing an entire pizza myself, I put my fingers in my mouth and made myself throw it back up. Gross! I will not do that again!
Sunday, January 5—Tomorrow is the first Monday of the new year, and I will begin putting my New Year's resolutions into effect: I will forget about Chris, and I will go back on my diet and stick to it faithfully.
Monday, January 6—When I went back to work this morning, the first thing I did was move my desk again so I wouldn't have to see the Celica in the parking lot. Tess keeps giving me funny looks. I wonder what her problem is.
Tuesday, January 7—Tess asked to speak to me privately. She told me my work has been slipping, and she wanted to know if something was wrong. I told her everything was fine. She said maybe it was just the holidays. Then she suggested I be more careful in the future. She's got her nerve! Doesn't she think Marina and Katy ever make any mistakes?
Saturday, January 11—It's funny how girlfriends turn their backs on you when they get boyfriends. Katy and Marina went on a double date to the movies, and they didn't bother to ask me. All of a sudden I've become the third wheel, or in this case the fifth wheel.
Friday, January 17—Thank God it's Friday! Work sucks. Katy and Marina think they're hot shit because they've got boyfriends. Big deal! Vicki and Chris now eat their lunch together every day. Tess was on my back again today, saying I made too many mistakes on the contracts I typed. If she doesn't like my work, why doesn't she get off her lazy ass and do it herself?
Wednesday, January 22—I decided to start looking for another job.
Friday, January 24—I'm not speaking to Katy anymore. She made another one of her stupid, thoughtless remarks about eating. She claimed she didn't "live to eat" but rather "ate to live." I hope she chokes on her salad.
Tuesday, January 28—Katy tried to talk to me, but I ignored her. Maybe she'll go crying to Tess. That witch is sure to take her side. She always did favor Katy and Marina over me.
Friday, January 31—I got on the scale today and saw that I gained six pounds. I have to stick to my diet. The new clothes I bought with my Christmas money no longer fit.
Thursday, February 6—I've been looking through the classified ads every day but haven't seen any decent job openings. My father said it's not easy to get a job at this time of the year. It's hard to stay on a diet, too, when you're snowed in. I wish it were summer and I could go bike riding or take a walk. I just don't get enough exercise during the winter.
Monday, February 17—I hate my job. If I don't find something else soon, I'll just quit. Today was pure hell! I had to listen to Tess, Katy and Marina talk about Valentine's Day. I had to suffer through the descriptions of the diamond necklace Tess's husband had given her and hear Katy's evening at the theater and Marina's romantic candlelit dinner. The worst was when Marina told Katy that Chris took Vicki skiing for the weekend. How can I keep my mind off Vicki and Chris in front of a cozy fire in Vermont while my dreams of a saltbox in Cape Cod melt away like spring snow?
Friday, February 28—I don't believe it! Tess told me if my work didn't improve soon that she would have to let me go. The nerve of her, threatening to fire me! I'll show her. If I don't find another job by the end of March, I'll quit. I'd quit right now, but WGE is expecting a big project during the first week of April. If I quit then, they'll be shorthanded, and Tess will either have to train someone right away or else actually do some of the work herself. I'd love to get a picture of that!
Friday, March 21—Today my emotional rollercoaster car went right off its track! First, I got on the scale and saw that I'd gained more weight! I now weigh more than I did on graduation day. Those months of dieting and exercise had all been for nothing! Next, Vicki came down to the word processing center to show us her engagement ring. I was able to choke out the word congratulations, but I really wanted to tell her to shove the ring up her perfectly shaped ass. Finally, shortly before five, Tess gave me an envelope that contained a pink slip and my severance pay. I had been practicing what I was going to say to her when I quit, and now I was fired. As I walked out the door, Tess tearfully said, "I'm really sorry about this." Sorry? Just wait! She doesn't know how sorry she's going to be.
Sunday, March 30—I'm so tired. Last night I told my parents I was going out with friends. What I did was pay a call on a few ex-friends. While Tess and her husband were out, I threw a few rocks at some of their windows and then smashed their lawn ornaments. Then I went over to Chris's house, slashed his tires and poured a can of purple paint over his silver Celica. Finally, I went home and got my father's shotgun out of the back of the hall closet. I wanted to go to Vicki's house and wait outside for her. Nothing would have given me greater pleasure than to blow her brains out. However, I didn't know how to work the gun. Stupid me! I couldn't figure out how to release the safety.
Monday, March 31—I finally figured out how to release the safety on my father's shotgun. I also checked to make sure it was loaded. It is. I hope Tess and Chris are sorry for what they've done to me. I only regret I couldn't make Vicki pay for all that she stole from me. I will now end my journal as I began it by repeating my Aunt Paulette's old adage: today is the first day of the rest of my life. And, for me, it is also the last.
Salem's "Diary of a Mad Black Cat" made it to the top of the Bestseller List.
