Pardon Me
Since its first appearance in the 1940s, television has grown substantially in popularity. Today, most American families have at least one TV set and sometimes two or more depending upon the size and income of the household. Initially, viewing audiences could enjoy such diverse programs as sporting events, game shows, dramas, sitcoms, soap operas, talk shows and full-length motion pictures—first in black-and-white and then in full color.
The advent of cable television (and later streaming and on-demand channels) resulted in a much wider variety of programming and full-length movies that were uncut and commercial-free, and many viewers eventually grew bored with network television programming.
The dawn of the new millennium brought with it the birth of a new form of entertainment, ironically called reality TV, a name that to many people was an oxymoron. Real people—not actors—were placed in unusual circumstances, and we, the viewing audience, could play the role of voyeur. Sometimes we were invited into the homes of celebrities such as Victoria Gotti, Ozzy Osbourne, Gene Simmons and Hulk Hogan and were expected to believe that the behavior those people exhibited was not influenced by the camera crews that followed them from room to room. Even more popular were those reality shows that were interactive. Viewers loved competitions like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars because they could help determine the outcome of the contest. Also riding the wave of reality TV popularity were such programs as Survivor, The Bachelor, Wife Swap and Fear Factor.
As the networks tried to outdo one another with wilder and wackier scenarios, discriminating viewers began to wonder just how bizarre and tasteless reality TV would become. They got their answer when Clayton Dunning, the self-proclaimed king of reality TV, announced his newest program Pardon Me, which capitalized on America's fascination with Court TV, Law & Order and CSI. The premise of Pardon Me was simple and unique: ten convicted murderers sentenced to life without parole would vie for their freedom. Each week one contestant would be eliminated, and at the end of the series, the remaining contestant would be given a full pardon.
To make the show even more irresistible to potential viewers, the contestants agreed that if they were voted off, they would not return to prison but instead would be executed for their crimes. This presented a major problem for the producers since not all states had the death penalty. Quite a few strings were pulled to transfer prisoners from Massachusetts, Michigan, West Virginia and Rhode Island to Florida and Texas where capital punishment is not only legal but in active use.
Once the logistics and legalities were worked out, it was up to Dunning to make his show a hit.
* * *
"We need to come up with ten murderers for our first season," Clayton told his staff. "And I don't want them all to be carbon copies of each other. I want a racial mix, at least one woman, a variety of motives and, most importantly, at least one young, good-looking white male to attract the Caucasian female adolescent audience."
Three weeks later Clayton's assistant producer presented her boss with two dozen possible candidates. After the producer made the final selection, the ten prisoners were transported to Hollywood under heavy guard. Since the contestants were not guilty of a Martha Stewart-type, victim-free crime, they were kept under lock and key at all times except while on the "maximum security" set created specifically for the show by The Brink's Company.
Pardon Me premiered on the third Tuesday in June, just one week after a new American Idol was named. The millions of viewers who had faithfully tuned in to watch Simon, Randy, Paula and Ryan and an ever-dwindling number of hopeful young singers for the past fifteen weeks were now left with finding something else to watch in that time slot. A good number of them chose to watch Clayton Dunning's new reality show.
The first episode of Pardon Me was two hours long. The host, a former recurring cast member of General Hospital and a one-time contestant on The Bachelorette, introduced the show's "judges" to America: a high-profile defense attorney who had gotten several celebrities acquitted of major crimes, including first-degree murder; a nationally known prosecutor whose name and face were well known to those who watched Court TV; and a true crime author from Britain who had all the acerbity of Simon Cowell.
"The stakes are high," the charismatic host stressed before introducing the cast of murderers. "Nine people will be executed, and only one lucky contestant will walk out of here a free man or woman. In addition to a full pardon, the winner of Pardon Me will be given a hundred thousand dollars and a new Ford Focus."
During the first episode, each of the contestants was introduced to the TV audience, and the details of the crimes were briefly stated. After the competitors were presented, the judges commented on whether they believed the contestant was innocent or guilty of the charges against him. In nearly every case, the defense attorney felt that either the person was innocent or that he should have been given a lighter sentence for his crime. The prosecutor, on the other hand, invariably believed the person was guilty and that the maximum penalty was justified. The true crime writer was content to sit back and make sarcastic comments about everyone involved, including his fellow judges.
When the show came to an end, the phone lines were opened, and viewers began voting for the contestant they felt most deserved to be set free. The audience response was tremendous. Ironically, more votes were cast in the wake of the program's first episode than were cast in the previous presidential election.
The following day the results were announced to a live audience. Julio Escobar, a drug dealer who had killed two undercover narcotics officers during a drug bust, received the fewest number of votes. In his farewell speech, Julio defiantly blamed the voting audience for his fate. Most of his words had to be beeped out by the censors although most people could read the killer's lips as he spewed forth his string of four-letter invectives. At the end of the half-hour episode, he was taken away in chains and put on a plane to Texas, in the company of two federal marshals.
* * *
Clayton Dunning read the Nielsen ratings and immediately asked his assistant to make reservations at one of the most expensive restaurants in L.A. to celebrate the show's success. The first episode of Pardon Me was a hit.
In the second episode, the nine contestants appeared with agents from the FBI's Behavioral Sciences Unit, and the audience was given each killer's psychological profile. During the reading of these reports, several of the contestants became quite angry and had to be restrained.
The judges were again split, with the defense attorney disagreeing with the profiles and the prosecutor wholeheartedly concurring with them. The writer from Britain, who behaved as though he had consumed one too many cocktails in his dressing room before the start of the show, added his sarcastic comments that offended not only the contestants but also several of the profilers.
As with the previous week, when the show ended, the TV audience went to their phones, and the votes poured in. The cell phone junkies used text messages to cast their votes, and the computer geeks voted online. The response was even higher than the previous week.
The following night twenty-seven-year-old Vincent James, an abusive husband who had beaten his pregnant wife to death, was voted off. Sullen and moody after the announcement, Vincent refused to speak to the audience and was taken away in silence by his guards, as a group of women outside the studio cheered and shouted their approval.
* * *
Word spread and the show gained even more viewers the following week. Internet users began frequenting pardonmeonline.com where they could view prerecorded interviews with the contestants, see crime scene photographs and talk with other fans of the show on the message boards. By the time the next Tuesday night episode aired, Pardon Me had become the latest reality TV phenomenon.
On the third show, the eight contestants had to tell the audience of their prior criminal records. In several cases, the contestants had led law-abiding lives before committing murder, but more often than not, they had a long history of violent behavior.
After the usual banter with the judges at the end of the show, the voting commenced. The following night America said goodbye to Hiram Parks, a terrorist and member of a fundamentalist religious group that planted a bomb in a commuter train. The resulting explosion killed thirteen people and injured fifty-seven. In his farewell address, an angry Parks urged like-minded fanatics to continue the struggle after he was gone. The speech, naturally, was heavily edited since the sponsor, a popular sneaker company, had no wish to promote terrorism.
* * *
By the time the fourth episode aired, Pardon Me merchandise became available on the official website and unauthorized merchandise started appearing on eBay and at flea markets across the country. Teenagers began wearing tee shirts bearing the photographs of their favorite contestants. Most school districts understandably instituted policies forbidding such apparel on school property, and students were sent home if they dared wear the shirts to school.
In episode four, the contestants' friends and relatives spoke on their behalf, appealing to America for mercy—a mercy that the contestants had not shown their victims. The results of the voting sent Caesar Martino, a career criminal and mafia hitman, to a long-awaited justice.
Many viewers wondered why Don Driscoll, a serial rapist and killer, had consistently managed to stay out of the bottom three vote-getters. This was due, many cynics felt, to the fact that Don had the boyish good looks of Leonardo DiCaprio, which appealed to teenage girls who were among the show's most frequent voters.
* * *
During the fifth episode, the audience was shown segments outlining the childhood of each of the six remaining contestants. Surprisingly, just two of the six had come from dysfunctional families. Only one, Don Driscoll, the good-looking serial rapist and killer, had been abused. (Incidentally, this mistreatment endeared Don even more to his growing fan base.) The majority of the contestants came from good homes and had not been deprived of either love or material possessions.
The two female competitors were both high school graduates, and one had gone on to college. Only one of the men was well-educated, however. Unfortunately, Dr. Clifton Gannon did not let either his education or his Hippocratic Oath deter him in his misguided course. He became the director of a nursing home where, on more than one occasion, he euthanized an elderly patient, not out of mercy but out of greed.
To no one's surprise, few Americans felt sympathy for Dr. Death, and his vote count suffered.
* * *
Episode six marked the halfway point in the series. Five contestants had been voted off and were sitting on Death Row, awaiting execution. It was agreed by all parties involved that the executions would take place after the series concluded. No one wanted to risk having a bunch of bleeding-heart liberals running around stirring up anti-capital punishment sympathies.
There were still five contestants, four of whom would eventually join those already voted off on Death Row. Not surprisingly, both women were still in the running for the pardon since historically women have often received leniency for their crimes because of their sex.
One by one, the five remaining contestants addressed the audience, telling what they planned to do with their second chance should they be set free. Naturally, all promised they would get jobs and lead respectable, law-abiding lives. Whether or not any of them was capable of turning over a new leaf was up to the TV audience to decide. The show came to an end, the phone lines were turned on and the audience voted.
Once again, the serial rapist and killer placed high on the voters' list of favorites. For another week, at least, he was spared the death sentence. This week it went to a nineteen-year-old man from Pennsylvania who killed his ex-girlfriend and infant daughter to avoid paying child support.
* * *
Four contestants were left. There were two men and two women hoping to get enough votes from the television audience to win the pardon, the money and the new Ford Focus.
In episode seven, the contestants had to face the loved ones of the victims of their crimes. It was the most emotionally charged episode to date, and even the caustic British true crime writer was moved to tears at one point.
Three of the four contestants killed a total of four people between them, but the good-looking serial rapist and killer had more than half a dozen victims to his credit. He smugly faced the parents, boyfriends and siblings of the young women whose lives he had mercilessly and brutally taken. Like a true psychopath, Don Driscoll showed no remorse. Yet while he lost a considerable number of votes, he still managed to get more than "Bubba" Malden, a homophobe who—along with his redneck buddy—had viciously beaten an innocent young man to death simply because he was gay.
* * *
Two women and one man eagerly awaited the taping of Tuesday night's show. Their odds were improving; they each had a one-in-three chance of being named the winner of the competition. The two women both believed they would come back as finalists the following week and compete for the grand prize.
During episode eight, however, the producers presented reenactments of the crimes, although in the case of the serial rapist and killer, only one of his several crimes was presented. That one reenactment was enough to show what a brutal, sadistic killer he was. Ironically, Don Driscoll was spared once again. His detractors claimed it was his boyish good looks that continued to induce millions of teenage girls to vote for him, but more likely it was the reenactment of one of the female contestants heartlessly strapping her two toddlers in the back seat of her car and watching the vehicle slowly sink into a lake that saved his skin for another week. Such a heart-rending sight surely prevented even the most sympathetic audience members from voting for a woman who drowned her own children so that she could be free to pursue a new life with her boyfriend.
* * *
The final week of competition arrived, the last show before the winner was to be announced. There were several guest stars including Court TV's Nancy Grace and Catherine Crier, famed attorneys Alan Dershowitz and Gloria Allred and TV personality Judge Judy.
The ninth episode, which was expanded to two hours, recapped the prior eight episodes featuring the two remaining contestants: the good-looking psychopath who had raped and murdered more than half a dozen women and the wealthy, middle-aged businesswoman who deliberately ran over her cheating husband with her Lexus SC430 convertible.
Law enforcement officers and victims' rights groups across the country urged viewers not to set a deranged killer loose to prey on more innocent young women.
"Isn't a woman whose only victim was her philandering husband less of a menace to society?" they argued.
After the finale concluded, the phone lines rang nonstop, the text messages kept coming and online voting topped that of all the previous weeks. While many of Don Driscoll's young fans hung in with him until the bitter end, America agreed that the wife who had run over her husband with a Lexus was by far the lesser of two evils.
The following night, on the last show of the series, Mariana Strauss was declared the winner. Don Driscoll was taken away to await execution, much to the dismay of thousands of American girls.
The governor of Massachusetts himself was there to present Mariana with her pardon, and the two guards who had followed her every move for the past ten weeks dramatically removed the handcuffs and leg irons. The host then gave her the keys to her new Ford Focus, at which point the British writer boorishly suggested Mariana not use it to run over her next husband.
* * *
In the month that followed the highly successful conclusion of the series, the nine losing contestants were quietly executed. Those from states where capital punishment was legal were sent home to die. The rest were given their final farewell courtesy of the state of Texas. Despite the producer's early fears that the executions would create a storm of protest, little was said about the deaths, either on TV or in print. The prevailing opinion seemed to be that all ten contenders had been given a fair chance of winning a pardon. If they did not earn the support of the TV audience, then their death was their own fault. Even the teenage girls were not too upset with the death of their favorite heartthrob, Don Driscoll, the serial rapist and killer. They were much more interested in learning who would compete in the next season of Pardon Me.
* * *
Mariana Strauss, once again a free woman, faced a life far better than the one she had shared with her husband. During the weeks of the competition, she had become a celebrity. After receiving her pardon, she appeared on The View, The Tonight Show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Larry King Live, Regis and Kelly and The Oprah Winfrey Show. Thanks partly to a new wardrobe and a trip to Elizabeth Arden, where she received a complete makeover courtesy of Bravo TV, Mariana became a media darling. Also, having killed her husband who had abandoned her after becoming infatuated with a younger woman, she became an inspiration for feminists around the world.
The money she was paid to make guest appearances allowed Mariana to live a life most people would envy. She bought a house in Brentwood and a new Jaguar. The Ford Focus was left in the garage, a sentimental reminder of her victory on Pardon Me.
"When I discovered my husband was in love with another woman," she told the caustic British author who was writing the "true" story of her crime, "I thought my life was over. I felt I had nothing left to live for. I was desperate, so I ran him over."
"Excuse me," the Brit interrupted. "You told the court it was an accident, that you never had any intentions of harming your husband."
Mariana smiled and looked at her diamond Rolex.
"Oh, I hadn't realized how late it was. You'll have to come back tomorrow. I have a date tonight, and I need to get to the beauty parlor."
"A date?"
"Yes, I met an attractive and wealthy banker who's interested in getting to know me better."
"Good for you," the author said, secretly hoping the banker knew the danger he was getting himself into.
While the writer gathered his papers and put them into his briefcase, Mariana grabbed her Gucci leather jacket and Louis Vuitton handbag. Then the two of them walked out the door together. The writer got behind the wheel of his Mercedes as the pardoned killer opened the double garage door. Suddenly, the Ford Focus lurched backward, and Mariana was knocked down. The writer turned his car off and ran to help the fallen woman. As the Focus reversed direction, went forward and ran over Mariana again, the writer heard the sickening crunch of breaking bones. There was nothing he could do to help. Mariana Strauss was dead beneath the wheels of her car.
"It must be true," the writer said, looking down at the dead body with little sympathy, "what goes around comes around."
* * *
Clayton Dunning was going over the list of potential contestants for the second season of Pardon Me when he heard the news of Mariana Strauss's death. Most people thought it was tragic that she had beaten the odds and won her freedom, only to die a senseless death in a freak accident once her life had improved. Clayton did not agree.
On the wall behind the producer was a framed saying by English jurist William Blackstone, which read, "Better that ten guilty persons escape than that one innocent suffer."
The producer did not share Blackstone's opinion. Ever since his sister had been brutally murdered as a young child, Clayton believed that all guilty persons should suffer, that not one should be set free or kept alive at the taxpayers' expense.
Along with the faithful viewers of Pardon Me and a specially rigged Ford Focus, Clayton Dunning had sent ten murderers to their deaths; moreover, he would do his best to see that many more would suffer the same fate in the future.
Salem tried out for American Idol once. The judges (even Simon) adored him, but he wasn't allowed to compete because of his age.
