Jury of His Peers
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have been asked to say a few brief words about the dearly departed, Daniel Francis Murray, Esquire, the world-renowned attorney from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I have no doubt that you are all familiar with his much-publicized name. You have seen his face in the newspapers, on the covers of news magazines and on television. But how many of you can say that you really know Danny Murray?
"From his humble beginnings as one of seven children of a second-generation Irish Boston police officer, Danny managed to rise to the highest echelon of the city's legal profession. With the benefit of a Harvard education—and as to how he got the tuition money to attend such a prestigious institution, I'm afraid that is a story in itself—this modern-day Clarence Darrow became the most successful and highest-paid defense attorney in our country's history. His cases, several of which have become the subject of bestselling true crime books and top-grossing motion pictures, will be studied at law schools for years to come and will be a source of great inspiration to future generations of defense lawyers who hope to follow in Danny's footsteps.
"I hazard to guess, however, that few of those young law students and aspiring attorneys can ever hope to achieve the phenomenal success of the deceased. Only Danny Murray could have gotten a verdict of not guilty for the former professional basketball superstar who in a jealous rage brutally butchered his ex-wife and her boyfriend. After all, everyone connected with the case knew that Billy J. Sanders was guilty. The forensic evidence proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that he was the killer. The victims' blood was found on Sanders' clothing, in his car, in his driveway and even inside his home, miles from the crime scene. Danny himself knew the man was a cold-blooded murderer, but that knowledge did not stop him from using his Irish charm to convince the jury that all the evidence was planted. And, as usual, it worked. B.J. Sanders was acquitted of all charges.
"Yes, that undeniable charm of his was Danny's true gift. He could melt the hearts of female jurors, young and old alike, with his rakish good looks, and at the same time ingratiate himself with male jurors by sharing humorous anecdotes of his childhood as a poor Irish lad growing up in South Boston. His charisma and working-class background made jurors accept him as one of their own.
"People were so impressed by his carefully cultivated I'm-a-common-man-just-like-you image that they failed to take into consideration that Danny Murray was averaging over twenty-five million dollars a year in legal fees alone (not to mention the excessive price he charged for appearing as a legal commentator on true-crime television shows) and had long since graduated from the ranks of the humble, low-earning working class and had little sympathy for those who were still prisoners of it.
"Oh, Danny boy! He was a charmer, all right! If he had not studied law, he would most likely have gone into acting and been just as much of a success in that field. In fact, Danny once told Robert DeNiro, who portrayed him in the film The Hung Jury, 'A successful lawyer is nothing more than an actor turned inside out.'
"Danny definitely had a way with words, didn't he? Even as a boy, he found it easy to sweet-talk himself out of trouble with both his parents and teachers alike. As a teenager, he often avoided punishment for his youthful misdemeanors by confounding local law enforcement officers with his grandiose excuses and creative alibis. And as for his college days—well! I'm amazed Master Daniel was never expelled for cheating on his exams or for the wild parties he and his fraternity brothers threw: dissolute celebrations that would no doubt have shocked Caligula! Hyperbole aside, though, let us suffice it to say that Danny sewed many a wild oat in the ivy-covered hallowed halls of learning that was his alma mater.
"Getting back to his outstanding legal career, our esteemed Mr. Murray certainly had more than his fair share of high-profile cases. The one I remember most was his skillful defense of Arthur Wallace, the middle school football coach from Marblehead who sexually molested, tortured and then decapitated seventeen young men from the Essex County area. That case had all the markings of a defense attorney's nightmare, and to a less talented lawyer, it would have been a losing proposition. Coach Wallace was found by the police with the murder weapon in his hand, still stained with the blood of his last three victims. The headless bodies of all seventeen boys were found buried on Wallace's property, and the heads themselves were proudly displayed on a bedroom shelf next to Wallace's sports trophies.
"Yet despite the state prosecutor's apparently open-and-shut case, which even included a signed confession, Danny Murray got the murderous football coach off on a legal technicality based on a typographical error in the search warrant. Arthur Wallace, whose exorbitant legal fees were paid by his grateful mother, a wealthy Back Bay heiress, walked out of the courtroom a free man with a smile on his face.
"I'm sure you all recall what happened next. Two months after he was set free, Arthur Wallace was up to his old tricks again. He kidnapped, molested and murdered another young boy. This time, however, Danny's legal expertise was not needed. The twelve-year-old victim's grieving father took matters into his own hands and ended the killing spree of the monster coach with a double-barreled shotgun. Of course, the father is now serving a thirty-year sentence in state prison. Too bad the poor man could not afford to hire Danny to defend him.
"From that time on, most people upon meeting Danny Murray inevitably asked him the same question: 'How could you defend a murderer and set him free to kill again?'
"On such occasions, Danny usually gave the pat answer used by many defense councilors to salve their guilty conscience—if indeed they have any: 'The United States Constitution guarantees everyone the right to a defense.' The fact that Mr. Murray only defended those who could afford to pay his legal fees was never mentioned.
"Nevertheless, to his fellow attorneys, Danny was more honest, often admitting to them, 'A successful lawyer is nothing more than a prostitute turned inside out.'
"Of course, not all Danny's clients were cold-blooded, sadistic murderers. He also defended quite a few drug lords, Mafia kingpins, crooked politicians, embezzling bankers and various other high-profile, white-collar criminals. Frankly, Danny preferred these clients to the more quick-tempered, infamous ones like Arthur Wallace and B.J. Sanders. In financially motivated, nonviolent crimes where the perpetrators are often cloaked with respectability and high social status, there was a sense of camaraderie between lawyer and client. The two would sometimes meet for drinks and discuss investments, politics, sports and women. Indeed, one of Danny's best friends was a man he once defended for mail fraud. It was to him that Danny confided, 'A successful lawyer is nothing more than a con man turned inside out.'
"Ladies and gentlemen, Daniel Francis Murray dedicated his entire adult life to the law. He never took the time to marry and raise a family—not that there weren't any women in Danny's life, mind you. There were quite a few, to be sure. Old Danny boy had a weakness for pretty, young girls. He just never wanted to marry any of them, even though he had gotten several of them pregnant. And given his extraordinary ability in a courtroom managed to avoid paternity suits and child support payments.
"One of those sweet young ladies, embittered by her ill-treatment at his hands, was known to paraphrase one of Danny's quotes by claiming, 'A successful lawyer is nothing more than a bastard turned inside out.'
"What more can I say about the late Danny Murray? During his long and illustrious career, he appeared on the front covers of Time, Newsweek and People magazines. He was interviewed on 20/20 and Larry King Live as well as on many national network, cable and local Boston news programs. It seems Danny loved the limelight almost as much as he loved the wealth and prestige that accompanied his successful career.
"But alas, those glory days are over. And now as he stands here before you today, it is his turn to be judged. I have laid out the truth of Daniel Francis Murray's life before you, a jury of his peers. Now it is up to you twelve men and women to judge if he has violated the laws of justice and humanity, laws that in the final analysis must take precedence over the self-serving laws of man. You alone will decide if Danny enters the golden gates of heaven or descends to the fiery pit of hell.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, how say you: guilty or innocent?"
* * *
One by one the members of the jury rose from their seats: Cain, Lucretia Borgia, Richard III, John Wilkes Booth, Jack the Ripper, Lizzie Borden, Baby Face Nelson, Ma Barker, Al Capone, Adolf Hitler, Charlie Starkweather and Ted Bundy. Twelve men and women, whose names have gone down in history for their evildoings, pronounced judgment on Daniel Francis Murray. Their verdict was a unanimous one: guilty.
"You dare to call those men and women a jury of my peers?" Danny screamed indignantly when he heard John Wilkes Booth, former thespian and assassin of President Abraham Lincoln, announce the verdict.
Saint Peter smiled down at the deceased defense attorney and said, "Sorry, Danny, but in our considered opinion, a lawyer like you is nothing more than a murderer turned inside out!"
I've heard of the Chewbacca defense and the Twinkie defense, but the Godiva chocolate defense? Really, Salem?
