Everybody's Free (to Use Vaseline) (as submitted by *Hot Carl* of LQ Calgary)

Sung to the tune of "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) by Baz Luhrmann"

Ladies and gentlemen of the NAC of '99....Use Vaseline. If I could offer you one tip for the future, vaseline would be it. The long term benefits of vaseline have been proved by Fullerton, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

Enjoy the power and beauty of a god pack. Never mind, you will not understand the power and beauty of a god pack until the games over. But trust me, you'll look back at the score of the game and recall in way you can't grasp now what possibility lay before you and how fabulous the pack really played.

You don't suck as bad as you imagine.

Don't worry about the finals, or worry knowing that worrying is as effective as trying to beat Red Sushi by outrunning him. The real troubles in your game are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind...the kind that blindside you at 7pm during a the first night of regionals.

Do one thing every game that scares you.

V.

Don't be reckless with other peoples packs; don't let others be reckless with yours.

Job.

Don't waste your time on snipers. Sometimes your ahead, sometimes your behind. The race is 8 minutes and in the end, you'll finish ahead of those snipers.

Remember the props you recieve, forget the smack talk. If you succeed in doing this...tell me how.

Keep your good score cards, throw away your jobber ones.

Run.

Don't feel guilty if you enjoy playing a birthday party once in a while. The most amazing players I know, at one point, enjoyed birthday party games. Some of the most interesting players I know still do.

Get plenty of alcohol.

Be kind to your thumbs, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll drink beer, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll pound Tequila, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll pass out at 9:30, maybe you'll blow chunks on the morning of the finals.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your alcohol tolerance is half chance. So is everybody else's.

Enjoy a scrub. Use him every way you can. Don't be afraid of him, or what other people think of him. It's the greatest fun you will ever have.

Repeat the code of honour, even if you don't follow it.

Do not use pack 28, it will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your best members. You never know when they will leave for Phoenix.

Understand that LQ friendships come and go but a precious few you should hold on to.

Work hard to bridge the gaps between youth and LQ ability. The older you get, the more you will need the agility you had when you were young.

Live in Oshawa once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Regina once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths:
Packs will go down, marshals will miss calls, and you too will get better, and when you do, you'll fantasize about the days when you were a newbie, packs were equal, marshals were fair and other newbies respected the members.
Respect your members.

Don't expect anyone else to win for you. Maybe your team has a great player, maybe it has 2 or 3 of them..., but you never know when they will get a crap pack.

Don't mess to much with your maze or by the time its 5 it will look 85.

Be careful what strategy you take, but be patient with the one you choose. Strategy is a form of gameplan. Using it once is a way of showing others what you are doing, how you are doing it, then having them paint over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.
But trust me...on the vaseline.



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