Things these days are weird and strange
the trees are switching places
whatever’s making them want to change
and rearrange their special spaces
is making everything awry
The ground is blue, I see no rocks
a couple of stickmen came into town
not looking down and they stepped off the docks
and the clocks are hanging upside down
and the sun seems really shy
I spent the dollar that I’d been saving
when I heard the news about my friend
that he had paralyzed himself shaving
So, I’m waving both of my arms again
maybe I’ll be able to fly
There’s a game show on every channel
the school’s holding the students for ransom
no decisions were made by the judging panel
I’m wearing flannel and I actually feel handsome
but I imagine someday I’ll still die
I was washing the couch and was hit by a broom
which swept me off my tired feet
I rushed myself to the emergency room
to prevent my tomb from being filled before I got to meet
a college gal from Alpha Delta Pi
I was treated badly and soon released
I had a black eye and my nose was broken
the nurse was such a raving beast
but at least I understood every word spoken
and could see her with my left eye
The doctor sent me someone else’s bill
I picked up the phone to call and complain
he instructed me to take a pill
and he’ll call back when I’m insane
and he hung up before I could reply
Just a few moments after the call
a bird flew hard against my teeth
I guess that’s the problem, being so tall
and the fall my teeth took landed them underneath
the feet of a sleeping security guy
I left my teeth there and the bird flew away
I ran to the dentist who worked in this town
the dentist said it was the right time of day
because I would pay less than if the sun had gone down
and for that I’m glad it was still in the sky
It turned out things were worse than they looked
and I just hoped the pain would pass
but the pain was slightly overbooked
and though he hooked me up to laughing gas
it only made me want to cry
I was on stage in "Wizard of Oz"
and this I can be certain
now I don’t exactly know the cause
but there was applause as soon as we drew the curtain
I’ll never know what happened, but it helped me not be shy
I learned my family reunion was near
when I think back to previous ones we’ve had
I think I’ll go there with riot gear
anyway, I hear that that’s the latest fad
but then again people are known to lie
All of his life my uncle spent his days
looking for grandpa’s hidden money in the sands
he found it one day, went into a happy craze
in more ways than one he had the world in his hands
for he could finally get all the things he wanted to buy
My shoelaces broke on the way to check the mail
I noticed the road went around in a loop
it was never like that, I’m good with details
since I was in jail for putting some meat in my vegetable soup
which, if you ask me, is better than finding a fly
My neighbor’s setting his lawn on fire
his mower won’t start, it’s out of gas
my mailbox spit out things I don’t desire
which require payments extremely fast
and all I can do is sigh
Whatever’s going on in this crazy town
I’m gonna’ go home and start counting sheep
that is if there’s any around
and I’ll lay down and I’ll go to sleep
and give tomorrow another try
This is pretty much nonsense fun that I started writing. You might compare
it to such Bob Dylan songs like "Tombstone Blues," and "Desolation Row." I mean, this piece of crap doesn't measure up to the shadow of either of those
songs, but I just have to admit that they inspired this. Thus, I should just
state on my writings page that he has influened me greatly. Almost all of this
is basically drivel. The part about "setting the lawn on fire" came about
because our lawn mower was broken. Actually, we had 2 or 3 that were all
broken. They weren't just out of gas either.
Email: rwainio@nmu.edu