CMI Novel - written by Mike Harvat

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The Curse of Monkey Island---Part One


NOVEL ADAPTATION BY MIKE HARVAT

Deep in the Caribbean... Just a few miles slightly east of Monkey Island, the young pirate Guybrush Threepwood drifted farther and farther into the sea, trying to survive in the bumper car that he called his "ship". Guybrush was riding the bumper cars of Big Whoop, when the next thing he knew was he was hit by someone else's car and there he was, sitting in the middle of the ocean. His fight for survival was turning up on the wrong end. Captain's Log: Guybrush Threepwood. Lost at sea for days now. I have no crew or navigational instruments, no provisions except a half-eaten corn dog, and unless I find water soon, I'm surely done for.Only the hope of finding my love, Elaine, keeps me going. My quest for the fabulous treasure called "Big Whoop" has left me in this sorry state. I thought it would bring me fame and glory, but instead, it delivered me into the clutches of my enemy, the zombie-pirate LeChuck. I had thwarted his evil plot to marry Elaine, and he was after revenge. Guybrush looked around for any ships that might save him. No luck. He coughed and rubbed his throat while he wrote: Really thirsty now. If only I could have a small drink of fresh water, I might have the strength to sail on. Ohh, but I know there's nothing but ocean for miles and miles. Little did Guybrush know that floating right next to him was a bottle of spring water. If I could reach land, I might find water and some food. Fruit, maybe. Something to fight off the scurvy and help get my strength back. A giant basket of grapes, apples, and oranges floated right by. MMMMMM...........Maybe some bananas. A big crate of bananas went by. OOOOH, why do I torture myself like this? I might as wish for some chicken and a big mug o' grog, for all the good it will do me. "Cluck, cluck, cluck." Oh, my sweet Elaine, am I cursed to starve here on this ocean without seeing your face just one more time? Am I-- KABLOOEY! Guybrush's ship/boat floated into the harbor of a strange island, one filled with trees and small plants, and Guybrush could swear that he saw little chickens dotted here and there along the shore. But it wasn't the chickens that startled him, but the giant fort and the giant ship that were firing their cannons at one another. "FIRE!" a yell came from the ship. Guybrush looked up and almost screamed when he saw who yelled out the call. Yes. It was the man from the Undead who convinced Guybrush that he was his brother. Yes. It was the man who threw Guybrush out to sea when he stole the idol of many hands. Yes. It was the zombie pirate LECHUCK! A cannon fired at the fort, and men screamed as the cannonball crashed into the fort. Out of the smoke came Elaine, carrying a torch. She wore hoop earrings that went all the way down to her shoulders, a bandanna around here soft red hair, and her clothes were completely spotless. You wouldn't expect a woman of this caliber to be at battle with the Undead. "Elaine?" said Guybrush, in a dreamy state as he stared at her face. "How many times do I have to tell you LeChuck? I just don't feel that way about you!" Elaine cried out from the mist "By my congealed blood, you'll learn to love me. Sail with me and I'll make ya queen of the dead!" called LeChuck. Elaine pretended to be thinking it over, and said, "Uuuuuh...I can't. I'm washing my hair tonight." She looked at her canon, then at her torch, she lit the cannon and it hit the ship. "Blast be your hair, woman!" Yelled LeChuck. "Can't you see that this salty old sea corpse pines for your every gentle caress?" He closed his eyes and gave her the most cute look a dead person could. When he got no response he opened one eye, to see if she noticed. Nope. He looked down and fired his cannon. "You know, I don't really think my father would approve of me dating the Undead!" called Elaine as she fired a cannon. "Besides, you're probably too nice a zombie pirate for me anyway!" She fired another cannon. "Let's just be friends instead!" She emphasized that point with a shot from her biggest cannon. "DAAAAAARRRRGH!" Yelled LeChuck. "Let's just face it, LeChuck. Your an evil, foul smelling, vile, codependent villain, and that's just not what I'm looking for in a romantic relationship right now." "Darn ye riddles, ya saucy female! What do you mean?" LeChuck cried out. He threw his hands to the side and accidentally knocked the head off one of his skeleton crew members. "Aahh. Ooooh!" said the skull as he bounced around. "You're a bloodthirsty monster who's already kidnapped me once, tortured my friends, and taken from me the only man I ever loved. Guybrush Threepwood." Elaine let out a sigh at the thought of Guybrush. "Aaaaw, how romantic," said the skull. He glanced down a Guybrush three times before he realized what he saw. "Ship ahoy!" "Threepwood!" Yelled LeChuck. He picked up a cannon, aimed it at the bumper car, and hit it dead on. Guybrush went flying one way, and his writing log went another. "Fish him out!" A long gaff reached down and hooked on Guybrush. They lifted him up into the boat. "Guybrush?" said Elaine to herself. "Guybrush Threepwood, by my gangrenous gut, I don't know how you escaped my carnival of death, but you won't escape the taste of my blade!" screamed LeChuck. He raised his sword in the air, but just as he was going to take it down on Guybrush, a bullet hit it and sent the sword into the crow's nest. "DAAAAAAAARRRRGH!" There Elaine stood at the fort, and blew the smoke from the musket she was holding. "The lass has spirit, eh?" said LeChuck. "Throw him in the hold! I'll finish him after battle!" Four skeleton pirates literally tossed Guybrush into the hold. "Turn loose the longboats!" Cried LeChuck. "And prepare the evil... flaming...voodoo...cannonball!" Down in the hold, Guybrush found himself sitting next to a little pirate with what looked like a fake beard and hook, and he also was wearing an eye patch over a monocle. He stood up, and looked at the door that led to who knows where. "I've got to get out of here and help Elaine! If only I could get through this one door, then I could easily overpower the armed guards above, slip over the side, and make for the shore!" Guybrush said to himself. "Quit yer mumblin', captive!" Said the little pirate and walked over to his cannon. "Blast ye scurvy dogs!" he called as he fired at the fort. "This'll make ya rue the day!" Guybrush walked over to the corner and started searching for things that could help him get out. He found a short rope in the corner, and tried to untangle it. After many unsuccessful attempts, he said, "It's all tangled up in the debris. Besides, if I did get it, it would probably be too short to use." Guybrush walked over to the pirate to tap him on the shoulder to get his attention, but the pirate turned around before he could do so. The pirate turned around and pointed the gun at Guybrush. "STAND BACK!" Guybrush tried to think up of something to say, so he just used the classic phrase he had used many times before. "I'm selling these FIne LEAther JAckets!" "Really?" inquired the little pirate. "No. I'm lying." "Oh, well in that case, I don't want one!" "Sorry we couldn't make a deal." said Guybrush. "Anyway, I just wanted to know. Are you wearing a fake beard?" "Bloodnose the pirate would NOT wear a fake beard!" said the pirate with indignation. "Yes it is. It's been glued to your ear hair!" replied Guybrush. "Well, actually, it's a highly sophisticated beard-weave! Made from the chest and back hair of real pirates!" the little pirate was excited by the information he was sharing, which just so happened to gross out Guybrush. "I'm hoping it'll take root, if I don't wash it for a while!" Guybrush tried changing the subject. "Is that hook for real?" "Of course it's real! A vicious shark tore off me hand! What a struggle it was, I remember..." "It is so a fake!" "It is not! Well...okay it is. I haven't lost my hand yet. This is sort of a training hook. I'm wearing it to get used to the feeling. LeChuck promised to cut off my hand when he gets some free time. I do have a hangnail, though. It'll probably get infected!" the little pirate smiled. "Is that a real eye patch? "Aye! Sure it be real!" said the pirate. "Then how come you're wearing a monocle underneath it?" criticized Guybrush. "It keeps the dust out o' me eye socket!" replied the pirate. "Hey...you're not a pirate! WALLY! Don't you recognize me? It's Guybrush Threepwood!" "Oh gee...hello Mr. Wood." said the little pirate who just turned out to be Wally. "The last time I saw you, we were prisoners in LeChuck's dungeon! Why would you sign on with the ship of the living dead?" Asked Guybrush. "Well, Mr. Brush, at first I had some misgivings about it, but thanks to LeChuck's seminars, motivational lectures, and audio books on pirate, I've become a vicious corsair! You can too! Ask me how!" "I.......I'm not in the mood for sales hype," said Guybrush. "Here! At least take this literature, you may change your mind," Wally didn't care what Guybrush said, he was going to pawn off the literature on Guybrush. "Set me free, Wally!" demanded Guybrush. "I can't Mr. Brush," said Wally. "I'm the evil pirate Bloodnose, now. And besides, if you did get on deck, LeChuck would cut you to ribbons!" "You're a failure as a pirate!" Exclaimed Guybrush. "Shut yer trap! Ya yella-bellied blowfish! One more peep out of you and I'll do ya in!" snapped Wally. "Peep." "Ya scabrous swab! One more word and i'll let you have it!" Wally cocked his gun right up at Guybrush. "Word." "That's it! That's it! I'm gonna blast ya! I'm gonna...I'm...gonna... ...Oh, I can't do it! I just can't! You're right Mr. Wood! I'm just not a pirate! I'm ferocious or bloodthirsty or hateful, or anything! I'm not even... ...I'm not even UNPLEASANT!" Wally fell to his knees on the wooden floor and tried rubbing his eyes, but forgot about his hook. "AHH!" he threw it to the ground and started bawling. "Oh. There there." Guybrush looked down to the plastic hook. "I'm sure he won't mind if I borrow this for a while." He reached down and snatched it up. He looked to the left and saw a ramrod hanging up on the wall. "Hmm...a ramrod. If I use it with this hook I can make a gaff!" he walked over to the ramrod, picked it up, and threw it down in his pants. "ARRRRRRRRGH!" Screams were coming from outside. It looked like Elaine's fort wasn't holding up to well. Guybrush decided to help her out. He tried firing the cannon at the pirates, but hit the fort instead. "Whoops!" He finally got one of the pirate boats. "The fort, fool! Aim for the fort!" He hit another boat. "It's like you're not one of LeChuck's evil minions!" He hit another boat. "You're gonna get us all killed...AGAIN!" This continued for quite some time until Guybrush had destroyed all the little boats. He walked away from the cannon when he was done, and realized what he had just done. "Hey..I'm getting pretty good at this!"



END OF PART ONE THIS NOVEL WILL BE UPDATED WEEKLY (MOST OF THE TIME)
- MIKE HARVAT

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