I do not have the perfect life, body, or mind,
And I don't belong in this world,
Because no one understands,
The strange obsessions of mine.
I try hard to stop.
Yet the tension builds.
My cold clammy palms begin to drip with salty water,
And I can't go on without my compulsions.
Whether it is washing, checking, or repeating,
I have to complete my own chores of life.
After I am finished,
The world is a much better place.
I can finally relax even for only a few minutes,
But the anxiety is released,
Like a rain emmersed from a full storm cloud.
Then the complicated cycle repeats itself.
"Obsessing My Flaws"
by: Brittany Chalmers
I am always sorry,
But I can't help that.
I always want you to be happy.
So, please let me apologize,
For the mistakes that I make.
I feel like it is necessary,
To tell you when I mess up.
You say no problem,
Yet, you seem upset,
Even though you deny it.
When I say I am sorry,
I honestly mean it.
I would never,
Lead you to believe otherwise.
So, please accept them from me.
The apologies,
Relieve my anxiety,
That i keep to myself.
But I will try to hold back the annoying obsession,
Of trying to correct myself with the repetitive compulsion of "I'm Sorry."
"Encased Within A Shell"
by: Brittany Chalmers
Sometimes you feel,
Alone and trapped.
You feel like there is no one to talk to,
Yet, you will not allow,
Yourself to be opened.
For three years,
I would be in an imaginary world,
But not a fairy tale world by any means.
It was a place where you,
Would do anything to escape.
Finally, after these hellish years,
I discovered a name of sorts,
For this doom and dreadful life.
It did have a name,
And which I was too amazed to even believe.
The name was peculiar,
Though it did fit my own world.
The three letters of its meaning,
Released me of any wonder that I still had.
So, now the shell has been broken, and I am very thankful.
"Being Able to Express Myself"
by: Brittany Chalmers
I know I don't let you see my true self,
But I am afraid you will,
Think differently about me,
Or possibly leave me.
I have always,
Lived in fear of everything.
I am a negative person,
And always expect the worse.
If I do expect,
The bad side to everything,
I guess if something good comes out of it,
I will be more pleased.
I also prejudge things,
Not necessarily people,
But as in the other day,
I already knew I wouldn't enjoy it.
I am scared to live, basically,
Or even to try new things,
To venture away from my obsessive world.
I am so ritualized I make my own self sick.
I don't want to be like your aunt,
That checks to see if people are alive.
I want to be a better person,
Someone like you.
You are carefree,
And could care less about what others think.
You express your true feelings,
And you don't hide your unhappiness that you feel toward me.
You are honest,
Caring and not self-centered.
I am often told I only care about myself.
I don't want to be like this for any longer.
You help me,
Try new things,
Open up to you and others,
And most of all, want to make myself be a better person. Thanks so much.
"OCDteen"
by: Brittany Chalmers
I talk to,
Others often,
Who have the same problem as I do.
They help me understand,
My problems, and more importantly myself.
They answer my questions truthfully,
And I don't fear to ask a question,
Because it isn't a joke to us,
And I am not afraid,
To let them know what is wrong.
I hope they can ask,
Questions,
That they feel like no one else would understand.
I know,
I feel like this every day.
Our professional help,
Isn't always by our sides,
Especially when we need them the most.
So, I am thankful,
That there is a place where we can turn to.
Mask
by: Katie Cox
When you look at me
What you see
Is not what's really there.
What you see
When you look at me
Is the mask I daily wear.
A mask of joy
And perfection
Hides my fearful tears.
For you don't know
What I must go through
Everyday I face my fears.
I hide the thoughts
And obsessions
That plague my racing brain.
I won't let you
See my true face
When I'm in such grief and pain.
I hide these fears
For your own sake
My visions you don't want to see.
So I will wear
What you want to see
And mask the horrors or me.
"A Normal Day"
by: Brittany Chalmers
I wake up every morning,
Dreading the light,
Because the light,
Shows my obsessive side.
While, lying in bed,
It is the only time,
I am released,
From the fear of within.
My morning rituals,
Begin on the dot,
Every morning,
And if not, the world comes to an end.
If I do happen to forget a precious step,
(Which I very rarely do,)
The tension builds,
And terrible thoughts run through my mind.
Luckily though,
To my advantage,
I forget the thoughts,
And move on.
But after I have,
Defeated one,
Here comes another,
And three times worse than before.
This is my regular day.
Sometimes it is worse,
But hardily ever better.
Now, I have to expect the next frightful day with OCD.
In and Out
by: Allison
I know that when you look at me,
You see happiness and joy...
But if you were inside of me,
You would be very annoyed.
Having the urge to wash and wash,
Until the day I start healing...
Then the urges all come back again,
And you have no idea what I am feeling.
