The setting is the classroom and Mr. Garrison is teaching. There's a TV and VCR behind him
Mr. G- Well Mr. Hat, should we show the children the video now
All the kids- Yea!
Mr. Hat- No, the little bastards don't deserve it!
All the kids- aww!
Mr. G- Oh, stop being such a retard Mr. Hat. here's the video.
Mr. G takes out a controller and presses a button and a movies comes up. It shows Titanic and Kate Winslit is lying naked on a couch with a cencor bar on her boobs.
Kyle- Woah dude! Are they allowed to show this in school?
Kenny- Who cares? She's naked! I wanna take her home and...
Stan- Shut up guys! That's desgusting!
Cartman- What's your problem?
Wendy- Shut up asswipes!
Stan- Woah dude!
It shows the movie again.
Kate- hows the drawing coming along?
Leo- what drawing?
Kate- the one i'm paying you for!!!
Leo- oh, sorry. i was too busy fantisizing blowing matt damon.
It shows the class
Stan- Leo and Matt Damon!?! I'd like to see that
Kenny- What the hell are you talking about?
Stan- um...I'd like to see them with_
Mr. G- Shut up Stan! You're scaring the strait ones!
Stan- What?
It goes back on the film. Leo pulls out a polaroid instant camera and takes a picture of her and gives her the picture.
Leo- take this. it'll develop in about 5 minutes. c u later, i'm getting on a life boat.
Kate- What a cheap bastard!
It goes back on the class
Cartman- I think this is the director's cut.
It shows Mr. Hat and Mr. Garrison. Mr. Garrison stops the film
Mr. G- This isn't the right tape!
Mr. Hat- Yeah, it looks like you screwed it up again, dumbass!
Mr. G- that's it!! you're going into time out for 5 minutes young hand puppet!!!
Mr. Hat- You can do that, but i will have my revenge!!!
Mr. G- Are you looking for a detention you little bastard?
Stan- dude, this is pretty f**ked up right here.
Mr. G- I'm gonna put your movie back on and have a word with Mr. Hat outside.
The movie goes back on and you can hear Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat fighting. The movie is still Titanic. It's on the scene where the ship starts going down. It shows people falling off the ship and hitting their heads on things.
Leo- Ha! Ha! he hit his head!!!
Back on the class
Cartman- Woah! That kicked ass!
All the guys- Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Stan- Stop being so insensitive!
Kyle- What?
Stan- I mean...ha.....ha. That....was funny. I...bet he'll...die.
Cartman- Oh, that's good. For a minute I thought you said stop being so insensitive... And I bet the guy that hit his head on the propellor gets decapitated.
It goes back on the movie screen. Kate Winslet gets on the wood thing and leo starts doing a dog paddle over to her. it's obvious he can't swim.
Kate- I've always loved you
Leo- Get off the wood bitch!!!!!
Kate- Screw you!!!
Kate paddles the wood away
Leo- Damn it! It sure is cold in this water
A life boat is seen to the right of him
Captain of the lifeboat- Is anyone alive in there?
Leo- Pick me up out of this damn water! it's too cold!!!
The lifeboat goes over to Leo and runs him over
Captain of the lifeboat- Whoops!
Leo's body can be seen after the boat moves over him. Part of his face is missing.
It shows the class again
Stan- NO!!!!!!!!!!! THOSE SONS OF F**KIN BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kyle- Dude! I haven't seen a celeberity die like that since JFK!!!
Kenny- Dude, that isn't cool. you're gonna get us in trouble again
Stan (in tears)- Lets get out of here, the movie's getting too sa...I mean it's getting too boring.
Cartman- How are we gonna get passed Mr. Garrison you dumb jew?
Stan- I'm not Jewish dumb-ass! Kyle is!
Cartman- Oh really?....So what? You suck too!
Kyle- Well, I have an idea anyway
Cartman- Yeah right, you couldn't....have a good idea...e...even if....uh....shut up or...or I'll... kick you in the nuts!
Kyle- Watch this, fat-ass.
Kyle walks out the fire exit and no one notices except stan, cartman and kenny. even though the fire alarm sounds no one moves.
Kenny- woah! that kicked ass
Stan- yeah, lets go
they leave and it shows them walking across town
Cartman- how bout we go to happy burger?
Stan- sure, i'm getting kinda hungry too
Kyle- Guess what guys
All- what?
Kyle- I got a computer!
Kenny- does it have the internet?
Kyle- yeah, american online or something
Kenny (eagerly) - can you get porn with it????
Kyle- what?
Kenny- you know, barely legal, live sex shows, hardcore pictures and movies!!!! with pamela anderson and jenny mcarthy! and your dick get stiff and big like a rod? And you get so f**king horny you just wanna squeeze it!!!!
Kyle- uh... i guess so.
Kenny- Kick ass!
Stan- How can you guys like porn? It's a sick idea of women's sexuality being expressed in ways only for men to become sexually stimulated in a sickening way!
Kenny- What the hell did you just say?
Stan- uh...I said Cartman's mom is on the cover of crack-whore magazine
Cartman- Shut up hippie! She says she was young and horny! And how the hell did you find those old magazines?
Stan- It's not old, I found last month's issue in my dad's closet and there she was! streched out on a table ass-naked while sucking on a_
Cartman- Why the hell are you looking at that s**t? Screw you guys, I'm going home!
Cartman just stands there and they all look at him.
Cartman- Oh screw it! Let's go eat!
It shows the class still watching Titanic and Mr. Garrison just walks in the room with Mr. Hat looking a little dirty. The movie is still on and can be heard in the backround.
Mr. G- Well class, is the movie over yet?
Most of the guys are sleeping and there are cardboard cut-outs of the four boys that left. All of the girls are crying
BeBe (sobbing)- No, it's just...(she begins to cry terribly)
Mr. G- Oh! stop crying bitch! Save it for your periods! I see it's still on anyway. Leave when you want.
Mr. Garrison leaves the room, but puts Mr. Hat in the filing cabinet while he walks out.
Mr. G (talking to Mr. Hat)- I'll get you later!
It shows the four boys eating at happy burger. There is a guy in a burger suit next to their table singing.
Mr. Burger (singing)- I will sing a song for you, it's gay and fun and full of laughs!
Kyle (whispering)- It sure is gay alright
Stan- Shut up Kyle! You're being insensitive towards gay people ass-kisser!
Kyle- Dude, why ar_
Mr. Burger (talking)- Hey! no one uses dirty language at happy burger! The happiest place on earth!
Cartman- Shut up or I'll kick you in squa in the nuts!
Mr. Burger (sarcasticly)- Oh, you really scare me kid. I'd better go put on a cup.
Kenny- Yeah, you better or else your burger might lose it's pickle
Mr. Burger- Hey kid, you're pretty funny. I'll bet your mom is a fine bitch. Oh yeah, she is, I remember from last night.
Kenny starts to beat up Burger Boy and before he gets up he pulls out a knife. It shows their table and goes off of Kenny and Burger Boy when a slicing noise is made. Kenny then goes back to the table.
Kenny- So, what's new today?
Kyle- Well, I'm begining to think that Stan is gay.
Stan- What?
Kyle- You've been acting weird around us lately and I think you're turning out to be gay.
Stan- You know dude, maybe you're right. I should get some help.
It shows the door to Mr. Maki's office, and then shows inside. Stan is lying on a couch and Mr. Maki is in a big chair. Kyle, Cartman and Kenny are standing next to his chair.
Mr. Maki- Now Stan, your friends tell me that you're begining to act like a homo, mkay
Stan- What's a homo?
Mr. Maki- Maybe I should put that in easier terms for a young man like you to understand, mkay.
Stan- Uh...Sure?
Mr. Maki- You're friends say that you've been acting strange lately and they...say you're gay, mkay
Stan- Well I'm not really sure.
Mr. Maki- Hmm kay...Do you have a girlfriend Stan?
Stan- Yeah dude, Wendy Testaburger.
Cartman- Yeah, the biggest bitch in the school!
Stan- Shut up fat-ass!
Cartman- That's it, screw you guys, I'm going home.
Mr. Maki- Screw! What a great idea, mkay. I don't usually permit this but go over to your girlfriend's house and screw her, mkay. Just do it in her room and make sure her parents aren't there, mkay?
Stan- Sure....I don't understand how it'll help, but I'll do it!
Kenny- Woah! You're the luckiest son of a bitch there is!
Stan- Hey! What did you say about my mom?
Mr. Maki- Now get out of my office, mkay. Micheal Jackson is coming to the school and I have to use a bug bomb, mkay.
All- Sure
It shows Wendy's house. She is watching TV. It is Terrance and Philip. It shows the TV.
Terrance- Hey Philip
Philip- What is it Terrance?
Terrance- Why did the chicken cross the road?
Philip- I don't know why the chicken crossed the road. Why don't you tell me Terrance?
Terrance- Well, the chicken had to fart!
They both start laughing. It shows Wendy and she isn't amused at all.
Philip- Hey Terrance, what kind of fart was it?
Terrance- Well, if you look up my butt you just might find out!
Philip- Well, then I shall do.
Philip looks up in Terrance's butt and he farts a really big fart, so big that Philip falls on the ground.
Philip- Boy! The chicken must've had alot of beans! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
It shows Wendy and the kind of giggles a little. Then, the doorbell rings. Wendy- Now I wonder who that could be.
She gets up, leaving the TV on, and answers the door. It is Stan and he's wearing a tool belt while holding a screwdriver and a couple of screws.
Stan- Hi Wendy, wanna screw?
Wendy- What?
Stan- Mr. Maki said we should screw. Wanna screw?
Wendy- hmm.... I think that my kitchen might need new screwing, how bout there?
Stan- NO!!! Mr. Maki said we can only screw in your room.
Wendy- I don't know about there, but there might be a couple loose screws. Lets go screw!
They walk through a room and they pass the one with Terrance and Philip on. Stan begins to watch it. When Wendy realizes he isn't with her, she goes back.
Wendy- Stan what are you doing? I thought we were going to screw!
Stan- Screw screwing, Terrance and Philip is on!
Wendy- Well, if you don't come to my room and screw with me NOW, you'll never have the chance to screw with me ever again!
Stan- Will l still be able to screw myself?
Wendy- Not if I have anything to do with it! Come on!
Stan- OK dude.
They walk into her room. There are alot of pictures of either half-naked or fully naked stars. He sees Leo blowing Matt Damon (obviously it's censored)
Stan- Woah! I DID get to see it!
Wendy- Stop looking at my pictures! Lets screw already!
Stan- OK, anything need screwing?
Wendy- Hmm...No. I guess not. Wanna stay anyway? I would really enjoy it!
Stan- Nope. I'll see you.
Stan leaves.
Wendy- Damn it!!!
Stan is riding his bike to school. He passes by a theater that says "Gay Theater" and he sees lots of guys making out.
Stan- Oh my God! How the hell can they do that? It's desgusting.
A person walks up to Stan, who is obviously gay.
Guy- Hey little boy, are YOU one of us?
Stan- Hell no! I'm getting the hell out of here!
Stan pedals away very fast.
Guy- Darn! Now we're a partner short! We'll have to have a three-some.
Stan makes it to school. Kenny is waiting on the sidewalk in front of the school.
Kenny- Hey Stan, did you have fun screwing with Wendy?
Stan- No, she didn't need any.
Kenny- She cheats on you!
Stan- What?
Suddenly, a guy comes with a suit that you can't see his face.
The guy- Are you Micheal Jackson?
Kenny- Do I look like Micheal Jackson?
The guy- A little
The guy pulls out a knife and stabs Kenny 6 times and then decapitates him. The guy looks at Stan.
The guy- Have a good day.
The guy's suit gets caught on the side of the road and the mask falls off. It shows Tito Jackson.
Stan- Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle walks out of the school.
Kyle- You bastards! What happened?
Stan- Not much. Lets go in and talk with Mr. Maki.
Kyle- mkay.
As they walk off, Kenny is eaten by rats. They walk into school and after a couple classrooms, they walk into Mr. Maki's office. Mr. Maki is in there with a gas mask and the air is green.
Mr. Maki- Oh my God! Get these masks on, mkay.
Stan and Kyle- Sure.
They both put on masks.
Mr. Maki- Don't break those, they're the only ones I have left, mkay.
Stan- Sure. I tried screwing with Wendy, but she didn't want to. But I found out I'm not gay anyway, I've just been spending too much time with my dog.
Kenny walks in and closes the door.
Kenny- Hey guys, what's up?
Stan- Kenny! Get out of here! Or you'll die!
Kenny- Aren't I alre_ e_ uh!
Kenny turns very green and falls on the floor.
Stan- Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle- You bastards!
Micheal Jackson walks in
M.J.- Hello, am I_Uh!
A knife goes through Micheal Jackson from behind. When he falls down, it reveals Tito.
Stan- Oh my God! They killed Micheal Jackson!
Kyle- It's about damn time!
Stan and Kyle start laughing.
Tito- Horray! My mission is complete! I'm the favorite Jackson now! No_ uh!
Tito turns green and dies.
Stan- Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.
Kyle- Well what did you expect?
They all laugh and the episode ends.