Kyle- So, what do you guys want to do?
Stan- I bought the Star Wars Special Edition Trilogy, wanna go watch it?
Cartman- Star Wars is gay, I mean why the hell would a wookie live on Endor? And those ewoks piss me off!
Stan- Do you even know what an ewok is?
Cartman- Well....yeh, that does sound like a good idea to watch the Star Wars Trilogy
Kenny- Star Wars is so gay, except the third one where the giant slug has all the hot sluts get in those skimpy suits and if you freeze it just right you_
Cartman- That's right Kenny, control...control
Stan- OK guys, lets go.
They all leave and there is a cable truck like the one from Pleasentville with the same freaky old guy in it. It shows the boys still walking and the cable truck behind them, but the boys don't notice it. After about 10 seconds of this they enter in to Stan's house and the cable truck parks outside of the house. They walk in to the room with the TV and open a compartment on the shelf holding the TV and they pull out Return of the Jedi: SE
Stan- Here it is.
Cartman- Heh heh, no s**t Sherlock
Stan- Shut up, fat-ass!
Stan's mom walks in
Stan's mom- Did I hear language in this room?
Stan- Um...no. Cartman said "No Nit Sherlock?" since that's the new Sherlock movie and Cartman is quite the fan.
Cartman- I di_
Stan- And then I said "no luck, Nat Glass", since that's Cartman new nick-name.
Stan's mom- Are you sure?
Stan- Defenite.
Stan's mom- Ooh! My big boy is starting to use such big words!
Stan's mom leaves the room
Stan- God damn it, Cartman! Watch you f**kin language! Of I'll kick your f**kin ass to hell bitch!
Cartman (in a kind of sad voice)- Sorry Stan.
Cartman gets teary eyed and Stan hands the video to Kyle
Stan- Put that in Kyle, who has the controler?
Kenny- I do.
Stan- Hand it here, Kenny.
Kenny- No.
Stan- Why the hell not?
Kenny- I need batterys for my heater at home. So I'm keeping them!
Stan- Give me my damn controller!
Stan's Mom (not in the room)- Language!
Kenny- I'm keeping the damn batterys! Just press the button on the VCR for a while!
Cartman- Sure Kenny! We really have the time to get up and press buttons. Maybe in your poor family you have the time but not in our civilized world we use controllers.
This distracts Kenny a little and Stan grabs one end of the controller and Kenny has the other. The are both making "ugh! give it!" noises. Kenny secretly takes out the batterys and lets go. The controller goes flying out the window. It breaks through the van's window and hits the old guy's head. You can hear a silent ow. It does a close up of the old guy
Old guy- Excelent!
The old guy takes out the same controller from Pleasentville and walks out of his van and towards Stan's door.
Stan- Kenny! Now look at what you did!
Kyle- If you guys are gonna make such a big deal about it then I'll just press play myself. And I'm fast-forwarding through the parts I don't like as a service charge!
Kyle presses play and fast-forwards through the previews. The doorbell rings.
Stan- I'll get it
Stan gets up. He opens the door and the old guy is there.
Stan- Uh...hi?
Old guy- Don't be frieghtened little boy. I'm the repair man. It occured to me that your controller was thrown out the window.
Stan- Yeh...so?
Old Guy- Take this controller. Use it wisely.
The old guy hands the controller to Stan.
Stan- OK...Bye now.
The Old guy leaves and goes to his truck. He opens his glove compartment and takes out Return of the Jedi: SE and puts it in a VCR in his truck. He turns on a TV and starts watching. It shows inside of Stan's house again. Stan walks in the room.
Stan- Some freaky old guy gave me this controller! We won't have to get up!
Kyle- OK, I get to hold the controller since I turned on the VCR and I have to fast-forward through the parts I don't like.
Stan has one end and Kyle grabs the other.
Stan- No way dude, it's my house!
Kyle- Come on dude! Give it to me!
They are both pulling really hard when all of a sudden Kyle hits a button and they both disappear! The controler falls on the ground. Cartman and Kenny both walk up to the controler.
Kenny- What the hell was that?
Cartman- I don't know, but I get to hold the controler now!
Cartman picks it up.
Kenny- No way! Let ME hold it! There isn't a controller at my house and I feel I deserve the oppurtunity!
Cartman- What?
Kenny- Give me the f**kin controller!
Cartman- Hell no, you're too poor!
Kenny gets really pissed off and grabs an end of the controller. Kenny starts hitting cartman's hand and it hits the same button and they disappear too. Cartman appears in a crowd of Stormtroopers and Kenny appears in the landing bay where the emperor's shuttle is about to arrive at. The shuttle enters the bay and Kenny is too scared to move.
Cartman- Kenny! Move! Move God Damn it!
Stan and Kyle walk through the legs of a Stormtrooper
Stan- I never thought I'd say this but it's good to see you Cartman
Cartman- Hey! Don't insult me when Kenny's about to die!
Kyle- What?
Cartman- Look under the stormtrooper's legs, Kenny is gonna get crushed by the ship...Wait a minute...I don't care.
Kyle- Shut up! Get out of there Kenny!
Kenny still doesn't move. The ship lands right in front of him.
Kenny- Phew, that was close!
The door opens and crushes Kenny.
Stan- Oh my god! They killed Kenny!
Kyle- You bastards!
Kenny appears behind them.
Kenny- Hey guys, what's going on?
Cartman- Kenny, what the hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be dead.
Kenny- What the hell are you talking about?
Kyle- Nevermind, we gotta get out of here.
All but Kyle- OK
They all walk away. They walk past a control room where they hear a voice say "hey, you 4! come in here!"
Stan- Hey, that voice sounds familiar
Stan walks in and the others just wait. He sees a TV and it has the cable truck.
Stan- Dude! Your controller thingy got us here! How can we get back?
Old Guy- Why do you want to go? This is your dream, isn't it?
Stan- No. My dream is to meet John Elway...Is John Elway here?
Old Guy- No. I guess I just got a mix up. I can't get you out until the movie's over. Sorry.
Stan- Wait dude! Kenny was killed and he came back to life. How does that work?
Old Guy- It's a movie stupid! You can't die, you come right back to life and can't remember a thing about you dying.
Stan- You suck!
Old Guy- Whatever kid. Bye.
The old guy disappears from the screen and Stan walks out of the room.
Cartman- What the hell happened?
Stan- Well....We're trapped in the movie Return of the Jedi.
Cartman- Oh, no s**t! What else can you tell us?
Stan- Shut up Cartman, and I found out we can get killed and instantly come back to life without even knowing we were killed. That's what happened to Kenny.
Kenny- What the hell are you talking about? I didn't die! You f**king high!
Stan- Well, we gotta go and see Darth Vader and the Emperor so we know when the scene will end.
Kyle- Whatever dude.
They walk back to where the Emperor and Darth Vader are walking and start to listen.
Emperor- Everything is proceeding as I have forseen. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Stan- The scene's gonna end, get ready!
Kyle- What's to get ready?
A black line circles the screen and picks up Kenny. Kenny starts to scream and when the line gets to the end of the screen his head gets cut off.
Stan- Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle- You bastards!
Kenny appears behind them
Kenny- Who's a bastard?
Kyle- We gotta stop doing that, he's probably gonna die alot
Stan- Feels kind of like a habit.
Kyle- For some strange reason you're right.
Stan- Looks, C3P0 and R2D2 are coming, this must be the Jabba the Hutt scene. Lets go over there so we know when the scene ends and no more unfortunate incidents happen to Kenny.
Kenny- What the f**k are you talkin about! I haven't died! Not once in my_
Cartman takes a lightsaber and hits Kenny with it, slicing him in half
Cartman- Shut up Kenny!
Stan- Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle- You bastards!
Stan- Lets just go!
They start to walk over to Jabba's palace and when they're a little ahead Kenny appears and follows them. They're right in front of Jabba's palace and the door opens. R2D2 walks in and 3P0 follows. They follow, but when they are just in Cartman stops them.
Cartman- Guys, this place sucks! I saw this movie! All those pigs and weird-ass aliens and things are in there!
Kyle- Don't be such a pussy Cartman! Kenny keeps dying and he isn't afraid to go in!
Kenny- Shut the f**k up! I haven't died and never will!
The door slams down on Kenny
Stan- Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle- You bastards!
Once of the pig gaurds throws up a bunch of mercury. The mercury all forms together and rises. The color of the mercury changes and it reveals Kenny.
Cartman- Damn, that seems real familiar
Stan- Lets keep moving
They all walk into the main room in the palace. They see that Luke's message is almost over. All of the lines are said the droids are taken away.
Stan- Sweet!
Cartman- What's so sweet? This sucks ass!
Stan- Haven't you ever wondered what the other characters have done while the they aren't on the screen?
Cartman(slowly)- No
Stan- Well, now we get to find out! We'll just stay here and check it out!
Cartman- That still sucks ass!
Stan- Shut up! This is gonna be sweet!
Kenny- I heard that Boba Fett held onto Princess Leia's straps on her bottom and he got a clear view of her ass! It would kick ass to get a clear shot at her ass! God I want to see her ass! I'm so f**kin horny to see her ass! I want to see her ass no_
Cartman pulls out the same lightsaber from when he earlier sliced Kenny in half with and does it again.
Stan- Oh my god! They killed Kenny!
Kyle- You bastards!
Cartman- God, I wish Kenny would stop talking about Carrie Fisher's ass!
Stan- Where did you get that lightsaber?
Cartman- Uh....I found it, I guess.
Kyle- To tell you the truth, I've always wanted to see that one chick get eaten by the rancor.
Stan- And I wanted to see Boba Fett get spit out by the sarlacc pit thingy.
Kenny appears behind them
Kenny- And maybe I can touch it, and lick it, and rub it, and stick my dick up it, and_
Kenny is cut off by the announcer
Anouncer- Will Kyle get to see that one chick get eaten by the rancor? Will Stan get to see Boba Fett escape from the sarlacc pit thingy? Will Kenny get to see Carrie Fisher's ass?
Kenny cuts off the announcer
Kenny- I better or everyone's as good as f**ked!
Announcer- Will Kenny stop dying? Find out on South Park next time!
Kenny- What the hell do you mean stop dying? And you mean I have to wait 7 god damn days just to see Carrie Fisher's mot******king ass! I can just go to a porno site and get her fully naked!
Announcer- Where the hell are you going to get a computer here?
Kenny- F**k you!
Episode ends