1. I'm feeling defensive. Can you say this in a gentler way so I can feel safe with you?
2. Please stop yelling. You're scaring me.
3. When you go on and on like that, I get afraid you won't stop.
4. Talk to me like I'm someone you love.
5. I know you're upset, but I could listen better if you spoke more calmly.
6. Right now I don't need a lecture. I need your love.
7. I know you're feeling nagged. But please stay. I need to be in the same room with you.
1. When you talk to me with that tone of voice, I fel humiliated.
2. I know I'm sounding angry, but I'm feeling extremely threatened.
3. When ou don't respond to me, I fel like I don't matter very much to you.
4. It frightens me that we could see things so differently.
5. I get so hysterical because I don't trust that you're hearing me. Are you hearing me?
6. It's hard admitting I might be wrong. I'm afraid if I say I'm sorry, you'll make everything my fault.
1. I guess I haven't been listening very well. Please give me another chance.
2. I can see that my anger has been destructive.
3. I realize I'm overreacting.
4. You deserve more gentleness from me and I want to get better at giving it.
5. I was making a big deal out of something that I realize isn't that important. I've let it go.
6. I didn't appreciate how pushy I was getting. I want to be more respectful of your space.
1. I'm sorry. Are you willing to forgive me?
2. Can you forgive me ... or, are you willing to forgive me.
3. I know I've hurt you. What can I do that would help us get close again?
4. I've said some mean things. Can I take them back?
5. I'm sorry I made it sound like it was all your fault. I know that's not true.
1. I don't feel heard.
2. I am upset. And just because I need you to hear me doesn't mean I'm going to attack you.
3. While you sound completely unreasonable to me, I'm trying to remember that you're entitled to your feelings.
4. If you could tell me that you love me and care about me, it would be a lot easier to hear your criticism.
5. I know I'm shut down right now. And I promise I'll be back.
6. You don't have to agree with me, but it hurts when you don't take me seriously.
7. You didn't do anything wrong. It's my own craziness. Trust me to get through it.
8. When you come on so aggressively, it's hard to take in what might be valid about your point of view.
1. When you say things like that, I think you're going to leave. Is that what you mean?
2. It would mean a lot to me if you could just tell me what you think I'm saying to you.
3. There's something I want to say to you and I would like you to truly listen - not react. (At least for 5 minutes, anyway)
4. I know this is important to both of us, but I'm overwhelmed.
5. What can I say that would make you feel understood?
6. We seem to get stuck her a lot. Maybe we could both benefit from a little counseling.
1. I know I sound like a maniac but I haven't stopped loving you.
2. Right now I'd do anything for you to know how much I love you.
3. I am not - who hurt you in the past. I am - who loves you.
4. I love you, I hate fighting and can we please hug?
5. I love you and I can't stand seeing you so unhappy.
1. I don't like how this is going. Let's start again and really listen to each other.
2. I can'tmake you say "I'm sorry." But you've hurt me so badly I need you to do or say something that feel reassuring.
3. I would rather talk later when we're calmer, friendlier, and more geared to resolving this together.
4. We need a fresh perspective. I'd like to take a break and get some clearer inner direction on this.
5. I would love it if we could just be quiet and hold each other.
6. I feel crummy about what just happened. Could we just make up?
7. I forgive you. Completely.
Relationship Links
Are You Ready For Commitment?
The Ten Commitments
Relationships
(reserved)
