The Bible is full of God's warnings against bitterness in our lives, of the danger of its presence, of the implications and the results.
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." --Ephesians 4:31, NIV
"See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." -- Hebrews 12:15, NIV
But what exactly is bitterness? Where does it start? How does it infest our lives? Why is it such a threat to our spiritual lives and our walk with God?
The Bible associates bitterness with pain and suffering, and the Jews are made to eat "bitter herbs" at Passover as a reminder of their captivity. Bitterness is referred to in this capacity many times, a reminder, a symbol of affliction, misery and servitude.
"They made their lives bitter with hard labor in brick and mortar and with all kinds of work in the fields; in all their hard labor the Egyptians used them ruthlessly." -- Exodus 1:14, NIV
Bitterness begins with hurt, with pain, suffering, misery, and as the definition tells us, this hurt is sharp, and poignant, and hard to bear. It is a hurt that runs deep, and the deeper it runs, the closer the pain is to the person, the more intense, the harsher is the bitterness that results. We have all been hurt, that is a fact of life. There is joy and there is pain in this world, there is happiness as well as grief and sorrow. Job had to learn the hard way that good things happen to bad people as well as bad things happen to good people. Ultimately, the cause of our hurt and our pain, the ultimate source of our bitterness, lies in other humans. Some event may occur to wound our spirit, to send a shock of deep pain, and eventually, if one traces that pain back to its source, a person is found, or multiple people, or, in the worst case, the bitter person sees as the source of his or her pain God himself.

This hurt, if we let it linger within us, rather than grieving and moving on, turns into resentment of the person or the event, or whatever it is causing the hurt, and if we allow this resentment to linger, the resentment turns into bitterness. And bitterness, when someone's pain has reached this point, is a very dangerous thing. Bitterness not only leads to sinful actions, and sinful attitudes, such as anger, cruelty, self-pity, pride, and vindictiveness, but bitterness itself is a sin. This is an important realization, and will be discussed in more depth in a moment. Before recognizing why bitterness is a sin, why it is wrong, we need to be able to identify bitterness in our lives. The Bible cites several instances of people who are bitter in their lives.

Naomi, in the story of Ruth, was a bitter woman. She had moved from Israel to a foreign land and had lost her husband and sons, and was now left with her daughters-in-law, one of whom was Ruth, who refused to desert her in her time of need. But Naomi had taken the hurt in her life, and turned the blame on God. "'Don't call me Naomi [Hebrew for "pleasant"],' she told them. ' Call me Mara [Hebrew for "bitter"], because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.'" -- Ruth 1:20, 21, NIV

The key here in this passage is to notice the Naomi claims that God made her life bitter. She has cast the blame for her bitterness, as well as her hurt, on him. This is an important thing to note as we study further about what bitterness is, and why we have it.
But what do we notice in Naomi's actions and her words? What attitude comes through? We see in her self-pity, in that she is wallowing in her pain and problems. We see hatred and anger at God and her situation, at anyone and everyone that may have caused her pain. She has a complaining attitude (see the study on murmuring from last week), and therefore has nothing positive to say, and is a bad example of a Godly woman to non-believers. She also displays pride. She believes she is entitled to her grief, entitled to this bitterness. After all, as she supposes, it's not HER fault that this pain has come into her life. It's interesting to see how much we all excuse away our lives. If things are going badly, if their is pain, we are the victims, it's never our faults. And yet if things are going well, then we are doing nothing wrong, and we are the ones responsible for our success. It is an attitude and outlook problem. And this is the key to understanding bitterness. This is the most important aspect of this study.

Hurt is not our fault, pain is not our fault, we cannot control our circumstance, and I am not trying to lessen the impact of pain, to make it seem like we should never grieve, and that pain should not be felt. We all live with pain in our lives, we have all been confronted with suffering and misery, BUT, and here is the important part, although we cannot control that pain, we can control our response. God is not as concerned with the situation as with our response to the situation. It is all about attitude, all about how we choose to react. And that is where bitterness becomes a sin. We are sinning when we become bitter because we ALLOW, and it is a conscious choice to become bitter, to wallow into that pain and not want to come out, we allow ourselves to take on an unforgiving attitude.

Now think about that for a minute. Unforgiving.

Look again at the passage from Ephesians that was quoted above, and let us go one verse further.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you." -- Ephesians 4:31, 32, NIV

Forgiveness is the core tenet of the Christian faith, it's why we have salvation, it's why we can live a life of love, serving Christ in complete freedom. But so often, we accept Christ's forgiveness without forgiving others. Bitterness comes in when we allow the pain to sink so deep that we feel we have been wronged so much, so badly, that we cannot forgive the person who wronged us. We cannot move on, and so we hold onto that pain, and we ball up and refuse to forgive, we refuse to allow ourselves to be hurt again.

The passage in Hebrews 12:15 (see above) says that bitterness is a root. This is important to understand. Not only is bitterness deep like a root, but the root is the life-source for the tree, the root brings the water into the tree, and if the root is infected with disease, with pain, and bitterness, would it not follow that the entire tree would become infected as well? Not only that, but as the Hebrews passage points out, roots can "spring up". Ever notice how roots often break through the earth and cause people to trip?

You cannot hold your pain inside forever, it eventually breaks through. And when it does break through, what results? Many people are defiled. Sin never affects just one person. And this bitterness that is held inside can be knocked out at any time. Amy Carmichael, in a book called "If", has a passage concerning bitterness in which we are seen as cups holding water.

"For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted."

Whatever is in us, that is what comes out in a crisis situation, when we are "jolted." When we have focused on our pain, and not on Christ, we have a bitter attitude. We dwell on that pain, we let it rule us, we remember every detail of every wrong committed against us, and we live in that past event, not forgiving, and not moving on. Satan lies to us and tells us that things will get better if only that other person says they are sorry, and so often we respond to an apology by saying "Sorry isn't good enough."

Why? Why is an apology not good enough? Isn't an apology all we offer God?? The reason it is not good enough for us is because we have refused to forgive in the first place. The apology does not matter, because when we refuse to forgive, the apology has no meaning. Bitterness does not forgive. And so no matter how many apologies are given, we continue on in our bitterness, and spread our pain around. Bitterness is a root that defiles many. Bitter people are sour and sharp to the taste. They have nothing good to say, and they have looked beyond the apologies, and beyond forgiveness, and have chosen to focus on themselves in a selfish attitude.

Now, before going on, most people will say that some pain entitles us to this attitude, that we have a right, as Naomi believed, to let others know we are suffering, to seek their pity, to be the victim, and to not forgive until the other person is thoroughly punished. But the issue needs to be raised of Christ's sacrifice, of God's forgiveness of us. If you think that your pain was great, let us for a moment think about how great was God's.

"The Lord saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The Lord was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain [literally means "had difficulty breathing"]." -- Genesis 6:5, 6, NIV "He said, 'Surely they are my people, sons who will not be false to me'; and so he became their Savior. In all their distress he too was distressed, and the angel of his presence saved them. In his love and mercy, he redeemed them; he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old. Yet they rebelled and grieved his Holy Spirit. So he turned and became their enemy and he himself fought against them." -- Isaiah 63:8-10, NIV

God has hurt more than any of us, and did God ever wallow into his hurt, and dwell on that pain, and become bitter?? No. God instead turned his pain and anger into action, to SAVE us. This is very important to note! When we are without a bitter attitude and someone wrongs us, our repsonse should be one of pity and a desire to help that person, NOT of revenge, not of anger, not of hatred, not of deeper pain. God turned and heard our cry, he turned to us as much as it hurt him, as much as it grieves him still, deep into his heart, every time we sin, every time we are sad, every time their is pain in our lives, even though he knows the plan for us, he hurts with us. And despite that pain, despite his sorrow, he gave the greatest sacrifice anyone could give to save us.

So, what should we do? First of all, before bitterness ever begins, when the pain and the hurt is fresh, FORGIVE. No matter if it is a real wrong or a supposed wrong, no matter what the circumstance, forgive. Forgive those who have wronged you and pray that the Lord will help those people to know a relationship with him, so that they will not hurt others again. Two wrongs don't make a right. One person's wrong toward you, one person's hurting you, does not get better if you decide to hurt back, by holding a grudge, by becoming bitter in your heart. Remember the apology discussion. No matter how bitter you get, or how many times the other person apologizes, the situation will not get better.

Secondly, if you are bitter already, not only forgive the person who has wronged you, but turn to God and ask for his forgiveness as well. Confess to him that you have harbored such an attitude, that it is a hinderance to love and forgiveness, a hinderance to your walk with him, a source of division and strife among the body of believers. I don't care how hurt you are, how deep the pain runs, YOU have the choice as to how you are going to handle that hurt. YOU have to make the decision to forgive, as Christ has forgiven you for a hurt much deeper and more intense than you can imagine. YOU have to get down on your knees and admit that YOU are in the wrong. If vengeance needs to be done, if justice has been breached, vengeance is of the Lord. Why should you carry around anger and resentment, and make yourself miserable for someone else's sin?? That makes no sense. Bitterness is a root, it starts deep, and works through the entire tree. And what does God tell us to do with this bitterness? To hide it? No. To let it out to others, to show others your pain? No. God tells us to "get rid of all bitterness." Get rid of it!! Don't show it to others and bring your sorrow on them! How can they help you? Will it not just cause more suffering, a defilement of many, for you to spread your sorrow around? Take it to God!! Ask for his forgiveness for your attitude and choose a new attitude!! Let God put a new song, a song of joy, upon your lips, into your mouth!! Sing praises to God, and let go of your pain!!

Bitterness is a root, a deep and sour root, a painful root, full of grief. It is a root that defiles many, but starts with a defilement of the person who is bitter. Don't let those who have wronged you have the victory over you by making you miserable. Don't live your life in pain for someone else's sin. Christ already died for all sins. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. This is crucial, this is the most important aspect of Christianity. Forgive out of love, as Christ forgave you. And let God rip that root out of the ground.

We are the branches, and he is the vine. We have to remain in him, we have to not let that bitterness take root, and therefore defile the whole tree. We are all united. Put your focus on Christ, and let him deal with your hurt. He has been there. He died for you, and for that pain. Don't let bitterness kill you to the joy he can offer. Don't die again by living in bitterness, and therefore take the meaning away from Christ's sacrfice. Confess your wrong attitudes, forgive those who have wronged you, and be content with your life where it is. Dwell in Christ, dwell in love, dwell in peace. And forgive.