When Pouring Molten Lava in your Mouth Just Isn't Enough...
I'm breaking away from my usual obsession with stupid advertising to focus on a stupid gimmick - the Domino's Pizza Heatwave.
This brainchild of Dominos is a special bag that makes it possible to get your pizza delivered as hot as if it had just come out of the oven. In the commercial, the steam is just pouring off the pizza as the happy family opens the pie that the delivery guy pulled from the Heatwave bag just moments before. Mmmm, piping hot pizza...
What the commercial doesn't show is the kids screaming in pain moments later as the hot cheese burns the flesh off the roofs of their mouths, while hot tomato sauce drips down their cheeks, causing permanent facial scars!
I'm happy to say that the other pizza delivery chains aren't falling for this crap. I think the marketing wizards who came up with this one should be FIRED IMMEDIATELY. Why? Well, let me tell you. How many of us order a pizza, then when it gets here, wait before eating it? Do we want to maintain a real family meal, and wait for little Sarah to finish her homework and Matt to come inside from mowing the lawn? I don't think so. Usually we were ready to eat thirty minutes ago when we first made the call, and by now we are FAMISHED! The first slices are usually missing before the pizza even makes it to the kitchen counter, and let's face it, that's about as far as it is gonna get- no fancy china here, folks.
There is an upside in all my rants, folks, and this one is no exception. Wanna know how to turn Domino's marketing snafu into your own little moneymaker? Easy! Do you remember that woman who won millions from MacDonald's because she spilled hot coffee in her lap? The way I see it, a big ol' slice falling upside-down on my genitals could make me a millionaire, too...
