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~ POEMS, JOKES & STORIES ~



HELEN
~
They say that turning forty is the beginning of the end,
But it doesn't stop a person from being a terrific friend.
For all the years of sharing advice and listening to our woes.
And always finding the middle ground between friends or foes.
We wish you all Gods happiness and success in all you do
For no one in this small town deserves it more than you.
~~~ Santa ~~~
(This was written for me by our friend Dave aka Santa, for my 40th birthday)
"NELL"
~
Although our hearts are tinged with sadness,
and it all seems dull & grey,
For Nelly was our Wonder Girl,
never an unkind word to say.
She liked a smoke and a beer,
and didn't mind a yarn.
And if the joke was really funny,
she would have to write it down.
In her little yellow canary she'd drive off down the street,
Just going for an ice cream or Chinese for a treat.
When she was going home she'd give a little wave
"I'll see you all tomorrow, mind you all behave."
She would tell us all how the Folks in Batlow were
Trevor, Claude ,Mary & Kate
And what all the relations were doing of late.
As we grieve for Nelly as is only right,
Remember all the good things about her,
But do not dread her plight,
For she's in the Arms of her man Jim
Tonight.
See you Nelly
~~~ SANTA 95 ~~~
(Dave wrote this poem on the day of my Beloved Mother's funneral)
Thanks Dave
The Perfect Couple, The Perfect Day
~
As we walk along the beach hand in hand,
the warmth of the setting sun gives its last warmth sending,
that feeling of belonging,
of tranquility,
of happiness,
that warmth which joins our hearts,
the very warmth which melted my heart the day,
that warmth which gives life,
and takes it.
As the sun set over the breaking waves it becomes clear,
as clear as the water between our feet,
as clear as the sky above,
that we where meant to be.
~~~ Ryan Spencer ~~~

"Angels are the guardians of hope and wonder, the keepers of magic and dreams. Wherever there is love, an angel is flying by. Your guardian angel knows you inside and out and loves you just the way you are. Angels keep it simple and always travel light. Remember to leave space in your relationships so the angels have room to play. Your guardian angel helps you find a place when you feel there is no place to go. Whenever you feel lonely, a special angel drops in for tea. Angels are with you every step of the way and help you soar with amazing grace. After all, we are angels in training; all we have to do is spread our wings and fly. The existence of angels has been taught since the beginning of time. They are here to protect and guide us on our magic journey through life." ---J. Kirk---

The Perfect Day
~
today was a prefect day,
the sun was out,
the birds were singing and it was quiet,
and peaceful,
the suns warmth against my body sent a feeling a safety,
of being and of belonging to this life.
It is times like today that I am glade to be alive.
The green of the bush around me makes me feel at home,
the peaceful swaying of the branches from side to side,
bring me comfort,
as I sit in the sun nothing else seem to bother me,
the phone ringing,
the music in the background all seems to fade away,
as it seem that I am taken away to another place in time and body.
the sweat smell of fresh air,
the bush and the sun make my heart melt,
and reminds me of the days at home,
siting watching the sunset,
or a storm come in,
for today was a prefect day,
in the days boring'ness,
it has made it a peaceful,
relaxing day,
the perfect day.
~~~ Ryan Spencer ~~~
(Ryan is a very talented young man we met on the net. He has become a very good friend of my daughter Kimbo)
A Death Of An Innocent
~
I went to a party, Mum, I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mum, so I drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside, Mum, the way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mum, even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mum, I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mum, as everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car, Mum, I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me, so responsible and sweet.
I started to drive away, Mum, but as I pulled out into the road,
the other car didn't see me, Mum, and hit me like a load.
As I lay there on the pavement, Mum, I hear the policeman say,
the other guy is drunk, Mum, and now I'm the one who will pay.
I'm lying here dying, Mum, I wish you'd get here soon.
How could this happen to me Mum? My life just burst like a balloon.
There is blood all around me, Mum, and most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mum, I'll die in a short time.
I just wanted to tell you, Mum, I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mum. The others didn't think.
He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is he drank and I will die.
Why do people drink Mum? It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now. Pains just like a knife.
The guy who hit me is walking, Mum, and I don't think it is fair.
I'm lying here dying and all he can do is stare.
Tell my brother not to cry, Mum. Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I got to heaven, Mum, put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.
Someone should have told him, Mum, not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mum, I would still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mum, I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mum. When I needed you, you were always there.
I have one last question, Mum, before I say good-bye.
I didn't drink and drive, so why am I the one to die?
(I found this on several pages and loved it, so here it is)
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JOKES

Q. How do you tell which end of a worm is the head.
A. Cover it in flour and wait till it farts.....
(Gary Denson, Canberra)


Q. Have you ever smelt moth balls before?
A. Yes.
Well how did you get their little legs apart?
(Kimberly Harms, Tumut)

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous that he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous & took a drink...he proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12, & there are 12 disciples, not 10.

3. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

4. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

5. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

6. The Father, Son, & Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy, Jr., & Spook.

7. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

8. When David was hit by a rock & knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

9. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

10. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper, he said, "Take this & eat it for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."

11. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as "the Mary with the Cherry."

12. The recommended grace before a meal is not, "Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thank you for the grub. Yeah God!"

13. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's

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