Here's some old rants, in case you missed 'em:
"The March Hare" by Mike Couling
Well, here it is March and it finally feels like spring. You can also tell it's spring by the re-awakening of the idiots in the government. Yes, my friends, we finally made it past the whole dick sucking fiasco of the last year, and now it's time to talk about who's going to be President in the year 2000. That is, the year 2000 in Gregorian Standard Time. In Japanese time, we are in 2659, where as in Mike Couling Standard Time, we are in "Just past lunch and not at work time." nyway, I digress. So, now the idea is instead of voting for some Bozo who belives that women don't have any rights to their own bodies, vote for Ivan Stang for President in the year 2000. He is the leader of the "Church of The Subgenius" based in Dallas, Texas. We need a president who promises us limitless sex, and lots of pleasure, while destroying our enemies. Ivan is that man. For more info check out the link to "BOB" on our web-page. Did you ever realize that it's really fun to run around and scream Poop,Poop,Poop at the top of your lungs? It is, you should try it.-Mikey,
NOTE: From the Revvin' Dr. Semillama: Actually, "Bob" is the leader of the Church of the SubGenius. Stang is merely the Sacred Scribe. If you want to vote for someone who's into destroying your enemies, then vote for Papa Joe Mama, the leader of the Holocaustal faction of the church. Of course, Papa Joe's enemies probably include YOU, unless you have sent your $30 to Dobbs. Also, hy mess around with something as piddling as President when you can write in J.R. "Bob" Dobbs for World Overlord? It's just a matter of time before that happens BY FORCE anyway, so might as well vote him in and get it over with.
by Andy Sewell
Well, here's another new rant for ya. This time around, I'd like to focus on the wonderful world wide web, which has the ability to swallow vast quantities of valuable time like nobody's business. I am proof. Many a day I will spend chatting on billboards at sorabji.com or at "Better Sex For Mutants,", a SubGenius board that actually has very little to do with sex. The point is, we've got all this wonderful OUTSIDE to do things in, plus important stuff we need to get done, yet we devote a good deal of our time HERE (or there) in cyberspace. Why? Good question, for which there are probably many answers. Here's mine: SLACK. There is so much slack out there for the taking. Just one visit to any of the sites on our links page will confirm this. For the neophile, the web is paradise. One is guaranteed to see or learn something completely new to them. And what could be better than that?
Well, lots, I suppose, like great sex or a new flavor of Ben 'n' Jerry's or watching some cop get his balls clawed off by an irate cat... But I digress.
The point is, yes, the web is one collosal waste of time. However, the time we waste on the web is OURS and ours alone. Sometimes, this time is spent while we are at work, therefore extending whatever meager benefits package we may have by getting paid to SLACK OFF. If you can do this, then you are truly on the path to enlightenment.
by Andy Sewell
One might say this band passed through the belly of the beast this weekend, or was even smoked in the Pipe of "Bob". Friday started out with copyright infringement, a common malady for a Subgenius, and forced a name change upon us. (On reflection, this is jsut as well, since no one seems to have been able to spell "Trance Lucid" without putting a dash in between the words.) Our first go at a new name was Sunshine Unit, which is a unit of measurement the military uses to determine levels of fallout after a nuclear blast. However, too many people wet their pants laughing at this name, and it, too, was scrapped. The brilliance of Ashley shone through, and Subshine was adopted. This name is more appropriate for the musical direction we seem to be leading towards. Name issues behind, Subshine was lifted up as on an escape ship to the pleasure planets when we played our first real gig Friday night. An unexpected 100 people showed up to see us play, and we poured ourselves out to them. They responded in kind. The band gained its first groupie that night, and hopefully will benefit from word of mouth. Speaking of benefits. . .
The rest of our "Fortuna's Wheel Weekend" dealt with lending our services to greater causes. First was the recording of "Definition of a Friend" for the Sun Compilation, being assembled in honor of Oren Krumm. Several go's were made at the song, but it took an emotional release to bring the song to its shining moment. We also took advantage of our kind studio hosts to record Trophy Wife, Flicker, and Your Mirror. Then came Sunday . . .
Sunday was our second public gig, for a NORML benefit show. Once again, NORML's sound dept. had not given themselves the time needed to set up the stage, and we began sound checking at 4pm, when the show was supposed to start. The acoustics of the room made it difficult to hear, and equipment problems prevented the sound from being, shall we say, close to optimum. And then of course, there was the summoning of the Stark Fist of Wrath by Mike. Unaware of what the Stark Fist is, Mike called out for it during soundcheck, and sure enough, we were visited. Beset by cracking voice, snapping strings, lost counts and a mostly bewildered audience ( not to mention creeping rock star wanna-be's), Subshine was truly smote, and smote hard. An embarassing performance, but we stuck through and learned one more harsh lesson of the music business. Hopefully, lessons about not meddling in affairs you know nothing of were learnt, also . . .
For more on the Stark Fist Of Wrath and "Bob's" Pipe, click His face on our links page.
