"It's funny, isn't it, how one can go through life, as I have, disliking bananas and being indifferent to cheese, but still be able to eat, and enjoy, a banana and cheese sandwich like this."
-Mr. Pither

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not. But I'm sick and tired of being told that I am."
-Man in the Street

ON BULLFIGHTING: "A bull is heavy, violent, abusive, and aggressive, with four legs and great sharp teeth- whereas a bullfighter is only a small greasy Spaniard."
-A Narrator

"There is no cannabalism in the British Navy, absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount."
-Sir John Cunningham, Mrs.

"I know some hospitals where you get the patients lying around in bed, sleeping, resting, recuperating, convalescing. Well, that's not the way we do things here! If you fracture your tibia here, you keep quiet about it!"
-Sgt. Doctor, St. Pooves

"There's nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can't prolong."
-EverySurgeon

"There's nothing more dangerous than a wounded mosquito."
-Roy Spim, Famous Mosquito Hunter

"Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb. Most of it's up, until you reach the very, very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply."
-Sir George Head, OBE