THIRD INTERVIEWER (Eric Idle): Last week The Royal Festival Hall saw the first performance of a new symphony by one of the world's leading modern composers, Arthur "Two-Sheds" Jackson. Mr. Jackson.
JACKSON (Terry Jones): Good evening.
INT: May I just sidetrack you for one moment. Mr. Jackson, this, what should I call it, nickname of yours.
JAC: Oh yes.
INT: "Two-Sheds." How did you come by it?
JAC: Well I don't use it myself, it's just a few of my friends call me "Two-Sheds."
INT: I see, and do you in fact have two sheds?
JAC: No. No, I've only one shed. I've had one for some time, but a few years ago I said I was thinking of getting another one and since then some people have called me "Two-Sheds."
INT: In spite of the fact that you have only one.
JAC: Yes.
INT: I see, and are you thinking of purchasing a second shed?
JAC: No.
INT: To bring you in line with your epithet.
JAC: No.
INT: I see, I see. Well let's return to your symphony. Ah, now then, did you write this symphony... in the shed?
JAC: ... No.
INT: Have you written any of your recent works in this shed of yours?
JAC: No it's just a perfectly ordinary garden shed.

A picture of a shed appears on the screen behind them.

INT: I see. And you're thinking of buying this second shed to write in.
JAC: No, no. Look, this shed business, it doesn't really matter at all, the sheds aren't important. It's just a few friends call me "Two-Sheds," and that's all there is to it. I wish you'd ask me about my music. I'm a composer. People always ask me about the sheds, they've got it out of proportion, I'm fed up with the sheds, I wish I'd never got it in the first place.
INT: I expect you're probably thinking of selling one.
JAC: I will sell one.
INT: Then you'd be Arthur "No-Sheds" Jackson.
JAC: Look forget about the sheds. They don't matter.
INT: Mr. Jackson I think with respect, we ought to talk about your symphony.
JAC: What?
INT: Apparently your symphony was written for organ and tympani.
JAC: (Catches sight of the picture of the shed behind him.) What's that?
INT: What's what?
JAC: It's a shed. Get it off.

He points to BP screen shed. The picture of the shed disappears and is replaced by a picture of Jackson. Jackson looks at it carefully.

JAC: Right.
INT: Now then Mr. Jackson... your symphony.

Caption appears: "ARTHUR "TWO-SHEDS" JACKSON.

The picture of jackson is replaced by a picture of two sheds, one with a question mark over it.

INT: I understand that you used to be interested in train spotting.
JAC: What?
INT: I understand that about thirty years ago you were extremely interested in train spotting.
JAC: What's this got to do with my bloody music?

Enter SECOND INTERVIEWER from earlier sketch.

2INT (John Cleese): Are you having any trouble from him?
INT: Yes, a little.
2INT: Well we interviewers are more than a match for the likes of you, "Two-Sheds."
INT: Yes make yourself scarce "Two-Sheds." This studio isn't big enough for the three of us.

They push him away and propel him out.

JAC: What are you doing? (He is pushed out of vision with a crash.)
2INT: Get your own Arts programme you fairy!
INT: (To camera) Arthur "Two-Sheds" Jackson.

THE END

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