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Poems By Monica

Reflection

wave of fear goes through my body
The source I do not know But it comes so sudden that it overwhelms me
It follows me now wherever I go I long to figure out from where and why
But the answers just don't come I look in front of me and behind
But this fear has left me numb Just when I stop looking the answer comes to me
The thing that has caused me so much fear I was blind not to have seen
All I had to do was look in the mirror That girl standing there has been holding me back
Afraid of what she'll say; of what she'll do She's always pointing out the things I lack
I'm afraid that what she tells me might be true Her icy stare goes right through me
Straight to my heart And now this fear is a part of me
I'm tearing myself apart She doesn't want me to be able to live on my own
She feeds on controlling my mind, body, and soul She is determined to turn my heart to stone
But if it's up to me she will not reach her goal

5/7/98

True Friends

My tears fill up another page

They replace my old thoughts of rage
I am unable yet to think; only to cry Happiness is something you cannot buy
A heart of pain now lies inside my soul Reality is starting to grab ahold
I just want to run and hide I want someone who I can confide
I thought it impossible to care for me But now I see a light where I can be free
The reason for that is my friends A few turned but the rest are helping my heart mend
I had thought it was broke I had thought there was no hope
But as long as I've got true friends here I have no reason to have any fear

5/11/98

Hope

Your icy stare sends chills down my spine

You look at me and I turn away
You said you're here to help me find What I don't have today
The heart and soul that I lost But I can't accept your pity
And with my freedom I had thought I'd paid the cost But now I've been hurled into an unforgiving reality
Lost in a world of frustration and confusion A whirlwind of hurt and pain
Trying to strip me of my life-long convictions I realize I want it all back again
And as I try to pick myself up once again I fall But I still can't accept your hand
Uncontrollably down this hole I fall And realize a little too late I could have used a helping hand
Your icy stare now a relief I look up and look to you for my lost hope
You take away my regret; I have no more grief Slowly I'll get up and figure out a way to cope

Role Model

A lonely tear engraved on her cheek

A smile so beautiful no one could speak
An image of what they all want to be But a mask of happiness is all they see
Inside lies a heart of pain A mind that's drove her insane
A soul that no longer soars A spirit that's been chained to the floor
Yet still she walks with a smile on her lips While what's inside has been torn and ripped
When she talks her voice is like music to the ear Her words soothe everyone else's fear
But in reality she's alone and afraid Yet she still puts on this mascarade
Although she likes to see them look up to her She can't help but wonder
What would they say if they could see What lies beneath her artificial beauty

5/14/98

Beauty

A beautiful smile carved in her lips

Even though her clothes are worn and ripped
Her ribs show through her skin She is dangerously thin
She can barely walk because of the pain But she doesn't care her life is going down the drain
The smile on her face and the look in her eye Make us all wonder why
What could possibly make her so happy? Only she knows the secret of true beauty
Even though her face is hollow and thin She still manages to flash that beautiful grin
This girl who's most valued asset is her smile And who's clothes are out of style
Has far more than you or me For she knows the meaning of true beauty

5/15/98

Too Soft A Voice

I have something to say but my voice can't be heard

I open my mouth but you can't hear a word
I write it on paper and then people can see The story that lies within me
I seem so vulnerable and emotional at times And I can't always make things rhyme
I try my best and then somtimes people understand It isn't so much that I demand
I just want someone to love me; to care I figure that is being fair
But when I try to tell them with my words It seems as though I can't be heard
So I use my paper and write with my pen And I find that I make many a friend
I show them what lies within me And that is how I make people see

1/12/98

Life

Fear, pain, misery

It's all a part of life's mystery
We deal with losses and struggle to cope Trying to keep hold of our fading hope

Our friends tell us it will all be okay

Praying that we will be joyful someday
But only we can pull ourselves out of this hole Only we can release the pains we hold

Joy, happiness, and cheer

Are what keeps us here
Gives us times to look forward to Replaces the days filled with a sense of doom

Life is full of surprises; some good, some bad

Some fill us with happiness others just make us mad
But next time you're filled with misery Remember that soon again you will be happy

5/21/98

Love and Fear

My head pounds with rage and fury

My vision becomes blurry
The thoughts in my head are no longer clear I'm torn between love and fear
Two emotions that hold a war in my soul Each trying to reach their goal
Fear being so agressive and bold Love sitting in a corner as precious as gold
It's so easy to feel the fear But love is the one that brings joy and tears
Both so complicated they confuse my heart The war between fear and love is tearing me apart
Maybe it's the love that I fear Afraid to let anyone get near
Fear has won the war for now But love will come out on top somehow

5/19/98

Society

Written for Jen

Who's to say what is "right" or what is "wrong"?

They tell us what is "normal" and we all go along
Just to feel accepted by this ignorant, blind society Their only motive is pure greed
We're afraid of rejection so we do our best Acting like zombies trying to be like the rest
Spending our lives trying to fit in here Denying ourselves of the person in the mirror
Always wondering if one day We won't be afraid to stand up and say
"No, I don't think this is right!" But right now this society is too closed mided to put up a fight
I admire the few who dare to be brave Who broke the chains and are no longer enslaved
I want to follow my heart not this witless society I want to be accepted for being me
But that isn't possible; I'm just too shy So I'll just follow always wondering why

5/21/98

A Rose's Love

Twas the greatest pleasure

Spending my days with you
Gave me something to live for

Your love as precious as a rose pedal

But with roses come thorns
And I am cuaght now that we broke up

Left with so much pain inside

As though I've been poisioned and left alive to suffer
Now I find myself crawling back to you for more

You probably think I'm insane

But it's the emptiness in my heart that makes me this way
You were what made my heart complete

I know there is a chance I might get hurt again

But life is full of risks and I'm willing to risk the pain
Just to have you by my side once more

5/18/98

Blank Pages

A blank sheet of paper

Not knowing what words it will hold
Like our life we start out fresh But as we go from young to old

The page starts to fill with images

That symbolize who we've become
Each page is a little different Telling the world how far each of us has come

There is one thing about this paper though

Once something is written it's there to stay
It is impossible to be erased A new sentence gets added every day

Put in your memory for the rest of time

Your mind is blank when you start
So make your page the best you can In other words follow your heart

5/22/98

Perfect Rose

A perfect rose of love waiting to bloom

Glistening in the light of the moon
Gave it water and let it grow Our love greater than any will ever know

Walks on the beach hand in hand

The beauty of the rose only we understand
So innocent, pure and true A love experienced only by the lucky few

The rose that once stood so tall

Has now wilted and begun to fall
The beauty of the rose has been drained The storm of hurt poured instead of just rained

Drowned out what was once there

Made us forget how much we cared
The perfect rose of love waiting to bloom Has been smothered because we didn't get it enough room

5/23/98

Tears

Tears of pain stream down my face

Robbing me of my beauty and grace
Making me feel just like a child Bringing back memories that had been filed

I scream into the darkness of the night

Trying to see through these tears of fright
I know what it is that is making me this way That blocked out the sun's rays

Took my joy and instilled a sense of terror

As it fills my dreams with horror
Took away my hope and left me in tears Ripped my soul from me and scarred me for years

It was something too complicated to understand

Brought me to my knees when I tried to stand
A deadly poison impossible to survive Makes me no longer want to be alive

I gave myself to you and instead of love I got pain

My tears blend in with the rain
All because I was in love and I was blind No I just have to wait and heal with time

5/24/98

Violence and Drugs

A little girl sits in the corner

Beside a broken mirror
I look in at her and wonder What causes this child fear

This world is no longer safe for her

The guns and drugs will constantly be there
This little girl might even become a muderer But right now she's so young no one cares

The girl is now the age of ten

A girl on the run
She knows not where she's going; only where she's been When caught her life of fun and games will be done

We could have saved her

Taught her right from wrong
If we started a little earlier We could have made her strong

We thought we had plenty of time

But she fell to violence and drugs at the age of ten
If only we could have reaced her at nine If only we had shwed her she had friends

Now this girl is a statistic

To go on charts and graphs
She feel through the cracks of society so quick We need to take this seriously but so many laugh

I don't want to see any more girls like her fall

It's really not so out of range
We need to tear down this violence and drug-wall It's time for a change

5/12/98

Love's Illusion

Is all the love I've ever felt just been an illusion?

My mind begs yes, my heart screams no; why the confusion?
I gave you all I had to give but what did you give me? A borrowed love that was soon stolen away from me
Gave me a taste of that deadly poison; just enough to survive For your good pleasure; for my painful ride
Your life now fun and games while mine is of regret and tears Never looking back to see me cry; in vain I gave my years
I was good enough until you got back on your feet Now you kick dust in my face when I'm near defeat
Forgetting just how it felt to be last in life's race A fool's heart I was given; a fool's life I must face
My life is filled with pain and confusion Now I'm sure all your love for me was just an illusion

Written by: Monica and Tony828

One Last Kiss

A tear is shed from my eye

As I'm forced to say that last goodbye
No more playful kisses on my hand No more hugs to let me know you understand
The look in your eyes is so distant and far away My heart pleads for you to stay
My soul is lost inside your eyes Your kiss is the only way my spirit can be revived
I want to have your lips on mine and to feel your breath I want one more kiss from you even if it's the kiss of death
I need you because you have become a part of me Without you I am fading ever so slowly
My eyes plead to your heart with a love so true Give me just one more kiss before deciding what to do
The power of my look has overtaken your heart Little do you know that this one last kiss is really just the start

Written by: Monica

Wall of Tears

I sit alone examining these walls around me

So pale and plain; I lose all sense of color
I feel the energy drain from this weary body My mind reaches back sifting for a hidden desire
Trying to grab hold of some lost hope Trying to rekindle that old spark
Desperately searching for a way to cope Knowing in my heart I can't feel for you any more
I want you here but I can't fathom the pain To look in your eyes would scatter my heart's many pieces
To hear your voice would bring this soul to shame To feel your touch would drain me of all my strength
As I sit alone wiping away the tears I see these walls that are so plain
I see all that I ever feared

Written by: Monica and Tony828

Wings and Strings

The dove that looks so graceful in flight

Has reached an all new height
While we are stuck here in chains Forced to rule the ground and deal with society inflicted pains
Like that of a bird we start out helpless; begging for food Expecting everyone to go along with our mood
But as a bird grows and learns to use its wings Society has robbed us of ours and given us strings
Making us move like puppets to their every command Expecting us to comply with their ever demand
Thinking we can't miss what we never had; to be free We never had the chance to fly; just prisoners to this society

Written by: Monica

A Lonely Heart

Looking over these shattered pieces my heart asks why

Why was I forced to say goodbye?
Why did it have to be this way; why couldn't it last? So many lies making me forget the future and remember the past
There was something in your voice that made those lies sound true Maybe I just heard what I wanted to
With your lips so soft; tingling my spine as you whispered in my ear Just the way your breath felt on my skin seemed to calm my every fear
With the feel of your touch you uplifted my soul Now my soul in chains I realize all the lies you told
The light in me that was you now ceases to shine Leaving a void; in the darkness all love is left behind
Loneliness now all too common; love a thing of the past My heart still beats for something to make it last
Why was I forced to say goodbye? These shattered pieces will always make my heart ask why

Written by: Monica and Tony828

Rage

My head pounds beyond control as rage fills my body

Fire courses through my veins viciously
Causing my blood to boil; my body convulses Trying to fight this anger, my mind repulses
My eyes, red with anger, look at the room that appears a tornado could have hit
Setting everything ablaze as I fall through this bottomless pit I've made a transition from Jeckyl to Hyde
Burning all my bridges; so much for the joy ride To heck with being a nice guy; they just finish last
That part of my life is now a thing of the past I'm letting myself and my mind just go wild
I'm done with being sad and depressed; past being meek and mild Watch out, beware; I'm not who I used to be
A crusher of hearts is what you have made of me I'm tired of being hurt; it's everyone else's turn
You built this wall and you also made it burn Now everyone is going to suffer because of you
Tears of water turned to blood as my anger grew Look at me; this is what happens when a heart is broken beyond repair
Anger and rage now take their rightful place there

Written by: Monica and Tony 828

Love's Glance

When I caught you staring my way it made my heart skip a beat

With just that one look it made all the others obsolete
My face drains of all color; finding it hard to breathe If I dared to look in your direction would you just think
of me as a tease? My heart longs to have your hand in mine
Even if for just one second they could intertwine But my mind insists that this is not wise
While every time your around my temperature begins to rise The expression on your face speaks volumes to my heart
Asking why couldn't it have been us from the start But you have never said a word to me
Your hidden desire seems to be reserved for only my eyes to see How can I feel so attached to you just by exchanging a longing glance?
And yet I sit here wasting all my chances I guess there is such a thing as love at first sight
My mind lost the battle; it's my heart that knows what is right

Written by: Monica and Tony828

Friends of Hope

Dedicated to all my friends at Poetry Cafe

There is something here that my eye can't see

But I can feel it's presence all around me
Uncertain if I should welcome it or run away Something draws me in; making me stay
It forces me to unwillingly open my heart It will either make me complete or tear me apart
But it's not that simple; it does a little of both And makes all these mixed emotions come forth
They run together confusing my mind Letting me know I can't retrieve the peace I left behind
I must face these new feelings; it's impossible to run away Having to deal with a new emotion every hour of every day
Human emotions must be the most complicated of things With all the fear and joy they are able to bring
But by this one thing; even though with my eye it can't be seen It's amazing power seems to have conquered me

Written by: Monica

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