im shy. ppl take offense sometimes, and think im being rude.. or that i dont want to talk to them. which is usually not true. i hate being shy. its horrible. i try to not be.. but it doesnt work or i make a fool out of myself.

i get very hyper. very wild. heh. and that is also really annoying. i always do stupid stuff..say stupid stuff. i get on my OWN nerves.. when im drunk.. im only worse. but its good cuz when im drunk i say stuff i usually dont say, but want to..

im very very very very bored. im sick of like, everything, in my life. new stuff needs to happen. it's the same thing over and over. same places. i want to travel. i want to get out more. i need to. im driving myself crazy. i cant stand it. i want to go places ive never been before. im sick of going to the same places all the time. i mean, i dont wanna forget about em, cause im not someone that just forgets about stuff. i miss everything. i just need a break.

im very very lazy. im not motivated at all. i cant stand school anymore. i dont do much of my work at all. and if i had more of a choice i probably wouldnt go. i have a job. i havent had it for very long and i aleady feel that i cant handle it and that its too much of a resposabilty. this laziness just gets worse. i know my life is doomed. i know i would never be able to keep a job. i dont know what im gunna do. ive really been thinking about this latley. and it really sucks.

i want to make music. really bad. ive always wanted to, but now more than ever. me and some friends are starting a band. none of us really know how to do anything, so we arent off to a very uh, good start heh. i want this to work out though. but im like, to lazy to do even this, what i want to do. and it pisses me off madly.

i cant stand my family. not even my mom anymore. they constantly get on my nerves. i hate being home. i used to be able to handle them and actually enjoy them. i cant stand em now though. and it doesnt make things any better that we have lots of family problems. heh. i dont know. my mom esp has been getting on my nerves soo much. i cant stand it.

im an emotional person. i can get so upset about the littlest things. i almost always cry at the movies. i cry about the littlest things in general. even things that have no affect on me sometimes. i cray for other people. i cry because.. everything. heh. i cant stand losing people.. stop talking to people. it makes me upset. i hate growing apart. i miss everything. everyone. places i go. people i dont really know.. but met.. maybe not even met.. but would of like to.

im a thinker.. a day dreamer. i never can concentrate in school. im always day dreaming. i think about everything. people.. people i will never meet. how things are. how they were. i wonder how things will be.. in the future... in the near future.. also in the far future, like when im old. it's so scary to think about how different things will be. people, society, TECHNOLOGY. who knows what mechanical jibberish is yet to be invented. its actually scary to think about.

more soon.

<<