Noise. Men, women, children, but above all the SS guards, with their loud, intrusive, barking commands.
What I recollect the most, is the complete and utter confusion that swept through the station. We had been given very little notice before we had been literally herded into the tiny German train station from our Ghetto. Our most worldly and precious possessions were packed into a few bags and parcels.
A loud angry voice could be heard over the din of chatter, it was an SS guard 'instructing' us to leave our bags where they were. The once flushed faces of the people around me grew rapidly ashen with confusion, distrust and above all, fear. A mumble of voices nearby voiced quiet concern. Where would our bags go? We thought we were going to a labour camp, wouldn't we need clothes? The SS barked that we would receive our bags later on, that we would get them back.
One lady dared to openly protest , "My child needs his diapers, we cannot board without them. This bag is the only possession I have left, please let me take it." The SS soldier looked coldly back at her and slowly aimed his gun at the child and fired. The boy fell back in his mothers arms.
Blood. All I could focus on was the blood. There was such a flow. The child was limp. Dead. The reality was frightening.
Why was this happening? Nobody had any answers, but we were all thinking that same question. We knew what our choices were. To co-operate and live just that little bit longer, or die, just like the child.
Suddenly I was pushed in another direction. Shoved that way, pushed this. The amount of people piled into the station made it impossible to understand one moment, before being thrust into the next.
More orders flew from the officers mouths along with the familiar stream of abuse. We were to label our bags with our names then to leave them. Begrudgingly we co- operated, and waited with baited breath for the next command.
We were to wait for the train. It was two hours before the train finally pulled into the station, slowly moving towards us in an endless line of cattle cars. Confusion once again showed itself. Where were the seats? We didn't know where we were going but we knew we couldn't stand for the whole trip. The train came to a halt, and we were ordered into the carriages, one hundred people per car. Many murmurs arose. One hundred? How would that possibly be? We would be lucky if we could fit fifty people into one car.
Bodies. Squashed and pushed up against each other. The close proximity of the next person made it harder to breathe.
Some families were separated and you could hear the screams of anxious and frightened people crying desperately for their children or parents. In our cart many people joined in the hysteria, screaming helplessly. We never knew then, but separation at this point meant in most cases that this was to be the last time many relatives were seen.
Once the car was filled they locked us in. The only gap in the structure that we could find was a small window like feature, crisscrossed with barbed wire.
The heat in the cars grew to unbearable levels. The taller people were the lucky ones, being able to reach the higher air, but the children were suffering terribly. The guards paced back and forth along the platform, we begged to be let out, or to have less people, but they just laughed and mocked some more.
The trains didn't move for another two hours, and by the time we finally left the station it was the beginning of night fall. People had long since quietened, and the only real noise that could be heard was the trains slow rumble.
We travelled all night with no break or food. All that could be seen was scattered scenery that passed through the barbed wire. The world outside passed us by, without a backward glance.
Relief. We stopped in the afternoon in another little German town. Many people became vaguely excited at the prospect of being let out into the fresh air. They were quickly jolted back to reality, when we found that we had only stopped for another load of people. Our cars which were already packed to bursting, were put under even more pressure, an extra ten people were added to each cart. Breathing, which was a necessity, became almost impossible.
Yet again we stayed in the cars at the station for hours, not understanding the full extent of the Nazi cruelty.
The world outside. We could see it pass with painful memories of our own lives that were once lived out there. Farms, cows, people we passed them all, but they still had normal lives. When we began travelling again, the scenery that passed us by was breathtaking. It seemed that the rest of the world continued on its merry way while we were stuck inside a prison procession, looking at the outside from barbed slits. Where were we going and why were we treated this way? These were the thoughts that constantly plagued our minds.
As the hours passed it seemed that it was all a dream. My thoughts were clouded over, and my only explanation was that it must be a dream. Oh God, let it be a dream, please! The slow monotonous rumble of the train began wearing on our nerves. The journey seemed endless. Some people could not cope, and went into insane rages, before fainting from exhaustion. Please we all pleaded, let the journey end.
The end. It finally did end half way through the fourth day. The train slowed to walking pace, and people stirred and tried to glimpse the outside. We were at a small train station just outside a huge camp.
Thank God! Salvation. We would be fed and clothed and be able to feel human again. The feeling swept through the carriage like wildfire. I remember how that feeling was soon to evaporate.
If only we weren't so naive.
The doors flew open revealing a large ominous sign:
ARBEIT MACHT FREI!
(WORK SETS YOU FREE!)
Copyright J.Reeves 1996
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