Why My Dog Won't Use a Computer:

1. He can't stick his head out of Windows 98.

2. Fetch command is not available on all platforms.

3. It's too messy to "mark" every web site he visits.

4. He attacks the screen when he hears "You've got mail"

5. Involuntary tail wagging is a sure sign that he's browsing www.purina.com instead of working.

6. The fire hydrant icon is just too frustrating.

7. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.

8. Saliva coated floppy discs just won't work.

9. "Sit" and "Stay" were hard enough; "Delete" and "Save" are out of the question.

10. It's too hard to type with paws.