Falling in Love All over Again by Manille Chapter Three ----------------------------------------------------------------- I picked up the gift-wrapped box with the label "Shuichi-san" from under the Christmas tree. It was now full, with presents of assorted shaped and sizes littering the part of the den floor the Christmas tree covered. "I’ve collected the gifts!" I announced to the household. "Can we go now?" I heard Sakura yell impatiently. My child was really ecstatic about the Kuwabara family’s Christmas party, and it wasn’t even going to start until two hours later. It was three in the after- noon. "Not yet, dear. I’m not ready yet!" I called. "Hurry up, kaachan!" "I’m done, Keiko!" It was Yusuke, calling from our room. Or rather, the bathroom adjacent to our bedroom. "Good," I muttered. I raced upstairs, ready to splash in warm water. Fifteen minutes later, I got out of the shower, a white terry-cloth towel wrapped around my body. I shook my hair in front of my face, running my hand through it. When I threw my head back, I saw Yusuke staring at me. He was standing in front of the bed, his upper body bare. He seemed to be picking the shirt he was going to wear when I came out of the bath- room, judging from the number of shirts spread on the bed. I blinked at the sight of his abdominal muscles. I hadn’t seen his body for quite a while we stopped making love since time knew when, after all, and since it was winter he didn’t like to remove his top. Now... "Uh..." Yusuke still didn’t blink. "What are you staring at?" I snapped, heading for the closet and opening the door that made a barrier between Yusuke and me as I scavenged the racks for a dress. I tried my best not to acknowledge the blush that was creeping its way to my cheeks. "Um..nothing." "Really." I tightened the towel around my body and proceeded to the tough part picking a dress. If Yusuke still hadn’t found what to wear after my stay in the shower for about fifteen minutes, how long would it take me? "Well..I was just..I don’t know. I..." I leaned back so that I could peep at Yusuke. I raised both eyebrows. "You what?" "I..I...nothing." "Fine." Sighing, I pulled a short black dress. Nope. It was Christmas and I was going to wear black? What about red? I asked myself. Green? "Keiko." I grunted in response. Yusuke hesitated before speaking. "Do you..is there..?" The unsaid question made me turn my head to him again. Wait. This looks familiar, I thought. Once again, my mind took me to a distant memory... It was the night after our wedding. Our honeymoon, in other words. I had just come out of the shower, with only a small towel covering my body. And as I looked at the bed, I saw Yusuke sitting there, looking at me admiringly, his trunk exposed. Without a word, he had approached me. I felt his hands touch my skin, his fingers warm and soft, yet they sent sensuous shivers all through me. And, taking my hand, he pulled the towel off me and let it fall by itself on the floor... It was an unforgettable night. The night I was turned to a woman for real. The night I was made a woman..by my husband... "I-is there..?" "Is there what?" Returning back to reality and the present, I pressed on, my voice sounding strangely little. "D-do you think..there’s...a chance to...to make me change your mind?" I forgot about my dress. I gazed at my husband’s face, one that again had the childish, wistful look I began to see on him more often that month. "Change...my mind?" I reiterated, gulping. "Yes, Keiko," Yusuke said. "Can you..can I..?" I shook my head in confusion. "What? Tell me," I told him softly. "K-Keiko." He took a deep breath. "I want you to stay." Tension suddenly built up around the room, suffocating me. What was Yusuke saying? That he didn’t want to go through the divorce? I thought he wanted to. We talked about it, a long time ago, although it broke both our hearts. Just seeing our beautiful home, our child, our Sakura... If only he and I didn’t forget about each other as we went on our work. If only we didn’t say those hurtful words. If only we had noticed what we had been missing before it was too late... If only... "Keiko, we’ve still got a chance," Yusuke continued, his tone high- pitched and beseeching. "It’s not too late..." "Yusuke," I began to protest. "No, Keiko," Yusuke interrupted before I could say anything. He advanced towards me. "I...I’m sorry I’ve caused you pain. I’m sorry ...I...I don’t know what to say anymore..." I couldn’t tear my eyes off his distressed face. He was really trying to keep the family. He..he still loves me. With that sudden revelation, my face lighted up. "Yusuke..." "Keiko...please?" "I..I...." "No. It never works. It never did." I stepped back with a gasp. Now the thoughts in my mind were fighting against each other. And it seemed as if no one was losing, and no one was winning, either. We have another chance. It will never work. Sakura needs her mother. She can grow up with her father. You’re ruining a perfect family. You need to start on a clean slate. So many thoughts, each one contradicting each other. Then, as if they were enough for my mind to handle, my sense suddenly became a blur. I pressed my fingers against my temples. "Keiko..are you all right?" "Yes." I looked up at him wearily. "Look, Yusuke.." I fished the first thought that first cleared in my brain. "I’ll think about it." "You...you will." "Yes." After a wordless moment, Yusuke nodded once. "Okay." "Mm." I went back to the closet and, in an impulse, took a light periwinkle evening gown. It was long, with a slit at one side from just below my hips downwards. Hiding from Yusuke, I slipped myself into it. "I’m just going downstairs, okay?" "Sure," I said hoarsely. As I heard the door close, I went out of my hiding place and put myself into a pair of white pumps. Then I sat in front of the dresser and applied make-up As for hair, I put my shoulder-length brown locks up in a French twist while letting a few strands fall in front of my ears. I reached for the jewelry box inside my drawer. I took a pair of earrings with jade stones in them A gift from Yusuke on our first wedding anniversary. I put them in my ear piercing and wondered what he would say if he found me right then. Then I found myself searching for that band. It was hidden under assorted golden necklaces. I held the ring up. The sunlight pouring from outside made the stones glitter. It looked like a silver ring with diamonds set around it, but it wasn’t silver. Nor were the stones diamonds. Yusuke brought the ring home from the Makai when he stayed there for three long years during our youth. He brought it home just for me. Just to fulfill the promise he had made before he went away. "I’m going back after three years. Then we’re going to marry." And after an agonizing three years of missing him, he came back. Then we got engaged. When we turned twenty, we got married. I’ll never forget the time when our love for each other started to grow , back when we were fourteen... When he died and I had to kiss him to bring him back to life. When, as I waited for him to come back to life, I saved his body from being swallowed by flames in his house. And his spirit saved the both of us..his body and me...from the fire. When he saved me from Hiei, now our close friend. Hiei kidnapped me because he wanted the treasures Yusuke had rescued from the other thieves, and Yusuke was there to save me. When he saved me for the second time. I was being chased by possessed beings and Yusuke rescued me, almost losing his life in the effort to do so. Although he admitted in the end that it was his fault I got hunted, I forgave him. When I took care of him while he was unconscious in the Ankoku Bujutsukai tournament. When I became the caretaker of his alter ego, his own soul, Puu. When he came out of the Cave of Irima as a youkai, yet I was the only one who noticed him, and I ran to him and embraced him. When he bid me goodbye and proposed to me. And when he came back. We were on the beach, and I suddenly heard his voice. I ran up to him and pinned him down on the ground, and kissed him…. So many wonderful memories. And finally, I began to see why he didn’t want to let me go. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "You look beautiful." "Thank you," I said. "And you look wonderful, too," I added, returning his compliment. Yusuke looked just great in his cream tuxedo, with the same color of pants. His hair was brushed back like how he used to when we were younger. My dress hugged my body tightly and left my back bare, and I had to grab a fur coat as we all got out of the house and into the car. "You’re so kawaii, kaachan." Even from Sakura, I got a compliment. "Why, you’re even prettier than I am!" I told her, giggling. Atsuko- san, in her insistence to dress Sakura-up, had done a good job. She chose a green baby-doll dress for Sakura. Even she wore stylishly! She was in a knitted peach blouse that fitted her figure well. "I didn’t know you do a great job with children, kaasan," Yusuke commented. "You weren’t a girl." Atsuko-san and I broke into fits of laughter. "Oh, is that so?" Yusuke said good-naturedly. "No, just kidding, Yu-chan." "Don’t call me Yu-chan, kaasan," Yusuke groaned. "I hate it! And I’m twenty-six already!" "But it’s kawaii! I like it!" Sakura insisted. "Yu-chan!" "Sakura-chan!" I chided. "Call your father toochan!" "Oops…looks like I’m turning out to be a bad influence," Atsuko mumbled , pressing her fingers on her lips. Yusuke and I sniggled. We glanced at each other. We even looked like a happy family. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Where did you get that tuxedo, man?" Kazuma asked Yusuke, laughing out loud. "You stole it from a New York shop or something?" Mockingly, he slapped his forehead. "Oh, I forgot, we’re well-off already." "Shut up, Kuwabara," Yusuke told him, snickering at his best friend’s antics. Yukina nudged her husband on his shoulder. "Oops, sorry, Yukina." Kazuma smiled at her sweet young face. I was sitting on one end of a sofa, with Yusuke on the arm beside me. He handed me a champagne glass of apple juice. I smiled gratefully and took a sip. Sakura was playing in the children’s room with the three Kuwabara children, while Atsuko-san and the other grandmas and grandpas were nowhere to be seen. Kazuma, Yukina, Minamino Shuichi, Yusuke and I were in the living room. "It’s too bad Hiei can’t come," Yukina commented, looking rather dejected. "He’s out there in the Makai." "Yeah. Too bad," Kazuma agreed. Yusuke and Shuichi, who was still a bachelor in spite of his good looks, glanced at each other meaningfully. Since Yukina and Kazuma learned from Hiei himself that he is Yukina’s brother, the two arch -rivals began to be in good terms with each other, amazingly. For the sake of Yukina, thank goodness. "What about your sister?" I asked Kazuma. "Oh, Shizuru-neesan? She can’t come either—she’s in Sapporo with her family." "Wow. She went far, I see." "Yep." Kazuma turned to Shuichi. "So, Shuichi-san…when are you gonna tie the knot?" Shuichi’s face turned pinkish, almost matching his long flaming red hair. "Um…not sure yet…." "Yihee!" Kazuma and Yusuke jeered. "Yusuke!" I chided, hitting his thigh lightly. "Yeah, Yusuke!" Kazuma turned to Yusuke again. "When are you and Keiko going to have another baby?" At that point, neither of us spoke. "Yukina and I already have three," Kazuma boasted. "And you got married earlier than we did…." Kazuma droned on about his wife and kids as Shuichi-san silently listened. But the silence between Yusuke and me was deafening. I found myself clutching my glass tightly, my hands shaking uncontrollably. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Yusuke trying to catch my gaze. Another baby? How could we…Yusuke and I were about to break up…. "We’ve still got a chance…." My mind went on a roller-coaster ride again as it tried to wrestle all my thoughts, worries, fears and hopes about my marriage with Yusuke. Each notion nagged at one another, taunting me, wanting to hurt me more and more until my body felt heavy with all the invisible weight forced upon my back. You can’t have another baby because you’re having the divorce. You’re not going to divorce, you still love each other! No, you don’t! You love each other yet you fight with each other very often! It’s not about the fights, it’s all about our real feelings! I swallowed. I saw the room dance around me in a blur, and it whirled before my eyes until the faces that had been there just a while before drowned in a mixture of bright colors. "Hey, Keiko...is the champagne getting into you?" I heard Yukina ask worriedly. "N-no, it’s…apple juice," I managed to say. "Oh…well, are you all right?" I felt Yusuke’s arm slip around my shoulders. "You okay, honey?" He took my glass from my hand. "Do you need anything?" A bead of sweat popped out of my forehead. "Yusuke," I breathed haggardly, "take me out of here." "W-what’s wrong?" he asked. I looked up at his face, full of anxiety, when it was suddenly blurred into a hazy cloud of colors. "Please…." "I’ll show you to the guest room," Yukina offered fretfully, standing up and running upstairs. I felt two other pairs of hands touch my shoulders. "What’s wrong with Keiko, Yusuke?" I heard Shuichi-san query. "I…I don’t know," Yusuke stuttered. "Don’t worry, I’ll take her up... we’ll manage." I shut my eyes tightly and ground my teeth together, trying to get rid of the pain that lacerated its way through my head. I felt Yusuke’s strong arms carry me, one around my shoulders, the other behind my knees. As if I weighed nothing, Yusuke took me upstairs. Then I felt myself lie on something soft. I moaned, feeling the pain that had so afflicted me just a while ago subside a little. For several minutes, I just lay there with my eyes closed, hearing nothing but the drone of the electric heater in the room. I knew that Yusuke was in the room, watching over me, making sure that I was all right. And the thought of it made me feel contented. I found myself slowly falling into a slumber. I willed myself to a dream that was flowing into me like a gentle breath. Everything was bathed in soft colors. Around me were fluffy white clouds against a background of blue. Then I saw Yusuke’s face before me. He reached up to me and touched my hair. He tucked some loose strands behind my ear. He whispered something to me. "I love you," he said. I looked at his face. His eyes flickered like shining brown gems, gazing at me with an intensity I knew well but seemed to have been forgotten. I could feel his warm breath caress my lips gingerly. I felt refreshed all of a sudden. Then I felt his lips on mine. He grazed my lips slowly, taking in every single detail of it. I drowned myself in this euphoria that Yusuke washed over me. I parted my lips and kissed him back. In response, he deepened his kiss, carrying me higher and higher to the heavens. One kiss was all it took me to know that I still… Cared… I still loved him…. My eyes snapped open. And as consciousness befell me, I felt Yusuke’s lips on mine. He was kissing me all along as I was sleeping! Panic surged through me like a bolt of lightning. Gasping for air, I pushed Yusuke off my body. I sat up on the bed, breathing hard, letting what had happened register in my mind. Yusuke was breathing as hard as I was. "K-Keiko…" he began in an anguished whisper. The frenzy was suddenly replaced by white-hot rage. My hand shot out, solidly hitting Yusuke’s face. His head snapped to the side. Of all the times I slapped him, he wasn’t thrown back this time. For several seconds, only our breathing filled the air. "H-how could you…" I began, my body trembling. "How could you…?" "Keiko, I—" "You what? You’re sorry?" I barked, getting out of the bed. I put on my pumps that Yusuke had removed. "You’re not sorry!" "What are you so mad about?!" Yusuke asked in a voice equaling mine in anger. He jumped off the bed and grabbed my arm. "I’m mad because you took advantage of me!" I shouted at his face. "I can’t see why you can’t put that notion in your stupid brains!" "I took advantage of you?" Yusuke shook his head indignantly. "What did I do? I just kissed you!" "Without my permission!" "I have every privilege to kiss you, Keiko. I’m your husband! And you’re my wife, for God’s sake!" "You do have the privilege but you have no right!" I screamed. "You kissed me back!" My hand swung through the air once again in a wide arc. I prepared for my hand to make contact with Yusuke’s face. But Yusuke easily caught my wrist. "Let me go!" I yelled adamantly. Yusuke released his hold. The door suddenly swung open. Yusuke and I turned around at the same time. Then I remembered—we were still in the Kuwabara household. Minutes seemed to fly by until a tiny head popped into the room. "K-kaachan? Toochan?" Sakura-chan. She stepped into the room timidly, yet her eyes didn’t lose the curious , innocent, yet almost angry stare. "Why are you fighting?" she asked. "Yusuke? Keiko?" Yukina, Kazuma and Shuichi appeared behind Sakura. "I-is everything…all right here?" Kazuma stammered, looking back and forth from me to Yusuke. "Yusuke?" "We’re fine," Yusuke mumbled, looking back at me. "We were just—" "Having a misunderstanding," I finished, glaring at Yusuke. The three adults looked at each other. "Misunderstanding," Yusuke repeated. I suddenly forgot about the others as I felt my blood boil. "It was your fault," I said through gritted teeth. Yusuke threw both hands up. "Can’t we just forget about this?" he asked irritably. "Forget? You want me to forget?" I sneered mockingly. "Of course I will. I’ll forget all about you the moment I leave." "Leave?!" Kazuma, Yukina and Shuichi said in unison. I barely glanced at them. Right now, I didn’t give a damn. I didn’t blink my eyes as I looked straight at Yusuke, who suddenly faltered at my latest statement. "Leave?" The soft girl voice caught my attention. Beside me, Sakura gazed up, her brown eyes starting to shimmer with tears. "You’re leaving, kaachan?" she asked. The look of her was almost heart- wrenching. I wanted to kneel and assure her that I won’t. But as I looked up at Yusuke, I began to have second thoughts. It was best for me to play safe, to scold Sakura at that moment. Keeping my face hard, I faced her, looking as if I was angry at her. "You keep out of this, Sakura. This is between your father and me." "But kaachan—" "No buts, Sakura. Step out of the room before I slap you." "K-kaachan—" "Sakura!" I barked against my will. I didn’t want to look at her, because I knew that if I do, I’d lose control of myself. "You are leaving!" Sakura screamed. I felt her small fists hit my waist. I closed my eyes, not because of the pain—for Sakura was weak— but because tears were forcing their way to my eyes. "You’re leaving! How could you do this to me! You don’t love me, do you?" I bit my lip, still with my eyes closed. "Do you?!" I love you, Sakura, I wanted to tell her. I love you from the bottom of my heart, my child. I love you very much…. But the words didn’t come out of my mouth. "I hate you!" I heard Sakura squeal. "I hate you, kaachan! I hate you!!!" "Sakura!" It was Yusuke. I heard Sakura storm out of the room. "Now look what you’ve done!" I snapped my eyes open. Yusuke wasn’t in front of me. I looked down and I saw him kneeling beside me, where Sakura should have been. "Did you let your pride get the best of you when Sakura was pleading you to tell her that you love her? Fine, say you hate me when you do. But don’t do that to Sakura! She’s still your child!" "It’s not—" "I’m so damn sick and tired of your childishness, Keiko!" Yusuke yelled at me as he stood up. He could have hit me, but he didn’t. I raised my eyes at him. Our eyes locked. Yusuke’s intense, raging brown ones; mine that suddenly pleaded for understanding and forgive- ness. "Leave if you want to," he said in a low tone. With one last look, he stormed out of the room, shouldering Kazuma and Shuichi. "Hey, Urameshi!" Kazuma and Shuichi followed suit. As they left, I saw Yukina and Atsuko-san gazing at me. Yukina hesitated, then walked towards me. I looked at Atsuko-san. "Kaasan…" I began. Tears began flowing from my eyes down my cheeks. "Kaasan…forgive me." Atsuko-san closed her eyes. But she didn’t even nod. "Maybe I will," she murmured, her voice hard. I had never heard that voice before. "Kaasan, I—" "You and Yusuke clean up the mess you made," she interrupted. Her face was expressionless. I was almost smoldered by her gaze. "Then maybe I’ll forgive you." With that, she disappeared from the doorway. I whimpered. What had I done? I asked myself. Why did I do that? Why did I become so unfeeling towards the two most precious people in my life? I suddenly found myself dashing towards the living room. Yusuke wasn’t there. Only Minamino Shiori, Shuichi’s mother, stood there, looking shocked. "W-where’s Yusuke?" I asked her. "Keiko…he just left…." No. No! I raced towards the front door and opened it. The cold evening breeze hit me first. I had forgotten to take any jacket with me. I tried to step out, but I froze. It was too cold. I was benumbed by shock, befallen by sorrow, hurt by my own faults. I deserved them. I deserved more than just those. "YUSUKE!!!" I cried into the night, falling to my knees.