Now before you read this, please let me inform you that, despite the absolute roasting I gave it, I actually enjoyed this book. Yes, it was inherently flawed from beginning to end, but there’s nothing I enjoy better than a good nitpicking session. And it did have a sort of light, mindless zest to it...like a jellybean. Tiny, inevitably unnutritious, but enjoyable while you’re eating it. It was a nice piece of fluff. So if you take offense at my completely tearing it to shreds, keep in mind that I did like it; I just like nitpicking things more. I’m also a big fan of the Anita Blake series by the same author, Laurell K. Hamilton (this particular obsession currently supplied by my “Anita Blake dealer” DC, who has supported my habit with new books every birthday and Christmas. Anita Blake: The one drug you won’t want to kick.). I naturally expected her new series to be not only on par with Anita, but potentially better. I was rather disappointed (can’t improve on the original, I guess), and decided to write a “review” of sorts. This isn’t intended to warn people off of the book...indeed, I greatly enjoyed ripping it apart, and highly recommend it to others. Just make sure to read before you buy...it’s not to everyone’s taste.
Rating Warning! This book has a lot of highly adult material in it, and probably should not be read by persons under the age of 18. Sex, violence, sex, bad language, sex, and yicky supernatural gore. It also has sex. The review is slightly milder, but does make reference to those scary grown-up things. If you’re under...mm, 16, I’d suggest you stop right here. Besides, if you can’t read the book, what’s the sense in reading the review?
1. No main bad guy. In the beginning we’re supposed to hate Alistair Norton, a man who’s not only cheated on his wife with multiple partners, but raped his victimized mistresses via magic. Sixty pages into the 450+ page book finds him most gruesomely killed. Then we move on to the threat of Sholto, the Lord of Shadows, but Merry quickly initiates sex with him, so I guess we don’t worry about him anymore. Then Doyle, the Queen’s personal bodyguard menaces the scene for awhile, but Merry tames him as well, and he turns out to be just a pussycat. Then we’re alerted to the presence of Jenkins the nasty reporter, but he slinks off into the background, so screw him (actually, not literally...he’s one of the few characters Merry doesn’t have sex with. Yet.). Then we meet the actual Queen, but despite the fearsome reputation that we’ve been building up to, she’s all talk. Then Merry’s cousin Cel shows up to threaten her and swagger around for a few pages. Then the king of the goblins shows up to threaten her...and so on, and so on. It’s all empty threats and very little actual injury.
2. No distinct love interest. I will return to this.
3. Lack of emotional involvement. Merry is not personally affected by her surroundings. All sorts of horrible, tragic things follow in her wake, yet she hardly blinks an eye. Anita Blake has been shown crying and throwing up at murder sites. She possesses humanity. Merry just sits amidst chaos twiddling her thumbs and wondering who she’ll have sex with next. The only emotions she is permitted are lust and disdain. She has an almost nonchalant attitude towards every aspect of her life, which is not realistic when you deal with continuous crises. Yes, you would eventually be numbed to some things, but you wouldn’t be completely drained of emotion.
4. Main character is more corrupt than Anita, yet has a lower kill count. Merry doesn’t have Anita’s...well, for lack of a better word, innocence (never thought I’d see that word applied to Anita). She doesn’t mourn, or even question her actions. She expresses no remorse when her boyfriend of two years leaves and never sees her again; no remorse for torturing two witches via magic, and never considers that maybe she shouldn’t be having unprotected sex with every supernatural being she runs into. She also seems to lack a moral code and a guideline for morality. She is, for lack of a better term, psychically empty. And she’s the narrator!
5. Main character is overly feminine and stereotypically narcissistic; she has no “depth”. Even her weapons are feminine...Tomcat, Delica, Ladysmith. She is too perfect...gorgeous, magically gifted, and utterly shallow. She doesn’t seem to have any goals outside of methodically bedding any and all supernatural creatures that cross her path (see complaints 13 and 19). Naturally, all these tendencies are explained away by mentioning the “glamour” and high sex drive of sidhes (see complaint #18).
6. Too many “red herrings”. This is in the form of too many superfluous supporting characters to keep track of. It seems that a new name pops up every ten pages. And it doesn’t help that several of these people have multiple titles in addition to their commonly used name, and Merry herself uses two aliases.
To drive this point home, I will make a list of all named characters in the book, in approximate order of identification: Merry (Meredith Gentry, Princess Meredith Nic Essus), Jeremy Grey, Roane Finn, Theresa, Frances Norton, Naomi Phelps, Uther Squarefoot, Ringo, Alistair Norton, Liam, Donald, Brendan, Maury Klein, Chris, Lucinda (Lucy) Tate, John Wilkes, Eileen Galan, Detective Raimundo Alvera, Keelin Nic Brown, Riley, Rozenwyn, Tamlyn (as a generic alias), Amira, Yannick, Griffin, Sholto, Nerys the Grey, Segna the Gold, Black Agnes, Gethin, Prince Cel, Aunt Andais (Queen of Air and Darkness), Bhatar, Doyle, Uar the Cruel, Gran, Galen, Barinthus Kingmaker, Barry Jenkins, King Taranis, Besaba, Eluned, Artagan, Siobhan, Hitler and Eva Braun (???), Bleddyn, (Killing) Frost, Rhys, Eamon, Ezekial, Queen Niceven, Fflur, Sithney, Nicca, Kurag the Goblin King, Kitto, Conri. That’s a total of 58 characters, 15 of which get the privilege of engaging in varing degrees of sexual tension with our heroine. On top of this, there are so many frigging titles, species, occupations, rituals, and named weapons, it’s impossible to keep track of everything.
7. I hesitate to mention this, but the condoning of promiscuity as natural. Can’t the woman go fifteen pages without contemplating someone as a sex partner?
8. Plot introduced in first ten pages never resolved. A bunch of women are being lured into a ritual where they are systematically raped via magical means? Ahh, forget about it. Let’s go onto the fae political intrigue! Branwyn’s Tears? What Branwyn’s Tears? Who cares about fulfilling your job duties? A girl’s gotta get laid!
9. Main character has lower morals than Anita. Ideals may be shattered, but they must be established. A moral code must be set for the benefit of the reader, so they know where the line will be drawn. Without a moral code, it’s every man and woman for themselves, and anarchy reigns, resulting in a very messy plot. It’s confusing as hell for the reader to be expecting some form of morality, a person on Merry’s shoulder saying, “You can’t do that”, or anything indicating she has some form of conscience. Without the conscience, there is no internal struggle or desire for self-improvement and growth. If there is no desire for growth, then the character is already complete, and therefore boring, because who wants to read about someone who doesn’t experience any kind of change or internal struggle (especially when that person is the narrator)? It’s possible for secondary characters (ie, Edward in the Anita Blake series) to lack a moral code, but that’s because they ARE secondary characters, and we’re not compelled to empathize with them, like we are with the hero(ine).
10. Too many plot holes and plot “conveniences” (she’s part human, part brownie, part Seelie fae, part Unseelie fae, and possesses all the advantages of the preceding beings with few of the drawbacks? Please. Smacks of Blade.). The whole thing about being descended from five fertility deities is a blatant excuse to not only show her engaged in intercourse half the time, but have her be really good at it. And the part about being able to work major magic inside of metal transporters like cars and planes screams “Eventual plot here!” Without even reading the other books in the series (assuming more will be written), I can guaran-damn-tee you that at some point in the series she’s going to do magic inside a plane, a train, a bus, or one of those little cars that you rev up backwards and it zips along when you set it on the floor--any kind of metal enclosure. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if they show her working a charm inside a bomb shelter.
11. Too many subplots that sprout like mushrooms after a hard rain. First she’s investigating a murder case, which leads to taking revenge after the Queen of the Unseelie Court--whom she fortunately has connections to--then she’s exploring her multitude of magical “gifts”, all the while taking plenty of time to engage in lots of casual, yet exotic sex. All of the following is tidily wrapped up in the six-page long final chapter exposition.
12. No distinct love interest! There must have been like a dozen guys chasing after Merry, but none stood out (Jean-Claude to the building, please!). The author is obviously attempting to make her book in the vein of a supernatural romance novel. Romance novels only appeal to their audience when there is a clear-cut love interest for the heroine, instead of a handful (or two) of random characters for her to pick and choose from. Let’s face it, even in these morally questionable times, we still prefer characters to be monogamous. Yes, it’s been done before. Yes, it’s not psychologically interesting for the masses to see a character in a happy, stable relationship. Subconsciously, we desire conflict. But even decreasing her options to two or three potential love interests would have been preferable to the romantic free-for-all depicted in the book. I’m not asking for a character with the pyschological depth and subtlety--not to mention charm--of Jean-Claude (although that would have been nice)...just a definate, restricted selection with which to develop personality and a certain level of familiarity. Instead the sheer number of love interests introduced caused them to be all mixed together, with no distinct personality or appeal coming to the foreground, to the point where the only way I could distinguish them was via their different hair colors (I’m serious!), which believe you me was the ONLY way to tell them apart, since they all had “floor-length, shiny straight hair” anyway (see complaint #20). Anita Blake had a few random characters chasing after her in the series, but she limited herself to contemplating relations with a very select few, plus there was a character (Edward) established from the beginning as being completely platonic, and the relationship was maintained as such throughout the series (at least so far, and I’ve read eight of the ten books in the series).
13. Character predictably irresistable to mortals and fae alike, and her charms even cross species. Goblins??? Does it seem right that a goblin would find her attractive? Wouldn’t it find her completely hideous (to a goblin’s way of thinking), and prefer something shorter with more deformities? They explain Sholto’s half-deformed, half-ethereal appearance by saying that his mother had been raped by a hideous creature (see complaint #19), and they touch on Merry’s partial repulsion to his deformities, but they never explain why the “ugly” characters would find the “attractive” characters appealing.
14. Main character does not seem to possess a peculiar intelligence or “canny” nature, so she stumbles into victory instead of earning it (she does, however, possess a good deal of knowledge on the finer points of fae political intrigue, in extensive detail).
15. All in all, character too “Mary Sueish”, even more so than Anita Blake (at least Anita is flawed...I mean seriously flawed, not just adorably quirky). I’ve had a few questions on the nature of a Mary Sue, so allow me to explain. Mary Sue is a character that originated in Star Trek fan fiction, as a way of allowing the author to substitute herself for the main (usually) female non-canon character in fan fic. Mary Sue is beautiful, charming, graceful, magically gifted in a variety of favorable ways, has a 200 point IQ, can speak seventeen languages, is fluent in all forms of martial arts, is telepathic, has the voice of an angel (due to her perfect pitch, of course), has voluptuous curves paired with a tiny waist, can hold any animal under her thrall, and is altogether the bravest, sweetest, most noble creature ever to have lived in any plane of existence. All the female characters are her best friends and staunchest allies, and all the male characters want to get into her (exceedingly flattering) black silk undergarments. Needless to say, she’s Pollyanna in a black leather catsuit. All of the above combined makes a character so nauseatingly self-centered that whoever reads about her wants to punch the author repeatedly in the mouth. Such an effect is magnified if this character is written in the second person, because it’s so obviously an opportunity for the author to place herself in the action. And don’t get me started on role-playing characters. *sigh*
My first clue to the character’s Mary Sueishness was in the scene when she’s being wired for sound, and thus has to strip for the equipment to be applied to her (taut, well-proportioned) body. Several of the characters comment on her attractiveness, which Merry (oh my god, even the name is similar!) dismisses with becoming modesty. They then give the tell-tale comment, “Don’t you know the effect you have on men?” Right then, I KNEW it was a Mary Sue. That line has been used in countless fan fics, to establish that the character is not only beautiful but has a seemly modesty that lets her captivate the reader (gives her humanity, ya know). Whenever I read it, I want to take a nine-iron to the author. Can we say, fan fiction cliche?
16. Too much convenient exposition. Author takes obvious pains to establish background for her character (in form of abovementioned exposition) without actually giving the character added depth. In other words, she tells, not shows, the plot. This is done in such a way to leave convenient unresolved issues for future books in the series. At one point she dishes out her whole life story to a man she’s barely met, simply because they’re on a plane, he’s airsick, and she’s trying to keep his mind off the flight. Please!
17. NO DISTINCT LOVE INTEREST!!! Jean-Claude, where art thou, Jean-Claude? Even a character of Richard-esque proportions would have been preferable to Merry’s situation.
18. Terminal case of “Isn’t that convenient?!” syndrome, marked by continuous “loopholes” in the “system” described by character. For example, in one scene the goblin king (no, not that one! *wink*) orders Merry that, as part of the diplomacy involved in their arrangement, he must have sex with her (this book has a lot of that sort of situation. It gets very tedious). She bargains down to one of his subjects, since she hates him personally. The subject he chooses “happens” to be half-sidhe and fairly attractive (apparently Kitto happened to get all of the benefits and none of the drawbacks, too!). Now, why would he do this? He hates her, and wants her to suffer. Obviously it’s not much of a punishment to have relations with a good-looking creature. Even if he thinks the sidhe part is ugly (which he doesn’t, going back to complaint #13), wouldn’t he think that Merry would find Kitto attractive? He should know this. He’s described by Merry as being fairly intelligent, for a goblin. So why would he do this? Because, pure and simple, Merry is our heroine, and we don’t want to see her having sex with someone who is “ugly”. Well now, isn’t that convenient? What gets me is, Merry doesn’t even give us an internal monologue about how she was fortunate the being she gets stuck with is so attractive, it could have been worse. She acknowledges his appearance, but not the irony of the situation (see complaint #14).
Another example of “isn’t that convenient” is the bit about sidhe genes being dominant to any other species (see complaint #19), and anything with sidhe blood is inevitably going to be more attractive, graceful, and gifted for it. This explains why a half-goblin, half-sidhe cross has an ethereal beauty, and his only flaw is being on the short side; why Merry herself can have a mixture of several different kinds of creature inside her, and the Seelie fae part is what contributes most to her genes, and why Sholto is nearly physically flawless, except for a little tentacle problem. Nearly every single character in the book has an eerie, mystical beauty about them, and it gets old fast. The only characters who aren’t drop-dead gorgeous are the full-blooded goblins, a full-blooded jack-in-irons, and a brownie-goblin cross (and even she’s considered attractive by the goblins, due to her multiple breasts). That’s it. And bear in mind there are dozens of random named characters in this book (see complaint #6).
19. Star Trek syndrome. I’ve called it this, because of its similarity to the ongoing interspecies relations issue with that show. It seems that, in Star Trek, any alien species can not only have sex with any other alien species, they can also produce live young together. The most obvious example is Spock. He’s, of course, half-Vulcan and half-human. He’s described as having cold green blood made out of (of all things) copper, and his internal anatomy is dissimilar to humans, with the organs located in all sorts of inappropriate places. How on earth is this possible? Aside from the questionable technicalities involved with human/Vulcan relations, how is it that the DNA of humans and Vulcans (or any other alien species) happens to be so compatible as to produce a viable embryo that survives to not only be born, but live, grow, and flourish?
But okay. Assuming that this child survives to maturity, and has the ability to function normally...who is to say that it would be able to continue to pass its genes on? Hybrids of species known to interbreed are usually sterile, as in the offspring of horses and donkeys: the mule. Yet the book makes the claim that Merry, and all other creatures composed of multiple species, are entirely fertile and have the ability to interbreed with any other species they wish (aside from species with gross difficulties of compatibility, such as Uther the 13-foot tall jack-in-irons), with no side affects. Didn't Ms. Hamilton take a basic class in biology? Any child born would have to be magically assisted, which you KNOW ain't true, because she mentions that you shouldn't have sex with anyone with undesirable traits (such as ugliness or stupidity) because you could wind up pregnant and the kid would have those traits. Obviously unplanned pregnancies are an issue with the fae (not that it stops any of them from their daily activities), yet basic genetics dictates that the entire PLOT is impossible.
The same problem happens with the personal lives of the fae. Apparently any species of fae--or any other supernatural creature, for that matter--can not only engage in intercourse that is mutually satisfactory to all parties involved, but they can actually interbreed to the extent of having multiple hybrids inside a single being. Phwaa? How is this possible? And if it is, why would they do so (see complaint #13)? And if it IS possible that they can successfully breed (and apparently take every opportunity to do so), wouldn’t there be a run on birth control devices among the supernatural? EVERYONE has unprotected sex!
20. Author’s own preference for long-haired men (first and more subtly introduced in Anita Blake series) continuously pops up, as a defining feature of the sidhe (both sexes) is waist-to-floor-length shiny straight hair, no matter the ethnic heritage. Even Doyle, an African-American sidhe, has shiny straight hair. Does he straighten it periodically? Or is straight hair a feature among ALL sidhe, ethnicity be damned?
21. Occupation of title character never fully explained to reviewer’s satisfaction, and is too conveniently vague. Where does she work? A detective agency. What is her job? Well, apparently it’s solving crimes committed via magic (or something like that...the specifics aren’t very clear), which apparently pays well enough so that she hardly ever has to be present. She spends maybe two days involved in her actual job, then leaves for what appears to be an extended vacation so that she can go off on all sorts of wild goose chases that may or may not be related to the crime she’s investigating (see complaint #6). The job is too conveniently vague, giving her free license to do all sorts of things that probably don’t have anything to do with her job, but that she does anyway because it’s sure more entertaining than watching her sit and fill out papers all day long, isn’t it?
22. No distinct love inter--oh wait, I already covered that, didn’t I?
23. No apparent ambition on part of author to evoke thought, impose moral, or create anything besides light fluff with the distraction of sex. It’s a supernatural bodice-ripper. It doesn't even reach the level of "romance novel", because for that to be possible there has to be some level of emotional attachment for the main character to anyone else, which never happens. Well, she does show sororal concern for her best friend (who happens to be equal parts brownie, goblin, and sidhe...gods know how that mix came to be. My best guess is lots of fertility drugs and persistance--see complaint #19).
24. Entire book reads like fannish pale imitation of Anita Blake series, with far more emphasis on sex. I wouldn’t be making so many comparisons to Ms. Hamilton’s original series if A Kiss of Shadows didn’t evoke similarities to Anita Blake. A strong-willed, no-nonsense heroine with sex appeal who fights the supernatural and has relationships along the way? Been there, done that...hey, how about making her ONE OF the supernatural too! What about the fae? We haven’t focused on them much yet, and they’re less threatening than the other creatures. Yeah, and throw in some extraneous love scenes while you’re at it...sex sells! *yawn*
25. Title character takes herself WAY too seriously, and lacks spark of humor. Anita has a very dry, self-deprecating wit.
26. Sholto’s abilities. At one point he claims that nightflyers--a species of which he is half (see complaint #19)--have the ability to regenerate any body part they like. Later on, he retracts this statement, saying that they can regenerate almost any body part, though the full extent of their regenerative powers has not yet been confirmed. So...which is it?
27. Merry’s scars. I don’t know where Ms. Hamilton got the idea that massive scars on an otherwise ideal body are attractive, but this myth has to stop. I myself have many, MANY scars from various operations located on my stomach, neck, ankles, the backs of my hands, inside of my elbows, and other places I can’t even see, and I can guarantee you, they are NOT attractive to look at. I’ve had reactions ranging from pity, to gasps and “Oh my God”, to small children running and hiding behind their parents. They are also highly desensitized to touch...since it’s dead skin cells, one should not expect otherwise. If you poked me in the stomach, I wouldn’t feel anything aside from a localized pressure. I first came across Ms. Hamilton’s enthusiastic response to scarring in Guilty Pleasures (the first Anita Blake novel). In that book, she has the scarred people reacting most ardently whenever their scars are touched. To that I immediately went, “What the fuh?” I can tell you that if this were real life (as opposed to Ideal Romance Novel Land), they wouldn’t be able to feel a thing.
Author’s Note: I finally read the sequel to A Kiss of Shadows (thanks, DC!), titled, imaginatively enough, A Caress of Twilight, and found it to be an immense improvement over its progenitor. A Caress of Twilight contains something that does indeed seem to resemble a plot, and takes time to bother with actual characterization, plus it contains consistency not found in A Kiss of Shadows. For example, the plot initiated and described on the back cover actually carries through to the end of the book! A pleasant surprise. Meredith is not nearly as flat and one-dimensional as she appeared in her debut, and I was delighted to see a solid romantic lead form along the way (and quite satisfied with the choice of said romantic lead as well). The issue of cross-species mating, however, has yet to be fully resolved.