Before I start off this review, I just have to say that I'm coming from the perspective of someone who HAS read all the books and is a fan of the printed version. Because that's all this is, is a version...an interpretation of the events. I think all involved did an outstanding job that is worthy of the books...in other words, I don't think that Tolkien would be spinning in his grave, had he seen this. Looking at this from the perspective of a Tolkien purist, there are those who are bound to be disappointed with any changes (although I think, for the most part, those changes improved or at least did not detract from the overall message). From the perspective of a filmgoer, this is one kick-butt movie, and it will hopefully encourage non-Tolkienites to read the books and get "the real story". Anything with the potential to pique interest in literature can't be all bad. :)

A good bit of the first twenty minutes or so of the film consisted of massive flashbacks via filmclips of the previous film. There was also a bit of exposition by Sam and Frodo (not overt, just explaining that they have to take the Ring to Mt. Doom), which was both slightly necessary and completely unnecessary. I mean, there's a 99% chance that anyone who watches Two Towers has already seen Fellowship; otherwise they would be completely (and deservedly) lost.

*points to Gollum* George Lucas, take note: This is how CGI characters are supposed to be done. Emotion! Depth! Subtlety! Pathos! Gollum kicks Jar-Jar's ass six ways from Sunday. I would not be the least bit surprised if Gollum does become the first CGI character to be nominated for an Oscar, as people have been predicting. Lotta deserved buzz about Gollum, there.

I was watching Gollum in the theater, and to my dismay, the vast majority of the audience kept laughing at his lines, especially when his "split" personality revealed itself and he was alternately screaming at himself for trusting Frodo, and reassuring himself that Frodo's on his side. It was as though they saw him as nothing more than comic relief, which is really quite sad. Gollum is a creature driven insane by the influence of the ring, which is no laughing matter. I see him as a paranoid schizophrenic, which is a form of illness. Is it that funny to laugh at someone with a mental illness? I've done research on mental diseases, and have read a wack of material on abnormal psychology. Schizophrenia is hardly a joke to me, and I was greatly distressed to see it regarded as such by the population. Gollum especially is perhaps the saddest character in both the film and the books. There were a few genuinely funny lines out of him (such as his disgust at Sam cooking the rabbit he brought, and his referring to Sam as "the fat hobbit"), but overall he is quite deserving of the pity repeatedly shown to him. That choke chain jerk--yerg! The audience literally gasped, it looked so painful.

And then...there's the subtext. Again, I was not disappointed. What fabulous chemistry between Elijah Wood and Sean Astin...their characters' devotion for each other shines through. A particularly beautiful moment was when Frodo nearly puts on the ring, Sam physically prevents him, they tussle, and Frodo throws down Sam and puts Sting to his throat, nearly killing him and stopped only by Sam's pleas of "It's your Sam, Mr. Frodo...don't you know your Sam?" (Sorry if I'm not quoting verbatim...it's a three-hour movie, and there's a lot to digest.) I found that an interesting choice of words...it could have been, "It's me, your friend, don't hurt me"; instead it was "It's your Sam." That was all that was required. "It's your Sam." Indeed he is. This film just solidified Sam's status as my favorite character. "What are you, his bodyguard?" "His gardener." Sam knows his place in the world.

I really felt for Sam...he has such loyalty and devotion, and at one point it seems that Frodo is actually taking Gollum's side against his partner. There were so many moments with Sam looking like he got his heart ripped out, it was pitiful...I wanted to give him a hug and a cup of hot chocolate. :) And when they reconciled, the subtext was so screamingly obvious that I literally would not have been surprised if they had kissed (it worked for Aragorn and Boromir...). At this point, Sam might as well go around wearing a shirt saying "I Belong To Him" with an arrow pointing at Frodo, followed by a heart. The very end was the best...so many searching gazes and glances from beneath lowered eyelashes; the characters look ready to snog each other at any minute. I'm very much looking forward to the next film, to see if they fall asleep in each others' arms, and to hear Sam call Frodo "dear". Hey, it's canon! :)

A screaming major problem was Eowyn's come-and-go accent. It sounded like she was attempting a British accent but couldn't quite make it, and settled on something half British and half American, with emphasis on different words. For example, she'd start a sentence pronouncing her "R"s softly, then move onto a hard "R", (often on the SAME WORD...oy), then go soft again. Her vowels were uneven too...she'd start off pronouncing a word one way, then switch to a different way. Take "rather", for instance; first she'd pronounce it "rah-thah", then "ra-thah", then "rah-ther", then finally the American "ra-ther". Between her and Aragorn I don't know who had the more wretched British accent.

This is NOT to say that Viggo Mortenson is a bad actor, or that I dislike his character. Far from it; he's probably one of the best things about the film, and I can see him getting an Oscar quite deservedly. But both characters' accents were pretty pathetic. I noticed Aragorn's weak accent in the first film, and when Eowyn popped up it was like, "Oh no, there's two of them!"

I didn't care for Gimli being reduced to comic relief (although his conversation with Eowyn about dwarven women was priceless). While the film WAS quite dark and could have used a bit of merriment to lessen the tension as we went along, it seemed that most of the comic burden was foisted onto the aforementioned Gollum and Gimli. By the way, my mother--who is a HUGE Lord of the Rings geek, far worse than I am...she's read the book countless dozens of times and literally told me and my sister for years (I'm talking when we were eight or ten), "If only I could live to see a good film version of Lord of the Rings, I could die happy"--actually liked Gimli's status as comic relief, and thought it entirely appropriate and true to the book. I thought the burping and suchlike was a bit much, but I trust Mom's judgement in all things Rings.

I was pleased to see Legolas's character was fleshed out a bit more, and he was given personality and individualization outside of being "the pretty one". That slide down the ramp on a shield--whoo-ha! One of the coolest things in the film, if only for its sheer "you GO little elf dude!" quality. I like that he gets the fancy fighting tricks and the agile flips and stuff. The bits between him and Gimli, with them keeping score over how many orcs they kill apiece, and competing over it ("I've got two already!" "I've got seventeen!... Nineteen!"), added a nice bit of dimension and distraction to what would otherwise be one long, dreary battle scene (NOT that I'm complaining about the battle...there were, in fact, so many "nice bits" in that battle that it was not long or dreary in the least). There even seemed to be some--dare I say it?--chemistry between him and Aragorn. I'm such a pervy elf-fancier, I am. :)

I liked the bit where Aragorn and Legolas were engaging in a shouting match entirely in Elvish, obviously trying not to panic the Rohans and failing miserably. Hee hee.

I didn't much care for the early scene in the woods, with Aragon, Legolas and Gimli looking for Merry and Pippin. They've been searching and searching and searching an area that they KNOW Merry and Pippin are in, and they run into Gandalf in the woods, and suddenly all four of them take off to Rohan without another thought for the hobbits. Neh? What kind of message is that? "Well, we've been looking for Merry and Pippin for a couple days now...no luck yet, but hey! We found Gandalf, which is even better! Let's go!" Doesn't Gandalf care ANYTHING about the hobbits? He finds them, then he just leaves them there in the woods? And he doesn't even tell the others that he found them! Even something along the lines of, "I found them. They're alive. They're fine. Let's go," on Gandalf's part, or some kind of explanation for why they're just leaving their friends to fend for themselves in the woods. What happened to, "We will not abandon Merry and Pippin to torment and death," and all of that talk about killing orcs in the first movie, huh?

[Okay...author's note here. I re-watched Two Towers, and it turns out that Gandalf DOES mention the whereabouts of the hobbits. It's one of the first things he tells the remaining three Fellowshippers. Whoops. My bad. :)]

Oddly enough, my mom was convinced that Wormtongue was played by Michael Hurst (you might remember him from Hercules: The Legendary Journeys as Iolaus, Herc's sidekick). I wouldn't blame her for being confused, since there were a number of reasons for it: a) there were a boatload of New Zealand natives cast in the first place, including Karl "Caesar...Julius Caesar" Urban (I was so happy to see him in the movie, I'm such a huge Xenite); b) Michael Hurst has played roles like that under heavy make-up (he's played Charon the Boatman in a few episodes of both Xena and Herc).

['Nother Author's Note: Saw an episode of The X-Files today; specifically, Beyond the Sea. Scully-intensive, wherein a death-row inmate named Luther Lee Boggs convinces her that he has psychic abilities and can communicate with her deceased father. Boggs was played by none other than Brad Dourif, who was Wormtongue. It took me all of five minutes to identify him, but it was definately Dourif. And he is one darned fine actor! Creepy, intense, oddly piteous...very Gollum-esque, if I may say.]

The audience cheered the third time around during the scene where Theoden literally throws Wormtongue out of his kingdom. This was unusual, since the audience had been comparitively subdued the first few times, and the participation factor was rather fun. Of course, this could be due to the large amount of teenagers seated a few rows back from us, the same ones who continually laughed whenever Gollum showed up. I finally turned around and growled at them, which Mom did not appreciate, but ah well--it pissed me off. Bloody kids have no appreciation for character depth. Bleh.

A lot of people have been complaining about Eowyn's appearance, their main quibbles being either a) she's too attractive, or b) she's not attractive enough. I agree that Eowyn has to be fairly attractive; remember that she catches Aragorn's eye, and the love of his life is an elf maiden. He has pretty high standards in that regard, and she has to compete with the elves. Also, it's what moviegoers expect. It's like how the first line of Gone With The Wind states "Scarlett O'Hara was not beautiful..." and then they go and cast Vivien Leigh. Unfair as it may be, I don't think the general public would take kindly to Eowyn being plain.

Me personally, I thought Eowyn looked fine...if anything, she appeared a bit ethereal for a Rohan. I was a bit disappointed that she didn't get her own kick-butt fighting scenes (I'm a big fan of female fighters), until Mom reminded me that doesn't happen until The Return of the King (she knows the books much better than I do). She did get to handle a really keen sword, and engaged in some brief sparring with Aragorn, although she looked a bit girly while doing it--the whole scene was nearly ruined with her look of wide-eyed surprise. Honey, you're a shield maiden; don't simper around the weapons. Overall she was a tad feminine for my expectations. I mean, okay: She's supposed to be some bad-ass female warrior, right? Her people--heck, the fate of the world--rests upon the defense of Helm's Deep, right? Yet when she offers up her services in battle, she's brushed aside. That would be believeable, other than she just sits down and accepts it. I expected a fierce, take-no-shit tough grrl, and I got a little kitten spitting and clawing ineffectually at roadblocks, then sitting down to lick her wounds. This is highly disappointing.

Speaking of which: Wow, that's some crappy little kingdom Theoden's got! Right out in the middle of nowhere in some great big farkin' wasteland, and perched on the edge of this precarious little cliff. No wonder his people are so depressed; they live out in the boondocks.

Well, Galadriel had kinda a useless role there. Shows up, prattles about the ring, some exposition on the elves, gotta go, see ya later! And what was all that rigmarole about "The quest will claim his life", eh? So much for the abundantly wise elven seer.

The whole love story between Arwen and Aragorn is so much more beautiful and meaningful with the information from The Silmarillion. I bet those in the audience who had never read the books were scratching holes in their heads trying to figure out why the elves were leaving for the West. You know what we need? A six hour-long version of each movie, with EVERYTHING from the books. Even my infamously short attention span couldn't say no to THAT. Or better yet, film versions of The Hobbit and The Silmarillion. No one has ever attempted a theatrical version of the latter. I know The Hobbit exists as a stage play, because my sister played the Elven Queen--yes, it DID take liberties with the material, although it was apparently sanctioned by Big Cheese Tolkien himself--and her boyfriend played Gollum (which I actually auditioned for...I've been told my mannerisms are naturally like Gollum. Meh).

There were also a lot of massive lapses in between action sequences, interslicing between fight scenes and blocks of dialogue. For example, we'd be right in the middle of a really really cool battle with the orcs and the wargs and there would be all sorts of stuff going on and heads chopped off and general butt-kickage and oh that is just SWEET...and then we'd go back to Merry and Pippin and the ent moot. And they'd talk. And talk. And talk. And keep talking. And please make it stop. Then more fighting and mayhem and coolness...and then we go Arwen having a sulk among her finery and engaging in a Heartfelt Chat with Elrond. There were lots of those kinds of moments sprinkled throughout the film. I'm not saying I want the film to be one massive action sequence with 'splosions and carnage...I'm just saying that the direct slices between spiffy battle scenes and slow talky scenes was quite jarring. There ought to have been a way to smooth things over.

I noticed a few nitpicks concerning Arwen's appearance. The actress appears to have double-pierced ears, which was made blatantly noticeable during the kissy-face dream sequences, and also sports a fairly good-sized red scar on the side of her neck. She also has a few marks on her face, which I didn't notice until we got the DVD of Fellowship (let's hear it for digital nitpicking!). It begs the question: Do elves get acne? Couldn't they magically heal such an affliction? Can elves even be scarred, maimed, crippled, have ANY form of injury that they carry for the rest of their lives? If you poke out an elf's eye, does another grow in its place? Or do you simply wind up with a blind elf? Pardon the gruesome questioning, but I thought it curious enough to mention. And if nothing else, "The Blind Elves" would be a great name for a rock band. :)

There was a funny bit (okay, from a certain point of view) when the warriors return from fighting the wargs, and Gimli finds Eowyn at Helm's Deep. She notices Aragorn hasn't returned, and inquires after him. Gimli replies, "He fell." To which I added, "No, I mean that literally...tripped over a stump, broke his neck. What are the odds?" Hee. The entire movie was rife with MST3K-ing opportunities...at one point during the big battle at Helm's Deep, Legolas is trying to get a bead on the orc about to breach the barred drain, and hits him, but the orc doesn't go down. Aragorn keeps yelling in the background, "Kill him! Kill him!" I half-expected an exasperated Legolas to turn to Aragorn, and say, "Fine, YOU do it, Mr. I'm-So-Great-Because-I'm-The-Heir-of-Gondor!"

As I re-watched Two Towers, this time I paid attention to Legolas's eyes (as well as the rest of him, ahem), since I'd heard there were quite a few nits in that department. They were right: They DO tend to go wonky. They switch back and forth depending on the scene. It's not just lighting...there were moments with him standing right out in bright sunshine, and he still had dark eyes. Then we'd switch to a darker scene (the rainy battle at night, for example), and his eyes would be clearly blue. Sometimes they would switch in the same scene. I think Mr. Bloom forgot to put in his contacts! :)

Another nit: During the battle at Helm's Deep, Legolas was fighting and getting all dirty and sweaty, which was notable because he's stayed pristine in every other fight (which I thought was a nice touch, denoting him as the magical creature). Then directly after the fight we get a nice clear shot of him, Aragorn, Gandalf, Theoden, and a couple of random guys on horseback, all in a row. We then are treated to a long closeup of a very unrumpled, squeaky-clean Legolas, looking fresh and like he was never fighting slimy creatures in the rain. Mwehh? Do elves have a built-in self-cleaning mechanism? C'mon, I wanna see Legolas all sweaty and gross. :)

I'd brought my friend DC along with me, and got her opinion on the film. Liked Elrond, loved Legolas (fellow elf-fancier, whoo-hoo!), disliked Eowyn (agreed with me about the accent), HATED Arwen, wargs were adorable, went nuts over the elf army (we kept repeating, as Haldir: "I'm not even supposed to be here today!" a la Clerks), blah blah blah. She had an issue with the wargs' deaths. She goes deer hunting frequently (something I disagree with, but that's neither here nor there), and was irritated at how easily the wargs were killed. Apparently if you shoot a 100 lb deer any place but the spine, even close up, it's going to keep running. In contrast, the thousand-plus pound wargs were shot from a distance in the shoulder (or another non-vital area), and they just keeled right over. Why would Saruman create mounts that are so easy to kill? I consulted my mom about this, and she said something to the effect of how the army was created so rapidly, Saruman skimped a bit here and there, and created faulty implements of war. So, I suppose the next film, he's going to make Warg Version 2.0, and make them better than ever!

The scene when Aragorn returns to Helm's Deep is just ridiculously slashy...he reacts to Legolas's return of the necklace like they're exchanging wedding bands. So many soulful, affectionate looks...I was frankly astonished that the audience didn't pick up on it. When Legolas hands him the necklace, and they hold hands and smile deeply into each others' eyes, DC and I looked at each other at the exact same time and exchanged Cheshire-cat grins. And the arguement in Elvish! Does it even get any sexier than that? Aragorn had more chemistry with the elf than with either of his Established Love Interests...the tension was just bouncing off the walls.

(By the way, after watching the film, DC is now inspired to learn Elvish. I say, good luck with that. Although, on second thought, it would be pretty cool to know a fictional language...that would be like the ultimate bastion of geekiness!)

By far the coolest thing in the entire movie was the part where Legolas catches a ride on a running horse. It lasted for maybe three seconds, and was worth the price of admission. My sister saw the movie with her boyfriend, and she said that when he flipped onto the horse, the audience went NUTS. If you have never seen the movie (in which case: go see the movie!), you have no concept of the utter coolness of this three-second clip.

Anyone who was disappointed with the lack of Legolas screen time in the last movie, well, this film makes up for it. Legolas running, Legolas fighting, Legolas standing around doing nothing in particular (which has its own charm), Legolas doing nifty jumps and flips, Legolas getting massive panoramic close-ups, Legolas exchanging big throbbing puppy-dog looks with Aragorn (at times I wanted to shout at the screen, "Get a room!"), Legolas wise-cracking with Gimli, and--my personal favorite--a beautiful, maddeningly short close-up at the end that looks like an oil painting. You ever have those moments in the theater when you wish you could rewind and freeze a scene? I want a bloody photograph of that screenshot, to carry around with me and engage in muchly adolescent-type giggling and sighing. Mwee-hee...pretty...

In fact, you know what they should do? Okay, you know those "Books on Tape" things you see around, like Portuguese for Beginners? They should make a tape on How to Learn Elvish, with Legolas narrating (yes, I'm AWARE that he's an actor. I don't CARE). Or even one of just Elvish, with no translation. Heck, I'd buy a copy! :)

Nearly every time Legolas appeared on the screen, especially during close-ups , you'd hear this little chorus of sighs from the female portion of the audience. It was highly amusing and quite justifiable...the appreciation of pretty little blond things is evidently universal!

There was another incident involving the "I'm not even supposed to be here today" syndrome, concerning Faramir dragging Sam and Frodo to Osgiliath. This never happens in the book! In fact, they don't even meet Faramir until near the end of The Return of the King. So Faramir ambushes the hobbits, hauls them to Osgiliath--forcing them to go backwards in their quest--all for the sake of convenient exposition: Frodo learns of Boromir's death, and tells Faramir about how his brother tried to take the ring. I would agree with the purists in this particular case...walking around in circles doesn't make any sense, and this particular change was rather unwarranted. What purpose does that even serve? Couldn't Faramir learn via word-of-mouth? It makes no freakin' sense! At least the elves at Helm's Deep served a purpose, even if they didn't ascribe to proper canon.

[*My information is again erroneous. They meet Faramir in Two Towers. Just shoot me. Meh.]

Speaking of the elves and Haldir...wasn't that hug fantastic? I couldn't have been the only one who got all melty when Aragorn enthusiastically embraced Haldir. It was just so darned cute! And the elf's reaction was just perfect. "WHAT the...oh, okay then. *hug*" I don't know why Aragorn's all touchy-feely in this movie--he's physically affectionate with (by my count) at least six beings: Arwen, Eowyn, Legolas, Haldir, and his horse. Even Gimli rates a hug. And he has two kissy-face dream sequences with Arwen, although he never actually touches her for real...hmm, that would explain all the hugs. The man hasn't seen any action in months! No wonder he's starting to look sideways at Legolas. One elf for another, eh?

They also took out one of my favourite bits: When Frodo is talking to Gollum/Smeagol, directly after the hobbits tie him up, Gollum says that he will do whatever Frodo wants, and offers to swear on the Precious. At this point Frodo becomes very alarmed, and lectures that it is very dangerous to swear on the Ring. "No, not on it. Swear by it, if you will" (my emphasis). They cut out this whole bit in the theatrical version, so that it appears as though Gollum does indeed swear on the Ring.

The wargs were a bit altered from the novels...canon establishes them as looking like regular wolves. Granted, abso-freaking-lutely HUGE wolves, but wolves just the same. The films make them more like massive generic nightmare predators, a bit like wolverines but not quite.

I must say, the cossies rocked. I want Eowyn's dress! Pretty! Although Eomer looked a bit goofy, with his 80's hair band style. There seemed to be an ongoing theme of blond(e) hair with dark eyebrows, especially regarding the male characters. I'm fairly certain that every single elf shown on screen was not a natural blond. I've heard a lot of people complain about Haldir's pathetic dye job, but hardly a peep about Legolas's less-than-natural look. Unfair, that. Folks, kindly lay off the chunky elf!

What the heck was up with Merry? I don't know what kind of expression he was aiming for, but all he succeeded in doing was to look intensely creepy throughout much of the film. And, yeah, a not-quite full-grown hobbit can outwit one of the oldest beings in the forest. I'll believe that. "But you're a part of this world!" No shit, Sherlock. Figured that out on your own, did you? Hee hee...Merry-bashing, a good time had by all. (All kidding aside, I hold no animosity towards Merry or Pippin...it's all in good fun).

Another thing that kinda bugged me was the Backup Hobbits' continual stupidity throughout the film; it was mostly on Pippin's part, but Merry had his dumb blond moments, too. For example, Treebeard tells them that his people will be discussing the current situation in an ent moot (this is the word he uses, too), explaining, "It is a gathering." To which Merry replies: "A gathering of what?" Umm, he kinda just TOLD you what the gathering is of. Ent moot, gathering...connecting dots, much?