Forever More
Part 1 - Hope
Chapter Sixteen
Scott came to the next morning when light started to filter into the upper windows of the studio. Realizing where he was it was a few moments later that he moved his head, but the pounding was so hard it nearly caused him to lose his balance as he tried to stand. Carefully climbing the stairs and stopping at the bathroom at the top he splashed cold water on his face.
The house was already lit by the morning light. The kitchen still bore the evidence of broken glass and splattered beer from the night before. He started up the steps to the bedroom. Upon entering the room he saw that the bed was still in tact and opening the closet realized that Linda had taken a few pieces of her luggage and some clothing. Sitting on the end of the bed he tried to piece together all of the events and emotions that he had experienced the previous day.
Becky did not want to see him anymore. Now Linda had left sometime in the night, probably to the apartment in Chicago. He loved them both and in doing so hurt both of them so deeply. He knew in his heart that something like this was bound to happen but he continued to live in self-denial putting those thoughts out. Now he hated himself for everything that he had done. Now, they were both gone. He had no one. They had both left him.
He agonized over how he could have done this to Linda. He had treated her so badly these last few months. Of course she had her suspicions. What did he honestly think that she was feeling? He jeopardized every thing they had in their relationship. What was he thinking? Why did he even do this?
And then there was Becky. When he was with her his whole world lit up. She brought to him a happiness that he didn’t even know was missing in his life. They shared something much deeper than physical love. Being near her he felt so connected and grounded and complete.
Sitting there he still had no idea which way to turn, in who’s direction. It was probably too late anyway, he thought.
Standing under the shower and had hoped that the water would wash away some of the pain that he was experiencing.
Linda left mad, but he knew her well enough to know that she would calm down in a few days and he would be able to talk to her. He hoped anyway. The thought that maybe this time he had gone too far crept into his mind. In their relationship even if he had been attracted to anyone else he never acted upon it. Now, not only had he been sleeping with someone else, the night before he stood right in the kitchen and admitted it. After that could she ever even want him back?
He also knew that when he left Becky she was lying in her room alone and crying. He wanted so to comfort her and take her in his arms but she wouldn’t let him. Still, as he stood looking in the bathroom mirror he knew that it was her who he had to try to reach out to.
He dressed and removed the scrap of paper from his wallet where he had written her number at work. She would not take his call.
He did not try to call Linda.
Going back downstairs he got a broom and swept up the glass and wiped the sticky beer from the cupboard as best he could. Then going back into his studio he somehow made it through the day. At some point he knew that he would wait until evening and drive over to Becky’s.
He did just that. Even if she did not want to see him again he could not end it knowing that the last time he saw her she was alone and crying.
Pulling in the yard he realized there was no one home. He sat in his car a few moments and was about to leave when her car came up the road. She pulled in and the boys got out and ran up to him.
Rebecca got out of the car and told the boys to go in the house because she and Scott had to talk to each other. They minded her. They sensed something,. She just stood by her car.
As Scott walked over to her she asked, "What are you doing here?" Her tone was sad but detached.
"I was just worried about you."
"We’ll, I’ll be OK." She tried hard not to show any emotion.
He started to say something but she interrupted.
"Scott don’t do this. It’s not gonna work. Go home to Linda."
"Linda left." he announced somberly.
"I’m sorry." Taking a deep breath she added, "But that doesn’t change things. Its too late for that."
"So you hate me?"
Clenching her hands and raising her voice, "No, Scott, I don’t hate you. I love you. I always will."
"But I hurt you too much, haven’t I?" he choked back, "I never meant to."
"If you did it’s because I let you."
Now they stood in silence not daring to look into each other’s face. What was left to do? Say good-bye? He still wasn’t ready for that.
Realizing that Becky was not going to offer to go inside and talk he knew that he was going to have to go. He reached out and took her in his arms and held her for a moment. She did not resist, but her body did not respond to him. Letting her go he knew that it was time he was leaving.
For the first time they looked at each other as he was getting in his car to leave, but only briefly and Rebecca turned away as he drove out of the yard.
Scott’s plane arrived in San Francisco the following Saturday. Renting a car he drove north through the beautiful California mountains to his destination. He was planning to spend the next few days with a good friend and his family with whom he had spent much time before this.
Jon and Scott went back far. Their history started while he was still playing the local circuits in and around the Chicago and Midwest area with another band before ever joining with Paradox. Jon was a musician, songwriter and singer, who, being born and raised in the west came back home to that area.
Jon also had his share of success with smaller bands and during the last five years was also a rock star in his own right joining together with fellow bandmates to form a group known as Mortal Extreme. Scott and Jon remained good friends through all the separate touring and confusion in their lives. Jon was Scott’s best friend.
Jon and his wife, Paula, moved back to California a few years prior and bought a small ranch upstate. They had horses also and an array of pets, It was a working ranch but Jon, although the kind of man who would, left it up to others to oversee. Scott loved coming there.
Jon wasn’t much taller than Scott but was broad of shoulder with a muscular chest. He had long, dark, curls and also a boyish charm that gained him the admiration of many a young female fan throughout the years.
Paula was great, Scott thought. She was petite in size and features with chestnut hair that when loose hung down the middle of her back. She was easy going and fun loving and always made anyone feel right at home. She was so different from so many women that Scott knew around his circle of friends in that she was more earthy. She didn’t mind getting her hands dirty and you were more apt to find her in jeans with no make-up and her hair pulled back weeding her many flower beds. Yet she could slip into the more refined classy world so easily that necessity sometimes called upon her to do.
Jon and Paula had an adorable little curly brown-haired daughter named Kellie who was just a little over a year and a half. She loved it when Scott would bury his face in her tummy and make her giggle. She was going to have a little brother or sister soon since Paula was about six months pregnant, to which fact Scott made an observation as she came out of the house to greet him.
"Things appear to be going good in there," he said giving her a big hug and rubbing her belly. Kellie ran up and he picked her up as she kissed his face.
Just about that time Jon emerged from the house bare foot and looking much like he had just been roused from sleep.
"You just get up?" Scott inquired as Jon stretched and scratched his head.
"Yeah. What time YOU got?"
"’Bout two."
"Jesus, Its not even time for breakfast here."
Going inside Jon poured them each a cup of coffee and they sat at the kitchen table where they had spent many a midnight hour consuming more than the dark hot liquid in front of them.
Scott’s visit went well. He needed to be among good friends, friends who weren’t judgmental. As he and Jon sat that evening Jon ventured slightly into his friend’s obvious distressed state of mind. He had known Scott too long to not see through some of the signs he was throwing out.
"So you wanna tell me what’s goin’ on?’
"Nothin’ much to tell, really." Scott answered back as he ran the beer bottle back and forth in his hands.
Jon took a breath. "I know Linda’s gone."
Taking a large drink Scott set the bottle back on the table. "How you know that?"
"She called Paula."
"Oh." He already really knew.
Linda and Paula were friends. Not the close kind that Linda hung with in Chicago but the four of them had spent many an evening together and who wouldn’t like Paula?
"She wanted to know if we had heard from you.," Jon continued. "Guess she filled Paula in on the whole thing."
"Great." Scott took another swig.
Not much more was said on the subject. That was about as much bonding as they were comfortable with. They continued to sit and drink.
Jon knew. Jon knew what this was all about. He had lived through it. He had an affair himself.
He and Paula had already been together for several years when she found out that she was pregnant. Maybe it was the thought of becoming someone’s father, maybe the fact that he was growing older was staring him in the face. No matter what it was he had taken the wrong road. For several months he continued an affair all the while Paula sticking with him. When he finally did come to his senses she was still there waiting for him and ready to forgive. They were finally married a few months after Kellie was born.
While out in California Scott spent a lot of time thinking. Maybe the mountain air cleared his head. Whatever it was he seemed more focused there.
He was able to finally reach Linda and they talked. It was much the response that he had imagined. She was not ready to resolve anything, yet. She needed more time. But they were talking, that was good.
After a few days he took a flight back to Chicago. Going to the apartment he and Linda talked more. They had many problems to work out and right then she was still not sure that she wanted to. She would stay in Chicago. They both just needed some time.
Scott drove back to Michigan that Friday evening. The place was just as he had left it. He fell asleep on the sofa watching a late movie. Just being back in the area made his mind start to wander.
It had been just over a week since he had last spoken to Becky, the longest lapse of time since those months when she had first been out to the house painting for him now nearly a year ago. Drifting off to sleep he began to ache for her remembering all of the nights that he had held her after making love while she slept quietly in his arms. The feeling was almost unbearable.
The boys and Rebecca had spent the afternoon at her mother-in-laws for a family dinner. The phone was ringing as she unlocked the back door. Ethan ran to pick it up. Obviously it was someone he knew, Rebecca thought, as she put some leftovers that were sent home with them in the refrigerator. She turned to Ethan with an inquisitive look as she heard him say, "Yeah, she’s right here."
Rebecca asked who it was but before he could answer he handed her the phone and she said "Hello."
Scott’s voice on the other end made her heart beat faster. She had missed him so. She had spent the last week going over in her mind the reasons that she should end their relationship and the reasons why she couldn’t. She had been on so many emotional levels as she tried to come to grips with the fact that she might never see him again. Hearing his voice speaking to her right then she could only feel immense joy in knowing that he was still in her life.
He wanted to see her. Would she let him come over? Did she feel the same way? If he only knew. Maybe he did.
Having him back once again in her home seemed so right. Although she had fallen into his arms when he came through the door they had not had much time alone or even to talk as both boys were physically more excited jumping around and trying to fill him in on everything that they had done the past week and he was just as eager to hear.
He and Rebecca would share a glance and smile every once in a while and they both knew that the boys would settle down and they would have their time.
Soon Rebecca had him back in her arms. They didn’t talk. They didn’t need to. Whatever had happened, all that was said didn’t matter right then. He had come back to her. She had learned a lot about herself that week, most of it not easy to swallow, but the one thing that she did know was that she needed him.
Taking her back into her bed as he had done so many nights before, they made love, very passionate love.
During the course of the next week Scott would spend his days in his studio at home writing and working on material for another album that he had been contracted to do on a different record label. Rebecca was at work during the day and Ethan and Kyle at school. The evenings Scott would spend at their home with Rebecca and the boys and the nights he would spend with her alone.
Scott was at home working an afternoon of the following week. Linda had just pulled into the garage. He was expecting her. She had phoned that morning. She wanted to talk. He did too.
They were not arguing any more. Openness and honesty poured from her lips as she let go feelings that had been building in her from the time that she had left in the middle of the night. She had a lot to deal with, they both did, but she was willing to try again.
Scott sat trying to maneuver this new wave of emotion that he was experiencing. Sure, he still had feelings for Linda, too many. But what were they, really? Were they the right ones? Something inside told him they weren’t. Even if Linda wanted to try again, did he? But how could he even think that he might not want to?
Though not married, Linda was much more his wife than Karen had ever been. That marriage had lasted little more than a year and was more of a "thing to do" at the time. It was a big mistake that they both felt not long afterwards. Linda was different. There was a bond between them. They had shared so much. She knew him so well. This was her home.
Yet as they sat and talked he felt something that he hadn’t before, a twinge of knowing that this was ending. The security and familiarity of their lives together was slipping away. He thought that possibly she had felt it too, but still, they sat together late into the evening.
Scott had been very careful not to say anything that would make Linda think that things might work out. While being careful about that he was also not ready to tell her that Becky was back in his life. He knew that he had to. He owed her that much. He just wasn’t ready yet, because he knew that when he did it was going to mean the end of their relationship for good.
Linda went upstairs to unpack a few things and he slipped into the basement to phone Becky and tell her that he wasn’t going to be able to be there that night. He had some things that had to be taken care of but he loved her and would talk to her the next day.
Maybe by then he would be able to tell Linda, but right now he needed to buy some time.
Linda knew that they had a long way to go if they were going to try to make things work. She still had many unforgiven feelings and although she was back home sex was not going to be the answer or a quick fix to anything. They did, however, go up to bed together and lay and talked more before finally falling asleep very late.
Since Scott had not been with her the night before Rebecca dialed his number as she was dressing for work. She knew it was early but she had wanted to hear his voice before she left for work and tell him to get his sleepy head out of bed.
His phone picked up and Rebecca heard Linda’s voice. She couldn’t say anything. When Linda asked a second time who was there Rebecca slowly put down the phone.
Sitting on the bed the tears again started coming. Linda was the reason that he wasn’t with her the night before. She was not gone. She was very much there, and at seven-thirty in the morning.
That had done it. She didn’t know how but she had to take control of her life, and she knew what that meant, Scott could be no part of it. She could not let him dupe her into anything anymore. She had to make changes, right now.
Linda hung up the phone. She stood there a moment. She knew who it was.
So that was it. A few things from the night before started to become a little clearer. Well, she’d be damned now if this bitch thought she was going to give him up just like that.
