Forever More
Part 2 - Faith
Chapter Twenty Seven
Jon and Scott were to begin a national tour in support of their collaboration. Scott had wanted to cancel it but Rebecca insisted that he meet his obligations.
By now Rebecca had gotten a little better but she felt that maybe the time alone would do her good. Scott would come home during the week whenever possible. Rebecca immersed herself in the lives of her children and taking care of their home.
Ethan was graduating from high school at the end of the current school year and Rebecca busied herself with all the details surrounding that and making plans for his open house the middle of June.
Scott was back home by then and felt that this party might have been the best thing for her. She had some purpose. Still there were times when she remained distant.
During that summer Rick, his old friend from the Paradox days had called Scott to ask if he would come and sit in on a new recording of a song that they were re-releasing under another Greatest Hits title for the band. Scott jumped at the chance and found himself reunited with his old friends. Any ill feelings that had developed between them were a thing of the past. It felt good and everything started to fall into place. There was even talk of getting back together for a reunion tour and mention of a new CD.
When it was decided to do the tour first and release a CD and video later the next year everyone was very excited.
That fall Ethan moved out of the house and into the dorm at a private college not far from their home. Kyle started his junior year of high school and Sarah went into the fourth grade. Rebecca was home alone with Treage most of the day.
Scott was busy writing new material and rehearsing with the band. There was even a re-release of two of his solo albums.
Rebecca was very happy for Scott and she saw how it had made him come more alive just being back together with his old band and friends after so many years.
The reunion of the band was paled when they learned that Mike, the band’s base player and good friend had cancer. He had been doing fairly well and all plans for the summer tour continued.
Rebecca had known that Scott was writing new songs for the CD that would accompany the tour. She had heard only bits and pieces of them as most of the rehearsing was done in Chicago where Scott was spending a lot of his time.
The first time that she heard one particular song she had gone to David’s home with Scott. There in David’s studio she sat and listened to her husband’s life play out before her.
The song that she was hearing cut at her heart as she heard his voice sing words that told of a man who was seeking freedom from a lifestyle in which he was floundering. He was looking forward to the opportunity to get away from the insanity that was his life and knew that he would find his salvation elsewhere, on the road.
Rebecca knew her husband too well not to know that he didn’t write what he felt in his heart. The words caused her great agony and resentment. In one song he had denied their whole life together. Had he hated what his life had become so much that he was looking on this tour as an escape?
If there had been any distance between them, now it had grown wider. Rebecca felt that she had only herself to blame. Had she not lost the baby they would be more of a family. Everything would have been fine but she had let him down and she knew that the sorrow she felt in her heart had been pushing him away.
Still she tried her best to be happy for him. If she could only change the way that she felt. She had always secretly hated touring. It had taken Scott away from home and his family. She knew that she had to look at it as his job, his career but what she resented was that he was missing out on so much of his children’s lives. If it had bothered her before, this tour was stirring up more bitterness and resentment along those lines.
She knew that things were going very well for Scott but she also voiced her irritation at the notion that he was doing this for the money. They didn’t need the money. Even though she knew this probably wasn’t true she was filled with all sorts of thoughts confusing her mind. The one that tore the most at her heart was the knowledge that he wanted to get away from her and try to gain back a life that he had lost somewhere along the way.
As the beginning date for the tour approached Mike’s health worsened. He insisted that they continue on with their plans suggesting a replacement of his own to fill in until he was well enough to join them. Dutifully all the others agreed but at the time all of them where in a state of denial since they all knew that their friend was getting worse. Still he insisted that they go on, for him. Shortly before the tour a young base player named Jesse auditioned and was given the job on a temporary basis.
The tour started in the summer and was in full force with all the personal appearances, radio and television spots. Rebecca would join them whenever possible but she was more determined to keep Sarah and Treage at home to continue on with their summer activities and lead a normal life.
During one week when she and the younger children joined him on the road Scott included Treage in the show. During the unplugged segment he had Treage bring out a guitar for him.
Treage had just turned five and it was a sort of birthday present. Before the show in the hotel Scott had been rehearsing with him, going over again and again the simple act of walking out to his father and handing him a guitar. Nothing to it, but this was Treage and you never knew for sure what he would do. He was just as apt to fling the guitar across the stage and run the other way. Still Scott had faith in him and was willing to take that risk.
Rebecca was back stage with her son as the moment for his big debut approached. She was definitely more worried than he was. He acted like he had forgotten that he was even doing it. But the moment came and the adorable little blond imp set out across the large stage carrying his father’s guitar.
He stole the show as he saw his daddy and took off running to him nearly dragging the guitar behind him. Scott had gotten up off his stool just in case he had to rescue one or the other. He took the guitar in one hand and picked up Treage and sat back down. The audience loved him.
When the applause finally died down Scott spoke to his son perched on his knee.
"Well, hi."
"Hi." Treage’s voice was weak and trembled at first when all the lights blinded him and he heard the deafening applause but Scott managed to get him to calm down. After all, it was just like he was sitting on his daddy’s lap at home.
"I see that you found your way out here OK?"
Treage started to point to his mother back stage from where he had just come and mumbled something about her.
"Yeah, mom’s back there, but you’re here right now. Can you tell everybody your name?"
"Treagethomastaylor!" He blurted out all in one breath.
"Well, Treage Thomas Taylor," Scott clarified, "You know who all these guys are don’t you?"
Treage looked around and saw David, Rick, Kevin and Jesse all sitting there.
"Yeah."
"Well can you tell me who they are?"
Treage remembered David and Rick and Jesse but he couldn’t think of Kevin. That got a laugh as Kevin started to get up to leave.
"Can you tell everybody how old you are?" Scott asked shifting Treage on his knee.
"Five"
"And what are you gonna do this fall?"
Scott was looking for the answer that they had rehearsed earlier but Treage threw him off balance by ad libbing on his own. As shy as Treage had been up to that moment he took a complete turn around and started talking so fast and nearly incomprehensible about getting a new bike and riding it down the road to his friends house and how they were going to go really fast.
Scott’s eyes grew to twice the size as his son went off just as he was known to at home. The audience loved it and Scott tried to get Treage to calm down again.
"Hold it! Calm down now. I know you’re getting a new bike. But what about going to school?"
"Oh, yeah, I’m going to school."
"And what grade are you gonna be in?"
Treage thought. Scott had to whisper in his ear.
"Kin-der-garden!" He sounded so proud as he pronounced it so carefully.
"OK. Well, Daddy’s gotta sing a song, so you have to go back to mom now." Scott set him down on the floor. "You think you can find your way back?"
Treage took off running the way that he came.
Scott looked at the other guys, "I guess so."
The tour was going very well and they were receiving very good reviews. Then Mike died. No one had wanted to admit to themselves that he would probably never join the tour as planned. They had continued to talk of his return. No one was ready when the day finally came that they were told of his passing.
Tour dates were cancelled and rescheduled as they all gathered back in Chicago for his funeral.
His friend’s death had hit Scott very hard but he was not allowing himself to grieve. They had a tour to put on and in Mike’s memory they were all going to continue. This alone kept them going.
But Scott was having other problems too. This was the second time in a little over a year and a half that he had stood at a grave site. For some reason this had brought the loss of his baby girl back so vividly.
Mike’s death also made Scott aware of his own mortality. He had never really thought about dying before. He had lost his father years before but the thought that someday his children would loose him he had never dared think about. Mike was not much older than he was.
Mike had not deserved to die, to go through all the suffering that he had. Scott was not understanding why a God that he had believed in could allow all of this to happen to his own family and to his friend. Trying not to think about it he started to drink more after the shows just so he could sleep at night.
He was spending more and more time alone on the tour as Rebecca didn’t want to drag the children all over the country. Ethan and Kyle and some of their friends had joined him on several occasions that summer and he enjoyed that very much. They were older now and their relationship was taking on an adult level.
But when he and Rebecca were together it was strained and she was usually upset about the traveling and the late night hours. Even when he was home they usually got into some type of argument. He was beginning not to want to come home, and Rebecca was resenting his absences more and more.
When they talked on the phone all she did was complain about everything that was going wrong at home and was angry that he wasn’t there to take care of things. He had gotten to the point where it was so much easier not to call or go home. If they were going to argue all the time he would much rather avoid the whole thing.
Everyone in the band was trying to deal with Mike’s death in their own way. Scott was even angry at Rebecca for not understanding that.
He wasn’t sure how it happened. He was spending more time away from the guys in the band and more with some crew members late nights after the shows. They were partying till early into the morning hours. Most mornings he would find his way back to his room drunk or high. He was always very careful not to let any of this interfere with any public appearances that they might have had in the mornings or the actual concerts at night.
But as the summer dragged on he came to depend on these parties to get him through. He was using Mike’s death and his worsening relationship with Rebecca as a rationalization. His new friends weren’t judgmental. His new friends didn’t care. When he was with this crowd after a show he could forget. Forget about Mike, forget about Rebecca, forget about all the responsibilities that she kept reminding him that he had.
One night he decided to rely on an old acquaintance to help him forget. Cocaine. Just once wasn’t going to hurt. He was not even aware of the seduction as he began to turn more and more to it to lessen his grief.
He was also starting to find himself in some awkward situations at first. Women were always partying with them. The same women who found him very attractive and shamelessly admitted it. They fed his ego very nicely. He was beginning to wonder why these women found him so charming and appealing when his own wife could not even stand to talk to him without creating a fight.
After several drinks and hits, associating with the many women who made themselves available didn’t seem like such a big deal.
Some mornings he remembered them. Some mornings he didn’t. He was fairly certain that he had never slept with any of them but it was getting harder to resist. In some twisted sense of rationalization he had his limits. Still, he craved the feel of a woman. There were always plenty willing to afford him that pleasure.
He had not spent very much time with Becky and when she did come to meet him somewhere or he went home they had usually had words and he slept in the other bed with one of the kids or on the sofa.
As his problem with his need for the drugs started to grow he had to cover his tracks the best he could. He did not want this to be getting back to the other guys in the band. Besides he knew that it wasn’t affecting his performances.
But it was and they had heard the rumors and seen for themselves how he had changed over the summer. But the tour would be over soon and all of them were denying that he really had a problem.
Scott was feeling guilty for lying to Rebecca on several occasions about where he was after a show or who he was with. She sensed it too but when she would question his honesty it would just set him off.
By the time the tour was winding down things had gotten very bad between them. Rebecca knew that he had some major problems but was not exactly sure what they were. She knew that he had been drinking heavily but there seemed to be nothing she could say to make him stop. When he usually did call her he was already pretty wasted. If she said anything it would just make him madder and on more then one occasion either one of them had hung up on the other. But she felt that once the tour was over and he was back home maybe he would stop all of this and they could work out whatever was wrong between them.
