Forever More
Part 3 - And The Greatest Is Love
Chapter Thirty Nine
Rebecca sat in a long row of chairs in the airport terminal in Lansing waiting for her husband’s plane to arrive. It was nearly eleven p.m. She felt terribly nervous, even anxious.
Scott was coming home to them. They had a long way to go, a lot of wounds to mend, but he was coming home, to her.
The airport was nearly empty. Through the darkness she saw the lights from the plane as it taxied to a stop near the gate. There weren’t many people on the flight from Chicago, businessmen mostly as they exited in their suits and with their briefcases after a long day. The sight of her husband in his jeans, T-shirt and long flowing blond hair brought a smile to her face as he stood apart from all the business men. But there he was. He had seen her and her heart had stopped. She fell into his arms at last and he held her tight as sobs of happiness overcame her. To feel herself once again in his embrace was the dearest joy she could ever possibly experience.
The moment that Scott felt Rebecca’s arms fold around him he knew that he was home. This is where he wanted most to be.
Scott drove and told Rebecca how he had contacted Rick and everyone from the band and that he was going to be working with them. She sat and listened while he told her that he was going to have the surgery on his hand and that he would even go to counseling if they still felt that he needed it.
The man that sat next to her in the car as they drove home that night was the man that she loved and married who had been away for so long.
Rebecca had made arrangements for Sarah and Treage to spend the night elsewhere. They wold see their father in the morning.
Ethan had not come home after work that night but stayed at the home of his future in-laws. He was not ready to see his father yet, but soon. Rebecca had a long talk with both of her older sons when she told them that their father was coming home. She wanted desperately for them all to be together as one family and that meant that a lot of concessions and forgiveness had to be made on all sides. Their mother wanted this so much and for that reason alone they had both agreed to try.
Scott felt a sense of peace as he pulled the car onto the driveway and up into the garage. The house was dark and quiet. The familiar smells that he had taken for granted filled his senses. He was home.
Rebecca put on a fresh pot of coffee and they sat on the sofa and talked until well passed three in the morning. When finally Rebecca realized how late it was she got up to take care of the coffee cups. Scott followed her into the kitchen.
"I’ll sleep down in Ethan’s room since he didn’t come home tonight."
Rebecca looked into Scott’s eyes. "I thought you were home?"
Sadly Scott answered, "How can I ask to share your bed?"
"How can you not?" Her words were low and inviting.
Scott closed his eyes a moment before speaking. "Becky, I never slept with anyone else. Not now or before."
"You don’t need to tell me."
"I know," pausing he added, "But I wanted to tell you." I’ve never loved anyone like I love you."
"I know." Her words were whispered as she turned the light out behind them and they made their way up the stairs to their bedroom.
As he held Rebecca in his arms the familiar feel of her hands upon him and the long missed taste of her lips upon his brought a heightened awareness of his love for her. This was the only woman who he ever truly loved. When at long last she lay beneath him and once again joined their bodies as one his eyes never left hers. He saw only their love reflected in the penetrating soft blueness.
Scott had been back home for several days. During that time his younger children had accepted his return with full force. Their father was back home and that was all that mattered. But then they had continued to have a relationship with him even in his absence.
Not so with Ethan and Kyle. He had not spoken to Kyle at all and Ethan only briefly when he made it quite clear that he wanted his father out of their lives.
It was going to take awhile but both boys were trying. Theirs was not a relationship that could be fixed over night like their younger sister’s and brother’s, but they did want to make it work not only for their mother but they really did love Scott. In truth he had been the only father that they had ever known. He had been a part of their lives for so many years and that alone was worth the risk of a reconciliation.
Scott and Rebecca had much to work through also, but they were together and committed to that purpose. This time there was much more unconditional forgiving. Rebecca did not question the time that he was away. She only knew that he had come home to her. Whatever he had done was now in the past. She vowed that never again would she make him relive his sins.
One afternoon not long after he had come home the phone rang and Scott answered it while in the living room. It was Tom.
Scott had not detected the surprise in Tom’s voice as he spoke into the phone. They talked awhile and by the end of the conversation he and Tom had started down the road to make amends. Tom was glad that he was home. Not until after the conversation had ended did an uneasy feeling start to take over Scott’s body.
Rebecca had been upstairs doing some house work. She was now in their bedroom making the bed. Scott came into the room and watched her. She smiled as she moved around the bed asking him to help. She was making idle conversation but he wasn’t paying much attention. He had something that he wanted to say to her but was having difficulty finding the words.
As he pulled the comforter up and tucked it under the pillows on his side of the bed he cleared his throat and spoke.
"That was Tom on the phone."
"Oh, I didn’t hear it ring."
"We talked." Scott searched Rebecca’s face for the slightest change, but she had turned toward the bathroom.
"Good. I’m glad. I hope that everything is gonna be OK."
Scott didn’t say anything and Rebecca turned to see his face. He looked down at the floor and started to wring his hands. "Tom wasn’t calling me, was he?" There was the look that Scott had feared. He continued, "He didn’t even know I was home." It was more a question than a statement.
Rebecca stood in silence as Scott became painfully aware of the truth. It echoed the wrenching pain that clenched his gut.
Finally the silence was broken. Scott’s voice was filled with an anguish that Rebecca had never heard before, "Goddamnit!" He clenched his fists. His breathing became faster and harder as he tried to hold down the sickness that started to come up into his throat. "Oh, my God!" He left the bedroom and finally made his way across the yard to the studio where he could be alone to try to comprehend the truth that had just uncovered itself.
At first rage seethed through his body as he kicked a stool across the studio knocking over a guitar stand. Then slashing out at a table he swiped his hand across it causing a few dishes and glasses to smash against the opposite wall. If Tom were here right now he would kill him! He didn’t know how but he would KILL him! He felt like taking that broken glass and ripping Tom’s heart out, just the way that his own now felt.
He slumped onto the sofa. He had felt uneasy about Tom before but for the first time in their marriage he had felt real jealously. Now he knew for sure that someone else had desired his wife. The thought sickened him more. Then suddenly he knew how Rebecca must have felt all those years living with the lifestyle that he had grown accustomed to.
Women were always plentiful during a tour. Becky had to constantly be reminded of that. She lived their whole marriage knowing that he was the fantasy of many women. He had liked it, he had to admit that. But this was the way it was when she had met him. Now he was beginning to realize that he had expected her to just accept it.
In the beginning it was a dangerous way to live, but then as he grew older and needed more stability in his relationships it was more of a thrust to his ego. It was part of what kept him young.
And what about Becky? He had been sexually attracted to her right from the beginning. The mere fact that she never looked at another man that way had always made him feel good. How foolish for him to think that no one was looking at her. Could it be that all these years he had taken Becky for granted?
The last few days he had noticed the change that had taken place in her since he had left. She had grown more independent, more self assure, or maybe it just seemed that way. Maybe she always was and he just hadn’t noticed. He had always wanted to feel that he took care of her and children. That they needed and depended on him. That was even part of the reason that he resented Tom interfering in their lives in the first place.
But now as he sat there he began to see that Rebecca had been the strong one all along. She had been the one to keep the home and family in tact while he was away on tour. Even after she had found him with another woman she remained and continued to love him effacing her own self worth. He had seen the toll that had taken on her self esteem.
She had been the one who he had leaned on after the accident. Everything that she had done for him was for his own good and out of love.
And how did he repay that love? With deceit, drugs, infidelity, and finally turning his back on not only her but his children, his friends and his career.
More than an hour elapsed since he had slammed the back door to the house. He got up, walked over to the guitar, picked it up and replaced it on the stand where it had once stood.
He heard the outside door to the studio open and looked up to see Becky standing there. His face was solemn and his heart still ached.
Surveying the broken glass she spoke softly and gently, "How come whenever you feel like breaking something it ends up being something of mine?"
She looked up at him with compassion in her heart. Walking slowly toward him she picked up the frame that held a copy of one of the platinum records of Paradox’ that had fallen off the wall earlier in his tantrum.
She held it out to him. "You feel like throwing anything else, here, try this?" Her words were soothing as he looked into her eyes. She gave a slight smile. He managed one too. She still held out the frame. After he didn’t move she set it on the console next to him. "See how you are?"
He looked again. Another smile. They stood another moment before she spoke again. Taking a deep breath she offered, "I don’t know what you think happened between Tom and I? I’m not even sure it matters. Tom is just a good friend. He was there for me when I needed him."
Scott thought back to the many times that he had held another woman in his arms and wanted her in the past few years. He was sick again. Anything that Rebecca could tell him now only paled in comparison to his own misconduct.
He found the courage to ask. He felt his heart pounding as he spoke, "Tom was a good friend to you? Tell me? Is Tom still my friend?"
Rebecca looked up into her husband’s eyes and simply and sincerely answered, "Yes."
He felt his heart start again as he pulled her to him. He stood in the studio with her in his embrace.
A few weeks later after Scott was recovering from his surgery, Jon flew out to see him. Tom was also there. They were there to help Scott work on some early tracks to the solo album that he was finally ready to start. His hand was still bound and his stitches hadn’t been removed yet but they were able to start some preliminaries.
This was also the first time that he had seen Tom since before he left home. He was apprehensive. Jon was worried how the meeting would go. He himself tried to buffer the situation by letting Tom know ahead of time that Scott knew something about what had happened between him and his wife, and Scott knew that Tom knew.
They had all been in the kitchen and Rebecca had played the hostess well. Scott felt uncomfortable and had looked for any type of sign that Tom was looking at Becky. When it was decided that the three men would then go out to the studio Tom lagged behind for a moment using his need for a bathroom as an excuse. This upset Scott who read more into the casual remark, but Jon tried to talk his friend out of any type of confrontation in the matter. They weren’t there to bring up the past but get on with the task at hand.
When Tom came out of the bathroom Becky was standing near the table. She knew that he would say something to her. She felt uneasy. He came and stood near her leaning against the counter top by the sink. She had not read any type of feeling in his eyes since that night outside at the casino. But as he stood there before her now she once again caught a glimpse of the inner man.
"I just have one thing that I want to ask you," he said as he stood looking down at her. "Are you happy?"
She smiled and looked up into his eyes. "Yes, very much so."
With that he drew in a breath and managed a half smile himself. "Good." Then turning he walked out the back door to join Jon and Scott in the studio.
When he arrived Scott appeared to be slightly irritated. He just had a feeling that Tom had spoken to his wife. Jon tried to get things moving and was annoyingly making more small talk than necessary. Finally he realized his attempts were falling on deaf ears. Scott and Tom had shared a few terse glances and sarcastic remarks. This was not going as planned.
At last Tom spoke. "OK, let’s cut the bull shit!"
Jon wanted to sink out of view. His two friends stood staring at each other and he knew no good would come of this.
Looking hard through Scott, Tom continued, "I didn’t sleep with your wife."
"I know that." Scott answered
Tom’s voice changed to a slightly arrogant tone, "But that’s not what you want to know, is it?"
About this time Jon feared the worst. He started to move between the two men asking them to calm down. Scott motioned him off.
Tom spoke again. "No, what you want to know is if I wanted to."
Scott clenched his teeth and stared into Tom’s contemptible eyes.
Tom answered, "You’re damn right I did," then added, "But she didn’t." The fact being a humiliating blow to his ego and one which he would have never admitted but for Becky’s sake he knew he had to. He continued, "Had it been anybody else’s wife," he paused, "except for maybe his," he cocked his head in Jon’s direction. He never finished his sentence before Scott jumped in.
"And that’s supposed to make me feel better? What, am I just supposed to forget it?"
"I don’t give a damn how it makes you feel. But, I tell you one thing, you had better never forget it, cause the first time you do you will be right back where you were."
Tom had just taken all the anger out of him with that last statement. Scott knew he was right. He had indeed taken Becky for granted for so long that for him to go back and pretend that no man had ever wanted her or worse, that she had never been attracted to any one else would be a lie.
Scott turned and walked out of the studio toward the house. Jon took a sigh of relief for the moment.
Scott found Rebecca still in the kitchen. Scott wasted no time but got to the point. "Tom says that he didn’t sleep with you."
Confused Rebecca answered back, "I told you that."
"I guess I didn’t realize that he had offered."
Rebecca bit at her lip at his offensive tone. "It never got that far."
Scott felt he had to persist, "Just how far did it get? Did he kiss you?"
"Yes. Scott...."
He started to walk away toward the living room, but her words made him stop.
"How many women have you kissed, and more?"
Her words were not angry and they made him turn to look at her.
She continued, "You know what the problem is? For me they are all just nameless, faceless individuals. But you have to look at Tom."
She was right. Without even realizing it, with that one remark, she had evened the score if in fact there had been one to settle. By now they had both learned that the only true love within a marriage was unconditional. A love that sets no boundaries or limits.
Rebecca loved that man so deeply. She had striven to be so strong but found herself very vulnerable. She wanted to become independent but had come to need him to care for her.
And Scott loved her. More than he had ever thought humanly possible, he loved her. He knew now that when he thought that he had failed them, he had not, but taken in by his own grief and vulnerability he had only seen himself as just that, a failure to his family. Now he realized how much they did need him to be there for them. And he was there. He had taken his place back at the head of their family to love and care for and protect through whatever life had to offer them.
And Becky was right there at his side. She had never stopped believing in him. He might have given up on himself but she knew the man that she had fallen in love with so many years earlier. She knew what was in his heart even during the times that he himself did not. She was his best friend, his confidant, his lover.
Scott changed his direction and walked back across the yard to the studio. Entering, he looked Tom in the eye one more time. Then turning to Jon asked him to replay a track that they had laid down a few days earlier. No more was ever said.
Scott sat on the edge of their bed buttoning up his shirt. Rebecca came and sat beside him.
"I had made a decision about something while you were gone." Her words were low and Scott sensed the seriousness in her tone.
She went on, "I’m going to order a gravestone for the cemetery."
Scott searched his wife’s face then dropped his eyes.
"Its something that I want to do" Rebecca tilted her head to look up into his, then taking his hands in hers, "But I want you to do something for me." She paused as Scott looked back up at her. "I’m going to have two names on the gravestone."
Scott’s mouth started to form a question but Rebecca cut him off.
"I already talked to the records clerk. As long as they note it in the records that there is only one body they will let me do it."
Scott stood up while Rebecca remained on the bed.
"I need you to give me a name," she continued.
He could hardly believe what she was asking.
Facing Rebecca he spoke, "But we don’t even know what the baby was."
"I know. That’s why I want you to chose the name."
Scott walked to the window and looked down toward the river as it slowly drifted by. "I don’t think I can do that."
Rebecca came and stood behind him sliding her arms around his waste.
He continued, "Do you know now how hard it is for me to drive by there knowing that my little girl is lying there?"
Suddenly his body began to shudder as Rebecca held him closer. She had not really known until that moment how much he was still suffering over the loss of their baby.
"I know," she said sadly burying her head into his chest as he pulled her around to him.
Scott stood alone on the damp grass staring at the small headstone that rested on the grave of his daughter. Visions raced through his mind as he remembered the night that he drove Becky to the hospital when they lost her.
He could not erase the memory when finally they allowed him to see her. Her tiny body so perfectly developed lay lifeless before him. He remembered how Sarah, just seconds after she was born, was placed on her mother’s stomach and squirmed and cried with life.
Sarah was one of the great joys of his life, one of his reasons for living. He could only dare to dream what this little girl would have meant to him. But he would never know. He only knew the reality of the present.
The gravestone that Rebecca had chosen was two small hearts intertwined. Scott read the names with a single date engraved below each one.
Michael Scott Taylor Britnay Rose Taylor
December 3, 1993 October 27, 1994.
Scott walked closer to the stone. Reaching out his hand he laid it gently against the cold marble, then turned and walked slowly back toward where his car was parked.
The last of the stitches were removed from Scott’s hand the day after Treage’s seventh birthday in June. The following week he started rehabilitation. It was not as painful as before and Scott was amazed at how much better he was responding to the sessions.
The tour had been set back to the coming winter and the spring of the following year to accommodate his recovery. By the time that he and the other members of the band started full fledged rehearsals he was nearly back to his former abilities sighting the actual feel of a guitar under his grasp as incentive enough to succeed.
During this tour he had asked Sarah to come out and join him on stage bringing to him his guitar much like Treage had done before her.
But this was different. Most everyone, or at least all of his closest fans, knew of the accident that both he and his daughter had survived. Scott had already been taking the time during the concerts to thank everyone for all of their prayers, love and support for him, his daughter and his family.
Tonight as Sarah walked across the stage to meet the five men seated in the center she was met with a loud applause from the many people who knew that she was Scott’s daughter.
Scott stood up giving her his stool to sit on while he put his arm around her shoulders. When the crowd quieted he said a few words about how much he and Sarah had appreciated all of the kind thoughts that everyone had sent to them in their time of suffering. His voice was hoarse as he strained to get the words out.
Then Sarah herself spoke and thanked everyone. Scott could hold it in no longer as he heard his daughter speak thanking everyone for their wishes for her recovery. When she had finished he hugged her close as he choked back the growing lump in his throat..
It wasn’t planned but he had to walk off the stage with her and gain his composure before returning to join the others.
