Toms & Queens
Alonzo strolled down the street, stopping suddenly as he saw Pouncival laughing.
"Hey! Pounce! What are you looking at?" He said, walking up behind him and peering over his shoulder.
"Tugger was just following Miss Cassandra, and you should have seen her! She gave him a look that would have cooled off a mouse at mating time!"
"Great! Just so long as he do not take her to Havana!"
"Havana! He could not take her to New Rochelle…. Where is Munkustrap? He ought to start lining up the game!"
"I do not know- I suppose trying to see Hyper. She is mad at him again."
"That Ms. Hyper! She is always taking his mind off honest work."
"Yes, it is to bad that a smart businessman like Munkustrap has to go and fall in love with his own fiancee."
"Alonzo, that is his weakness, and we should be tolerant, because I am told that it is a worldwide weakness! When you see a tom, reach for stars in the sky, you can bet that he’s doing it for some queen."
"When you spot a John waiting out in the rain. Chances are he’s insane as only a John can be for a Jane."
"When you meet a gent, paying all kinds of rent, for a flat that could flaten the Taj Mahal,"
They both joined together and said:
"Call it sad, call it funny but it’s better than even money that the tom’s only doing it for some queen!"
Alonzo shook his head.
"When you see a sport, and his cash has run short, make a bet he’s been blowing it on some queen."
"When a tom wears suits with the front gleaming white. Who the heck do you think, he’s tickling pink, on Saturday night?"
"When a lazy slob, takes a good steady job, and he smells of Vitals and Barbasol,"
They shook their heads again, and said:
"Call it dumb, call it clever, ahh but you can give odds forever that the toms only doing it for some queen, some queen, some queen. The tom’s only doing it for some queen!"
Cassandra, and her mission band walked down the street. Cassandra looking over her shoulder.
"Well, we finally lost him."
"I do think you should have paid some attention to him,"
"Yes, he attended every street meeting we had this morning. He must be interested in our work."
"Very," Cassandra said coolly.
"By the way, you spoke beautifully this morning Cassandra."
"No, I can’t reach these people. I should never had volunteered for this post…. Well, let’s go in to lunch."
She sighed, and looked up.
"General Electra!"
"Good morning Cassandra, Bustopher."
"Good morning, general."
"We didn’t know you were coming to town general."
"Cassandra, there’s something I want to talk to you about."
"Won’t you come inside -have some lunch with us?"
"No, I don’t have time, dear, I have several other calls to make. Cassandra, we at headquarters have decided to close this branch of the mission."
"Close the mission!"
"General, please! Someone can do good here, even if I can’t!"
"We’ve announced a big meeting for tomorrow night!"
"But will anyone be here?"
The mission ponders over this as Tugger walks towards them.
"Pardon me- I couldn’t help overhearing…….. General, my name is Tugger Masterson, former sinner."
"How do you do?"
"How do you do? …. I wish to protest the closing of this mission. I believe Miss Cassandra can be a big success here."
"I am glad to hear you say that, but I am not so certain."
"A dollar will get you ten."
"What?" The general looked over at Cassandra.
"General, might I make a suggestion…. Why don’t you come to the meeting tomorrow night and find out for yourself.." Tugger said.
"Well, if I thought the mission had a chance.."
"General, I personally guarantee you one dozen genuine sinners."
"Well, hallelujah!" The general yelled.
"Hallelujah!" Tugger shouted gleefully, looking to Cassie.
"Hallel….lujah…" Cassandra said skeptically.
"You all got your carnations?" Alonzo replied as he wondered around Mindy’s, looking over all the gamblers that had gathered there.
"Remember, no one will be let in to the game without they got red carnations, it’s like a pass word!" Pounce countered.
"Okay, but where’s the game?" Growltiger asked, the gamblers nodded and muttered.
"I’ll tell you in a minute," Alonzo said as Munkustrap entered Mindy’s, he walked towards him. "Munkustrap, is it all set? Can I tell the toms that it’s at the Biltmore garage?"
"Not yet. I got to stall ‘em for a while. Ademetus wants his dough first."
"But it’s eleven o-clock- they won’t stick around much longer."
"SO sue me…."
"Detroit, if you do not have no place for your game, tell us, and we will seek elsewhere for entertainment." Growltiger said evilly.
"Now take it easy Growltiger."
"I would like you to meet, Big McCavity from Chicago."
"Why, how do you do, Big McCavity?"
"I came here to shoot catnip. Let’s shoot catnip!"
"Munkustrap, if there is no catnip game tonight I am sure Big McCavity will be considerably displeased; and Big McCavity does not like to be displeased."
"Big McCavity, believe me when I tell you that when Munkustrap Detroit…. Munkustrap Detroit.." Munkustrap’s words slowed down as his hand ran over Big McCavity’s gun. "When, Munkustrap Detroit arranges something…. You can count on it that…"
"Well, well. An interesting gathering indeed. The cream of society," Skimbleshanks crooned as he pointed towards a few gamblers. "What’s the occasion, gentlemen?"
"Well, we … er-" Munkustrap stuttered.
"It’s a party!" Alonzo spat.
"Indeed! What kind of a party?"
Hyper walked into Mindy’s, waving to some of her friends.
"Goodbye girls, see you tomorrow." Alonzo saw her, and got his idea. He walked over to Hyper and lead her towards Munkustrap.
"It’s a bachelor dinner. Munkustrap’s getting married."
"What!?" Hyper gasped.
"That is correct, Lieutenant! It’s a bachelor dinner! Munkustrap’s getting married!" Growltiger added.
"FOOOR!" Alonzo started, the gamblers all sung,
"He’s a jolly good fellow, for he’s a jolly good fellow, for he’s a jolly good fellow!"
"Which nobody cannot deny!" Big McCavity said loudly.
"Oh Munkustrap darling, I’m so thrilled! Why didn’t you tell me?"
"It was a surprise.." Munkustrap said sheepishly.
"But when I saw you standing here with all these… these-" Hyper looked around. "Fine gentlemen, I never dreamed it was a bachelor dinner. I thought it was a-"
"Oh, it’s a bachelor dinner! Yes sir! A bachelor dinner!"
"Just think, after fourteen years I’m finally going to become Mrs. Munkustrap Detroit! Time certainly does fly!"
"Tell me, Munkusrap. When is the happy day?" Skimbleshanks said.
"When will it be, Munkustrap?"
"Well.."
"Munkustrap, these good fellows are nice enough to give you a bachelor dinner. You should at least tell them a wedding date."
"Well, we need time for a license…"
"You could elope." Skimbleshanks smiled.
"What?"
"You can drive down to Maryland… they’ll marry you right away. They don’t even ask you for a blood test."
"Ain’t that unhealthy?" Munkustrap said, trying to get out of it, Hyper jumped in to his arms.
"Oh Munkustrap, let’s elope!"
"Well….. what the heck." They kissed, all the gamblers congratulated them.
"My congratulations, too, Munkustrap. And I only hope there is nothing in heredity."
"Munkustrap, I got so many things to do before we elope. You’ll be at the Hot Box tomorrow night?"
"I’ll have a table reserved and I’ll be all dressed up in whatever you elope in."
"Oh Munkustrap, I’m so happy!" She ran off, followed by Skimbleshanks.
"Munkustrap, you are indeed a lucky fellow," Growltiger smirked. "A most beautiful queen indeed. Do you agree, Big McCavity?"
"Let’s shoot catnip."
"Munkustrap! You better find a place!" Alonzo screamed.
"How can I!? The money from Tugger ain’t come yet!"
"Maybe it won’t come! Maybe he took the queen to Havana!" Pounce panicked.
"He couldn’t have! How could he?! She couldn’t have gone!"
At that moment the mission band walked by the window. Munkustrap eagerly counting them as they walked by. He finally noticed Cassandra not there, the world seemed to flash before his eyes. He fell backwards and Pounce and Alonzo caught him.
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