Toms & Queens
Plato walked down the streets of NYC. Occasionally passing some of the Felines, and HotBox queens. There was a Peke Race being held today, and all the Gamblers around were getting ready to bet on it. He passed a Gambler wearing a ‘I Am Blind’ sign, who passed another Gambler, who opened a briefcase she was holding, and the ‘blind’ Gambler placed his bet, then took off, pretending to be blind.
It was being said that Skimbleshanks was, ‘putting on the heat’. As the towns decective, the Feline was against the Gamblers and all their catnip fancies.
He passed a booth run by a Gambler, and pulled down a listing of the Pekes in the race, leaning against the both, he looked up at the sound of the race horn. Thirty minutes until the race started.
Plato was too busy looking at his list to notice Alonzo, and Pouncival, who were also holding lists. Alonzo was standing in the front of the booth, Pouncival to one side, and Plato to the other.
At the sound of the horn, Alonzo looked up.
"I got the Peke right here, the name is Paul Rivere, and there’s a tom that says if the weathers clear, can do. Can do. This guy says the horse can do." Alonzo said, moving as if to show Pounce, who shook his head. "Can do."
"Naw," Pounce said, pointing to his list. "I’m picking’ Valentine, ‘cause on the Morning Line the guys got him figured at five to nine. Has chance, has chance, the guy says the horse has chance." Pounce moved to show Plato his list. "Has chance."
"No," Plato said, pointing to his own list. "Look at Epitaph he wins it by a half, accordion’ to this here in the telegraph, needs race. Needs race, this guy says the horse needs race. Since he says the horse needs race, wins race, wins race." Pounce and Alonzo shook their heads.
"Epitaph!"
"Valentine!"
"Paul Rivere!"
The Gamblers shouted.
"I got the Peke," They said in unison, "right here!" At that moment, the horn rang again, the Gamblers looked at their watches, then took off for the race as the owner of the booth looked up.
"Follow the fold and stray no more! Stray no more, stray no more! Put down the catnip and we’ll say no more! Follow, follow the fold!" The Jellicles sang out their tune to passing cats, hoping to capture the attention of Gamblers. Cassandra, the Jellicles head queen, pointed to a Gambler staggering out of a place that sold catnip.
"Before you take another swallow! Follow the fold and stray no more!" She sang, the rest of the Jellicles joined in.
"Stray no more, stray no more. Tear up your catnip deck and play no more, follow, follow the fold." The Jellicle band stopped playing their tune, and all attention turned to Cassandra, who was helped by Electra onto a box to be seen better.
"Friends, this is no place to give a speech, so I’m not going to try." She started off. "You don’t want to be told how unlucky you are. You don’t want to be reminded of the misery of your life. You who gamble and smuggle catnip, let us help you not to loose your hard earned money…"
At that precise moment, Plato, Alonzo and Pounce walked by on their way to their race, and caught the last bit of Cassandra’s setance. Plato turned to Pounce.
"This queen is catching my attention." He said.
"Let us help you to stop your gambling! Stop your playing!"
"She has lost me…" Plato muttered, and the three turned and left.
As Cassandra continued her talk, a Gambler walked over, carrying a small table.
"HELLO! I bet you’re wondering what time it is? Well, today only, I’m giving away solid gold watches. That’s right! Solid gold watches for one dollar each!"
Electra turned, and whispered something into Cassandra’s ear. The Siamese nodded. "Remember, all that glitters is not gold. More can be given in the kingdom of the Jellicles! Gold is not enough!" The tom with the cart turned to look at Cassandra, then back at the crowd gathered around his cart.
"Well! You say gold is not enough? Well today only, I’ll throw in an ivory top with a built in compass! Your wonderin’ which way your going?"
"Which way are you going! Down down down! Or up to the Heaviside! Come to the mission and find out! Absolutely free!"
"ABSALUTELY FREE for today only!" All the people around the Jellicles were soon crowded around the Gambler at the cart.
"You know Cassie, most of them are staying until your at least half way through your talk." Bustopher said.
"You can only sell them salvation for a dollar. Solid gold watch with an ivory top and a built in compass." Cassandra muttered as she turned to follow the rest of the Jellicles to the mission.
"Cassie, you don’t suppose by any chance those watches really are solid gold?"
"Bustopher Jones, don’t you dare." Cassandra said as she turned to face Bustopher, and then turned to follow the mission, starting up the song.
Pounce and Alonzo shook their heads.
"I wonder why a refined queen such as Miss Cassandra spends all her time working with the mission. How can she make any money like that?" Alonzo said as they walked towards Mindy’s.
"Maybe she owns a piece of da mission." Pounce offered, Alonzo nodded.
Growltiger walked out of the barber shop on Broadway.
"Growltiger the Horse!" Alonzo said, using Growltiger’s Gambler title. Growltiger took off his hat, turned to the window of the shop, and tried to hide his face. Pouncival and Alonzo walked over.
"Alonzo Southstreet! Since when do you call out the name of a Gambler in the open air which is full of Felines?" He demanded.
"It was a friendly impulse, I lost my head."
"Try that again and you’ll see how true that is."
"You know Nicely-Nicely Pounce?"
"Sure do, how goes everything with ya?"
"Nicely nicely thanks." Pounce replied with a nod. Growltiger, put his arms around the shoulders of the two Gamblers, and brought them towards the end of the sidewalk.
"I’ve been waiting to hear from Munkustrap. What will be the location of his catnip game? I would hate to take my trade elsewhere, but I am loaded and looking’ for action." Growltiger took a step back, and brushed down his coat. "I have recently acquired 5lbs."
"5lbs!" Alonzo cried.
"If it can be told," Pounce started. "Where did you receive such a fine bundle of lettuce?"
"I’ve got nutin’ to hide." Growltiger said, backing up. "I received a reward on my father." Growltiger gave a grin, and walked away.
Alonzo and Pounce looked at each other, and shook their heads as they walked into the barber shop.
"It must be great having a well-known old man. Nobody wanted my father for even 2lbs!"
"I am beginning to worry about Munkustrap," Pounce said, ignoring the catnip comment. "If he does not find a place…" Pounce stopped as Alonzo stood up. Pounce turned his gaze, and who should stand there but Detective Skimbleshanks.
"Why, Skimbleshanks! Look, Mr. Southtstreet, it is Decective Skimbleshanks from the New York City police department." Pounce said, trying to cover up.
"Have you two seen Munkustrap Detroit?"
"Munkustrap Detroit?" Alonzo asked.
"Which Munkustrap Detroit is that?" Pounce questioned.
"Your boss Munkustrap Detroit who runs a floating Catnip game." Skimbleshanks replied coolly.
"Floating?" Alonzo said with a shrug.
"On a boat?" Pounce said.
"A catnip game that moves to a different location every time so the police can’t find it."
"Must be tough to take.." Alonzo said, hoping to rid himself and Pounce of the Decective.
"Oh, well you should know since it’s your job to rustle up the customers and tell them where it is."
"Especially with a detective like you putting on the heat." Pounce implied, trying to ignore the fact that the Feline already knew everything about the Gamblers.
"And you can give just that message to Munkustrap. Tell him that Skimbleshanks says that he’s not going to find a place for his catnip game. Because Skimbleshanks is putting on the heat, and breathing down everybody’s neck." Skimbleshanks gave the two Gamblers a scowl, and walked out of the shop. Alonzo and Pounce exchanged glances as Munkustrap walked in.
"Munkustrap! You are lucky! You just missed Skimbleshanks!"
"I’m lucky I just missed Skimbleshanks." Munkustrap remarked, looking up at Alonzo.
"He gave us a message, he said-"
"That I am not going to find a place for my catnip game. Because Skimbleshanks is putting on the heat, and breathing down everybody’s neck."
"That’s it." Pounce said.
"That’s what he said." Alonzo replied.
Munkustrap sighed.
"Won’t anybody take a chance? Seeing it’s you?"
"Seeing it’s me no. You would not believe what a breath this Skimbleshanks has got. Nobody, except one, Ademetus Biltmore’s garage. He says he’ll take a chance. For 10lbs, in advance, and in cash. He would not even take my marker."
"This I do not believe! That Ademetus Biltmore will not take your marker!"
"You would not believe what a breath this Skimbleshanks has got. A marker is not just a piece of paper that says: I.O.U. 10lbs signed Munkustrap Detroit. A marker is the one thing on which a guy cannot welsh on. It’s like not saluting the flag!" Pounce and Alonzo put their paws over their hearts. "I do not believe it. Me without a livelihood. Why, I’ve been running the catnip game since I was a juvenile kitten! I’m broke. I’m so broke I could not even afford to by Hyper a present today." Munkustrap said as he walked towards the cashier’s desk. Pounce and Alonzo followed him, Alonzo on his right, Pounce on his left.
"Its it her birthday?" Alonzo asked.
"No. It is mine and Hyper’s fourteenth anniversary. We are engaged fourteen years today."
"Munkustrap, you must concentrate on the game! The Greeks in town!" Alonzo spat.
"Big Julie!" Pounce added.
"T-" Alonzo started, but Munkustrap cut him off.
"I know I know! I could make a fortune! But to make a fortune, I need a fortune! 10lbs! Where do I get it?"
"The Biltmore garage wants a grand." Pounce said.
"But we ain’t got a grand on hand." Alonzo added.
"And they now have a lock on the door, to the gym at public school eighty-four." Munkustrap said with a frown.
"There’s the stock room behind McClauscy’s bar?" Pounce questioned.
"But Mrs. McClauscy ain’t the good scout…."
"And things being how they are, the back of the police station is out." Munkustrap folded his hands behind his back.
"So the Biltmore garage is the spot." Pounce and Alonzo said together.
"But the 10lbs we ain’t got.." One of the Gamblers getting a shave sat up, and offered his hand to Munkustrap.
"Why it’s good old reliable Munkustrap!" He shook Munkustrap’s paw, and all the other costumers sat up.
"Munkustrap, Munkustrap Detroit!" They all said. "If your looking for action he’ll furnish the spot!"
"Even when the heat is on it’s never to hot!" Another man said.
"Not for good old reliable Munkustrap!" Everyone came in. "For it’s always just a short walk, to the oldest established permanent floating catnip game in New York!" Munkustrap tipped his hat as Pounce, Alonzo and the other Gamblers in the shop put their paws over their hearts.
"There are well payin’ shooters everywhere! Everywhere!" Ten Gamblers waiting for a shave called out. "There are well payin’ shooters everywhere!"
"And an awful lot of lettuce for a fella who can get us there!" An employee countered as everyone but Munkustrap, Alonzo and Pounce shook fists full of catnip.
"If we only had a lousy little grand we could be a millionaire!" Munkustrap and his two friends said wistfully.
"As good old reliable Munkustrap!" Everyone said as two men took Munkustrap by the arms and escorted him to a chair, helping him up to stand on it.
"Munkustrap, Munkustrap Detroit!" Everyone held their paws towards Munkustrap.
"If the size of your bundle you want to increase, I’ll arrange that you go broke and quiet in peace." Munkustrap said with a sheepish smile.
"In a hideout provided by Munkustrap!" Pounce and Alonzo came in.
"Where there are no neighbors to scout." Munkustrap said as he joined them.
"It’s the oldest established permanent floating" everyone started, Munkustrap waved his paws towards the ground. "catnip game" everyone whispered, "In New York!"
"Where’s the action!" Everyone shouted as Munkustrap took hold of Pounce’s and Alonzo’s arms, and took them one step back. "Where’s the game!?" Munkustrap and the other two ran back five steps.
"Gotta have the game or will die from shame!" They said, then lowered their heads.
"It’s the oldest-" Everyone started back up.
"Established permanent" Munkustrap and the others joined in. "floating catnip game in New York!" As they said New York, Munkustrap held his hat over his head to the left and stepped forward as Pounce and Alonzo put paws over their hearts, and followed.
Munkustrap turned around as Pounce and Alonzo shrugged.
"Gentlemen, thank you for your support. Gentlemen do not worry. Munkustrap Detroit’s catnip game, will float again!" Munkustrap said as he, Pounce and Alonzo walked out of the shop.
"Munkustrap Detroit! You’ll never guess who’s sitting in Mindy’s right now, eating a steak breakfast!" Mungojerrie called as he walked over to Munkustrap, Pounce and Alonzo.
"Hitler.." Munkustrap replied all to unhappily.
"Wrong! Tugger Masterson! This should be the biggest game in your career Munkustrap! Where’s it gonna be?"
"City Hall, Mayor’s office." Munkustrap replied as he walked by Mungojerrie and tapped him on the shoulder. Mungojerrie lit a cigar.
"What time?"
"We will leave you know Mungo." Pounce said as he and Alonzo walked by to catch up with Munkustrap.
"Tugger Masterson, the highest player of them all!" Munkustrap muttered, turning to lean on a car.
"Does he bet higher then a Greek?"
"Why do you think he has such a reputation? Once with my own eyes, I saw him bet 5lbs that one raindrop could beat another raindrop down the window." Munkustrap spat as he took a cigar from Alonzo’s mouth as he got ready to light it.
"Another time when he was sick, he would not take penicillin, because he bet his fever could go to 104!" Munkustrap said as he leaned over so Alonzo could light the cigarette.
"Did he win?" Pounce asked.
"Him and his crazy bets. He got lucky it went to 106.." Munkustrap replied as he walked into Mindy’s, Alonzo lifted his eyebrows, and followed Pounce into Mindy’s after Munkustrap.
"So, why don’t I bet him? Why don’t I bet Tugger 10lbs on something." Munkustrap said as he put out the cigarette and the waiter walked over. "Gus, what’s the matter no Danish?" Munkustrap replied as he looked at his plate of cheesecake.
"Ahh, its a holiday in Denmark. How am I supposed to know?"
"All these years you’ve been bringing me Danish." Munkustrap whined.
"Well we ain’t got Danish. Today I’m bringing you cheesecake. Want me to bring you strudel? I’ll bring you strudel."
"Ahh, I don’t like strudel."
"Then eat the cheesecake! Live it up a little!" Gus muttered as he walked off.
"Munkustrap, I don’t understand! Everybody’s crazy about Mindy’s cheesecake! They must sell thousands of portions everyday!" Pounce cried.
"I know, it makes me feel like I’m playing the favorite." Munkusrap said as he slid the plate away. "Playing the favorite! Pounce, Alonzo, I want you to find out exactly how many pieces of strudel Mindy’s sold yesterday, also! Exactly how many pieces of cheesecake."
"How much cheesecake?" Pounce said as he and Alonzo stood up. "How much strudel?"
"What do you want to know for?" Alonzo muttered. Munkustrap leaned over the table.
"I’m investigatin’ for the FBI… GO!" As Pounce and Alonzo walked off, some of the HotBox queens walked by. Munkustrap was too busy looking at Tugger across the room to notice Hyper walk by.
Hyper smiled, and snuck up behind Munkustrap, covering his eyes with her paws.
"Skimbleshanks! Stop breathing down my neck!" Munkustrap cried, and Hyper removed her paws, sitting down next to him. "Hyper, baby."
"Now Munkustrap, how could you mistake me for Skimbleshanks? We don’t even wear the same perfume!"
"I, I guess I was day-dreaming." Munkustrap replied half-heartedly.
"Oh. I don’t dream about detectives, even in the day-time." Hyper replied, then sneezed.
"Your cold does not seem to be getting any better." Munkustrap said, concerned.
"Ahh, it comes and goes comes and goes. The vet says is a ‘chronic’ condition."
"Even if it is, it sure hangs on."
"Speaking of chronic conditions," Hyper said as she pulled a box from her purse. "Happy anniversary." She said, a large smile on her face. "Guess what’s inside." She smiled.
"10lbs?" Munkustrap replied, turning to look at her with cocked eyebrows.
"Oh! I only wish it was! Go on, open it up.." Hyper looked over Munkustrap’s shoulders as he opened the gift, and knitted his eyebrows together.
"Munkustrap Detroit General Manager. General Manager of what?" He said, looking at Hyper.
"Whatever you set your mind on Munkustrap. I have faith." Hyper said with a smile.
"Hyper I… I must confess that I do not have a present for you."
"oh! That’s all right if you don’t give me a present. Why, why it almost makes me feel like we were married! Munkustrap, there’s nothing I couldn’t do without, as long as you don’t start running that catnip game."
Munkustrap, who was trying to look at Tugger, snapped to attention, dropping his fork.
"Hyper, baby, didn’t I promise?"
"Twelve hundred cheesecake and fifteen hundred strudel!" Alonzo spat as he rushed over.
"Yesterday Mindy’s sold twelve hundred cheesecake and fifteen hundred strudel!" Pounce said as he leaned over the table.
"More strudel then cheesecake! That’s great!"
"Munkustrap, what is this?" Hyper asked.
"Statistics. Things a business tom has to have on his paw tips." Munkustrap replied as he tried to see over the chair at Tugger.
Growltiger pushed between Pounce and Alonzo.
"Munkustrap, any word yet?"
"Not yet. I will leave you know Growltiger."
"I’m getting impatient Detroit.." Growltiger spat as he left.
"And what was that about?" Hyper demanded as Munkustrap stood on the chair to see Tugger.
"His wife’s having a baby." He said, struggling to see.
"Well, why is he asking you?"
"He’s nervous, it’s his first wife. Listen, Hyper, I’m expecting a fellow on an important business meeting." Munkustrap said, gently taken Hyper’s arm, and escorting her out of the booth.
"Suddenly I get the suspicion you are trying to get rid of me.." Hyper said, giving Munkustrap a look.
"No baby, it just.. this fellow does big business."
"Supermarket!" Hyper asked, curious.
"Super-supermarket. He’s really great, but queens make him nervous. Besides your late for your rehearsal. Pounce, Alonzo, take Hyper to the HotBox, in a cab." Munkustrap said.
"But, the HotBox is only a couple of blocks…" Hyper said.
"The streets are covered with tourists, I do not want you molested." Munkustrap said, putting his paws on Hyper’s shoulders.
"Munkustrap you are the sweetest tom that ever lived." Hyper said, giving Munkustrap a short kiss.
"But who’s gonna pay for the cab?" Alonzo asked, giving Pounce a look.
"I am of course." Hyper replied, turning to leave. Alonzo looked at Munkustrap, who nodded, and returned to his seat just as Tugger grabbed his hat. Switching sides of the booth, and pulling his un-eaten cheesecake to the other side of the table, Munkustrap picked up his fork as Tugger walked by.
"Tugger Masterson?"
"Munkustrap Detroit." Tugger replied as he turned to walk towards Munkustrap.
"Can I believe my eyes is it really you? Have a seat, that is, unless you are in a hurry?" Munkustrap said as Tugger walked over. Tugger took off his hat, and tossed it into the booth.
"My daddy always said there is only one time when a tom should be in a hurry, when the cops are coming up the stairs. How goes your percentage of life? From communications we received in Las Vegas, Skimbleshanks is porking up the town." Tugger said, looking at Hyper’s gift to Munkusrap with cocked eyebrows.
"Ah, who worries about Skimbleshanks," Munkustrap said, taking a bite of cheesecake. "How was Vegas!?" He asked.
"Paradise for two weeks. For two weeks the dice were my cousins and the queens were agreeable with nice teeth and no last names."
"Tugger, have a bite of this cheesecake." Munkustrap said, Tugger held up a paw and picked up a newspaper.
"No thanks, I just had breakfast. How is Hyper?"
"Fine, fine…"
"I supposed one of these days you will be getting married?"
"Ah, we all gotta go sometime."
"But Munkustrap we can fight it," Tugger said, looking away from the newspaper. "The companionship of a queen is a great thing even for a length of time running into months. But a close relationship with a queen that could last our lifetime? No my friend, a queen cannot take the place of aces back to back."
"Tugger, do not consider me a pest, but please have a bite of this cheesecake." Munkustrap pleaded.
"Honestly I could not swallow a mouthful."
"So how long you going to be in town?" Munkustrap said with a silent groan.
"Only for today, tomorrow I fly back to Havana."
"Tugger, will you admit that Mindy’s cheesecake is the greatest cheesecake alive!"
"Gladly. Actually, I’m quite partial to Mindy’s cheesecake myself."
"However, so am I, but many people will disagree. Do you disagree?"
Tugger gave Munkustrap a look. "Off hand, would you say Mindy’s sells more cheesecake, or more strudel?"
"Well, judging by my own opinion, I’d say cheesecake."
"For how much?"
"Munkustrap…"
"For how much?"
"Munkustrap, it isn’t like you to lay catnip on the line. You always take your bite off the top."
"10lbs says that yesterday Mindy’s sold more strudel then cheesecake. Have we got a bet?"
"Munkustrap, let me tell you something my daddy once told me."
"Have we got a bet?"
"On the day when I left home, my daddy took me to one side, ‘Son,’ my daddy says to me," Tugger stood up, and walked over to stand beside Munkustrap. "‘one of these days in your travels a man is going to show you a brand new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken. This man is then going to bet you that he can make the jack of spades jump out of the deck, and squirt cider in your ear. But son,’ my daddy says, ‘you do not accept this bet," Tugger replied, sitting down next to Munkustrap. "For as sure as you stand there, you’re going to wind up with an ear full of cider.’ Now, Munkustrap, I do not suggest that you are clocking Mindy’s cheesecake?"
"Would I do such a thing?"
"However, if you are truly looking for some action, I will bet you the same 10lbs, that you can not name the color collar you have on." Tugger said, covering the front of Munkustrap’s collar with his paw. "Have we got a bet?"
Munkustrap looked over at him. "No bet.." Tugger removed his paw, and Munkustrap yanked the collar. "Polka dots. Nobody in the world except Munkustrap Detroit could blow 10lbs on polka dots!" Munkustrap said, putting his face in his paws. Tugger patted his head, and stood up, grabbing his hat.
"Hello Tugger." Alonzo said, walking over. "How goes it?"
"Very nice, and you?" Tugger said, looking over at Alonzo.
"Good thanks. Tugger, you know Nicely-Nicely Pounce?"
"Yeah, how goes everything?"
"Nicely nicely thanks. Munkustrap? Munkustrap, what’s wrong?" Pounce asked.
"A temporary condition. The cheesecake backed up on him." Tugger replied, looking at Munkustrap, then back to Alonzo.
"Maybe that’s why they told us they sold more strudel then cheesecake." Alonzo said. Munkustrap let out a loud groan.
"Munkustrap, Hyper gave us a message to give you. She said to pick her up at the HotBox at 8:30 sharp, and don’t be late." Pounce said.
"Yes dear, ugh.. I mean OK." Munkustrap replied murkily from his paws.
"Yes dear? Munkustrap, this is husband talk if I ever heard it. Munkustrap you are trapped because Hyper is the kind of queen that is most difficult to unload." Tugger said, putting his hand on the top of the booth.
"I don’t want to unload her! I love her!" Munkustrap said, looking up. "A tom without a queen.. well. If a tom does not have a queen who would holler on him? A queen is a necessity!"
"Like I said I am not putting the knock on queens. It is just that a queen comes in handy only when needed. Like a cough drop. And to prove my point as there are queens available everywhere. As far as the eye can see." Munkustrap looked up as he heard the sound of Cassandra’s mission band.
"Not queens like Hyper."
"Munkustrap, nothing personal and no offense but figuring weight for age all queens are the same."
"All queens are the same huh?"
"As far as the eye can see."
"It seems to me that the one place a queen would come in handy would be on a trip to Havana. This being the case, how come you ain’t got one? How come you are going alone, without one?"
"A matter of choice, I chose to travel alone but if I wish to take a queen to Havana the supply is endless. More then Woolworth’s got beads."
"Not high class queens."
"There is only one class, indivisible and interchangeable a queen is a queen. You name her!"
"Would you bet on that? Would you bet 10lbs that if I name a queen you can take that same queen to dinner with you tomorrow night."
"You got yourself a bet." Munkustrap grinned as he saw the Jellicles approach, he took Tugger to the window. "I name, her."
"Her?!"
"Sergeant Cassandra Brown!" Munkustrap said. Tugger nodded, and walked towards the register.
"Daddy, I got cider in my ear.." He moaned.
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