Deliver Me -Page 3 by Lucy Maria Elmer

When news of Katy and Boscos conditions were finally available both Faith and Kim had fallen asleep in the relatives room under the watchful eye of a very concerned Sully. He'd lost a partner before, his current partner Ty Davis' father so he knew what this was like. He'd already seen Kim lose Bobby. He'd found her a little while ago while Faith was using the phone curled up in a fetal position on the chair fast asleep, tears still wet on her face. Now seeing another of his friends going through what he had so long ago, and Kim more recently he knew just how she would be feeling. Bosco may be a pain in the ass but he was one of their own, and after hearing what Bosco had said to Katy he had seen a new side to the man. Whatever they thought of him he had always been there for Faith, and she obviously cared a lot for him. What had happened that day was just plain cruel, for all involved.

"Mrs Yokas?" the doctor called.

Sully gently shook Faith, Kim then stirring beside her.

"Mrs Yokas?"

"Uh yeah." Faith replied groggily, rubbing her eyes.

"What time is it?" she then asked.

"It's 10pm. You’ve been here four hours." The Doctor replied sitting down on a table opposite them.

"How are they?" Sully asked.

"Both have been in surgery for the last three hours.

It took us at least an hour to stabilise their conditions enough to be taken up there. Upon examining Katy we found the bullet to have caused severe damage to her left leg. Now through surgery we have managed to repair this damage as best as we can, however she is going to need intensive physiotherapy in order to regain maximum use of it. Katy has also lost a lot of blood. We’re now replacing that so don't be surprised at seeing her connected to lots of machines. When she arrived, Katy was deeply in shock.

She's in intensive care at the moment. She stopped breathing twice in surgery but we were able to bring her back. We're going to send her for a CAT scan as soon as we're satisfied enough with her progress to check whether the lack of oxygen caused any permanent brain damage. The prognosis is good Mrs Yokas, Katy's critical but stable. We're keeping a very close eye on her."

"Can we see her?" Kim asked.

"Yes but only for a few minutes Miss Zambrano."

Kim nodded.

"And what about Bos?" Faith asked holding her breath.

"I'm afraid Mr Boscorelli came out of this a little more worse for wear. He's in an extremely critical condition and at the moment is unable to breathe for himself. We've sedated him and intubated him in order to relieve some of the stress on his body but I'm afraid I'm unable to say whether or not he's going to pull through this."

"Oh gosh." Faith whispered.

"Mr Boscorelli has undergone major surgery. The bullet caused severe internal injuries to his major organs which we were able to repair but I'm afraid it really is touch and go. He's lost so much blood...as fast as we're replacing it he appears to be losing it again. He's had a CAT scan and there appears to be no brain damage which is a good sign, however as we said he is unable to breathe for himself at the moment. Has his next of kin been called?" the doctor asked.

"Yeah. I...uh..called his mother. She's on her way now." Faith told the doctor.

"Good. Mrs Yokas, I'm going to be blunt with you here."

Faith nodded.

"There is a chance your partner isn't going to be able to overcome the injuries he has sustained. If he'd been able to get here earlier the chance of his surviving would have been higher...but I know this is due to no fault of any of you. There is a small chance he will get through this...but just in case I'm warning you to prepare for the worst. I'm very sorry." The doctor told them.

"I'll go tell the boys." Sully told the two women leaving them with the Doctor.

"I'm going to lose him. He's going to die." Faith said turning to Kim.

"Faith there's a chance however minute it is, that he'll get through this."

Faith looked at the sombre face of the Doctor.

"Kim you know it and I know it. Even Bos can't fight these injuries. Damn it if only I'd tried to do something..."

"Faith we couldn't do anything, not any one of us. If we had of tried it wouldn't just be Katy and Bosco injured, we would've been too."

"I want to see them." Faith told the doctor getting up.

"Mrs Yokas, are you sure you're up to this?"

"Katy's my cousin doctor and she needs me. Bos is my partner. I am not leaving them when they're as sick as they are. I couldn't forgive myself if I did."

The Doctor nodded.

"Will you come too?" Faith asked Kim who nodded.

"Miss Zambrano are you sure you should?" the Doctor asked, aware of Bobby's death and Kims later suicide attempt.

"They're my friends." Kim told him calmly. "I'm not leaving them either."

"Then follow me." The doctor told them as the three left the room.

As soon as they got outside both women noticed the huge number of police officers and paramedics that lined the corridors of the hospital, throwing sympathetic glances at Faith as she walked by. They also noticed the impact todays events had on them. It was almost eerie how quiet it was, as if everyone sensed how close death was to the two people who were now critical in intensive care. Voices were hushed and both could feel the eyes of their colleagues following them sympathetically as they made their way to the ICU.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" the doctor asked the both of them.

"I don't think we're ever going to be ready for this." Faith replied as she took a deep breath.

The Doctor pushed opened the doors and the two women entered, freezing as they saw the number of tubes that came out of the frail bodies of their friends and family. Seeing them like that they realized how fragile they looked and just how close to losing them they were.

Faith and Kim walked first over to Katy. The young womans eyes were closed, her pale face providing an extreme contrast with her brown hair. An oxygen mask covered her mouth, tubes seemingly coming out from all available areas of her body carrying much needed blood back into it and the drugs she needed to survive.

"She looks so small." Kim commented looking at the heart monitor by the bed, then at all the tubes that covered her.

Faith put a hand over her mouth as the tears began to fall.

"She's only a baby Kim. Look at her."

"I know." Kim soothed walking over to Faith. "But you heard the doctor she's gonna be okay."

Faith stroked Katy's pale face.

"What kind of a world is this Kim? What kind of a world is it when people can do this to each other? Oh gosh sweetheart please...please fight this." Faith cried leaning over and kissing the young woman on the forehead.

Katys eyes began to open.

The young woman moaned in pain, looking around groggily, her body still affected by the anaesthetic.

"Hey sleepyhead." Faith whispered.

Katy pointed weakly to her leg.

"Your leg's fine sweetheart. You're gonna be okay. You hear me?"

Tears began to roll down Katys cheek.

"Oh baby." Faith soothed stroking the young womans face.

Katy attempted to pull the oxygen mask off.

"Honey calm down. Keep the mask on."

"I....was...so.....scared." The young woman whispered, her voice filled with considerable pain.

"I know you were, but you're safe now. We're right here."

"Kim..." the young woman whispered.

Kim walked over to her and took Katys hand in her own.

"How's...Bos..." Katy whispered closing her eyes again.

"Shush, don't worry. Bos is gonna be fine." Faith told her wishing with all her heart that was the truth.

"You're lying...I'm so sorry." Katy whispered the tears beginning to fall again.

"Honey what have you got to be sorry about." Faith asked shocked.

"You're disappointed." Katy replied beginning to wheeze.

Kim placed the mask back over the young womans mouth and nose and sat down on the side of the bed, Faith then doing the same.

"Katy I am so proud if you. You kept fighting. You kept Bos fighting. Honey how could I ever be disappointed in someone as special as you who has a gift like that?"

"How do you know...you were in the car...you?"

"Honey Bos fell on his radio. We heard every word. You kept him fighting Katy...I'm always gonna be grateful." Faith told the young woman wiping her eyes.

"Oh gosh...Fred...Sorry about what I said...I didn't..." Katy started, finding it hard to breathe.

"Honey you're entitled to your own opinion. I love you. I'd never hold anything against you like that..."

Katy opened her mouth to speak then closed her eyes.

"You sleep sweetheart. We're right here okay. Shush now..." Faith soothed stroking Katys face until the young woman fell back to sleep.

Suddenly alarms sounded at the bed beside Katy's, nurses and doctors immediately shouting instructions at each other, the sound of someone flat lining filling the room.

"Who is it?" Faith shouted. "Who in the hell is it?"she asked, the bed being curtained off.

"Mrs Yokas, I know you're upset..." the doctor started as he walked over to her.

"Is it Bos? Doctor is it Bos?" She asked him obviously frightened.

"Mrs Yokas..."

"Please...is it? I need to know...please?" She pleaded quietly.

The doctor looked at the floor.

"Yes Mrs Yokas I'm afraid it is your partner. But I must assure you we are doing everything we possibly can to..."

"Oh my gosh." She said softly as a nurse came running out if the curtains, Faith for the first time able to see how fragile and sick her partner looked. Tubes covered his whole body, his face which was once full of life was now nearly as white as the sheets that covered him. The Doctors having pulled down his gown so they could defribrillate the wounded police officer rushing around him, the force of the shock being driven into his body lifting his weak frame off the bed. A tube went down his throat, his eyes closed so peacefully that Faith could have sworn he was merely asleep, yet the machines still flat lined, he still drifted away, and from the dressing that covered his side, red with blood Faith knew just how dire this situation was.

The Doctor walked over and pulled the curtains shut. "Faith lets go for a walk." Kim told her leading her friend away from the room.

"Doctor I have a pulse." Came a shout from a nurse, as once again a slow beeping could be heard on the ECG.

Faith stopped and turned around. Katy was sleeping peacefully, nurses checking on her condition when they could. Bosco too was now peaceful, though Faith didn't know how long he could hold on. He always seemed invincible. He always seemed so strong. Now she knew it was something she'd always taken for granted, that maybe even he had. Now she knew he could die.

"Come on lets go get some air, huh." Kim told her friend.

"I think it would be a good idea for the both of you to go home and get some rest. Maybe arrange time off work. You've been through a lot today and your loved ones here are going to need you. You're not going to do anyone any good in the state you're in now." The doctor told them.

Kim nodded.

"Come on. Lets get you home." She told Faith.

"Gimme a sec." Faith said quietly walking over to Katy then kissing her on the forehead.

"Hold on kiddo. You sleep now. Love you!" she whispered, stroking a piece of Katys brown hair away from her eyes. She then walked over to Bosco and took his right hand in her own.

"You keep fighting Bos. You hear me...? You gotta keep fighting...you gotta hold on..." Faith pleaded.

"Maurice? Oh my baby boy." Came a grief-stricken voice from behind them.

Faith turned around to see Boscos mother run into the ICU.

"Oh Faith, what’s happened to my boy?" she asked bursting into tears.

"He...uh...he was shot on duty today." Faith told the woman.

"Well is he going to be okay? " She asked hysterically.

Faith found herself unable to look into the womans eyes, her own eyes filling with tears which had threatened to fall so many times that day already.

"I'm so sorry..." Faith started before running out of the room and into the corridor where so many of her colleagues waited.

Kim ran out after her just in time to see her friend completely break down. Leaning against the wall outside Intensive Care Faith burst into tears, the force of which were so strong that she found herself sliding down the wall onto the floor.

Sully began to walk over but Kim motioned for him to stop, going over to the emotionally wounded officer herself and comforting her.

"I know...shush I know." Kim told her, tears running down her own face as Maurice Boscorelli’s mother screamed hysterically, the thought of her beloved son dying too much to bear, the NYPD who lined the corridors lowering their heads as they saw the normally strong Faith Yokas an emotional wreck on the hospital floor.

****

Kim Zambrano walked down the hospital corridors quietly. She had gone home for a while, had tried to get some sleep, it now being in the early hours of the morning however every time she closed her eyes she relived Bobby's death, she felt the loss all over again and she heard Katy saying those words that she had spoken to Bosco. Words that had hit Kim close to her heart. She didn't know what it was about Katy, whether it was that both had obviously gone through similar experiences, whether it was just her personality, all she knew was she had found herself driving to the hospital in the early hours of the morning because for the first time in a long while she needed to talk. For the first time in a long while she actually felt she could.

For a few minutes she stood outside the door just looking in at how fragile both Katy and Bosco looked. Katy, while awake was obviously in pain, the nurses giving her pain meds as she stood there. One of them noticing her came outside.

"Can I help you? It's very late." The nurse asked her quietly.

"Yeah, uh I came to see Katy." Kim told the nurse.

"Katy's trying to rest. Maybe you should come back later on. She's in a lot of pain."

"Look I'll be quiet, I won't keep her awake....please I just want to sit with her." Kim pleaded.

The nurse looked through the window at Katy who had now seen Kim and gave her a small wave.

"Okay but if she gets tired..."

Kim nodded as the nurse opened the door for her. Kim quietly walked over to Katys bedside and pulled up a chair beside it, lowering herself gently on it.

"It's 4am Kim. You should be resting." Katy told her quietly.

"I tried. Katy I...”

"You came to talk?" Katy asked looking at Kim.

Kim nodded.

"Do you mind?" Kim asked quietly.

"I don't think I'll be getting much sleep with this leg anyway." Katy told her. "Is it about Bobby?" Katy asked.

Kim nodded, tears in her eyes.

"For so long I've felt like I'm trapped inside a life I can't live any more...for so long I've been sad and I've never felt like talking, especially not about this. But I can't do that to myself anymore Katy and I'm so sorry I had to come here and...I just I didn't know where else to go." Kim told her sincerely.

Katy took Kims hand in her own.

"Tell me about him." Katy asked squeezing Kims hand.

Kim smiled a small smile.

"Bobby Caffey was one of the sweetest people I've ever met in my life. He gave so much to everyone and he never asked for anything in return...not one thing. He just gave you know? He was one of those people that followed their hearts and he had such a big one of those...He was so good with Joey, he was like a second father to him and just working with him every day gave me a reason to be happy because he was my best friend and I knew that no matter what he'd stand by me."

"He sounds like a great guy." Katy told Kim.

"He was. To tell you the truth Bobby looked out for me a whole lot more than my ex husband ever did."

"He was in love with you?" Katy asked looking into Kims sad eyes.

Kim nodded the tears beginning to fall.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." Katy told Kim softly.

"Katy you're not. I'm upset with myself that's all. Yeah he loved me, he even told me he did but all I could ever do was....I lied to him Katy, I told him I only loved him as a friend when I wanted him as so much more. How could I have done that to him, how could I have done that when he had so little time. I was just so scared of losing him, I mean I never expected..."

"You couldn't have known Kim..."

"What sucks is the fact that I thought I'd lose him if we ever became more than friends. But I did lose him, and my biggest regret is he never knew how much I loved him. Now I feel worse for not even trying...for not given it a chance because I wanted to Katy, so badly."

"I know. Kim I'm sure he knew too."

Kim shook her head.

"All I could do in front of him, without any thought of how it may hurt him, was chase my ex husband Katy. How bad must that have made him feel?" Kim asked.

"Kim if he loved you he would have just wanted your happiness and if he thought that meant you going back to your ex husband then..."

"But I wasn't happy Katy, I never was....I'm still not." Kim told her wiping her eyes. "I could've been happy with him. I'm sorry I should go..." Kim told her getting up.

"Kim you're doing great. Just because you're feeling sad, it doesn't mean this isn't doing any good."

Kim took a deep breath and sat down.

"Katy a few months ago..."Kim started. "I heard what you said on the radio today...about you and Paul and about how after he died it was if a part of your heart had gone and you couldn't carry on. I know exactly how that feels and I know exactly how it felt for you when you took that car and drove it into a ditch."

Katy nodded for Kim to go on.

"After Bobbys death I kinda lost it Katy and that scares me. I lost my way so easily without him around and I'm so scared I'm never gonna get back to where I was before, that I'm never gonna be happy. I did something I wasn't proud of and now my own son feels he should be looking after his mom because he's scared he's gonna lose her."

"Wanna talk about it?" Katy asked. "I mean you're not the only one to have gone through this Kim. What happened?" Katy asked. Even if she did know what Kim had done, it was obvious Kim felt the need to tell her herself and she wasn't going to stop her.

"Honey you don't need to hear any of this. You're here to recover not to counsel a wounded paramedic." Kim told her. "I shouldn't have come." She told Katy sighing.

"Kim I know what it's like to lose someone you love, and to have so many regrets that you think you can't go on knowing that there's so much you should have said and done...but you gotta go on, and you gotta talk about it otherwise....things can happen and I think you know what those things are." Katy told her. "You did the right thing by coming. You have to tell someone sometime or it'll just build up again, and if you felt you needed to talk, then I'm gonna listen."

Kim nodded in understanding.

"I took an overdose...after Bobby...I was just so sad and so angry with myself about everything...I took a bunch of pills and downed them with wine. How could I do that to Joey...how could I ever..."

"I know, but you don't think about that Kim."

"I just I miss him Katy, I want him back, and I was just finding it so hard to live. I felt so sad and so down. I guess I still do. I wanted to take my own life...how selfish is that." Kim told her tearfully.

Katy motioned for Kim to sit beside her and when she did she gave the woman a hug.

"You couldn’t see any other way Kim. You were in so much pain you couldn't see any other way. I know what it's like...I know how much it hurts to make you want to do that. I know how desperate you must have been. Kim It was a cry for help and now you have that. You don't ever have to keep it all inside you again." Katy soothed.

Kim then just burst into tears, the nurses in the Intensive care unit walking over.

"Please...just let her cry..." Katy pleaded with them. "I'm okay really. Just let her cry."

The nurse nodded pulling the curtain around Katys bed, Kim feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted off her soul though she knew there was a long way to go for her to be healed, and she knew she would still be haunted for the rest of her life.

****

Faith Yokas having gone home soon after her collapse in the corridor having been dropped off by Kim, found herself back at the hospital the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Slowly and surely Katy was improving right in front of her eyes, her old personality shining through with every smile she gave those around her. She knew this should have made her so happy, and yet every day was still tinged with sadness because every day she went up there expecting to find her partner dead. He too though was clinging on to life with every breath and while she was glad, it pained Faith to see him as ill as he so obviously was. Everyday she had sat with Boscos mother for hours, listening to stories of Boscos childhood, Faith, Kim and Doc having been given the week off work to recover from the shock of what they witnessed that day. Everyday she sat with Katy as the young woman tried to come to terms with the suffering she had endured, and everyday she didn't want to go back home...not until she worked things out...things she needed her partner for.

It was a rainy afternoon. Katy had been asleep for most of the morning, or so the doctors had told Faith when she had arrived. She was doing well, she would soon be moved out of intensive care and into her own room. Having started intensive physiotherapy the young woman was very tired and the fact that her parents thought what had happened that day was just proof Katy shouldn't be a paramedic didn't make matters any easier for her at a time when she needed love more than heartache.

Faith walked over to the young woman and kissed her tenderly on her forehead, tucking her in. She looked so much better now, her cheeks had more colour in them and when she was awake her eyes shone but Faith knew it was going to take a lot of time for Katy to get through this. It was going to take a lot of time for herself and even Kim and Doc too. All had lost something that day, something none knew if they would ever get back.

"Sweet dreams." Faith whispered, as she pulled up a chair between Katy and Bosco and sat down.

She looked at him for a long time before she said anything, before she even felt able to. He was fighting so hard just to stay with them, but he still looked so weak and it was something Faith just couldn't get over. The most comforting sound for her when she was with Bosco was the heart monitors constant beep but every time she sat with him she sat there in fear of it just stopping. He was still on a ventilator, a tube down his throat to help him breathe, he still had more tubes sticking out of his body than Faith ever thought possible, he was still so pale...but he was there, he was alive and for that Faith was thankful. He had slipped into a coma however after his last cardiac arrest and now Faith found herself more lost than ever.

Faith took a deep breath, snapping herself out of the thoughts that tortured her.

"Hey Bos, it's me. The nurses told me that when someone’s in a coma sometimes they can hear, that sometimes when they hear the voices of their friends and loved ones they come back. I dunno whether that's true, I'm telling ya I do feel real stupid sitting here, but you're my best friend Bos so I'm gonna do it anyway. All the guys've been asking after you. They're all real worried at the precinct, even Sully. God Bos even Doherty's been asking how you are can you believe it? He seems genuinely worried. They all do. Emily sends her love. She drew you this real great picture, they've said I can put it up on the wall by your bed so there it is. Charlie wanted to come see you, but we figured it probably wouldn't be a good idea to bring the kids here in case they got upset..Or broke half of the machines in there...that wouldn't be good huh..."

Faith closed her eyes. Somehow she had hoped she would be able to bring him out of this, but there was nothing, no movement...no flickering of his eye lids. He was still lost to the world...lost to her.

"Oh Katy’s fine. She's right beside you, sleeping like an angel at the moment. The poor kid had her physio today, now she’s totally worn out. Every time she wakes up she asks about you. You see what you have to fight for Bos? So many people are freaking out seeing you like this. You're stronger than this..." she told him breaking down.

"Oh Bos. Why did you wait so long to say those words? .I heard you. We all did over the radio. You said you loved me...that you'd do anything for me and I guess in a way I always knew that was the truth...but you can be such a jack ass I guess a lot of the time I forgot it. You've always been there Bos...through the tough times with Fred...I don't think I can deal if you're not here to help me...come on Bos you're my partner..You gotta fight." She told him as tears streamed down her cheeks.

Faith took his hand in her own and held it up to her cheek.

"You shoulda told me." She whispered.

"He didn't want to break up your family Faith." Came a familiar voice from behind her. Faith turned round to see Bosco's mother Angela standing behind her.

"He didn't want to see those children hurt."

"Hey Angela. How are you?" Faith asked.

"Oh I'm okay." Angela told Faith sitting down on a chair beside her. "I've been speaking to Katy. She told me what Maurice said. She's a lovely child."

Faith smiled.

"Yeah she is. The best."

"Didn't much like her physiotherapy though. It must've been so painful for her. Your friend Kim stopped by to see her, sat with her all the way through it."

"No kidding. Those two get on like a house on fire." Faith told Angela.

"My sons always thought the world of you Faith but he'd been through so much when he as a child he didn't want your kids to go through anything remotely like that. He once told me he'd rather see you happy with Fred than jeopardise your friendship by telling you how he felt about you...as long as he was there when you needed him, and there to keep an eye on you then he'd be happy."

"He said that? Bos?"

Angela nodded.

"He really is a sweet boy Faith."

"Yeah when he wants to be. You shoulda heard him with Katy, you woulda been so proud."

"I already am proud." Angela told Faith. "Honey he'll get through this, you'll see. He's a fighter." She told Faith as she tiredly rubbed her eyes.

Faith heard Katy cough, turning round she saw the young woman wide awake. She reached over and took Katys hand in hers.

"How you feeling sweetie?" Faith asked.

Katy started to cry.

Faith walked over to her and took the young woman in her arms rocking her.

"Hey, you're safe now Kat, don't you worry. I'm right here."

"My legs really sore." Katy told her through her tears.

"Oh babe I know, but it's gonna get better." Faith replied.

"Kim stayed with me in physio today."

"I know honey. She thinks the world of you. You know that?"

"She was here at four this morning. She needed to talk about Bobby. After everything that's happened...she's so sad Faith. She went home to get some sleep a little while ago."

"I think we're all really sad at the moment hon." Faith replied. "You think the talking did any good?"

Katy nodded.

"She's carrying a lot of hurt around Faith. A lot of sadness. But yeah I think she's beginning to work through it now. Talking about everything that’s going on, that’s one of the hardest things to do. Now she’s starting to do that."

"You sure you're okay?" Faith asked.

"I just wanna get better." Katy told her sighing.

"And we're gonna help you. It's just gonna take a little time that's all."

Katy nodded.

"Hey Angela."

"Hello my darling. Have a nice sleep?"

"I had a bad dream. " Katy told them.

"I've been having plenty of those hon. You're not alone there."

"Will you sit with me for a while?"

"Are you kidding? Of course I will." Faith told Katy as the young woman laid her head on Faiths shoulder.

"Love you kiddo."

"Love you too." Katy replied finding comfort in Faiths presence.

"That's what my Maurice loves about you Faith. Just what he loves." Angela told her also coming to sit with the frightened Katy as the rain continued to fall.

****

Katy sat quietly in her room reading a book that Faith had brought in for her that morning. Katy, worried about her cousin had bugged her until she finally agreed to go home and get some sleep. Leave had been extended for the three workers involved that day, none were particularly fit to go back to work. Even Doc had stopped in to see Katy that morning which was a nice surprise but she could immediately see he was more withdrawn.

It had now been a week since the incident. Bosco was still unconscious but had been taken off the ventilator as he was now able to breathe for himself. Katy had found out this morning when Boscos mother had come to see how she was doing. He still wasn't out of the woods, he was still in critical condition, but with every day he clung on to life hope grew that he may get through this after all.

"Up for visitors?" came a voice from the doorway.

Katy turned round to see Kim and Joey.

"Sure." She told them smiling. "So this must be Joey."

"Yep sure is. Joey I'd like you to meet Katy."

"Hi." The little boy said shyly, sitting on his mothers lap as she pulled a chair over to Katys bed.

"Hey." Katy replied.

"Moms gonna pick him up in half an hour or so but I wanted to come down here and see you, so I figured I may as well introduce you two. How you feeling?" Kim asked.

"Okay I guess. Can't really sleep at the moment."

"Because of your leg?" Kim asked.

"Partly, plus I keep reliving it all. It's definitely not a nice thing to keep going over and over in your head."

"I know." Kim told her. "I'm the same."

"How are you doing today?" Katy asked concerned. "You've still got this a lot worse than I have."

"I'm okay."

"Kim..."

"Talk about it later?" Kim asked.

Katy nodded in understanding.

"Did the bad men hurt your leg?" Joey asked.

Katy looked at Kim who nodded.

"Yeah they did." She replied.

"Are you gonna die?" Joey asked.

"No, I'm not. See I can move it and everything." Katy told Joey lifting her leg under the covers.

"Bobby died." Joey told her putting his head back against his mother’s chest.

"I know." Katy replied.

"A bad man shot him too."

"Jo, you okay while I go and get a soda?" a sad Kim asked.

"Sure he'll be okay. You wanna play a game of cards...snap or something?" Katy asked.

Joey nodded, walking over to the bed and sitting on the side as Katy looked for her cards.

"I'll be back in a minute." Kim told them before leaving the room and walking down the corridor, the workers that knew her asking if she was okay as she walked to the machine, trying not to cry.

"You miss Bobby?" Katy asked the little boy.

Joey nodded.

"Mommy does too. She cries a lot." Joey told Katy.

"That's because she's sad that he went to heaven." Katy told him.

"Are you sick like mommy is?" Joey asked.

"I was. But I got better. Joey no matter what your mom loves you more than anything you know that right?"

Joey nodded.

"Good. You just gotta help her out sometimes. You're a good kid Joey, and she loves you so much but she's having a hard time at the moment. She needs you to show her how much you love her too." Katy told him.

"I love my mommy this much." Joey told Katy motioning with his hands, stretching his arms out wide.

Katy smiled.

"I'm sure she'd be glad to hear that. Hey, wanna share my candies?" Katy asked pulling a box out of her bedside cabinet.

Joey nodded and she opened the box, Kim who had gotten a couple of sodas standing outside the room as Katy talked to Joey.

"You know what I think? I think that Bobby is looking down on you and your mommy from heaven."

"Like an angel?" Joey asked taking a chocolate.

Katy nodded dealing out the cards.

"He loved you guys very much. It's only right that he'd be up there making sure you're okay."

"I liked Bobby. He was nice to me and mommy." Joey told her.

"Well then, you just gotta remember that. You gotta remember all the good times you had because even if he's not here like your mom is, or I am, he's still in here." She told Joey putting a hand over his heart. "And I'm sure he's keeping an eye on you."

"You think he sees me when I'm naughty?" Joey asked.

Katy smiled, Kims mom joining her daughter, who motioned for her to listen as they stood outside.

"I guess, but I'm sure he sees you when you're good too. You know I had a friend, he was hurt and he's in heaven just like Bobby. But if I ever miss him too much I talk to him, kinda like I am to you now."

"You think he hears?" Joey asked.

"I like to think he does."

"Does it make you feel better?" the little boy asked.

Katy nodded.

"Snap!" Joey shouted making Katy laugh.

Kim walked back in with the sodas, smiling, her mother in tow.

"Here you go kiddo." She told Joey handing him one.

"Hey Nanna." Joey said to his grandmother.

"Hello sweetheart." She told him picking him up as Kim sat back down. "You must be Katy."

Katy held out her hand.

"Pleased to meet you." Katy told her.

"You too. Sorry I'm early Kim, I thought I'd take Joey to see a movie."

"No problem. Just don't let him pig out on too much more candy." She told her mother tickling her son.

"How are you feeling Katy?" Kims’ mother asked.

"Better than I was though I've decided I hate physio." She replied smiling.

"Well I'm sure you'll be up and about in no time."

Katy nodded.

"Well say bye to mommy Joey."

"See you mom. Love you." Joey told her.

"Love you too baby." Kim replied giving him a kiss.

"Thank you for helping my family." Kims mom then told Katy who smiled.

"I've just been talking to them. That's all." Katy replied.

"Sometimes people need to talk." Kims’ mother replied before kissing her daughter and then leaving the room.

"So...how are you really?" Katy asked shuffling around in her bed until she was comfortable.

Kim sighed and put her feet up on the chair, pulling her legs to her chest.

"Honestly? I don't know. It's hard."

Katy nodded.

"It must be harder for you because of losing Bobby." Katy told her.

"I still miss him so much. There isn't one day that I don't miss him, or remember..."

"I know. You just a gotta find a way to get through it otherwise you're stuck."

"It never gets any easier does it?" Kim commented.

"Nope." Katy told her sighing. "But you gotta remember you're not the only one going through this. There are people who care who you can always talk to."

"I just...I'm so angry with myself. He was my best friend Katy, he was this constant figure in my life who I could rely on, who would listen...who loved me and how did I treat him? He'd had this really bad day and I went to see how he was doing. One thing led to another and...it was so intense Katy, I mean we'd always been attracted to each other but I never expected to feel the way I did. The next day he told me he loved me, and it just hit me...he meant this...he was serious and I got scared. So scared that I told him I only loved him as a friend. I just didn't want to complicate our friendship you know? I'd divorced Joeys dad and I couldn't go through that again...so what did I do I lied. I treated him so bad Katy, I chased Jimmy in front of him, never thought how it was affecting him and yet he was still always there, ready to listen...keeping an eye on things. Now I'm just sad because I did love him Katy. I loved him so much, and I let him slip away without him ever knowing. I let the one man I could've been happy with slip away because of fear." Kim told her crying.

"Oh Kim. Katy told her handing her a tissue.

"I felt the same way about Paul. We were always great friends, always relied on each other, were always together. It was just natural something would happen but we were scared to act on our feelings...we thought it'd complicate things when really I guess we would've been so happy. Then when we finally admitted our feelings and went on our first date I lost him too. You don't just lose a loved one when something like that happens, especially where regret is involved, you lose a part of yourself. I know I did." Katy told Kim.

"When I think about what you did with the car..." Kim started.

"I was so desperate. It was like I was screaming so loud but no-one could hear and I couldn't see any other way out." Katy told Kim sadly.

"I was desperate too. I worked with Bobby every day for years Katy, I loved him. His death wasn't something I could just get over. Every day seemed darker until not even Joey could pull me out. But he's what I'm fighting for, every day of my life. As sad as it is to admit, I wanted to die...but now I'm glad I didn't. What you said to Bos,, about not giving up on life even when it seems to be giving up on you....that is so true. Same as what you said about keeping the people you care about firmly in your minds so you know what to fight for. Every day I look at my son and think how desperate I must've been to do what I did...to try and take my own life but I know now that I always have him to keep going for and I figure one day I'll see Bobby again. I should just make the most of life before that time and be happy knowing he's somewhere peaceful where he doesn't have to suffer now. You made me realise more than ever, no matter how hard it is, I have so much to live for Katy. You gave me that gift just by coming into my life and I can't ever thank you. I have Joey, my friends and I have to live for me too. That's a lot to live for. You have a lot too." Kim told Katy.

Katy smiled.

"Thank you." Katy replied.

"You're welcome." Kim told her smiling. "And thank you, for listening...even at four in the morning. Gradually it's getting easier to talk about you know? And I really do feel better for it."

"You're welcome too." Katy replied smiling. "And about coming to talk to me ? You can do that anytime. I'm glad I met you that morning, even if the day did turn out the way it did."

"I'm glad too. Finally more than ever I think I'm going to be okay. I guess the pains always gonna be there, but I know I don't have to go through it alone anymore."

"You'll never have to do that." Katy replied.

"So you up for a rousing game of go fish?" Kim asked.

"Well it's not like I'm going anywhere." Katy replied grinning. "You got a good kid in Joey Kim."

"I know, I'm pretty blessed aren't I. Thank you for talking to him."

"Is everybody listening in on other people lately?" Katy asked grinning. "It was my pleasure. He misses Bobby too. You guys should talk about him some."

"I think you could be right." Kim replied looking at the young woman who had changed her view on life and thanking god that through all of the bad things which had happened some good things had come out of it.

****