Deliver Me -Page 4 by Lucy Maria Elmer

Faith Yokas walked down the familiar corridors of the hospital, the staff greeting her as she made her way to Katy's room. When she got there however, she was met by an empty bed. Immediately worried she ran out of the room asking the doctors and nurses where the young woman had disappeared to. It seemed as though no-one had any idea and this really worried Faith. What if she had discharged herself? What if this really had affected her more than she was telling them. Finally one of the nurse’s Faith asked told the worried police officer to follow her. In just a few minutes that worry turned to pride as they entered the exercise room at the hospital. There was Katy, being helped by Kim and Angela Bosco who had also grown quite fond of the young woman, under the watchful eye of Katys Physiotherapist, walking up and down the room. She must've been in pain, Faith could tell that by her face, but here she was showing her fighting spirit laughing and joking while exercising her leg.

"Talk about girl power." Faith commented loudly, the others turning round.

"Hey." Katy replied grinning.

"Look at you all up and about." Faith told her smiling.

"What can I say, I was bored." Katy told her. "Could you guys let go for a sec?"

"Katy." Kim protested.

"I just want to try something." She told them giving them her sweetest smile.

Kim and Angela reluctantly let go, Katy taking a deep breath, her physiotherapist walking behind her.

Faith watched as Katy slowly made her way over to her, wobbling on her bad leg and wincing in pain but doing it nonetheless. In just a few minutes’ Katy found herself being enveloped in a hug by a very proud Faith.

"Do you have any idea how proud I am of you?" Faith asked kissing Katy on the forehead.

"I think I can guess." Katy replied as her physiotherapist brought Katys Wheelchair over to her and set Katy back in it.

"I think young lady we can call that a day. Well done." The woman told her.

"Thanks. I thought my leg was gonna fall off." She told them.

The group were interrupted by a Doctor running into the room, one the group recognised from the day Katy and Bosco had been brought in.

"My staff and I have been looking for you everywhere." He told them panting.

"What's happened?" Angela Boscorelli asked immediately fearing the worst.

"Oh gosh no..." Faith whispered, Katy taking her hand.

"You don't understand...Mr Boscorelli came around from his coma a quarter of an hour ago. He's in CT at the moment to check for brain damage but he's conscious and breathing and he's been asking for you Mrs Yokas. Now he's still very weak and when he gets back to the ICU he's going to be connected to lots of machines but this is good news. He should be back in a few minutes now. Why don't you make your way down there and wait?" the doctor told them smiling.

Katy looked up at Faith and grinned. She could see the relief on her face, but also the fear of what came next now he was awake. She gave her hand a squeeze.

"Told you he was a fighter." Angela Boscorelli told Faith who had put her face in her hands. "Oh Faith." Angela told her taking the woman in her arms as she cried with relief.

"I can't believe how close we came to..."

Katy too was now in tears, Kim leaning over to comfort her.

"I know. It's gonna be okay, you know that Faith?" Angela told her.

Faith nodded.

"Look why don't you go meet Bos, we'll be up in a minute." Kim told Angela who nodded.

Angela rubbed Faiths back.

"You follow your heart." She told her as she left with the doctor to go up to the ICU.

The physiotherapist gave the three women a sympathetic smile before also leaving them in the room. Kim and Faith sat down.

"You're scared huh." Katy commented.

"I thought I'd be so happy if he woke up, and don't get me wrong I am...I'm just so scared too. Bos waking up means I'm gonna have to face up to so many things. What if I'm not ready? What if I screw everything up?"

"What you have to concentrate on now is being there for him and helping him through this, and taking care of yourself." Kim told her.

"Yeah, you've spent every moment of every day up here with us. Now it's time to take some time out, to straighten things out in your own mind. Like Angela says all that matters is you follow your heart but first you gotta figure out what your heart wants. Why don't you go home? We'll tell him you were tired or something..."

"Honey I can't do that. I couldn't even if I tried.

He's my partner...my best friend and I've got him back when I was so sure he was going to die. I nearly lost him earlier this month and I know that if I had of done I woulda been so lost. I need to see him." Faith told them.

Katy and Kim nodded.

"Well we'll be just behind you okay." Katy told her.

Faith nodded, as the three women left the room and made their way to intensive care.

****

When they got to the ICU Angela Boscorelli was already in with her son. Not wanting to crowd the room all three waited outside just watching as the man who had just that morning looked so weak embraced his mother tightly.

"It's nice to see him awake again." Katy commented as they watched.

"Yeah. He's still pretty sick though." Kim told her.

"I know. I'm just glad he's back." Katy told them looking worriedly at Faith who had gone quiet.

Angela Boscorelli kissed her son on the head before walking out of the ICU.

"Faith, Maurice is asking to see you. Do you feel up to it?" The woman asked kindly.

Faith looked through the door at her partner who had turned his head round so he could see them. She saw how afraid he looked...how much he wanted to see her. She nodded. Boscos mother took Faiths hand in her own and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She then joined Kim and Katy sitting down in the corridor.

Faith opened the door and walked slowly over to Boscos bed. The doctor was right, he still looked very weak, but the colour was now back in his cheeks and his tired eyes were shining, more so now he saw her. She didn't know how she made it over to him without bursting into tears.

"Hey." He said quietly, the tube he had down his throat having made him croaky.

"Hey yourself." She told him sitting on the edge of his bed, so many tears threatening to fall. "How ya feeling?" Faith asked concerned.

"Pretty bad. You?" he asked.

"Pretty much the same." She told him tearfully. "You gave us all a scare Bos."

"I know. Mom tells me I've been out of it for three weeks now." He replied coughing slightly.

Faith nodded.

"She told me you've been here every day. I'm sorry you had to go through all that...I'm sorry I didn't listen when you told me not to go.." He told her starting to cough.

"Hey calm down..." Faith told him putting a hand gently on his chest, feeling his heart beat underneath it.

"I'm sorry Faith..." he told her.

"Why?" she asked him quietly.

"You didn't need this." He told her simply.

"You don't need to apologise Bos, not for this..." she told him as tears began to fall.

Bosco lifted his hand weakly and put it over hers.

"Hey, don't cry." He told her lifting their entwined hands to her cheek.

"Do you have any idea how scared I was when I saw how injured you were? I wanted to help Bos but they wouldn't let me..."

"I know, I saw. As long as you weren't hurt, that's what's important." He told her putting the oxygen mask back over his mouth and taking a breath.

"Oh Bos..." she told him looking down at the floor. "You're my best friend you know that? If I'd have lost you..."

"But you didn't lose me. I'm right here." He whispered coughing again.

"Don't try and talk." She told him stroking his hair back off his forehead.

"Are the others okay?" he asked her.

"Kim and Katy are both outside. They're fine. We haven't really seen Doc, he came to see Katy today though she said he seems okay, pretty down but I think we all are."

"You look like hell." He told her.

"You really know how to make a woman feel good Bos." She told him shaking her head. A small smile on her face.

Bosco looked at her.

"Why are you so sad...what's the matter?" he then asked. "Come on Faith I'm your partner." He pleaded.

Faith took a deep breath as the tears came faster.

"You love me Bos, you said you loved me." She told him.

Bosco looked puzzled and worried.

"How did? What.....?"

"You fell on the radio when you were shot, I heard everything...we all did. We heard you dying out there Bos. We heard you slipping away and there wasn't a god damn thing we could do..."

"Figures." He told her. "Faith..."

"You know what you and Katy were talking about...about keeping the people you care about in your mind so you know what you're fighting for?" Faith asked curiously.

Bosco nodded.

"I have three people in mine Bos."

"Yeah. Emily, Charlie and Fred." He told her.

Faith shook her head.

"Bos I love Fred, but the sad thing is he's not one of those people and I feel awful about it. You're right, every day I keep going for my kids, I see them in my mind to keep me focussed...so I know what I'm living for...but the other person...I don't even need to carry an image of him in my head because he's right there every day in that squad car next to me. Damn it Bos, do you have any idea how screwed up I am because of this?"

"Faith I'm sorry." He told her. "I never meant for this." He told her sadly.

"You said you didn't want to leave me...is that why you came back... for me?" She asked him.

Bosco closed his eyes, and when he opened them Faith could have sworn she saw tears in them.

"I'd do anything for you." He told her. "If I ever hurt you I don't think I could live with myself. You are one of the single most important people in my life...you have been for a long time. I know I'm a pain in the ass, but I don't mean it. Not when I'm with you." He told her pained.

"Then why couldn't you tell me? You were willing to die without saying it?" She asked him, Katy, Kim and Angela looked in worried.

"I didn't want to hurt you. You're happy with Fred. Faith I was happy just being around you...being there when you needed to talk. I didn't want to screw things up like this." He told her coughing violently.

One of the Doctors walked over.

"Mrs Yokas I think Mr Boscorelli should be left to rest now." He told her.

Faith nodded.

"Bos.....?" she said quietly.

Bosco opened his eyes and looked up.

"I missed you." She told him leaning over and kissing him on the head. "Thank you for coming back." She added before squeezing his hand then getting up. Just as she was about to walk off Bosco grabbed her hand.

"I was so scared. I was so sure I was never going to see you again." He told her before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

****

The next few days passed in a blur for everyone at the hospital. While Bosco was better and now sharing a room with Katy he still spent much time asleep. Faith continued to visit every day when she could, having gone back to work earlier on in the week. Kim stopped by to see Katy before work and then for a little while afterwards. Even Doc started visiting regularly, each person helping the other through what they had seen that day and finding solace in the company of their friends. For both Faith and Bosco the last few days had been hard. Neither knew how to act around the other anymore due to what Bosco had been heard saying over his radio in what he thought were the last moments of his life. In a lot of ways both wished things could go back to normal, that Bosco hadn't said what he had, but in others they were glad it was out on the open. Sure Boscos colleagues came by and teased him for not being the ass that they thought he was, but that didn't matter to him. Still all he wanted was Faith to be happy and if it didn't mean it would be with him then he was fine. The last few weeks had brought realization to many people, and that realization was far from being over.

Faith walked down the corridor towards Katy and Boscos room and was stopped by Sully who she had been riding with that week. He had actually been very supportive of her, helping her work through everything that had been going on lately and he had a smile on his face as he saw her.

"There's a party going on in that room." He told Faith who now looked puzzled.

She walked with Sully to hear the sound of a child laughing. Peeping her head through the door she saw Kim sitting at a sleeping Katys side, smiling as her son played with Bosco and Ty Davis who had stopped by with Sully to visit.

"Hey." She told them entering the room.

Everyone turned around and smiled.

"This kid has beaten us every time we've played. How wrong is that?" Bosco told her as Joey grinned at his mother.

"How's kiddo?" She asked Kim.

"Oblivious to everything." Kim replied. "She had physio earlier, it really tired her out. I've been here for an hour and she's been asleep for forty-five minutes." She replied brushing Katys hair off her face.

"Thanks for sitting with her." Faith replied.

"It's been my pleasure." Kim replied thankful that she had found someone she could talk through her problems with.

"Ohhhhhh." Bosco shouted.

Everyone looked around fearing something was wrong.

"He beat me again." He answered. "What?" he asked as everyone shook their heads.

Kim glanced at Faith who was giving her a look she knew well.

"Anyone else feel like grabbing something to eat? It's on Sully." She told them.

"Since when?" Sully asked as they all got up.

"See you later hon." She told the sleeping Katy.

"Bye Kat." Joey told her as he took his mothers hand. "I like Katy mom." He then told her as the four of them left the room.

"I think someone else here does too." Sully joked elbowing Ty Davis in the ribs, the young officer blushing.

Faith walked over to Boscos bed and sat on the side of it.

"How you doing today?" she asked him concerned.

"Better. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is being shot in the side?" he then asked.

"I can't say I want to find that out Bos." She told him smiling.

"How are you doing?" he asked her taking her hand in his.

Faith squeezed it.

"I'm fine." She told him.

"That's good." He replied an uncomfortable silence following. "Oh I hear you’ve been riding with Sully. Been having fun?" he asked.

"Well it's kinda refreshing working with someone who can keep his mouth shut." She joked. "But I do miss you." She added.

"Well that's nice to hear." Bosco told her. "Is this driving you as mad as it is me?" Bosco then asked.

"What?" Faith asked.

"You know what Faith. All this creeping around what's been going on here. We can't keep ignoring it you know. Well I can't anyway. If you want a new partner then..."

"Bos for once in your life will you just shut the hell up?" Faith told him.

"Excuse me?" He asked smiling.

"I've figured a lot out these past few weeks Bos. A hell of a lot. Seeing you so protective of me when we heard the shot, and hearing what you said when you thought you were going to... You were always my best friend and I always knew that no matter what I could count on you to back me up and to listen if I needed to talk. Sometimes you are the most bigoted person I know. Sometimes you're so insulting I could just deck you, but I know that when it matters..."

"Faith...you don't have to..."

"Bos when I saw you get hit, when I saw those guys beating you I was so scared. I've been working with you for so long that I really don't know how I'd cope without you around. I was so sure I was going to lose you and it broke my heart. Seeing you laying there and hearing how much pain you and Katy were in...I don't want to creep around this any more Bos...I can't keep doing it because in all honesty when you flat lined in the ICU the first night you were here, all I could think of was how I was going to lose the man who I loved more than anything without even being able to tell him how I felt." she told him looking at the floor. "And yeah I feel guilty because I do love Fred, I do, but I...”

"Faith what about you and Fred? He’s your husband and like you've said you love him. What you just said it means so much but he's your life, and so are your kids. I'm not." Bos told her.

"Yes you are. Bos there is no me and Fred anymore. I want him in my life, he's the father of my children...but I can't stay in a marriage which I know is so up and down that our kids are probably never even sure what’s going on. I can't live in fear of him drinking, that isn't the life I want. I don't want a life where each day I wonder what the arguments are going to be about because that isn't life...it's just living."

Bosco looked at her. She had given up so much these past few weeks to be there with him and Katy through this. What if this was the wrong choice. He didn't want her doing something she would regret. He didn't want her to split up her family if this was all spur of the moment and was a decision she would be beating herself up over later. He cared about her too much to let her do this.

"Well aren't you gonna say something?" she asked him quietly.

"I didn't mean it Faith." He whispered closing his eyes.

"What?"

"What I said to Katy, I didn't mean it. I thought I was dying Faith. I was probably delusional or something."

"How can you say that? You didn't know we could hear you. Why would you have said all that to Katy if you didn't mean it?" she asked.

"Because I didn't know what I was thinking. I didn't know what I was saying. I was in just a bit of pain there Yokas." He told her loudly.

"You don't mean it...Bos you said you loved me. You can't just take it back." She told him.

"Yeah well I am. I didn't mean it, and that's the end of it. I don't want to talk about this anymore." He told her looking away so he couldn't see her face, so she couldn't see the tears building up in his own eyes as he lied to her.

"How can you....? I don't understand...do you have any idea how scared I was? How much I've given up for you? You made me realise so much...and now you're taking everything back. You're taking it all away. Even I didn't think you could be so horrible Bos. I never thought you could be so cruel. You don't lie to someone like that. This is a new low...even for you." She told him bursting into tears until he suddenly couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry." He told her tears falling down his cheeks. "Faith I didn't mean it...what I just said I just...I.."

"You didn't mean it? How can I ever trust you again Bos? How can I ever forgive you?" she told him crying, getting up off the bed.

Bosco grabbed her hand and took it in his own.

"I love you...I do. I told you that I didn't because....because I don't want to spilt up your family. I don't want you to give up what you have for me. I'm not worth it."

"How can you say that Bos?" she asked him. "You can't tell me what to do with my life. It was my choice. You just helped me make it." She added.

"Faith I'm so sorry I said all that." He then told her trying to stroke her face.

"Me too." She told him pulling away. "Because I thought I had something good in you. Now I'm not so sure." She told him walking away.

"Faith come back. Please..." he called coughing violently as she ran down the corridor in tears. "Faith!" she heard from behind her.

Turning round she saw Bosco weakly standing in the corridor having disconnected himself from the machines. He was wobbly and clutching his side in obvious pain, but his face was determined and full of sorrow.

"Please...I just didn't want you to take your kids away from their father if there was a chance of you being happy. That's all I want. I didn't want to be the guy you'd end up resenting because I took you away from what you have now. I don't want to split up something special. I only want you to be with me if you're sure and it's not easy for me to believe that someone like you would..." suddenly he cried out in pain. Katy who had been woken up by the argument limping from her room.

"Bos? Oh my god." She cried as he collapsed to the floor writhing around in pain.

Faith looked at her partner and her cousin who was now moving to allow the doctors to help Bos.

"What he said in there....Faith he loves you!" Katy shouted as her cousin ran out of the hospital and into the rain, falling to her knees, her head in her hands as her cousins life crashed down around her.

****

Faith Yokas sat in her living room, the lights down low, lost in her thoughts. How could he say that to her? After everything she'd been through. He had denied he loved her, said it was the pain making him say those words they heard over the radio. Then he denied that. How could she ever trust him again...how could she still...

"Mom?" came a young and concerned voice from behind her.

Faith turned around.

"Em honey?"

The little girl walked over to where her mother was sitting and sat down beside her.

"Are you okay mom?" Emily Yokas asked looking into her mothers’ eyes.

"I'm fine honey."

"Mom you're not. Is Katy okay? She hasn't got worse has she?" the child asked worried.

"No baby." Faith told her daughter putting an arm around her. "Katy’s doing great."

"Then why are you so sad. Is Bosco okay?"

"He just said some really hurtful things that's all." Faith told her little girl. "Nothing for you to worry about."

"People say things when they're sick that they don't mean mom. I know I get moody when I'm sick." Emily told her mother who smiled.

"Em I am so sorry I've screwed your life up." Faith told her sadly.

"Mom you haven't." Emily replied.

"Em your daddy isn't living with us anymore and I know I'm not always around when you need me to be. I'm sorry kiddo."

"Mom I love daddy lots but you deserve to be happy too. You guys argued a lot, and that wasn't fun. As long as I can stay with dad and see him then I guess we'll be okay. I will miss him though."

"I know hon me too. I know no one can replace your dad." Faith replied.

Emily shook her head.

"Are you in love with Bosco mom?" Emily asked.

Faith looked at her daughter shocked.

"Where did that come from young lady?"

"It's just he makes you laugh, and he makes you sad.

I figured love does that." Emily replied just as the phone rang. The little girl walked over to the phone and picked it up.

"Hey Katy, you feeling okay....I'm fine...yeah so's Charlie...can we see you soon? Yeah hang on a sec...Mom Katy wants to talk to you." Emily shouted.

Faith got up and walked over to the phone.

"Em, go see what your brother wants for dinner would you hon?"

Emily nodded, leaving Faith to talk to Katy in private.

"I hope you haven't walked to that phone young lady."

"Are you kidding my leg's about to fall off." Katy told her. "The nurse wheeled one into my room. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." Faith told her.

"Don't lie to me Faith. I've known you all my life remember. I know you must be feeling pretty bad...I heard you guys arguing." Katy told her.

"Yeah well..."

"He does love you, you know...? What he was saying...he just didn't want you to do something you'd regret. Your relationship with Fred has been so on and off he was scared that if something did happen between you two that he'd lose you...that you'd regret being with someone like him. Faith he doesn't think he's good enough for you." Katy told her.

"What he said was unforgivable even if he didn't mean it Katy. Do you have any idea what I felt like when he told me he never meant what he said about loving me? I felt like my heart was breaking...and then to tell me that all he said about not loving me was a lie...how am I supposed to believe that?"

"Faith he came after you. He got out of that bed and came after you because he wanted to make things right. When you share a room with someone you learn so much about them and I know what he feels for you is no lie." Katy reassured.

"As far as I'm concerned I can't trust him anymore. He has no idea what I've been through these past few weeks and I'm not willing to stick around and be screwed up even more."

"Faith, do you have any idea how sick he is now? He’s been in surgery for the last two hours. When he got out of bed something ruptured and he started bleeding internally. They had to do major surgery just so he would survive."

Faiths’ heart broke.

"What? Katy, this isn't some sort of joke?"

"Why would I lie? You saw him collapse. He was rushed to trauma straight after and then surgery. He's back in the ICU."

"Oh Gosh. Is he going to survive...Katy is he?"

"The doctors managed to stop the bleeding. They had to remove his spleen but yeah he should survive. He's conscious but in a lot of pain...he's asking for you. Faith he is so sorry." Katy told her cousin tearfully.

"Yeah, well he should be."

"Faith remember how you felt when you lost him before? You wouldn't have wanted anything to happen to him after an argument would you? Not like now. Kim and I, we lost people who we loved and now we have so many regrets...we may not lose Bos this time...but please...please don't let there be any regrets there. That's more unforgivable than what he said. He needs you here Faith...and if you do love him, you'll tell him that being with him is what you want. Don't let him think you left Fred just because of him."

"He's really asking for me?"

"Faith all he keeps saying is he didn't mean it and that he's sorry. He's had a scare Faith. He needs you there." Katy told her tearfully. "Please...?" she pleaded.

"Love you honey."

"You too." Katy replied as Faith put down the phone looked up another number and dialed it.

****