The mighty Trojan Condom, like the Trojan Horse, is waging battle today against the twin cities of Syphilus and Gonorhea who attempt to break down the fornication fortress walls of Jericho! Joshua may blow his horn to get the job done, but in lieu of a good blow job you can scale the wall of Fortress Vagina safely with an army of one dressed in a latex suit of armor worthy of the Knights of the Round Table while your mighty high tensile prophylatic encased Excalibur is ready to plunge and thrust until the battle of the orgasm is completed and the victorious vagina releases it's depleted yet willing prisoner. Penis envy and vagina vanity working hard in a groin to groin symphony of orchestrated orgasm working up to a crashing crescendo and climax.
Today the condom is fighting a more frightening battle...the war against Aids that infects hetero- and homosexual alike. Rural communities and urban communities are not immune from this deadly communicable medical malady. The venerable venereal disease factor has been with humankind since the first Neanderthal discovered more than fire and the wheel. This time..it was "fire in the hole!" and the "fire down below!" Grunt, ugh, and damn! The Ice Age probably acted like a cold shower in a whorehouse and put a damper for a time on hormonal driven sexual high-jinx but then..the glaciers eventually receded and those age old urges returned with a vengeance and caves everywhere became carnal party central as Cromagnon men and women pushed the envelope once again in a procreation marathon of Mastadon proportions.
The mighty condom..Protector and latex propeller to drive safely into the chasm of orgasm. Was it always thus and so? Thrust and so? I don't know if someone rubbed two ribbed sticks together or if while foraging some hapless homosapien haphazardly had this epic and euphoric epiphany and exclaimed in perfect cave lingo...Eureka! I found it! The Caveman Condom, the illegitimate spawn of sperm and sex. Was it a happy mistake that allowed ejaculation elation..to foster pleasure over procreation?
The earliest known use in ancient civilizations of condom use appear on Prehistoric cave walls in France dated to be 15,000 years old..in prophylactic years which is similar to dog years except more bark then bite. As humankind became more civilized, the Greeks, Egyptians and Romans had one philosophy in common....birth control was the females responsibility! This resulted in the use of amulets...not effective..and anal sex...effective but lacking somehow in face to face.
Hippocrates developed the "pessary" which is a ringed device to insert in the vagina to prevent infection..he used pomegrantes soaked in wine in their construction as both pomegranates and wine were plentiful, and delicious I might add and probably more so after marinating the sauce of sex...ah..Hippocrates...no Hippocratic Oaf he! Later in Europe condoms were developed from chemically treated linen and prior to that during the Roman Empire they were made of animal bladder and intestines.It wasn't until the 19th Century that condoms made their penis appearance..standing room only The oldest condoms ever found, probably used were made from animal tissue and found during an excavation of a castle in England probably rom the year 1642...no idea if it belonged to Robin Hood and his band of merry men...
Most history of the condom were destroyed in archives when the Catholic Church rose to power and regarded any form of birth control sacreligious. Vast medical libraries were destroyed from Constantinople to the British Isles. Also decimated were the medical writings of the Jews and Arabs who also used condoms as a form of birth control. I don't understand the problem...even now the church as a pope named "Bend-A-Dick!"
During the 15th Centuries China used condoms made from silk paper. Then of course the ever popular prophylactics Made in Japan were fashioned from tortoise shell and animal horns! The first outbreak of major proportions of venereal disease was among the French fighting forces of the late 15th Century. While Columbus was busy on his voyage in 1492...the madcap French were fucking their way across the continent screwing everything in sight. Disease broke out and it spread through Europe and Asia and killing large populations of China in it's deadly wake.
It was time now for a condom "come" back..no pun intended. It was inevitable..as it beat disease...unwanted pregnancy and anal sex, although the Catholic popes had their masses taking it in ass for centuries. Finally the world woke up and told the Pope to kiss their ass! In America venereal disease decimated native tribes when the Spanish spread catholicism and gonorhea in equal amounts, and after a long history that led to the formation of America from colonial to industrial power...the Industrial Revolution made it possible to mass produce the little suckers and keep the costs low so low income immigrants and locals could afford to stem the flow of sperm that resulted in overcrowded tenements making life tenuous at best.
Latex came riding to the sexual rescue when it was developed. It was stronger..cheaper to manufacture and could fit as snug as a rug on Donald Trumps head. It was utilitarian at best but soon the hipster and prankster that is part and prophylactic parcel of the American psyche started designing them with ribs for maximum stimulation to turn the sex act into a combined vagina-penis demolition derby of erotic collision. Orgasm achieved when both "vehicles" ran out of gas and the penis had ejected it's fuel reserves and it's tires went flat...meanwhile the female vehicle was still redlining and the throttle wide open until it settled from a roar to a purr. It was time now for the pit crew to come in and remove the latex wreckage and clear the track!
Today there are colored condoms, edible condoms in a variety of flavors including tuna but that is probably my imagination and is actually naturally occuring but still makes me feel like I'm aboard ship on Deadliest Catch! Some are ribbed, and others are ticklers to tickle her fancy, and they fit snug as a containment field more secure than a radioactive nuclear plants protective shell...and when the penis explodes...there is no radiation..just radiance and euphoria with a pack of cigarettes nearby.
In fact in Amsterdam shops sell everything from bottom pleasing riding crops to bridles and saddles to harness that ponygirl in training, as well as forced maid costuming and a dazzling array of bondage and discipline and they are everywhere. Absolute Danny is a orgasmic must see on your genital tour of Amsterdam. It's the Fort Knox of vaginal weaponry and includes the atomic bomb of self gratification, the amazing Tarzan Dildo. Condomerie, one of the oldest and largest erection emporiums in town has every concievable size, shape and style of penis wear finery to be found in Europe. They have an explosive rainbow selection of colors and hues, and when it comes to varietals of condom flavors it's the Baskin Robbins of Latex.
So batten down your hatches gentlemen, suit up and get ready to go into space..not exactly the final frontier, and you don't need warp speed, in fact I discourage that whole heartedly. When it rains you put on a rain coat..and when it rained when you were a kid..your mom always got you ready for school with these words of wisdom..."Don't Forget Your Rubbers!" Little did she know...or did she? If you get lucky and find your closet of condoms is empty...there's always anal sex...when in Rome do as the Romans did!