How To Fuck A Communist
By Mike Marino

Sex makes the world go round, and when you do it by political leanings you’ll find the left is so much sexier than the right! Even then, on the Left there are many layers that need to be stripped away until complete nirvanic orgasm is achieved on the mental, physical and spiritual planes. Liberal Democrats will straddle the fence and being of a cautious nature will not spread their legs too far apart, and those madcap Libertarians will talk about sex, but still will be more comfortable masturbating. The liberal Democrats will only let you down in bed and Congress so I wouldn’t vote for one or fuck one for that matter.

In the Solar System of Socialism a socialist will talk all the way through the act to the point of orgasm thereby ruining any mood that may have tried to surface, but on the upside they will want to include as many people under the covers to share the sexual wealth! You know, a sense of Utopian Community. So forget a threesome….you might end up with ten participants all with 10 different theories of how to achieve a sexual climax that is fair for everyone!

At the far end of the leftist spectrum, a damned anarchist will only want to explode a device first to get in the mood and then make you read leaflets on how to screw an anarchist in 10 easy steps. However Comrade, do you want an erection as strong as the Berlin Wall? Do you want to cream in yoru bootleg jeans in the Kremlin? If eh answer is Yes..tehn head on back to the USSR! Those Moscow Girls will knock you out...

Das Kapital is not exactly the Kama Sutra and the ABC’s of the KGB do not add up to a capitalistic romp under the hammer and sickle bed covers. You could have a go with a liberal Democrat from Wisconsin, or even a steamy Socialist from Slovenia but a vagina from the Volga will out perform a Democratic Socialist every time. A capitalist babe will, by her very nature want to charge you...after all it is a pay as you go charge it economic mantra as you try to employ your own “Occupy” movement on her pubic region, but you’ll need a permit first.

The Communist lover on the other hand does it for the party, so party on! Your hammer and her sickle can make sex one of the most exciting experiences since East Germans tried to jump the Berlin Wall to freedom. The Communist girl will also use protection..red star sponges of course to block the little infiltraters from scoring a hit in the Motherland. Sometimes she will not use protection and will let the little sperm defect to the other side.

Sexy? Remember Anna Chapman? Not a Commie but close enough….She’d give Lennin a hard-on as he lay in state and lets face it. We all wanted to find her G spot tucked away in her Red Square..so if your tremblin’ for sex in the Kremlin...you may find a willing Commie in a closet..but until tehn you’ll have to find red star gold star vaginas in Vietnam….North Korea...China...or Cuba...oh...or Madison, Wisconsin...Sex Workers of the World..UNITE! The next time you run into a commie bombshell..don’t say Fuck You….say it loud and say it proud...FUCK ME!!!.