Heidi served up a veritable deli plate of prostitutes to appeal to every taste. On on one and two on one, hell, I watched “Christmas Story” and wouldn’t be surprised if there was a “triple dog dare” on the man eating menu of free falling free form fornication. The hookers would harvest semen with the vigor of tuna hunting seamen. (Insert Tuna Joke here) and when it came to all carnal matters below the belt her license to unleash the licentious labia liberated the libido faster than a Desert Storm smart bomb. She was an artist in these matters and could mate a man with money with a hooker who would cater to his sexual proclivities with the hunger of a Clitosaurus Rex!
A product of Los Angeles, and a prodigious proxy progeny of famed Madam Alex affectionately known as Madam 90210 , Heidi Lynne Fleiss burst from the womb in 1965 and by the tender age of 22 became a prostitute to learn all aspects of the oldest oldest profession and soon was taking over Madam Alex’s day to day routine of running the business. Her main thrust (so to speak) was in the arena of recruitment of new talent as most of Alex’s girls were knocking on the door of retirement...so the G-Spot was being replaced by Geritol and geriatric liver spots. Heidi knew tits and ass talent when she spotted it and got what she wanted by hiring the best of the groin gyrating girls who could take a man for a real tilt-a-whirl ride around the world.
AS the 90’s began to spread it’s lets Heidi began her own carnal corral of fillies hot to trot and deliver more bang for the buck. According to published reports Fleiss secured her first million after only four years of operation and slow nights only paying of $10,000. The sex trade was growing and her reputation brought flocks of females to her bedroom empire to sell there wares.So many in fact she had to reject applicants.
The sexual sun began to sink below Heidi’s horizon in 1993 when the state had her arrested for a variety of charges including pandering. The feds also got into the act and in 1994 hammer came down and in time the taxman’s axe came down for tax evasion and she was sentenced to seven years in the pen. She served almost a year and was released to a halfway house and ordered to perform 370 hours of community service...that’s what she had been doing for years, only we call they call it pandering!!!
Since then films have been made about her and she did a series of Sex Tip tapes, guested on Fox and of course, where else but in her “Ask Heidi” column in Maxim. Sort of an Ann Landers for sexual matters and bedside manners as opposed to Landers table manners and archaic (even then!) relationship advice tripe gripes. Her career moves since have been a laundromat in Pahrump, Nevada where she hangs her tassels. Interestingly named “Dirty Laundry” and of course my fave the elite boutique she opened in LA after her release from prison called “Heidi Wear” that included a line of mens fashion PJ’s with the appropriate slogan…”A Man Looks Good In Heidi Fleiss!” The flannel PJ’s had pockets that would hold condoms..wow CONDOM-NATION!
In the arena of romance and bed partners her relationship with actor Tom Sizemore can only be described as nuclear. Domestic violence was rampant and Sizemore was eventually cut down to size by a California jury had convicted him of DV and get this...making obscene phone calls..I can imagine how obscene they must have been if a Madam complains!!
Heidi also had her problems with substance abuse...don’t worry Heidi, been there done that myself. Romance soon loomed once again and Heidi found love in Dennis Hoff, owner of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada which she managed to transform into Fuckingham Palace with the emphasis on class and delicious decor befitting royalty if royalty wants ceiling mirrors and bordello carpeting. You’ve heard the expression, “bird in hand is worth two in the bush”? I know, I know, when talking about Heidi all sorts of carnal images rear their heads regarding this phrase. Birds in bush? Hmmm…
Jimmy Buffett is the iconic Parrothead in pop culture but in the realm of pot culture, Heidi takes it to avian extremes. It seems the sheriff’s department discovered a plethora of pot being grown at Heidi’s residence when the knocked on the door with a warrant for another woman they believed was staying there. She wasn’t, but weed was everywhere. She claimed she was growing it for a Las Vegas Co-op, but she didn’t have a licence to grow it.
She was not arrested as they also discovered she had around a quarter of a million dollars of exotic birds in residence with her. So she avoided the bust on mainly misdemeanor charges as, according to the sheriff’s department ...they had no facilities to accommodate that many or those type of birds….parrots, macaws, you name it, she had ‘em.
The saga continues but no matter how you look at it...a bird in hand may be worth two in a bush..but a man certainly looks good in Heidi Fleiss!