God's Voice Mail
Midi playing: Why Me Lord
Calling The Creator Himself
We have all learned to live with
"Voice Mail"
as a necessary part of modern life. But have you ever wondered... What if God, creator of all things, decided to install
"Voice Mail"
? Imagine praying and hearing this:
Thank you for calling God's house. Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for requests
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all other inquiries
What if God used the familiar excuse?
I'm sorry, all of our angels are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order it was received, so please stay on the line.
Can you imagine getting these kind of responses as you call God for info?
If you would like to speak to:
- Gabriel, press 1
- For Michael Arc-Angel, press 2
- For a directory of other angels, press 3
- If you would like to hear King David sing a psalm while you are holding, please press 4
- To find out if a loved one has been assigned to heaven, press 5...enter his or her date of birth or passing date, then press the pound key (if you get disconnected, try area code 666).
- If you are trying to find out your status for entry, press 6 and enter your date of birth and SS number. If you are transferred to the Purgatory Section, do not call back, EVER!!!
For reservations at 'God's House' please enter J-O-H-N followed by 316.
For answers to annoying questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, Amelia Earhart and the location of Noah's Ark, please wait until you arrive here.
Our computers show that you have already prayed once today. You're clogging the lines so please hang up and try again tomorrow.
This office is closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday. Please pray again Monday after 9:30 AM., Creator Standard Time (CMT). (3:30 am EST).
If you need emergency assistance when this office is closed, contact your local pastor, priest, rabbi, ayatollah, shami or temple leader.
THANK GOD, HE DOESN'T HAVE VOICE MAIL AND HE LISTENS WHEN WE PRAY!!!!!
Thank you for stopping by and please stop by again!
God bless and keep you in the palm of his hand for safekeeping. May the peace of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, be with you today and every day of your life.
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