| I decided it was time to start keeping an online journal, I am not sure how often I will be posting here, or what the posts will be. Many of my thoughts I share only with my master, however, there seem to be times where I just need a place to write down my hopes, dreams, thoughts, and feelings. |
| February 21, 2003
it seems like yesterday that i was writing about the summer, here we are now in the middle of winter. Time is going way too fast! i have found lately that my life is passing me by. Master and i have not had much time for each other due to our seperate lives. Today as i was working of the website i really realized how much that has bothered me. Neither of us is to blame, we are both just very busy people, perhaps too busy for even each other. i find i am still very interested in the lifestyle and want to be involved in this D/s relationship. We live in the real world and neither of us wants a TPE relationship at this time. An EPE is very difficult when you can not make or find time for there to be any sort contact. Emails are ok, phone calls are a little better, but there is nothing like the feel of a crop on the skin, or the feel of Master's skin on mine.
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| August 5, 2002
here i am trying to figure out where the summer has gone. It seems like yesterday it was the start of spring. These months have really got away from me. The times has passes so quickly i think due to my job. i was the one who wanted to leave my part-time job in search of a full-time one. i love my job, however the hours i put in seem to engulf my life. i do not have time for fun anymore, although i can not change the amount of time i am at work. My life at home does not always help either. It is very hard for me to express my thoughts and feelings about home. Home is a very complex place, lately not just complex but dangerous as well. Things at home are once again volitile, and i feel as if i am constantly on the verge of a major blow out. i just hope that does not happen!! When life gets like this i throw myself into my work, it is one place i can go to escape. Once again i find i am letting life pass me by without slowing down to smell the flowers or walk in the grass barefoot, or feeling the touch of the crop on my skin ;-) | |
| April 19, 2002
i am so relieved to see spring finally here, i hate winter with a passion. i find myself getting very depressed during the winter months. Now that it is nice my thoughts can turn to from the drab and dreary to the warm and wonderful. Thinking of warm and wonderful i can not help but think of the crop caressing my skin. Or your voice soft and commanding in my ear. Master, i must admit it did me much good to go and sit at the table today. i even had someone comment that i was blushing quite a lot while there. i am sure you can imagine the thoughts i was having of you, the crop, you, the crop again.....need i say more? |
| November 12, 2001
i wanted to thank you for our brief time together the other night. It helped remind me just how much i trust you, and why i trust you. i know there are some dominates who would have taken advantage of the situation we were in. However, you are always a gentleman first...Master second. :-). |
| November 6, 2001
i am so looking forward to my upcoming trip, however i wish you could be coming with me Master. It has been a very long time since we talked and i miss that horribly. Although i understand that our work schedules and our lives do not always allow us time together. i have missed you very much Master!!! |
October 12, 2001
i recently had a friend send me this poem, and i thought of you.
For all the times you help me grow
And for all the seeds you've helped to sow
For all the tears you've cared to dry
And for all your patience when I asked why?
For all those times when i give up
And say 'please take away this cup'
For all the things you show to me
And for all the truth you've let me see
For all the times you drag me along
And for all the right you've made from wrong
For all your love you send my way
And for your promise of a better day
For all the things you help me let go
And for all the mountains you help make low
For all the rainbows after a storm
And for all your sunshine to keep me warm
For all you do each and every day
And for all your guidance along the way
For all the courage you give me to pursue
Thank you Master, Thank you
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| September 7, 2001
These last few months have really gave me time to think about what being submissive means to me. i am sure some will laugh, but the first thing that comes to mind in not having to be a top. Through my family life and my career i find i am in top space 90% of the time. Being submissive truely sets me free. There is no greater feeling than knowing i am being cared for by a master who will take care of me, watch over me, guide me, and punish me (when needed). Being submissive allows me to wash away all of my fears, and focus on only serving my master. It also allows me to push my limits and test just how far i can go (or Master can get me to go.) Most importantly it allows me to be me, i do not have to be incharge and taking care of anyone but Master. He is my only focus point! i am here for him and him alone, to service him as he needs, to put his needs before my own, to be here just for him! |
| August 14, 2001
Master keeps reminding me that i have not wrote in my journal for quite some time and he is correct. Ever since the end of May i have had chaos in my life! i have had family around me almost 24/7, the only escape i have had has been work. i know that Master understands how horrible it has been at home for me (or i hope he does). The demands of my young son has been at times almost too much, especially these last two weeks. The demands of the rest of my family have been unbearable. It is as if if i do not have a life, i am never by myself, i feel like they hover over me. Since the summer started i have found very little time for myself (which i am use to), but even less time for my Master. i am grateful that he is so understanding, but that comes from great communication!!! The next few months are looking promising for things to lighten up at home. My son is going back to school (talk about feeling old), and the rest of the family should be getting back to normal around the first of September (at least i am praying it does). In the mean time i am going to try to allow time during my work schedule to be devoted to my Master (which isn't always easy either). Thank you Dsperado for being such a kind and giving Master. |
| April 23, 2001
i am so grateful for the relationship i share with you. These last few weeks have made me evaluate my life and the relationships i have in it. The relationship i have with you master is one of the highlights. i know what is expected of me, and how to please you. The only unknown is just how far my limits will be tested, and how much i will enjoy it. |
| March 19, 2001
Last night i was thinking on what submission means to me. Submission/submissiveness allows me to fully be a woman. To know I am wanted, needed, loved, safe, and secure. Submissiveness allows me to fully be me. To express myself fully to my Master, to be open and exposed by him...to him. To know that I have absolutely no control over myself or the situation, being totally dependant on someone, totally trusting one person. Submission is also a very humbling experience, you have no control, you are expected to do what is asked/commanded of you. Yet there is no greater feeling, it is a type of high i had never reached before. Thank you Master, for letting me give you my gift of submission. |
| February 12, 2001
Every morning when I wake up I am so thankful that I found you Master. You guide me, protect me, nurture me...you are my night in shining armor, and all of my dreams. Thank you Master, for not only are you my Master you are also my FRIEND. You give me strength when I feel I have none, you take me places that i have never been before, you fulfill all of my dreams. Thank you once again master, your ever devoted pet. |
| February 3, 2001
Today is one of those days where I am beginning to doubt myself as a submissive. I find I do this on a regular basis. However I really think I know why it happens. I spend so much of my life in top space - my job requires it and my family life requires it. I find sometimes it very difficult for me to go from top space to sub space. My Master is a good, caring, understanding master ~ however we do not get to spend much time together. I find it very hard to make the transition from top space to sub space without him being around very difficult. I have had so many stressors lately that I really wonder somedays why, then I remember the good thoughts and feelings that Master provides me with. I guess all subs go through this period of self doubt, it gives us time to reflect on ourselves and see what needs to be changed in order to grow into a better person and submissive. I am very thankful that Master is there for me to vent to when I am having a horrible day (when in top space). I am also grateful that he is here to guide and nurture me...Thank you Master. |
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This page was last updated on February 21, 2003
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