Well. One instant I'm doing okay, and then something of very little importance happens, and for some reason I am in an incredibly shitty mood. I am an unbearably bitter and cynical person. If I wasn't me, I'd hate me. I mean, I still do hate me, but I think you should to. Do little things ever remind you of the past? I used to be happy when I though about the past and all my accomplishments, but now... Now, for some reason, I try so hard to avoid thinking about anything but the future because otherwise I get in pissy moods like this. I don't even care about the near feature anymore. Who cares about thanksgiving break, christmas break, or even next summer? I can stand school. It hasn't killed me yet. I "value" my education, and I can't get my mind off of 2004. I'm so confused about my plans.

Why do I bother planning so far ahead? Because its all I have. I've lost interest in what everyone's doing on the weekend, what TV shows on at 8:00, what movie is coming out, who so-and-so likes... For some reason, nothing matters now. The only thing that really matters is my future choices. There is one really big decision that I'm gonna make and I really don't know if I'm brave enough to do the right thing.

This is all meaningless to you, right? I should shut the fuck up. The stupid little thing happened tonight that reminded me of my stupid history that converted me to this mood. I apologize.

Sweetest Day is on friday. The dumb hallmark holiday that i have never once been able to celebrate. Actually, I was going out with Marc during seetest day last year, if I remember correctly. Go on, kids, buy your sweetie a rose! And buy them a card from Hallmark! The truth is, I would actually appreciate a flower or a card someday. That might be nice. Maybe my one-man fan club will buy me one, but I doubt it. He's such a strange little person. This fan-club is a different guy that that freshman guy. So maybe I have two members in the club.

:( I wanna celebrate sweetest day.

Listening to: "Springtime for Hitler" - The Producers

Did you know that they use "The Beginning of the End" by Clint Mansell in the new LotR trailer?