So it has begun. Actually, it began, unbeknownst to me, eons ago; at least relative to my life. I should have seen it. I hate this part. It always always happens. My life makes these huge drastic changes, where I start hanging out with different people, start treating people differently and start being treated differently by others. Fuck. I was a fool to think I could control my life and hang on to the one portion of it that I felt semi-comfortable in. It always changes. I fucking hate it.

Its a little different this time. My "immediate" life will not change (because my small bit of control), but my attitude towards it will be reversed. And my outer circle has been destroyed. Everything that I gave a little freedom to, has run away forever. And after what I did last month NO ONE HAS BEEN COMPLETELY HONEST! I didn't want what most of you sent to me. You hid some of your opinions, and sure, opinions make me feel like shit, but what really makes me feel like shit are the people who don't even attempt to tell me the truth.

Concerts do not give lasting effects. I will not rely on little breaks from reality to make me happy. I was in heaven with Ben Kweller, but now I feel like hell with the people I used to know. I can't wait to just leave and lose all contact with my current life, and I know you will be happy when that happens. I'm don't belong in any of your lives right now because you are all better off without me apparently, which makes sense because I can't stand to be around myself, and thats a pretty horrible paradox.

Am I the only one who thinks that Treasure Planet looks pretty cool? I prolly won't see it. I haven't been to the movies in ages. Okay here's the question again. What is your honest opinion of me? As it pertains to your life of course, I don't just want a description of me. How do I make you feel?