These past couple of days have been strange. And I'm scared of myself. Friday was pretty sweet. But i think i already wrote about that? i dunno. Yesterday was cool, other than the whole illness and medication situation. I slept til 2:00 and I was very excited about having the house to myself all day because i really needed the time to just chill. Patrick unexpectedly stopped over, so i just hung out with him all night. it was actually alot of fun.

I am not in the most healthy state of mind. And, whats worse is that my reality is dissapearing, and it has nothing to do with me being sick or anything. It feels like the only things I care about, which i know for a fact are real- well, it feels like they are all just made up memories and fantasies and stuff. And i have nothing to help prove that its all real! damn. this is hard to explain... i really, really wish that someone understood because I feel that if I'm not reminded of my real life.... well.... I'm on the verge of making a very stupid decision. I know that I won't conciously make this decision, however when the situation arises I'm afraid that I will forget everything good that i have, and i'll think its all fake or something.

i know, i hate vague entries too. no one has a fucking clue what I'm talking about. do yourself a favor, and don't live your life through fantasies and your imagination. this is what happens. i think i may build things up to be more than they are. but i don't think i'll ever really know because generally, people aren't into talking to other people about this sort of stuff so directly..... Once again, I realize that none of this makes sense, but if any of it does to you, then help me....

Oooh, on another note, I realized my biggest pet peeve, and its not what I thought it was! Its not stupid people, because stupidity doesn't really bug me specifically. Its ignorant people! Those people who don't listen, who have opportunities to better themselves, and consiously make the decision not to. I am aquaintances with a couple ignorant people, and they all think i'm bitch because this year i have become very straight forward with them and that doesn't work well with ignorant people. ah well. we can't all be tigers.

listening to: "Hey Jude" - beatles