There are too many words for what I'm feeling right now. I've concluded it is because I am feeling too many emotions. Too many to sort out. But I'll attempt to. grateful, insecure, lucky, dissapointed, relaxed, hurt, self-consious, unfufilled, shocked, incredibly thankful, lonely, happy, pissed off. I'd say the strongest emotion this second is most likely "worried". Label me a hypocrite if you will, I fully accept it. It seems everything I think, say or do, contradicts itself. Fuck. I care not.
I know it might sound weird, but all these things here are things that dissapear. Call me a thief if you will... My teeth hurt. I'm going to change some of the content on this site up a bit. And I really need to make a realy page for my art if I want anyone to see it at all. The internet is larger than any of us could fathom. And I want to be noticed. At this point in my life, I'm happier and more satisfied than I've ever been, but at this moment, I feel like shit.
I realize that I've treated some of my friends in a manner I now consider unacceptable. In fact, we hardly consider eachother friends anymore. But that is a common occurence in my life. The reason this one is different is because I actually enjoyed hanging out with these friends, and I wasn't quite ready to ditch them. But my antisocial behaviour has grown out of my own control. My teeth hurt.
I dream about Blue Lake, I dream about the military, I dream about Grace and I dream about Jeff. And I don't like dreaming so much. Well, dreaming is okay, but waking up sucks and its not worth the reminders of real life sometimes. I will quit sleeping someday, but In my current physical condition it would not be good to try. :( why am i sad?
listening to: "LBDAS" - Fugazi
