Sigh.... Two people I know died this week, one guy named Eddie, and one guy named Erik. I didn't really know either of them too well though. Kinda sad anyways since they were both in their early 20s. Today.... What happened today....

I went over to Ryan's house for dinner. His cousin's are over, and his one cousin, Mary, worships me. Its nice to know someone cares. Stayed for awhile and talked, and then walked home.

Not very exciting, I know. I still feel pretty heavy. When I get depressed, it feels like I instantly put on like 50 lbs. I'm not dieting yet though :). School starts in less than 2 weeks and I have my orientation on wednesday. Not really looking forward to that. I'm being forced to make new friends this year, but I'm so completely not motivated. Let them come to me, I say! Now I'm just talking jibberish because my mind is so fucked up tonight. Ah, shit.

Why can't I leave?! I want to get out of this fucking town so bad, but now I still have a year until I get to go anywhere and there is no one here for me! A whole year! Oh my god, I KNOW this will be the longest year of my life. Its the first year that I have nothing to look forward to at school. Maybe I'll start paying attention in class, but I sincerely doubt that. fuck fuck fuck..... i don't wanna be here anymore.

listening to: "for you to notice" - dashboard

i hate people